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Apocalypso

Apocalypso - photo 1
Apocalypso - photo 2
Apocalypso - photo 3

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Friends:
VendavalDarkStevenAzkahnan

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And dance and drink and screw because there's nothing else to do

Not currently actively looking as such. Never say never and other such trite banalities but I'm even lazier about it than normal (and I'm normally lazy as a dope smoking cat on a hot summer's day). If you're talking to me and actively care feel free to ask why and odds are I'll tell you. Or possibly start going on about how the Care Bears are evil mind controlling fascists. But hopefully the former.

No, I'm not going to go into detail about my love life here. Yes, I know you put absolutely every damn bit on CM. But you're dumb. And your 'friends' make fun of you behind your back.

Your taste in music is bad and you should feel bad.

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11/30/2013 2:10:55 PM

If anybody has or knows of someone whose journal entries are thought-provoking, funny or otherwise not shit, kindly let me know.

 

Because otherwise I'll just have to go and read the Luke Haines autobiography.  Again.

 

(Note, I do not need links to rubbish BDSM 'erotica'.  And yes, yours is rubbish, but thanks for checking.  Appalling BDSM themed poetry is always welcome, however).


6/19/2011 1:00:44 PM

THINGS THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE MORE OF IN PROFILES


  • Pithy Latin phrases
  • Puns based on the names of post-modern theorists
  • Tasty pie recipes 
  • Ridiculously long lists of favourite bands
  • Lolcats
  • Rottentrolls references
  • Photos with fedoras
  • Photos of David Hasselhoff
THINGS THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE LESS OF IN PROFILES

  • Anaïs Nin 

4/6/2011 3:10:17 PM

I smoke to annoy you.

 

(In other news, new Indelicates album out soon.  A concept album about the Waco siege.  Wouldn't get that from Kula fucking Shaker).


10/13/2010 4:09:35 PM
WHY DO NO GIRLS ON THIS SITE REPLY TO ME WHEN THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SUBMISSIVE AND ANYWAY HOW MUCH DOES GOOD MANNERS COST EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED YOU SHOULD SAY THANK YOU VERY MUCH MASTER FOR YOUR MAIL I READ THAT ONLINE ONCE AND I AM VERY DOMINATE AND SPECIAL AND MY MOTHER SAYS I'M BEAUTIFUL SO HOW DARE YOU NOT RE...

Oh, wait, it's because I spend all my time writing obnoxiously mocking journal posts and never actually message anyone.  As you were.

10/11/2010 3:19:18 PM
If messaging me, please note that I don't wanna talk to a scientist.  Y'all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed.

7/13/2010 3:39:08 AM
Profile names need moar bad puns.  And less use of the number "69".

6/13/2010 10:36:22 AM
When people set up profiles to 'out' fakes (which strikes me as rather a dull pastime, but I guess some people have it as a kink or something), I think they're beholden to be more clear about what precisely they're claiming, with specific reference to Baudrillard's theory of the simulacra.

It seems (some of our theoreticans are somewhat unclear on this point, so I'm having to read between the lines.  I suspect they forget not everyone is as familiar with this subject as them) that they are definitely not accusing these profiles of being in the first sign of the stage order.  The claim that these profiles are "fake", as opposed to "representative" would bear this thesis out.  If something is "fake", it would seem unlikely that it is also, to cite Baudrillard directly, a "reflection of a profound reality".  It would be interesting to see if this type of profile would raise the ire of our learned friends in quite the same way.  If something is a faithful copy of what we believe to be real, can it truely be said to be misleading?

It is more likely that they are dedicated their life's work to identifying those profiles in the second stage, those where it is believed by our metaprofile members that this is an unfaithful copy of reality.  (The relative prominence of what are claimed to be 'fake' photographs may bear this out).  This is a fascinating subject area.  For while it may be said that the profiles under discussion reflect reality, as I am led to believe by my field researchers that there is indeed such a thing as a female submissive, it is being argued that this reality is being distorted, to the point of no longer being an accurate representation.

However, there is something of an unfortunate lack of clarity in this matter currently.  It is also possible that what is under discussion are profiles that are actually at stage three, Baudrillard's "order of sorcery".  Are these profiles copies which, while claiming to be reflections of reality, have no original to base that claim on?  Are these not profiles of people, but merely arbitary images?  Do they, in fact, have no representative element?

Finally, we have the fourth stage.  This type of profile has been sadly neglected.  I would humbly suggest that this is an oversight the CollarMe academic community should look at rectifying.  What would be a profile with no relationship to reality whatsoever?  Would this be a profile of a material impossibility, perhaps a pixie or a talking tree?  Is it possible to create a profile that is merely a reflection of other signs?  Perhaps it is necessary for more of these profiles to be created for us to come to any conclusion.  As the old proverb has it, we do indeed live in interesting times!

