Of course I would look hot as your slave, I am a handsome man. Alas for you I do not have an iota of submission in my soul. 

I have always found men submitting to women to be something of a play and lacking some important truth. Do not misunderstand me, I know some women are dominant to their core. But hear me out.

I do think that most women have some seed of submission. Not in the kinky bdsm sense, but more from a biological perspective. Men are the physically stronger, more aggressive sex. Some natural submissive tendencies would have served women well over the hundred thousand or so years we have been in our modern form. As much as modern women are fed the idea that we should desire parity in relationships two fully equal partners tends to cause an inability to make decisions or undo conflict. I am not suggesting that women give full control to men in a relationship, rather the analogy I have heard that I find most apt is Captain and First Officer. The man as the captain respects his woman, listens to her suggestions and then makes the decision. The first officer accepts the decision, knowing she was involved fully and they present a united front, whether to friends, to their children, etc.

When I lived in NYC I knew a few pro-dommes and many of their clients were Wall Street brokers and financial analysts who were raking in the cash and feeling guilty about it. They would pay to be abused, degraded, whatnot, to be absolved of their sins as it were. And I knew Dommes at Hellfire and Paddles who had complete control of their male slaves. Nonetheless there is a distinct difference between a man dominating a woman and a woman dominating a man. As much as I believe true control comes from the psychological aspects of D/s, crawling inside someones head, finding the weak spots, fantasies, fulcrums to use to apply pressure, programming and conditioning, and I have seen women who had completely broken men, there is one element lacking that destroys the entire edifice for me. If I have a lass who is being trained by me, the threat of force, my ability to physically overpower her is there, underlying everything we do. It is subtle and yet powerful. Even smaller men can over power most women. And a man like me who is average size, but above average strength with martial arts training can handle any woman. As such I cannot see female domination of a man as anything more than role playing.

I could play your submissive, obey for a bit. But, what if at some point I said no? I could wrest control from you physically and force you into if not submission, into a precarious position.  

I will be heading over to The Citadel Friday for the first time. I am looking forward to seeing how it compares to Paddles and Hellfire back in NYC.

Edited:  Enjoyed it, very nice folks. Took a young friend who had never been to such a club. She cannot wait to take her boy. 

I see it has been quite a while since I posted something in my journal. Not entirely certain why I do, I am fairly certain no one reads them. Cathartic perhaps? At any rate I met a lass elsewhere and we planned to meet. Tonight was the third chance (should have not given her a second but she seemed sweet and is in a bad family situation so I gave her lead way). So I call to confirm she is still meeting me. Double check she has the directions etc. and even give her the opportunity to bow out. 

We are to meet about 6pm. At 7pm I decide to call her house. Guess who is there? Cannot make it, have to baby sit etc. I explain to her how just leaving even a casual acquaintance hanging like that would be quite rude, let alone a potential owner. Without going into details give her the opportunity to come later in the evening. She suggests another day and I am considering it, and then she says maybe this day, maybe that one. Then she has the audacity to back talk. To continue to do so after I explain how utterly rude it is. And now she called to apologize, which turned into her threatening me about how heated she is and is about to loose it.  

Well I have a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend has has some serious anger to let loose. I am leaving this one to her. Wonder if she will go over there and talk to the little cunt's husband and tell him what she has been up to. Or if I may just come home and find a present in my bedroom. 

At any rate I am pretty much done with the internet crap. There are a few profiles on CM that have piqued my interest. I will be emailing them then closing out this damn account. 

I do have a few profiles and more traditional dating sites and I recently came across an article on profile writing advice. Pretty much an idea I had used a long time ago. I decided to rewrite those profiles and see what the reaction will be. 

Here it is:

Rotten Tomatoes Reviews…

“Outstanding! One of the most interesting profiles I have seen. A radical departure from the mundane claptrap that women are forced to read. Five out of five stars.” USA Today.

