Collarspace.com

Horizontal Line
Vertical Line
Horizontal Line

Horizontal Line

Accalia

Accalia - photo 1
Accalia - photo 2
Accalia - photo 3
Accalia - photo 4
Accalia - photo 5

Horizontal Line

Friends:
DompilotTheGorenSocietytahoekinkMasterHephaestusWarriorKnight
Calinjanus236ravenessaGothicPrincess74aniLollipop
Runestalker

Horizontal Line

Vertical Line

Hello Gentlemen, First, and foremost... I have to state this at the top of the page clearly for all to see and read. Cry-baby liberals must go elsewhere... I am not interested. I do not dominate, nor do I have any interest in dominating males. I have now set up my profile that all male subs, slaves ect will be sent to the bulk mail. I am sorry for any inconvenience that this may cause. I also will ignore messages that show a lack of intelligence. Eg: How ru 2day?

Just about all of my interests are here. If you want more please do not hesitate in asking. I prefer direct questions and nothing that beats around the proverbial bush. I may be submissive, but I am also bored by ignorance, and feel that when I am asked indirect questions that it gives too much room to make assumptions if you want to be friends then great! If you are wanting more please let me know. At this time if we meet it will be as friends only. I do not want to lead anyone on for anything they may want, or anything I am not ready for.
Accalia

Horizontal Line

1/28/2023 9:30:01 PM

My best friend has self terminated on Jan 26.
I have always been one to put my best face forward, but I am not sure how I am going to be able to do that in the days to come. I had no warning, and I cannot understand why he has not reached out to me. To talk to me. I feel that if he had reached out to me I'd have talked him back from the ledge. I was supposed to buy him a beer when I saw him next, and him to buy me one in return. We were supposed to talk about the old days. 
Is this what growing old is?  To take all thsoe who you love, and those who love you in return? If so, I do not want to grow any older. I am done. I'd rather sleep a thousand years and hope that the passage of time deadens the pain in my heart. I am in my 40's and should not feel this pain. 
I should not be feeling this pain. I feel it is too soon. Family.... I get it.... but my brothers in arms.... It's too soon. 


12/30/2017 3:27:10 AM
I have been spending the majority of my free time doing genealogy. I have traced back to being royalty on both sides of my family (big whoop), and most excitingly... Scandinavian! Guess following the old ways really is in my blood. ha. 

Currently working on learning another language, and am looking forward to my work getting back to normal on the 17th. 

10/29/2017 11:05:20 PM
Well... It seems that I am now working from 6am-6pm, and have Sat, and Sun off till I get used to.... Wait for it.... Zoloft. If anything can be considered evil it is this stuff. I still am waking up anywhere from 4-7am so this means that I am in bed by typically no later than 8pm. Tomorrow I have off because last month I put in for religious holidays. This was when I still had Tue, and Wed off so I would have had the 30, 31, and Nov 1 off... Since this is not the case, I am a little sad that I wont be able to really ring in the winter months, but oh well. Next year perhaps... I will also have the 21st off for December for Jul. It is something at least... 
Have I ever stated how much I hate being sick? Wednesday I had a bit of a sore throat, Thursday, and Friday I was completely unable to speak. Saturday, and today I have spent them in baths filled with salts, and oils to help clear the sinuses. I have also been making use of the neti pot since I now have a sinus infection from the cold. The fever broke sometime early Sunday morning. I will be heading to Urgent care for antibiotics, so as much as this sucks, at least I am getting it taken care of. 

I wish many blessings upon my readers for Winter Nights, and that your ancestors are pleased with you!

10/17/2017 10:11:03 AM
Bored, so I figured I would give you some little known mundane tidbits about me.
1)   I was born, and raised in Texas.
2)   I LOVE to read, seriously I am always in the middle of a book.
3)   I lost a bet and had to read that 50 shades crap. And it was just that crap.
4)   I change my nail color almost every day.
5)   My hair and nails are long and natural.
6)   I have more makeup than I know what to do with.
7)   I have a kitty (Lucretia), and a pug (Chesty).
8)   I enjoy killing things in Diablo 3.
9)   I suffer from depression, and anxiety.
10) I sing, play electric bass, and some piano.
11) I love anything that is Dark Tower (EXCEPT FOR THAT MOVIE EFF THAT MOVIE), and Phantom of the Opera related.
12) The PTO thing is legit. I have a music box, a musical figurine, lotion, perfume, body powder, and even the shower gel.
13) I have read the Dark Tower series so many times that I have it nearly memorized.
14) The Paladin Series by Elizabeth Moon inspired me to enlist. 
15) When I am happy, I sing. 
16) I am very self conscious about my body after having my gall bladder removed.
17) I am pretty active, I take anywhere from 5k-10k steps a day. 
18) I have gorgeous handwriting because spanking didnt work, but making me write sentences did.... 
19) I hate feeling ignored. If I feel that I am being ignored, I can be kinda spiteful.
20) I have a very nasty temper. 
21) My eyes change color depending on what I am wearing, my mood, or the weather. Blue = happy, Grey = depressed/sad, Green = ticked off, Violetish = viciously pissed off/run.
22) I love to dance, I used to do ballet, and I am very comfortable in a night club or on the ballroom floor.
23) Certain times of the year are really bad for me. June - September is the main season for sadness due to family deaths.
24) I do not tend to ask a lot of questions of others unless it REALLY interests me to know. 
25) I am pretty much and open book. I type/say exactly what is on my mind, how I am feeling ect. So when I type *smiles* I really have smiled.
26) Overall I am a pretty happy person. I have my moods like anyone else, but I always try to see the bright side of things.
27) I have a hard core thing for numbers. Particularly 3, 6, and 9. I always try to obtain these numbers. When these numbers come up I have that little bit of extra happy. 