I have outlined the possible theories, but there is obviously much work to be done in this field.  I would ask all who read this to respectfully contact the owners of the profile outer profiles, to suggest possible directions for their research.  I'm sure they will be overjoyed to have your input!




Hmm.  I have just written six paragaphs of facetious pseudotheoretical postmodern bollocks, soley for my own amusement.  Fuck me, I really am turning into a caricature of myself.

5/9/2010 2:59:24 PM

Of Cats & Kings

I'd wish for a tuna sandwich

A sandwich, what kind of stupid wish is that? Talk about a failure of imagination. I'd ask for a trillion billion dollars, my own space shuttle, a private continent.

I got my wish.

(From Calvin and Hobbes)

A cat can look at a king.

This, as far as it goes, is truth.

But the king is still a king and the cat is still a cat.

This, as far as it goes, is also truth.

But truth is not the same thing as understanding.

For kings are creatures of obligations, of duties, of structure, of order. And all those other pretty names we call our chains. For a cage is still a cage, no matter how pretty the gilt.

But a cat is just a cat.

And kings have a kingdom to worry about. And cats worry about what they choose for as long as they choose to.

Kingdoms are sometimes made up of the past. And the past is the cheap perfume of long forgotten nostalgia.

And other kingdoms are made up of the future. And the future is dust and decay.

But cats rule the present. And the present merely is.

But the real difference between kings and cats is this. Cats can stop looking.

A cat can look at a king.

But the king is still a king. And the cat is still a cat.

And the cat has the better deal.

Thankfully, few kings understand this. Self-awareness is not a common trait among monarchs. And diplomacy advises that some delusions are best left unshattered. Unless it would be more interesting to do otherwise, naturally. After all, rules are merely tools to be discarded when they have served their purpose.


4/19/2010 1:57:51 PM
Welcome, gentle reader, to a new series!  I call it, with my usual wit and originality, Puck's Reviews.  Basically, I take a piece of BDSM writing.  And I make fun of it.  Because I'm not a very nice person.

The first piece I shall be reviewing is a poem called "The Best I Can Do" which you can find here- http://www.darkrose.com/prose.html#%22The%20Best%20that%20I%20could%20do%22  It mostly contains quatrains.  But wild man that our author, SirWolfr1 has stuck several cinquains in as well.  And at one point he gets so out of control that he knocks the reader out with a sestet.  I also shall note that he is SirWolfr1 which makes me wonder how many other SirWolfrs are around.  But he's the first, he wants to make that very clear. Basically, the poem's plot is that some guys make fun of his submissive, so SirWolfr1 lays the smackdown like a steroid addled wrestler.   I shall not reproduce the whole poem.  Just the bits I can get a cheap laugh out of, obviously. EDIT:  Oh, that seems to be most of it.  Who'd have forseen that outcome? On with the show!

The munch had ended in the usual way,
With good friends saying their goodby's in the parking lot.


You'll notice here that SirWolfr (just assume I'm talking about our SirWolfr from now on, not the one who works in the local petrol station) has a rather odd use of apostrophes here.  I'd advise getting used to this thematic motif. Possibly it's a variation on ee cummings' lack of capitalisation.

The Doms and the subs, each bidding the other farewell,
With exchanged numbers, hugs and soft knowing smiles. 
No clues for an outsider to spot.

Didn't some doms (sorry Doms) or subs know someone of the same orientation well enough to say goodbye?  Obviously, heterosexual dominant chaps don't hug each other goodbye.  Because we're MEN.  How about that sports game where one team played another team and one of them won or possibly both drew?  (Am I doing this manly stuff right?)

There were a few new faces to be found this time.
A couple of the type that the old Doms knew too well.
Vanilla's, out looking for quick, easy sex.
The sort that you could in an instant smell.

What smell is being referred to here?  "Can you smell rosemary?"  "Yes.  There must be some NOT TRUE BDSM people in the area".  And you see what I mean about the apostrophes.  Ok, I'll stop pointing those out now as it's too easy.  Unless I get bored again.

They had been identified, tolerated, and closely watched.
The subs warned and had been scurried away.

Quick, get Maud in the car boot!  Otherwise she might accidentally have sex with a vanilla person again.

But as they left, one had to shoot off his mouth,
And say to his friend that which he had ought not to say.

It was me who killed JFK?  I have a spare Coldplay ticket if you want to go?  Anne Coulter is a worthwhile human being?  No, apparently not.  It was something far more objectionable.