“Women are responding in droves to the idea of writing a profile that does not sound like a repackaged personal ad from the eighties. Not a mention of puppies, comfort in jeans and tuxes or long walks on the beach.” People Magazine

“Correct spelling, grammar, and even some wit mixed in for good measure. A change of pace indeed.” Rhetoric Magazine 

“The passion, intensity and character of  Donald is something to behold. Developing from an inquisitive, spunky lad into a focused, mature, honorable man was a journey worth taking.” The New Yorker

“Incredible, the motorcycle trips, with a lovely lady riding along on back to enjoy his company and the experience, hiking and camping along the coast or in Yosemite, seeing him repel down a building, the parachuting. Not to mention the infantry scenes. Action packed adventure. Donald is one fun guy to hang around with!” Soldier of Fortune

“Minions? Who has minions these days? And yet there they are, and they are fabulous. Who knew?” Rolling Stone 

“I cannot fathom not being a minion for Donald. It is a pleasure and an honor.” Minion #21

“The small dinner parties with conversation that Socrates would have been proud to enter in to. Gastronomic delights cooked by our protagonist that obviously enthralled his guests. Superb.” Chef Magazine

“One hell of a ride, I cried, laughed, sat on the edge of my seat and rooted for the hero Donald. Two thumbs way up!” Ebert and the guy who isn’t dead. 

“Scientist, philosopher, warrior, humanitarian, adventurer. Accessible and yet a mystery and enigma.” Philosophy Today

“No matter what else you think, this guy can have a good time anywhere with anyone.” Fun Times

“He has been know to disappear for long periods when he has a new leading lady. And the buzz is he will be doing a romance next!” Cosmo 

Earlier tonight I was browsing the profiles and came across a new one. "I have no experience, not sure what I want, etc." Profile created 3/09.  Two hours later I see the same profile and a new final sentence, "I am now owned by ___" Really? Must be a deep connection nurtured by communication, trust and patience. 

On another note, tonight one of my fellow grad students took exception to a statement I made and confidently stated, "there are no stupid people." Wow. Sweet, young and idealistic. I simply did not have the heart to retort. Not with the amount of homework she has due tomorrow at any rate.

A young lady recently queried in her journal, “Are there ways of being brought to exhaustion by means other than "sex" in the BDSM world? I'm talking about utter exhaustion, utter helplessness.” The following were my response.

1. There are some relatively remote hiking areas near where I reside. I would take her on a hike. Once we get away from any possible prying eyes she will strip down and hike only in her socks and hiking boots. She will also carry the back pack which will be full of all our supplies. She will walk in front of me and keep the pace I desire. If she slows down I will use a cattle prod to motivate her. The hike will conclude when she drops from exhaustion and even the cattle prod can no longer get her moving. She will then be tied standing to a tree whilst I prepare our camp. An occasional prodding will be applied to ensure she does not drift off to sleep.

2. I have a heavy boxing bag and stand. When the bag is removed the stand can be utilized for some wicked bondage. She will have shackles placed on her wrists. These will then have ropes placed through the shackles hooks and then through the eye hook for the bag. The ropes will then be pulled through the stand's hook until her hands are tight over her head when she is flat footed. She will then be told to get on tippy toes, using her feet and upper body. Once in this position a construction horse or similar stand will be slid between her legs. An area of the horse will have a metal plate which will be attached to a battery placing a voltage across it. Anytime she leave her toes she will allow her cunt to touch the plate and will receive a rather unpleasant shock which will continue until she raises herself up off the plate. She will be kept restrained thusly, until fully exhausted.

3. She could be placed in a kennel cage. While on her hands and knees I will slide wood poles through at strategic locations, behind her ass, in front of her thighs, under her upper chest, etc. which will keep her firmly in place. She will have movement of her head, up and down. I will attache a cable to her head via hair bondage, or another method. This cable will be attached to a switch. When ever her head drops below a certain level, when she is tired or sleepy, the switch will be turned on and she will receive a shock, either via an electrified floor, or via a TENS unit attached to her nipples and cunt. When she returns her head upright the switch will return to the off position.

Another unhappy tale it seems. Re-established my profile on another bdsm themed dating site which shall remain nameless. I will say it has a three letter name and the first is A and the last is t. Was viewing profiles and came across a brief but interesting profile. A half dozen pics, a few seemingly candid shots and what appeared to be two pro shots. Not a red flag as yet, the candid shots were there and some people do pay pros to take some nice photos of them for dating sites. And the one that showed breast had the face obscured, something one would expect to find.

I placed her on my favorite list so I could send her an email when I had some more time and could write her a nice letter. Next day seems she has sent me a little wink. Has taken some initiative, I like that. We send a few emails back and forth and then trade YIM screen names. We chat a few days and she asks if she may call. I offer her my number and tell her she is welcome to block her number until she is more comfortable with me. She calls, does not block her number and we have a lovely conversation. A few more calls and everything is progressing nicely. Seems quite sweet, bright and even a bit sarcastic, yum.