10/10/2017 2:22:05 PM
I am back from Vacation. Literally just walked in 15 mins ago. I was very happy to see that my eyeglasses came in while I was gone. I am just happy over-all to be home, away from the icky snow, and be able to sleep in my own bed tonight. A new nailpolish came in while I was gone, so I know that I will be fiddling around with that (I know, only a few care about that one so neener neener)
I kinda want to take a nap, I kinda want to unpack....

9/30/2017 2:12:58 AM
I am very excited to be able to go on vacation to Colorado. I have not seen my mother since before my dad passed away (they have been divorced for many years), I long to drink, relax, and talk old time with her.
I will miss my cat Lucretia desperately while there (only for 7 days, but still). I have not been away in a long time, and she is a very old kitty (September 2002). She is at my feet right now snoozing away while I sit indian style in my computer chair. If I dont she will lick my feet, and wig me out. 
On to a bit of personal stuff.
I had a massive panic attack Wed night/Thur morning. I have been out on sick leave since. Even typing about it makes my heart race worse. I have no idea what has brought this on, and do not know what to do. As I type this I am hearing arguing outside, which is raising my alarms. I need peace, and quiet.
I am far from perfect everyone... I know that many see my pictures, and really do not look much past that, but I do have massive anxiety, I suffer from depression, I have some PTSD, and I desperately crave assurance, order, safety, and schedule. Unfortunately these are not things that I have right now which makes my anxiety worse. 
Maybe I will take a bath with a lavender bomb, use some POTO lotion and dusting power, and try to head to bed. I know I will be up after 4 hours as this is normal when I have anxiety. Anxiety = less sleep.... Maybe I will bring that up to the Dr. tomorrow? Not sure. 
Have a wonderful day readers, and as always I will get to your messages as soon as I can.


9/19/2017 2:52:26 PM
ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!
Dear constant stalkers,
I have finally reached my 1 year anniversary at my job. I signed my new work for the next 3 months. Pretty much this means that I will be on a here a little bit more often (hopefully), and my weekends are now finally fully my own. Weekends are Tues & Wed. 
As a present to myself I have gotten a new car. He is a 2017 Fiat 500L. So many new perks to the new car!
I have been busy with work (obviously), and my new schedule starts on Sunday. 
I go on vacation to Colorado next month, and next year I will have 2 weeks of vacation. One will be in Colorado (again), and I am not sure what to do with the 2nd week. I have been thinking of going to Texas to visit some friends. Or, I might just go to Mexico. Not sure. That is still up in the air, and I have time to figure out what I am going to do. For me, Vacation is always in the Spring, or the Autumn. 
I hope that this little bit of of an update helps in understanding what is going on with me, and as always I will continue to answer any messages that I receive. I tend to respond quicker if I am interested, but once again, sometimes work keeps me at bay. Patience is always appreciated!

8/14/2017 3:12:05 AM
I will say this though....
Night time is my favorite time for my rituals. Especially at the end. Dusting powder, a hint of perfume... It is for me, and I love the way that I smell at night. It is light, airy, but has a deepness to it that is alluring, and hypnotic.
It almost makes my own head swim...

8/14/2017 3:01:19 AM
A personal Journal post.
I came home about 4-5 hours ago. Not having to go to work till 11 hours from the current time that I am typing this, I decided to change my nail polish. Many of you know that my nails are real, not acrylic, or anything like that so I do take very good care of them. They are one of my prides. Next while listening to a Ben Shapiro youtube vid, I realized that I should really hit the showers. This used to take about 10 mins. Now? Shoot... it takes 20-25 mins because my hair is now to my high waist. If I tilt my head back, my hair reaches my bum. 
At work, I keep it in a Nautilus bun. It keeps my hair out of the way, and keeps my hair from being possibly damaged by the rubbing between my back, and the driver's seat. Since I only trim my hair twice a year.... this is important to keep my hair looking healthy.
Then of course there is having to wash my face. A few years ago, my mother gave me a Clarisonic for Christmas/Birthday. Greatest thing EVER! But it is still a lot of work. Then there is the serums, moisturizers, and various creams. FINALLY I can apply leave in conditioner, and leave in treatments for my hair to keep it super soft, and silky. 

This all takes about 3 hours at the end of it.

I am posting this not because EVERYONE needs to know how vain I am, but rather, just a bit of insight into what goes on when I come home. 
I know that I will be changing my nail color yet AGAIN when I come home super early Tuesday morning. 

It is a lot of work, I am partially tired because, I wonder if it is really even worth all the hard work. 
When I wake up in about 8-9 hours from this post, I will have to brush my teeth (required), then wash my face again. Then it is the serums, and sunscreen. Then the opalite necklace, Sodalite necklace, and possibly my Thor's Hammer. Pearl earrings, finger rings, and finally my Phantom watch. After checking my book, I will stuff it into my rolling bag, and head to work. 