 "Did you get a load of that one guy's sub?
Talk about a load of fat. 
I half expected her to moo.
I thought that subs were supposed to be slim,
You know, easy on the eyes.
Is that the best that guy can do?"

While their behaviour was obviously reprehensible, I have to admit to being grudgingly impressed that they managed to insult someone in rhyme.  Even if they only managed to rhyme "moo" and "do", I appreciate the effort.

The sub heard the words as did her Master.
And she knew that this insult he would not abide.
She raised her head to the stars above,
And prayed that this night might not end in homicide.

Great Cthulhu is obviously the god being prayed to here.  I like how unsurprised she seems by this as well.  It's like SirWolfr1 keeps killing people for being a bit mouthy and she's bored and wants to get home and watch Survivor.

She watched him approach them silently from behind,
Unheard as they continued to laugh and rail.

Her Master is a ninja!

And as he reached out and grabbed each, by the scruff of the neck,
She wondered if there was enough in the bank to cover his bail.

Look love, if he murders two people on a night out, I'd suggest getting used to him being in jail.  Ok, a series of extracts here because I'm getting bored of listening to SirWolfr pretend he's Tony Soprano.  You can tell this poem wasn't written by a sub, no?

You see only the body, I, the woman within

But a submissive is a gemstone, a pearl beyond price.
And her submission is not in her body,
But her heart, soul and mind.

EPIC SUPPORT FAIL.  Seriously guys.  In this situation the correct response is "fuck you, she's gorgeous".  Not "yeah, but she's got a lovely personality".

They quickly did as he did bid, to the teary eyed sub.
With the little her Master allowed them in the way of breath.

Do not mess with BDSMers who know the Vulcan death grip.

And save for her wishes, this night they may well 
have met with their deaths.

"I wish Nigel would stop being such a cock whenever we go out somewhere".
 
As they roared away into the dark of the night.
That same Family of Leather stayed to insure that
all was as it should be.
The Doms in their leathers, the subs at their sides.
Proudly together in a special and eternal way.

Wait a second.  Scroll back up.  See the part about how there were no clues for outsiders to spot this was a BDSM meeting?  Yeah, I'm sure the fact that THE DOMS WERE ALL FUCKING WEARING LEATHER wasn't a giveaway.

There's some more stuff that I'm bored of, so moving on.

For she knew that whatever storms may come her way,
In his arms could she find safety and rest.

I wish I was dominant enough to control the weather.  

Her Master turned to their friends, all still gathered round.
As he said, "I say this not just to her, but to all of you.
This woman that I hold...that I cherish, and love...
They were right....She is the BEST that I could do.

Awwwwww!  I feel bad now.  Her Master is obviously a big softy.  He's not the most articulate with his expressions of affection.  But he tries his best, considering his limitations.

That's your lot, kids.  Any more pieces you think deserve my special attention, let me know.  Yes, I'll probably do some Gorean stuff at some point.  But let's try and at least challenge me a little bit the rest of the time.

4/18/2010 11:08:54 AM
Hello my darlings (outraged missives from doms who do not like being addressed as darling can be sent to my inbox, as usual).

I notice that some of you seem to be labouring under a misconception.  And being the kind of caring fluffy ball of huggles I am (seriously.  I'm like the Saint Francis of BDSM.  Except I wouldn't look good with a monk's haircut. And I use the word "cunt" more often in everyday conversation.  So possibly more like Princess Diana.  Apart from I'm not stupid enough to get in the car if the driver is pissed.  Anyway, I digress) I thought I'd help you clear it up.

BDSM is a facet of your doubtless wonderfully complex and charming personality.  What it isn't, and bear with me here, is a replacement for having a personality.

No need to thank me.  The thought of the smile on your happy little faces is thanks enough.

4/2/2010 10:21:10 AM

Why I Won't Be Voting in the General Election

** From So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish by Douglas Adams, best known as author of The Hitchhiker?s Guide to the Galaxy:

?No,? said Ford, who by this time was a little more rational and coherent than he had been, having finally had the coffee forced down him, ?nothing so simple. Nothing anything like so straightforward. On this world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people.?

?Odd,? said Arthur, ?I thought you said it was a democracy.?

?I did,? said Ford. ?It is.?

?So,? said Arthur, hoping he wasn?t sounding ridiculously obtuse, ?why don?t the people get rid of the lizards??

?It honestly doesn?t occur to them,? said Ford. ?They?ve all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they?ve voted in more or less approximates to the government they want.?

?You mean they actually vote for the lizards??

?Oh yes,? said Ford with a shrug, ?of course.?

?But,? said Arthur, going for the big one again, ?why??

?Because if they didn?t vote for a lizard,? said Ford, ?the wrong lizard might get in??


3/28/2010 4:32:30 PM
I want to rock and roll all night and part of the day.  (I need to break for lunch at some point).