Tonight we are chatting online until she can call. She emails me several more photos, unprompted. These are much more racy. Still very tasteful and artistic photos but very erotic and her face is fully shown. She calls a bit later, we have a great conversation, plan another for tomorrow.

She does explain a bit about the photos, does not share them yadda yadda. I thank her for her trust etc. but the red flag is now flying. After the call I log on to my old friend TinEye reverse image search engine. Bingo, TinEye finds a page with most of the photos. Seemingly from a UK site for kinksters called InformedConsent. Seems they belong to a lass there, and seems a friend of hers on the site has more of her because he has taken them. In her blog there are some mentions about thanking everyone who came out to her b-day bash and such. The likelihood that these are pics of her (the English girl) is close to 100%. Which conversely means that the likelihood that they are of my new acquaintance is close to 0%.

Now I am going to have to send her an email with the link and call her out on it. Either she will just disappear or try to convince me they are of her. Of course about the only way she can do that is to turn on her webcam. Not bloody likely methinks. Expecting the usual excuses, I don't have one and cannot possible go buy one just to prove myself (after all the cheap ones cost $20 these days, way too expensive), why did I not trust her etc. Why do people do this? On the bright side I am not emotionally invested and have only wasted a week or so with her. Still riles one up though. And people ask me why I am single.

I think I am going to just start corrupting the coeds on my campus. Granted I am a 43 year old grad student, but here 64% of the students are now female and there are quite a few cuties. On the flip side I own clothes I have had longer than they have existed. Perhaps there are a few out there mature beyond their years. In the interim I can enjoy corrupting pretty girls like a good dirty old man.

Edited later...

Her profile has been deleted and she never answered my last text message. Pretty much what I expected. The quarter has ended and I have not begun seducing coeds. Will have to wait until Winter quarter when they all return. Ot just remain a monk, I am becoming quite good at it afterall.

A Slave is not a Submissive
(c) 2004 by Deborah Teramis Christian.
All rights reserved.


A submissive explores the piquant terrain of the surrendering of power. It is not surprising that folks engaged in D/s often spend a fair amount of energy determining what are the appropriate bounds of submission and control to incorporate into their play. For those for whom this kind of power exchange is a lifestyle expression, the scope of dominance and submission excercised may be quite extensive.

Into this mix then often comes the tricky word of "slave" – a concept which never fails to muddy the water, especially in discussions on the internet or among kinksters with limited D/s experience. While some people insist that the word "slave", like the word "submissive", can mean to the individual anything they want it to mean, it is neverthless a fact of the established and more experienced leather community that slavery in an M/s sense of the word has specific connotations, and that slavery differs from submission in significant ways. I want to explore those differences here and illustrate why I believe that a submissive and a slave are two entirely different creatures, as unlike as apples and oranges.

Definitions

To start this conversation I will offer a definition of submissive and slave first put forth by Steven Davis on the old alt.sex.bondage newsgroup on Usenet in 1995, paraphrased here with permission. (Also, when speaking of D/s which is a gender-neutral endeavor, I tend to use the gender neutral pronouns of sie and hir in my discussion. I write for an audience that spans many orientations and I find it helps avoid the pattern of thinking of D/s as happening in any one set of gender configurations). That said:

A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon hir. A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter it is incumbent upon hir to obey.

I am fond of this definition because it describes not only my personal experience of submission and slavery, but with some minimal qualification also applies to every submissive or slave relationship I have known of. To elaborate, then....

Submission

At the heart of submission is the choice to submit and the option to say "No". The submissive decides how much authority sie will cede to another, how much control sie will bow to, and what aspects of hir life sie will surrender to the dominant's command. Submissive power exchange is about choice: about the option to decide how one feels about a demand and what one is going to do about it. At any point that the sub is not comfortable with this arrangement, it is within hir rights to say "No, I'm not going to do that", and this becomes a signal to the couple that they need to renegotiate something. It does not completely derail the power dynamic between them.

A submissive chooses to submit and has the option to say 'no' in at least one aspect of hir life.