I get emails on here all the time saying "You are so gorgeous!" or "You are so beautiful! I love your *hair, skin, smile*" and I have to still wonder.... Is it worth it?

8/12/2017 10:54:44 PM
OK. New rule.
If you do not know how to read, then I will not respond to you.

7/19/2017 11:46:54 PM
Go ahead, and get comfortable... grab a glass of wine, and relax. This may take a while...
Let's see.... I had an accident at work, put me out of commission for a while. I now currently have a "run/paddle" for Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and the third Thursday out of every month till September. By then I should be on the A board.
My weekends have changed from Saturday, and Sunday to Tuesday, and Wednesday. I tend to spend my time relaxing, and reading. Still obsessing over music, books, and even every now and then gaming on Diablo 3. I do not come on here often because those who I have met RL have shown themselves to be... in a nutshell "false". I am just sensitive to how people portray themselves, body language, energy, and even words chosen. It is just how I am wired. If you are not genuine, I tend to be able to see right though it. Airs do not work with me. Money and the showing of it, does not work with me. Be genuine, be you. Relax... No matter the "fantasy" I am not one to scoff. I have seen/heard/participated in worse I am sure. So please. Relax, be yourself. Be True.

11/11/2016 3:47:42 AM
And so the hell that I have been saying is going to happen with this new job begins.
Yesterday I had to be in at 10:08. Because of traffic, I didnt get back till 20:38. Checked the board, and my next shift is at 05:43... but I have to be in half an hour early at least so that means I need to be there at 05:10. 
By the time I got home last night it was 21:20. I set my alarm for 03:30. This is what I mean by going to be on sporadically. 

11/8/2016 6:21:34 PM
Now I lay me down to sleep,
My Nation's security I pray thee keep.
If Trump or Killery win before I wake,
My soul I beg, and plead thee take.

11/6/2016 6:24:32 PM
Kicking back tonight, watching "Neon Demon", and answering messages on and off. Snooping around profiles, and taking my time tonight. I hope that everyone has a great weekend.

10/31/2016 3:01:26 PM
Quite a bit has happened since I was on last. I have retired from my government position, and am now with a company that pays much better. For the most part I am happy, just now waiting for things to catch up so to speak. My time is rather limited and will be for the next year. As usual, if I do not respond or if I "Disappear" this will be the reason why. Sleep is first right now, but I will always try my best to as usual respond to each message within reason.

10/30/2015 12:13:05 AM
Well, Saw this on someone else's journal,  and figured that I would give it a shot LOL!
== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
98% Switch
84% Master/Mistress
83% Bondage receiver
76% Non-monogamist
74% Dominant
73% girl/boy
68% Experimentalist
67% Submissive
67% Primal (Hunter)
65% Owner
62% Daddy/Mommy
53% Bondage giver
49% Ageplayer
47% Vanilla
40% Voyeur
35% Primal (Prey)
34% Slave
34% Brat tamer
30% Sadist
30% Brat
30% Pet
26% Exhibitionist
9% Masochist
5% Degradation giver
4% All-Rounder
2% Degradation receiver

10/27/2015 7:58:26 PM
So many people rush to grow up. The problem with this, is that you forget to enjoy the little things in life. Do not get me wrong, I greatly enjoy being an adult, and not really having all that many rules to abide by, but.... I enjoy coloring still. When ever I get a new cross stitch piece I color out the pattern on paper so I can kinda see the finished project. It also helps speed along my progress.
I still totally act like a goof ball! I will dance around to the music that is in my own head and sometimes even do it in a silly fashion. Why? Because it is fun, silly, and just me being goofy. At least once a week I get told that I need to act my age. I honestly do not even know what that means. I pay my bills, I work.... What else do I have to do? Honestly? I am sick to death of working. I have been working for over 20 years now. And yes, I know... there are those who have worked for much longer, and most likely harder than I have. Some days though, I am just tired of being the adult. On weekends I sleep.  Or shop. If I could have a life like that of a cat, I would.

10/21/2015 1:57:40 AM
I think I will possibly be away for a while. I have had a passing in my family of someone who was very dear to me. I may still hop on from time to time to read messages, and if I am able to... respond I will do so. I am someone who always types what she is thinking, feeling ect.... so I guess that is something to be forewarned about.

11/19/2013 12:45:29 PM

*does the shimmy dance*
WOO HOO!!!!! 140lbs!  AHHHHH!


11/19/2013 12:05:13 AM

Crappy crappy day. I swear, if it were not for Mike making sure that I have a bottle of vino every Monday, I dont know what I would do with myself.


11/15/2013 8:14:06 PM

My Ipsy haul was SICK this month!


For those of you who keep in touch via other social media... I have been an Ipsy subscriber now for 4 months. It was something my mom got me into.
 It is 10$ a month, and you get 4-5 goodies in a spiffy bag.
This month Bag 1 totaled to almost 80$ worth of product, and Bag 2 was a little over 75$. This is what I got! *Squee*

2 different nail polishes  from Nailtini. One in Champagne, and the other in Caviar cocktail.