3/10/2010 2:28:24 PM

One night, a Satanist had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Devil. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonged to him, and the other to the Devil. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand, and he noticed that many times along the path of his life, there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life. This really bothered him, and he questioned the Devil about it: ?Satan, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way. Yet I have noticed during the most troublesome times of my life, there?s only one set of footprints. I don?t understand why, when I needed you most, you would leave me.?

The Devil replied "yeah, sorry. I was fucking some nuns".


1/27/2010 7:19:20 AM
COLLAR ME I-SPY

Profile Text

An entirely blank profile- 2 points
A profile that consists, in full, of the line "ask me if you want to find out more" or anything along that theme- 3 points.
A profile offering "slaves for sale"- 5 points
Goreans- 5 points
Goths- 5 points
Goths obviously in denial about their essential gothiness- 10 points
Andrew Eldritch obviously in denial about his essential gothiness- 1000 points
Furries- 30 points
Goth Gorean Furries- 100 points
"I am not a doormat"- 5 points
"I am a dominante"- 10 points
"I am a nurturing dominant"- 10 points
"I am a nuturing dominate"- 50 points
Any fucking quote from Anais fucking Nin- 10 points
"My submission is a gift"- 10 points
Somebody mocking the concept of submission as gift- 20 points
A British person who hasn't yet noticed that their location is listed as Canada- 20 points
Your mum- 500 points
"No limits" slaves- 20 points
Somebody whose listed weight suggests they don't understand metric measurements- 20 points
"Only interested in online play"- 10 points
"Not interested in online play"- 10 points
"Read my profile before messaging me"- 10 points
Any reference to Ancient European Houses of BDSM- 100 points
Male subs describing themselves as anything along the line of "pretty pretty girls"- 20 points
Male subs who actually look kinda hot when they're dressed as girls- "50 points"
Any reference to the BDSM scene- 5 points
Any reference to munches- 10 points
Any attempt to present the profile creator as really important in the BDSM scene- 30 points
"I will only meet people at BDSM events initially"- 30 points
"I will not call you sir/maam/goddess/master/lord/capo/daddy/supreme mugwump unless I know you"- 10 points
"You are a dominant but you are not MY dominant yet"- 20 points
Deaf and mute slaves- 50 points
Slaves who need to find a new master as their old one has tragically died- 50 points
Slaves who need to find a new master as their old one has tragically died who are pregnant with said master's baby- 100 points
"New, just want to find out more"- 20 points
Somebody who describes themselves as "wacky", "zany", "mad", "weird" or "crazy"- 30 points
Somebody who describes themselves as "wierd"- 50 points
Somebody who claims to be "intelligent" but can't spell it right- 50 points
"I won't bite, unless you ask nicely"- 30 points
Use of txt spk in profile- 20 points
Use of txt spk that isn't "LOL"- 30 points
Use of proper 1337- 100 points
"Do not message me if you are old enough to be my father!"- 30 points
Someone under the misguided impression that the University of Sydney gives a flying fuck about their sex life- 10 points
Someone who's put the University of Sydney disclaimer in, but changed it to read "any institutions"- 30 points
A profile with immaculate spelling and grammar- 100 points

tbc...


 

1/26/2010 2:27:12 PM
An Erotick Encounter!!!

As soon as I looked in her eyes, I could tell she was overcome by my rugged domliness.  And she was dead classy, like the kind of girl you see working in Sainsburys or even on the perfume counter at Boots!

"Hello slut" I said in a very cool manner.  (Subbies please note that I am using the word slut here because it is sexy but I respect women so you should not let this put you off messaging me!!  But only if you are a girl lol lol lol).  She melted like a polar icecap that has seen global warming, if global warming was real and not a CONSPIRACY TO MAKE US PAY MOAR TAXES!!! I let out a growl, as if I were a sexy tiger advertising Kellogs Frosties which are grrrreat apparently.

"Ooo" she said, "you are so manly I can feel my primitive instincts to submit to you kicking in which is like cavemen and dinosaurs".

"I'll be your Captain Caveman" I said dead quickly for I am very witty and intelligant.

She gasped out "I can see you are very dominante and that you must have done BDSM with lots of girls.  I bet everything you write on your CollarMe journal is all true and not in any way the act of a sad lonely internet fantasist".

I raised my eyebrow archly, in the way you have probably seen James Bond doing at Christmas.

"Enough talking, whore" (please see note above about the word "slut" subbies!!) I said, casually unzipping my trousers and not getting caught in my fly even once for I am too smooth!!!

"OMG, it's the biggest I have ever seen" said she.  "O rly" I replied.  "Ya, rly" she responded daintly.  "NO WAI!!!!!!!" shouted myself in a most manly and sexy manner.