2 eyeliners from Starlooks in Topaz. It is a really creamy shimmery silvery color. Very fae like :D
2 bronzers from Pixi in Subtly Suntouched. Good for contrast.

2 Galaxy Chic sample eyeshadows (I didnt put this in the total because of them being samples). One in Asteroid, and the other in Aphrodite. It is a full size eyeshadow, but it normally comes in a kit.
2 Be a Bombshell lip crayons in Hot Damn. This shade is so awesome, and I am so glad that I have two!

1 Em Cosmetics sheep lipstick in Showstopper. It is a pepto looking color but goes on sheer enough to look natural.

1 Em Cosmetics Dramatic Volume Waterproof Mascara.

I would say that is not a bad haul! So cannot wait till next month!!


11/15/2013 3:26:54 AM

It has definitely been a while.....


Today is November 15th 2013. I just got paid.
I am working full time still.

I am still in Washington, and I am still in love with this state... just not the people. Personally I think that some of them need to lay off of the pot.


I am sorry that I have been away for so long. Just been crazy with work all the time, and trying to get everything settled. So yes, I still pop on here from time to time, but to be honest, it is only when I am really bored.

I still will not do the online D/s thing. So sorry guys and gals, it just isnt my thing.


On the upside! I am typing this on my OWN laptop that I purchased! So yay for me :)

Ummm what else....
OH! Now into variable voltage e-cig devices, and Mike has his own juice company.


I guess that is all for now. I need to get some sleep!


3/23/2012 4:40:16 PM

So much has happened...
I am back full time with my beloved company. I love what I do, and I am happy. There are issues at home that are being resolved. If they are not resolved, then I plan on separating from Calin, and finding a place of my own for a while. Fortunately he has quiet smoking with the help of his device called The Vitae. I am very proud of him, but now we need to get things here back to normal.

That is the update. I hope that you enjoyed it!


1/11/2012 2:38:38 AM

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!

Looks like I will be in Des Moines, IA again from the 15th - the morning of the 20th this month. I still need to pack AHHHHHHH! Other than that there really isnt a whole lot going on. I have been helping Mike work on an E-Cig that he designed called The Vitae. So far this this is pretty kick ass, and I look forward to the day that we get to charge this for the first time. He has been having me order pieces, parts, batteries, connectors, switches, and meters. I cant wait till we can start putting these together!

 

Remember! This is the year of the Black Water Dragon in the Chinese Zodiac! Many Miraculous things will be taking place.... This is definitely a year of thought becomes action!


12/21/2011 8:38:51 PM

*Smiles*
So much has happened, too much for me to get into here.

  • I am now 32 years of age. Much I have learned  in my 15 years in the lifestyle. I know what I want, and many wont accept it. Poo on them.
  • I have an account on F3TL1f3 as Raven_Blackblade You will find me more on there.
  • I am me. Accept it or GTFO
  • Music will always control me more than you. My breath, my heartbeat, my thought patterns. Once you understand this, you will understand me.
  • My favorite book is The Dark Tower. If you want to understand me, then please learn it.

Other than that.... ask. I am an open book.

 


9/30/2011 2:59:45 PM

Well, Here I am in Des Moines, IA. It is Friday, and I am bored out of my skull. A life in hotel rooms is not fun. Room service gets boring after a while.



9/6/2011 8:18:21 PM

Oh, some may call it a curse
A life like mine
But others, a blessing
It’s certainly a lonely life
But a fulfilling one at best
It’s my cross to bear
And I bear it gladly
Someone has to take a stand against evil
Why should it not be me?


8/14/2011 12:02:33 AM

It seems that I will be sent out to Des Moines, IA. next month for a week in September. Kinda excited about a new contract. When I get back Mike and I will be able to go camping, so it seems that September will be loads of fun for me. Other than that, I have been kinda running my own charity for people who are wanting to quit smoking. Been winning kits, juice, cartos, and atties for noobs who are wanting to get started on it, but are unemployed. It feels good to be able to give back to the community :)

I hope that everyone has an absolutely fabulous weekend!!

 

~R


7/26/2011 1:31:51 PM

I am sorry that I have been unable to respond to messages. I have been busy with work, and traveling. Please be dont fret, I will get to all emails in time. Looks like it will take a while. I ended up with 3 pages of emails while gone haha!

Anyways, I will be responding to those that are asking real questions, and not a "Hey, you're hot!" Thank you for the compliments, but if I cant continue a conversation that makes sense then I wont respond. All messages like that lead to is me getting irked. "Hey, you're hot". "Thank you for saying so" "So you got a cam?" "Yes, but I dont get on it" "So can I have your number?" "Sure.... Just ask Mike/Calin my husband if you can have it"

Such a hoot....


5/24/2011 11:26:23 PM

Driver's  License -


A  mother is driving her  little girl to her  friend's house for a play  date.

'Mommy ,' the little girl asks,  'how old  are you?'
'Honey, you are not   supposed to ask a lady her age,' the  mother  replied. 'It's not  polite.'
'OK',  the little  girl says,
'How much do you   weigh?'
'Now really,' the  mother says, 
'those are personal  questions and are really  none of your  business.'
Undaunted, the   little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy  get a  divorce?'
'That's  enough questions,  young lady!  Honestly!'
The exasperated   mother walks away as the two friends begin  to  play.

' My Mom won't tell  me anything  about her,' the little girl  says to her friend. 

'Well,' says  the friend,
'all you  need to do  is look at her driver's license. 
It's  like a report card, it has everything  on  it.'

Later that night the little  girl  says to her mother,
'I know  how old you are.  You are 32.'
The  mother is surprised and   asks,
'How did you find that  out?
'I  also know that you  weigh 130 pounds.' 
The mother is  past surprised and shocked   now.
'How in Heaven's name did  you find that  out?'
'And,'  the little girl says  triumphantly,
'I  know why you and  daddy got a  divorce.'
'Oh  really?' the mother  asks.  'Why?'

.

.

.

'Because  you  got an F in  sex.'


5/16/2011 2:34:09 AM

*Snap, crack, pop* Gotta love how years of ballet get to your joints ehh?

 

 


5/14/2011 1:14:09 AM

Here is something funny to pass along as well.

 

Riddles

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?


A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q. What's a mixed feeling?


A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q What's the height of conceit?


A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Q. What's the definition of macho?


A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?


A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?


A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q.Why is divorce so expensive?


A. Because it's worth it!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q. What is a Yankee?


A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?


A. They both like a tight seal.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?


A. Their balls are just for decoration.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?


A. About three inches.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?


A. The grip.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?


A. It's not hard.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?


A: Kick his sister in the jaw.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?


A: 45 pounds.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?


A: 45 minutes.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?


A: Breasts don't have eyes.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?


A. The swallow.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?


A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


5/14/2011 12:52:39 AM

Here is another funny that a dear friend of mine sent me. Ok.... kinda funny, kinda crazy.... Ok... I think it is funny :D

 

I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.


5/13/2011 11:40:14 PM

I am on cloud nine! Today has been one of the most amazing days of my life here in Washington!

So! I am on here chatting, answering emails, and listening to some awesome music that is just making want to drive.... with all the windows down.... music full blast.... ears bleeding, and face melting off from the music of some of my dearest friends!

I would be lying if I didnt admit that I am down right even dancing in my computer chair, and on the verge of doing cart-wheels!


5/2/2011 12:11:08 AM

Today was a rough day for me. Checked in a plethora of applicants, and then to top it all off with the supposed death of Osama Bin Laden. All I can say folks is "Stop, Think, and stop being sheep." I want all of you to look over the course of events in the past 6 months to nearly 4 years.  You need to wipe the cobwebs from your eyes people, and see things for what they really are.

I am off to take a shower now. Then I will be answering emails before I hit the pillow, but before I do... I want to leave you with this... mayday! mayday! bin laden is dead! 5-01-11.


5/1/2011 11:23:27 AM

I sent this to a young lady today, and figured I should share it with all of you as well.... A Marine Corps buddy of mine sent this to me.

 

I had a date the other night at my place. On the phone the day before, the girl asked me to "Cook her something she's never had before" for dinner. After many minutes of scratching my head over what to make, I finally settled on something she has DEFINITELY never eaten.

I got out my trusty case of MRE's. Meal, Ready-to-Eat. Field rations that when eaten in their entirety contain 3000+ calories. Here's what I made:

I took three of the Ham Slices out of their plastic packets, took out three of the Pork Chops, three packets of Chicken-a-la-King, and eight packets of dehydrated butter noodles and some dehydrated/re-hydrated rice. I cooked the Ham Slices and Pork Chops in one pan, sautéed in shaved garlic and olive oil.

In another pot, I blended the Chicken a-la-king, noodles, and rice together to make a sort of mush that looked suspiciously like succotash. I added some spices, and blended everything together in a glass pan that I then cooked in the oven for about 35 minutes at 450 degrees.

When I took it out, it looked like, well, ham slices, pork chops, and a bed of yellow poop. I covered the tops of the meat in the MRE cheese (kinda like Velveeta) and added some green sprinkly thingys from one of my spice cans (hey, if it's got green sprinkly thingys on it, it looks fancy right?)

For dessert, I took four MRE Pound Cakes, mashed 'em up, added five packets of cocoa powder, powdered coffee cream, and some water. I heated it up and stirred it until it looked like a sort of chunky gelatinous organism, and I sprinkled powdered sugar on top of it. Voila — Ranger Pudding.

For alcoholic drinks, I took the rest of my bottle of Military Special Vodka (yes, they DO make a type of liquor named "Military Special"—it sells for $4.35 per fifth at the Class Six ) and mixed in four packets of "Electrolytes - 1 each - Cherry flavored" (I swear, the packet says that). It looked like an eerie kool-aid with sparkles in it (that was the electrolytes I guess… could've been leftover sand from Egypt).

I lit two candles, put a vase of wildflowers in the middle, and set the table with my best set of Ralph Lauren Academy-series China (that shit is EXPENSIVE… my set of 8 place settings cost me over $600 on sale at the Lejeune PX ), and put the alcoholic drink in a crystal wine decanter.

She came over, and I had some appetizers already made, of MRE spaghetti-with-meatballs, set in small cups. She saw the dinner, saw the food, and said "This looks INCREDIBLE!!!"