It was the moment that the sexy fun times were on the horizon!  Oh gosh!!! 

But then my mother came in with milk and cookies and said I had been on CollarMe too long and she wanted to play Sudoku so I had to stop having this encounter and go and play Grand Theft Auto instead.  GOD, I HATE HER SHE IS SO MEAN AND DOES NOT UNDERSTAND ME!!!  :-(

Copyright Apocalyso 2010.  Sydney University and associated institutions do not have permission to use this piece of sexy writing in their research and if they do I shall call in my e-lawyers and get them thrown in Internet prison.


1/26/2010 12:38:17 PM
Writing your blog entries in stupid colours does not make you a cool and interesting maverick.

It merely makes you look like a 14 year old girl filling out her MySpace profile.

1/24/2010 9:58:10 AM
I have decided to become a scammer.  Mostly because I figure that getting myself listed on the "I NAME FAKES BECAUSE I'VE NEVER HAD SEX" profiles is a good way of raising the profile of my profile.  Profile.  Profile.  Profile.

I'm far too lazy to actually make a new profile for this purpose however.  So kindly use your imagination and pretend that my profile photo is that of a hott girl.

NOW SEND ME UR MONEYZ BITCHES.

7/26/2009 6:58:39 AM
http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g169/Abiezer_Coppe/338.gif

7/22/2009 1:08:47 PM
Dear CollarMe,

Please provide me with the ability to hide profiles in bulk.  There are far too many fucktards on here for me to be expected to do each one manually.

I'm a busy man.  Sultans of Ping albums to listen to.

Huggles,

A.

7/21/2009 1:56:30 PM
I'm rather jaded.  I think I shall start setting fire to things.  Metaphorically.

6/28/2009 6:08:52 PM
My body is not a temple.  It's an amusement park.

6/20/2009 5:22:06 AM
If you fit into any of the following categories you need not message me

1. You're a semiliterate troglodyte.  Seriously, if you can't string a coherent sentence together then maybe, just maybe, THE INTERNET IS NOT THE FUCKING PLACE FOR YOU, YOU FUCKING RETARD.

2.  Your journal consists entirely of other people's writing, especially if you haven't credited it correctly.  You unoriginal fucks.

3.  Your username contains "4U", "69" or is anything along the lines of "slutt4use".  You can still message me if it contains the numbers "666".  But I may take the piss.

4.  You describe yourself as "wacky", "zany" or "mad" without irony.  Tell it to the fucking office party.

5.  Oasis fans.  How could I ever take someone with such a poor sense of aesthetics seriously?

6.  If you "just listen to what comes on the radio" really.  Fuck off and die.  YOU UNDERSTAND NOTHING ABOUT MUSIC YOU FUCKING SCUM.

7.  If you write bad erotica and put it in your journal. (Yes.  Your erotica counts as bad.  Thanks for asking).  Including slash-fic writers.  Especially Harry Potter slash-fic writers.  Jesus fucking Christ.

8.  Furries.  That's mean and petty and I should be ashamed of myself.  Because furries get a lot of crap and they don't really deserve it.  As long as they don't try and hump my leg, all power to their anthropomorphic elbows.  But I can't get over the fact that they DRESS AS GIANT FUCKING ANIMALS!  Shallow, I know.

9.  Gross misusers of evolutionary biology.  In fact, biological motherfucking reductionists of all stripes.  Or if you don't understand the difference between "sex" and "gender".

10.  If you don't like swearing.  Probably for the best, yeah.

6/6/2009 4:43:08 PM
This week's "greatest thing I have ever seen and I mean it this time"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj-x9ygQEGA

6/5/2009 7:00:08 PM
From now on I shall be domming in the manner of William Shatner.  For some reason I cannot find this option on the list of interests.  Nor the Hoff, now I come to think of it.

6/1/2009 7:46:32 PM

One night, a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonged to him, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand, and he noticed that many times along the path of his life, there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life. This really bothered him, and he questioned the Lord about it: ?Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way. Yet I have noticed during the most troublesome times of my life, there?s only one set of footprints. I don?t understand why, when I needed you most, you would leave me.?

The Lord replied: ?My precious precious child, I love you, and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, that must have been when I was appearing on?

Junior Kickstart?
Junior Kickstart??

The teenager awoke at mid day. He walked into the back garden. Everything was peaceful except for the complaining note of the woodcrest dying in the leafy thickness. He walked up to the patio chair where his father sat.

?Father??
?Yes son??
?I want to borrow your golf clubs.?


5/1/2009 3:50:59 AM
Dominate is not a noun.  Lalalalalala.