We dug in, and she was loving the food. Throughout the meal, she kept asking me how long it took me to make it, and kept remarking that I obviously knew a thing or two about cooking fine meals. She kind of balked at the makeshift "wine" I had set out, but after she tried it I guess she liked it because she drank four glasses during dinner.

At the end of the main course, when I served the dessert, she squealed with delight at the "Chocolate mousse" I had made. Huh? Chocolate what? Okay… yeah… it's Chocolate Moose. Took me HOURS to make… yup.

Later on, as we were watching a movie, she excused herself to use my restroom. While she was in there, I heard her say softly to herself "uh oh" and a resounding but petite fart punctuated her utterance of dismay.

Let the games begin.

She sprayed about half a can of air freshener (Air Freshener, 1 each, Orange scent. Yup. The military even makes smellgood) and returned to the couch, this time with an obvious pained look.

After 10 more minutes she excused herself again, and retreated to the bathroom for the second time, I could hear her say "What the hell is WRONG with me???" as she again send flatulent shock waves into the porcelain bowl. This time, they sounded kinda wet, and I heard the toilet paper roll being employed, and again, LOTS more air freshener.

Back to the couch. She smiles meekly as she decides to sit on the chair instead of next to me. She sits on my chair, knees pulled up to her chest, kind of rocking back and forth slightly. Suddenly, without a word, she ROCKETED up and FLEW to the bathroom, slammed the door, and didn't come out for 30 minutes.

I turned the movie up because I didn't want her to hear me laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my cheeks.

She came out with a slightly gray pallor to her face, and said "I am SOOOOOO sorry. I have NO idea what is wrong with me. I am so embarrassed, I can't believe I keep running to your bathroom!!" I gave her an Imodium AD, and she finally settled down and relaxed.

Later on, she asked me again what I had made for dinner, because she had enjoyed it so much. I calmly took her into the kitchen and showed her all the used MRE bags and packets in the trash can.

After explaining to her that she had eaten roughly 9,000 calories of "Marine Corps Field Rations" she turned stark white, looked at me incredulously, and said "I ate 9,000 calories of dehydrated food that was made 3 years ago?" After I concurred, she grabbed her coat and keys, and took off without a word.

She called me yesterday. Seems she couldn't shit for 5 days, and when she finally did, the smell was so bad, her roommate could smell it from down the hall. She also told me she had been working out nonstop to combat the high caloric intake, and that she never wanted me to cook dinner for her again, unless she was PERSONALLY there to inspect the food beforehand.

It was a fun date. She laughed about it eventually and said that that was the first time she'd ever crapped in a guy's house on a date. She'd been so upset by it she was in tears in the bathroom while I had been in tears on the couch.

I know … I'm an Asshole, but it was still a funny night.


4/30/2011 7:49:28 PM

It's been a rough week, and will be rougher next week. I have figured out that I am much better off working graves. Yeah, I may have to drive more miles because of the station, but..... at least I know what is going on, and I dont become angry/frustrated at the applicants.

*Keeping my fingers crossed that SOMEONE get's fired*

Also, at the end of this month (maybe sooner) I plan on finally getting my license transferred to Washington. I am deeply contemplating on getting an EDL. Would be nice to go to Canada without having to have a passport.

 


4/24/2011 2:40:51 PM

Happy Easter/Eostre/Zombie Vampire Jesus day!


4/22/2011 3:17:24 AM

My equipment came in on Monday. I am so thrilled. I am happily vaping away on my PV, and listening to old songs that I havent thought of in a long time.

I have been informed about the Tacoma man age 66; who picked up a prostitute and tortured her in his dungeon.

To say the least... this is incredibly fubar, and I hope that he rots. I dont care if it was to a prostitute, or whoever. It isnt right.


4/15/2011 9:43:11 AM

Stalking time has now begun. I ordered the parts needed for my E-Ciggie (5 atomizers, 3 batteries, and a cone), and the juice that I need (one doubler, two 48mg nicotine Butter Rum *the doubler and 48 mg will actually make me 120ml of juice at 24mg*, one 24mg nicotine butter rum, and one 4 oz bottle that will contain the doubler, and higher nicotine juice to even out to 4 oz of 24mg Butter Rum! I am jumping up and down for joy!!

 

 


4/14/2011 10:31:26 AM

I am anxiously awaiting midnight tonight. I cannot wait to get paid, and see how much my check will be. First thing I am doing, is I am going to go though my finances, and immediately order my Lux equipment again. THEN I am heading over to get myself 3 maybe 4 bottles of my precious T.V.'s Butter Rum juice. Ohhh the vape heaven I shall be in!! I am so bloody excited :D


4/13/2011 6:03:38 PM

Well I woke up in an absolutely amazing mood. Right now I am in a bad mood. If I have not responded to your message, dont take offense please. I am just not wanting to respond in a negative way. If I have responded to your message, and you dont know how to spell... or how to read a profile.... You are a piece of shit who needs to NOT message me.


4/12/2011 10:26:43 AM

ok people.... Seriously. What is with women doing the duck face? Is it so you can make people think that your lips are bigger? NONE of my pictures will contain a duck face. I dont believe that pushing your lips out, and pulling the corners of your mouth in is very attractive.

I used to work for a company a few years ago called Basic Research. You have seen ads for at least one of their products. They have Strivectin, Estrin D, Lyptoprin, Relacore and a whole slew of other products that you have never heard of. They have a product to temporarily fatten your lips, increase your bust size for 8 hours, and tighten skin for 6 hours. I ended up making a joke of "So a woman with enough money can go out to a club for at least 4-5 hours with big lips, a tight little body, and large tits. What happens to the guy that she wakes up to when she has pencil lips, a body that sags more than a wet paper bag, and has less than an A cup?" it got a huge laugh out of my training group, and the trainer. But I am serious. WOMEN BE YOUR DAMNED SELF!


4/12/2011 7:44:39 AM

Why do I torture myself?

I am listening to music that was given back and forth between myself and a friend a year ago. I miss the connection that was shared, and I would give anything and everything in the world to have it back. Maybe one of these days. Or even on the other side.


4/5/2011 10:50:43 AM

Alright guys.

I understand that some of you wish to be my knight in shining armor, but I am not asking for money, or help. I will get this taken care of just like I always do. Your offers are incredibly generous, I just have some issues with taking someone's money.

I just moved up here, and just need to get re-established with everything, and right now that is a bit harder than I thought it would be. Venting is something that I do, sometimes it really helps me to see what my issues are in black and white. It helps me think about it, and get ideas as to how to resolve my situation.

But, I would like to say thank you for the generosity that you have shown me.

 


4/5/2011 10:13:36 AM

Woke up this morning at 0630. Popped my joints, and slid out of bed.

 

Nothing much really planned today. I have to go though my jewelry box and find items to pawn to make my car insurance payment of 89.00 It shouldnt be that hard. I have a few that are diamonds, and many precious gemstones. I believe a few items should allow me to be able to do that, and on the 15th I will be able to get it all back, and make April's payment and my car payment as well. I hate doing this, but I cant afford to not have this insurance, and I cant afford to not have a car.

 


4/4/2011 4:54:22 PM

A dear, sweet, and darling friend contacted me. I was depressed about an hour ago. Now I am on cloud nine! I havent talked with this friend in a while.... But earlier today I was listening to a few songs that he had sent me a year ago, and was going though old chat logs before he visited my home. I was being rather sad, and melodramatic. Thinking of him, and wishing things had gone differently. Then he contacts me! I wonder if that connection is still there? Hmmmmm


4/4/2011 1:55:12 PM

Usual thoughts........

I have found myself being drawn more and more to Japanese beauty products. The simplicity is something that cannot be denied. Unfortunately you have to be careful, there are a few that have mercury in them.

I have also found myself more and more not wearing any makeup. It isnt that I dont want to doll up, or that I dont have a reason to, but rather that I am enjoying how my skin is naturally. If anything now a days I may wear a bit of eyeliner, and just a touch of lip balm that is infused with honey. My bathing rituals are rather strange to some, but they always work, and bring about amazing results. Many of them are closely guarded secrets that not even Mike knows about. I am contemplating right now in taking a long hot bath as I type this, so I guess that is why I have brought it up. Just some strange musings bouncing around in my brain.

I am also wondering if we will ever get fully unpacked. Part of me just wants to put everything that is still packed into the walk in closet and ignore it. I just dont even want to see it. The packing process was so stressful, that to even see these boxes knots my stomach up. When we were packing I was literally unable to even eat. Every time I tried, it would come back up. Mike had become incredibly worried about this, but I know that it was just stress. The bad thing is, just looking at the boxes just makes me want to go to sleep.

Seattle and West Washington is just absolutely beautiful, I wish that I could see more of it, but till I am full time, I dont really see that happening. Fuel costs are so outrageous up here, and it freaks me out to even go to the grocery store because I am afraid that I may have wasted the fuel.

If you havent gotten the idea already, I am a rather high strung person. I know that the main reason for that is finances at this time, and that it will get better, but in the end... I wonder. If everything finally stopped being stressful, would I have a heart attack? The last few years of my life have become so stressful that It seems that all the pressure is the only thing keeping me from exploding. Kinda like the suits that the astronauts wear to keep them from bloating up and dying, I feel that the stress is kinda keeping everything where it needs to be.

Anyway. Those are my main thoughts for the day.


4/4/2011 10:48:20 AM

I hate Progressive car insurance. Absolutely hate them.


4/3/2011 11:44:14 AM

Oh my god.

 

Honestly I am glad that a "Dom" on here (who shall remain nameless) did not message me. He checked out my profile (I always check the who's viewing me), and saw his pic. "Damn! He is pretty cute" I am thinking to myself. I wonder what his thought pattern is. I viewed his profile.

Ever seen an absolutely gorgeous woman, and as soon as she opens up her mouth she fucks it all up? Pretty much this is what this guy did. By looks he looks exactly like the kind of man that I date. But..... He is into everything that I am not. He has the intelligence of a horsefly. Screwing, and shitting, and causing pain.

Deep down I feel sorry for this "Dom" Maybe.... Despite his age... He will grow up. Either that or get the beat down of his life by those who are really into the lifestyle, and not just crawling around the outside perimeter in the tulips.