If someone challenges you to a duel, I'm pretty sure you get the choice of weapons. 

Personally, I'd go for "the English Language".

4/28/2009 5:48:55 AM
So you're here, on CollarMe, looking at your computer screen. And a thought crosses your mind. "The second person narrative seems much underutilised in BDSM circles" you ponder. You've seen people talk about themselves in the third person before, but you've never seen the second person being used. And you wonder why.

Then a realisation hits you. It's because it's really fucking stupid. You wonder if it looks any stupider than talking about yourself in the third person. But that is very unkind of you. And you should be ashamed of yourself. You meanie.

4/26/2009 12:28:15 PM
APOCALYPSO IS A FAKE!

Yesterday he took lots of money out of my bank account and spent it all on comics. :-(

4/26/2009 9:20:27 AM
The target of today's five minute hate is...

"Wah wah wah.  Somebody of a sexually incompatible gender looked at my profile.  So I am having a hissy fit".

Shut the fuck up.  Morons.

I hate to break the news to you, but people of a sexually incompatible gender look at you in the street EVERY FUCKING DAY.  (Ok, I'm assuming you actually leave your basement occasionally rather than just callling out for pizza.  I'm too softhearted for my own good).

These are the kind of guys who won't touch their cocks when they have a piss in case they catch Teh Gay.

I have now made it my life's mission to fap to the photos of any guy who complains about this.  It won't be easy.  Because

a) I'm not actually gay

and

b) they're invariably extremely ugly.

But needs must.  Maybe if I squint I can pretend they're her from Curve or something.

4/26/2009 3:25:11 AM
I just picked up a top hat off ebay for three quid.  Awesome and that.

(No, you can't borrow it.  It wouldn't suit you).

4/25/2009 7:16:45 AM
Firefox comes with a built-in spellchecker.

Just saying, like.

4/23/2009 1:00:11 PM
If I see one more post about "fakes" I'm going to suicide bomb my face.

4/20/2009 8:44:25 PM
And in news unrelated to the 'project'...

Why the hell is "fencing" not listed under possible sports interests on here?

We're a proper sport dammit!  We're at the Olympics and everything.

Obviously, this entire entry is merely a shameless way of pointing out that I know how to fence.  I've also had stage fighting training.

God, I'm transparent sometimes.

4/20/2009 8:41:08 PM

Deity and Emotion

While this is, in my view, often overstated, there is a school of dominance technique that suggests that doms shouldn't show or possibly have mortal emotions, foibles or weaknesses.  Those that simply try not to show it don't concern me.  (Lo, what fools these mortals be).  But the thankfully tiny minority who manage this completely fall into a very different dynamic.  That of the fae.

The fae are beautiful, intriguing, alluring, magical.  And utterly fucking sociopathic.  Whereas the deity may commit immoral acts, that is not possibly for the fae.  Because morality is a concept they simply cannot grasp.  All that matters to the fae is amusement.  They may act protective or noble.  For as long as to do so interests them.  But they can no more feel genuine emotion than a swarm of hornets.  If you ever run into someone who genuinely fits into the fae archetype all I can suggest is you walk (don't run, that runs the risk of amusing them) away as quickly as possible.  Without looking back.  You won't of course.  Neither would I.  But it will be the most sensible option to take.

The deity dynamic takes a very different approach to this issue.  The Greco-Roman archetypical deity isn't an emotionaless robot.  The reverse is true.  I've mentioned before how the type of deities in question are mortals writ large.  The same applies to their emotions.  Deities hate, love, lust, rage in the extreme.  Intensity is their natural state of being.

Interestingly, the same applies to the mortals they favour.  Even those not part divine themselves are traditionally more then human before they get divine attention.  It seems to be one of the things that attracts that attention in the first place.  Despite misconception, those that the gods favour do not die young.  They merely live more extreme lives in the first place.

On the other hand, one thing deities aren't good at is perspective.  Think back on your legends  It is rare to find a deity with a good understanding of shades of grey.  Deities see the world in black and white.  And, being deities, that is how it is when they're around.


4/20/2009 8:37:00 PM

The Deity Dynamic

In this post I'm going to look in more detail at what the Deity Dynamic actually entails in a BDSM community. Both because I enjoy doing so, but also because I'm fully aware this particular concept is somewhat unusual (I wouldn't say necessarily unique) within BDSM. If you look at the often used continuum of slave-submissive-bottom-top-dominant-master it exists at right angles to that. With the ronin, the lone wolves, the outlaws and the insane.  Company I'm pleased to keep. But, equally, it isn't the same as some of the other "alternative" dynamics outside that spectrum- daddy/daughter, pet/owner etc. It isn't even the same as the concept of the "Goddess" that exists for some dommes, as its mythical underpinnings are very different.  It exists in a dynamic of its own,  although with some overlaps with other dynamics.
 