3/5/2011 3:36:22 PM

Well I will be going though training for my old job starting on Monday the 7th. I am incredibly excited, and thrilled over this. I find it funny that we just now got Netflix for the Xbox to keep me occupied, and now I start working haha! But it is only for 4 days. Then I am off till the 16th, then it is 10 days of work.

I love my job though, I just need for the old guy who is going to be retiring to be doing it soon. The sooner he retires, the sooner I will be able to start going to events, and the like. So my dear friends, and lovies... keep your fingers crossed, and send good energies if you could please.

 


2/25/2011 8:55:54 PM

Another relaxing weekend at the homeplace. Mike got me a bottle of Frangelico. Which makes me incredibly happy! A Jigger of that over 3 ice cubes is pure heaven to me!

We are talking about Pike place market again for this Sunday (I still havent made it there yet.) , and I am kinda excited.

We have a lovely fire burning right now. Even the pug is in heaven!

I found a pic of Mike and myself from back in the day. It is the last pic in the group. I hope that you all enjoy it.

 

Remember folks.... Eat, Drink, and Be Merry..... For tomorrow you may indeed be in Utah!!


2/20/2011 11:28:21 PM

Even though I am to "start working" on the 7th of next month, I am having a rather hard time of finding just a 2 week temporary gig to last me till that time.

I guess I should just be grateful, and take this time to relax, and take my time to unpack. Never really been one to do that, but still. Even my boss will tell ya... I am not one who takes vacations very well. I am generally the one who will come to work anyways, and make sure that everything is being done as it should, and if there are any questions to call me A.S.A.P. *sigh*

Currently watching my pug sleep in my reclining chair, and on my heating pad. Slowly getting aggravated that there is nothing productive in my book for me to do. Maybe I will talk to the complex tomorrow and see if there is anything that I can do to give myself a little spending money, or at the very least fuel money for my car. I still have to do some driving around and some exploring. Otherwise I will never be able to figure out how these streets work.


2/20/2011 9:57:49 AM

We are finally in Washington. We left at 1730 on the 6th of February, and arrived on the 8th. I am in full belief now that I live in the most enchanting place on earth.


1/27/2011 8:09:42 PM

*Sigh* Ok.... I am getting a little frustrated with this "shopping" thing. I guess I am just not good at it really. I know what I want, but it is hard to find I guess. Grrrrrrr Fluff.


1/27/2011 11:29:54 AM

Yesterday was my last day with Just. I hate that place so much... I have to pick up a check tomorrow, and then pick up my final check next Friday.

I should be packing like mad right now... and perhaps I will later... but right now I just want to search for my new living room furniture. I have very particular tastes, and it seems that it will be a rough search.

Also searching for a vanity/Makeup table. I have found a few that I really care for. Lets see if they are still available when I get up there in now 9 days! WOO HOO!

 


1/23/2011 9:38:12 AM

*sings a sweet song of pure happiness*

 

What a wonderful way to slowly wake up!! I just got an email from my previous and favorite boss. He wishes to put me to work within a month or so!  I am so happy right now I feel that my head is about to explode! Everything is going so perfectly that I am seriously on the verge of crying!! I am so terrified that something is going to happen to screw this up!

 

With the move out of the seriously bad pollution of Utah, to a place that is essentially called the lungs of America. And getting my old job back.... the list goes on and on..... but it is scaring me as to how per will be here in just 2 more weeks!!

 

 


1/21/2011 5:53:26 AM

Is it so hard to find decent matching furniture in Washington that I dont have to pay an arm and a leg for? This is just insane.....

Alright... I guess I will go to work now anyways, I have to cash my check, and spend the next 9 hours at a place that I hate. Ahh well... Gotta suck it up! Straw's for everyone!

Still, I hope to find a decent matching set of furniture for my living room when I get up there. Maybe there is a consignment shop or something I should look into...


1/19/2011 10:25:40 AM

Alright.... So I WAS supposed to be at work today. Kinda called in *cough cough* sick today. I needed to go to the DMV to get a replacement title for my Mustang. Going to kinda need it to register it in Washington I figure.

I could go in right now I suppose.... but well.... it is snowing out, and I am sick of working when it is snowing. The weather outside is definitely frightful.... and I just do not wish to deal with it to be honest.

Next Thursday *the 27th* is my last day at work. Thank god. I hate this job. I hate Utah.

It's gonna suck having to get rid of at least half of my wardrobe..... So sad.... Oh well. You have to make sacrifices if you want to get going in life :)

 



1/17/2011 5:48:24 PM

Alright folks. I am not new to Collarme. I originally canceled out my account because of the wannabes, and the users on here.

If I dont respond, please understand... I am packing, I am in the process of moving. This means that I am packing. I dont have a whole lot of time.

I am looking for friends only at this time. I dont do the online D/s thing It just isnt my forte.

This is extremely frustrating for me. Please dont send messages that just say Hi! They wont get answered.

So.... Please keep an eye on here. I will be keeping this as updated as possible. But dont expect to see me in clubs for a while till I am fully settled in.

Just because I am a submissive does not mean that I am ignorant, stupid, or daft. I am actually quite intelligent for someone my age. So instead of wanting to stroke my body, stroke my cortex instead *winks*


Vertical Line

Horizontal Line
Horizontal Line
WanderingsAngel
 
 Age: 25
 Vermont, Vermont