It's worth noting that, for me, I am not looking at the Abrahamic concept of the omnipotent deity when I talk about this dynamic.  Neither am I talking about the new agey concept of the deity as creator of everything.  (Gaia, for example).  Instead, I'm talking about something far closer to the Greco-Roman   concept. In that mythos, deities are "humans writ large". Not only are they not all powerful, but they exist within a framework of human understanding, particularly when you compare that to the transcendent nature of the Abrahamic model. Including human emotions (both good and bad) and even human frailties.

So, within that dynamic, an obvious question would be what the specific role of the submissive is. You could say "worshipper", but I don't think that tells the whole story. And is not necessarily specific to  
this dynamic. On the other hand, while I've previously used the Maenads analogy, that's too specific for this piece- it's looking a particular mythology. Whereas, here, I'm looking for something slightly more general.

While the term isn't pithy, I think the nearest I can think of to explain the concept is "favoured of a deity". In the models this dynamic is based on, that's a very common concept. It's a mortal, but one who's of special interest or concern to a deity. (Or possibly deities, though I'm not getting into that can of worms this time).  That isn't necessarily easy. It depends on the deity and their general personality. Relatively, a mortal interest of Jupiter has it reasonably easy. Certainly when compared to being a favoured one of Aphrodite. And pity the poor soul who becomes a "special project" of Loki. And the dynamic in question is very similar to those examples.  It has some common factors, but the specifics vary greatly depending on the relationship.

It's interesting to note that, when you compare it to some other dynamics within BDSM relationships, this is not a dynamic of micromanagement. Even those deities most prone to heavy involvement in every part of their chosen's lives are best described as pursuing a  policy of "heavy interference" (Hera is a frankly terrifying example of  that type). But it's absolutely not about completely reshaping the submissive in question- within the deity dynamic that individuality is not only prized, but what leads to the favoured status in the first place. Instead, it's best seen as steering the favoured rather then directing them.  Admittedly you may be talking about being steered down a fast-flowing river, with jagged rocks. But one thing the deity dynamic isn't is entirely "safe".

That's not to say that there isn't a strong element of protectiveness in the way I see this dynamic. Even among the 'darker' deities, there is a pretty strong element where only they are allowed to heavily fuck  
about with theirs. And, furthermore, even that almost certainly has a definite purpose. Well, ok, apart from old school Eris, where the strife is quite likely to be the purpose. (Yeah, on reflection, anyone using a specifically Erisian dynamic for a BDSM relationship is likely to be absolutely terrifying to get involved with. Interesting. But terrifying). But apart from that exception, what you're talking about with the deity dynamic is both taking someone into your world but also making sure that's a good place for them to be.

And, obviously, this dynamic may involve a certain amount of punishment. (I'm assuming nobody's stupid enough to misunderstand the difference between punishment as a fun part of a BDSM dynamic and just being an utter cock, yeah? Cool). But, interestingly for me, it doesn't necessarily always look at disobedience. Certainly, disobedience may lead to a spanking. But, aside from the most parental  
versions of this dynamic, it's equally possible that the reason may be  DAMMIT I AM A DEITY AND IF I WANT TO SPANK MY FAVOURED ONE BECAUSE SHE IS HOT THEN I WILL DO, GOT IT?  SERIOUSLY, I COULD DO THUNDERBOLTS IF I  
WANTED TO, I JUST DON'T (Being a deity is a damn good excuse for calling the fulfilment of your desires "divine privilege").

So that's my random thoughts on this for today. Similar, but different to other dynamics, the deity dynamic essentially has at its heart this. Deities like special mortals. And being both a deity and a  
favoured one is fun and exciting.


4/20/2009 8:26:03 PM
Divinity and All That
(Or how to achieve Godhood in three easy steps)

As mentioned previously, my aim on here is not so much to achieve masterdom etc.  My goal is, in the simple possible terms, to become a living godform.  Now, that may sound unrealistic to some.  (Nasty cynics that they are).  But, actually, the process itself is relatively straightforward for me.  To qualify as a deity, albeit a small scale one, there are three essential factors that need to be met.  When these factors are broken down, ascension is not only possible but entirely achievable.

BELIEF

Much of the theory for this is shameless nicked from Terry Pratchett in his book Small Gods.  (Yes, fiction and pop culture are legitimate sources for this subject.  That rant will have to wait for another day, however).

In essence, the argument is that divinity is achieved when you have worshippers, or even a single worshipper.  Sure, one worshipper doesn't make you a big hard god like Zeus or Jesus or Ziggy Stardust.  But it makes you a God, none the less.

If you think over the multitude of godforms over the centuries, this is the one common factor.  They all had at least one person who was prepared to worship them as a god.

On the flipside, this also obviously leads me to conclude that divinity is sometimes a transient state of being, rather then being one of permanence.  If you only have one worshipper, and you lose them for whatever reason, you are no longer a god.

All reasonably simple so far, I feel.

The other issue is immortality.  That is harder to achieve.  In fact, it's not a real goal of mine, becaue it's far too reliant on random circumstance.  In essence, immortality depends on how long you're remembered. While there is one person alive who remembers your existence, you are conceptually alive, although not physically. Shakespeare is immortal.  And being an immortal deity is reliant on how long you're remembered in that context.

As an observation, this also means a tiny minority of people in the world today are conceptually dead, although physically alive.  That's a form of freedom I suspect, though not my thing.

REALITY BUSTING

The last factor was very much about what a deity "is".  This is about what a deity "does".

And, at its heart, every deity changes the world.  Sometimes on a global scale.  Sometimes on a very local one.

I think there's a strong argument that purely personal change doesn't qualify.  You need to alter the reality of at least one other person.  And isn't that what BDSM relationships do? 

Actually, it's what all of us do.  Our personal realities are subjective and only exist in their entirity for us.  And those realities intersect with the realities of others, changing those.

So, every single one of us can be considered to qualify for this factor.  Which brings us nicely to my final factor:


Being Identified as a Deity

This is the meta-factor, as it contains both the other factors.  The crucial missing link is identification.  If you're prepared to identify yourself as a deity (which admittedly takes a certain kind of arrogance to do) and can find at least one other person who's prepared to do the same, at least some of the time, you've achieved godhood.  Congratulations!  Have a divine cookie!

Conclusion

So that's the piece as a whole.  I'm rather pleased with it.  I don't claim it as The truth.  Merely My truth.  Which is more then enough for me.  It may not be for you, in which case I can only suggest you find your own truth to play with.

Nothing is true.  Everything is permissible.



4/20/2009 8:10:49 PM
Maenads

One interesting question that I think comes up on here when you look at people's profiles is what specifically they're looking for in the BDSM dynamic.  If you just take the various permutations of dominants as an example:  Some are looking for a submissive girlfriend, others want a slave, one wants a pet, another wants a little girl.  And to each their own.  But I want none of those things.

I'm looking for maenads.

I'm looking for subs who want to lose themselves in the beautiful madness.    I'm looking for those that want to be taken on a mad wild dance of ecstatic frenzy.  Who want to dance with hurricanes and swing off stars.

I'm looking for maenads.

I want those who reject the safety of the mundane for the possibility of the utopian.  Who want the moon on a stick.  Who see glorious failure as more worthwhile then unfeeling success.

I'm looking for maenads.

I want those who want to have their reality shattered and rebuilt into something new.  Who want to pour petrol on the world and dance round the flames.  Who'd laugh in the face of armageddon itself.

But most of all, I want those who want to be a part of my planned ascension.

I'm looking for maenads.

4/20/2009 8:09:48 PM
Introductions are fun!

Welcome newcomers and true believers alike. (Good that, innit? I stole it off Stan Lee).

Many of the posts on this journal, for as long as I don't get bored, are going to be working along a theme.

So readers of my journal can expect waxing lyrical in a whimsical manner about divinity and my plans to achieve it, random thoughts on relevant philosophical concepts and anything else that takes my fancy.

Obviously, this is all going to be frightfully egotistical and terribly disjointed.  The way I see it, one of the advantages of deity is that it always ends up being some other poor sod who ends up having to collect your musings into some kind of order for use as "holy writ".  Either for the use of future generations of scholars.  Or, as is possibly more likely in my case, for use by the prosecution when one of my followers to be goes crazy and shoots up a school.

Feel free to contact me with comments, criticisms, requests for future topics, suggestions I should receive psychiatric help ASAP etc.

And just for the record, I don't have a "messiah complex".  There's nothing in the slightest bit complicated about it.

4/20/2009 8:05:59 PM
Hello cherubs.

I'm about to start cut and pasting journal entries from my old profile.

This means that my admirers (and probably my enemies) will already have seen them.  Yeah, so sue me.  You love my little eccentricities or you wouldn't have me saved.  (Or you hate me already, in the case of my enemies.  So I have nothing to lose).

The fact I'm about to post lots of entries one after another is a bit annoying for those using the recent journals feature however.  Mea culpa.  It'll be over soon, I promise.

(If anybody is enough of a techie to let me know how to keep my formatting when it's read directly off my profile, I'll be eternally grateful, yo).

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PrincessKIKI
 
 Age: 34
 Newyork, Illinois