A submissive who is controlled in large tracts of hir life – hir sexuality, work, dress, social habits, etc - may fall into a space of obedience where orders in those arenas are never mulled over or reassessed (in the sense of "renewing the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon hir"). I contend that this is not counter to the definition I offer above but a special subset thereof: even for such a closely-controlled submissive, there remains some area of hir life or aspect of hir person where sie retains autonomy, or where it is hir option to decide if she wishes to submit in the moment.

In short: a submissive chooses to submit and has the option in some area or another to say "no" to a dominant command.

Slavery

How, then, does consensual slavery differ from submission?

First and foremost, slavery hinges upon a commitment to obedience. The slave does not revisit issues such as "should I submit?" or "How do I feel about that? Will I say yes or no?" When a dominant order is issued, whether or not the slave agrees with it, sie is obedient in the same manner that a soldier is who has enlisted in the Army. (That military analogy is one of several I think holds very true for the power dynamics of M/s relationships.)

Secondly, in consensual slavery a person gives themselves over to the control of another as completely as is humanly possible. This means not only a high degree of obedience, but that there is actually a chattel property context to the relationship. I refer not to a legal relationship, of course, but to a mutual understanding of ownership and property status that arises between the parties. While both slaves and submissives are often fondly referred to as "property", in the sense of consensual slavery the slave becomes literally (by mutual agreement) the property of the Owner. It is not unheard of for slaves to be sold by an Owner and to go willingly to their new Master or Mistress.

A slave commits to obey. A 'no' becomes a dealbreaker in a way it can never be for a submissive.

Thirdly, a slave cannot say "No" without completely abrogating the very basis of the Master/slave agreement. A "No" from a slave is a terminal deal-breaker in a way that it is not for a submissive. One analogy I offer is this: a submissive is like an employee in the workplace, who can protest directives and hope to resolve conflict with management (the dominant). A slave, on the other hand, is like a soldier who, if sie disobeys orders, has put hirself in a position of mutiny with much more dire consequences to hir relationship to the military (the Owner) than if sie were a civilian disputing a less-controlling authority. The military cannot function if command authority is questioned, and neither can a Master/slave relationship.

Earlier I said, "The submissive decides how much authority sie will cede to another, how much control sie will bow to, and what aspects of hir life sie will surrender to the dominant's command." Slavery differs in this regard: these decisions are not made by the slave, but by the Owner for the slave, after the general commitment to obedience is in place.

There is much more to be said about the characteristics and nuances of consensual slavery, which I get into in other essays dedicated to the topic. But I believe the above serves to illustrate the key differences in the submission and obedience factors of sub and slave.

Not a Spectrum

Submissives are commonly viewed as falling upon a spectrum. At one end is one who submits very little or only in scene-delimited context; at the other, one who submits as a constant in a lifestyle context and is very controlled, and everyone else falls somewhere in between.

A big error occurs, I believe, when people assume that a slave is simply another point on that spectrum, a more extreme form of submissive than is found in the ordinary range of submission. I think this is to fundamentally misunderstand the internal dynamics of slavery. A slave is not an ueber-sub, someone "more" submissive than the "ordinary" submissive. For that matter, a slave may not even be submissive at all. Slavery is not about submission or submissive behaviors. It is about obedience.

There are other characteristics unique to slaves that distinguish them from submissive mentalities and reflect a different kind of internal wiring. I will touch upon those in other essays as well.

"Slave" Used Loosely

The word "slave" has a lot of charge to it. It has erotic juice for those who would be love slaves or service slaves. It has cultural charge around the non-consensual chattel slavery history experienced by blacks in this country. It is shunned by those who do not like the cultural baggage, and embraced by those who like the eroticism that the word suggests.

Slavery as I use it here and as much (most?) of the M/s community employ it, has a distinctive character. It is a narrowly defined construct with fairly specific meaning at its core. A slave who is property, who offers obedience across the board, even potentially to the point of being sold, will at times look askance when this label is bandied about by bedroom players or used to describe relationships that are D/s – even very controlling D/s – but not M/s, in nature.

Many people refer to themselves as slaves because they enjoy erotic or other types of control on a limited basis, as long as it doesn't interfere too much with other areas of their life they hold off-limits. And the more controlled a submissive is, the more that person's state resembles that of a slave, and so may be commonly referred to as "slave" without fine distinctions being made in conversation. But when we are speaking of degree of control, a slave is someone very specific.

Words and Their Meanings

It is the nature of popular jargon, perhaps, that words like "slave" will be adopted by those who find it sexy or apropo to some aspect of their lives, and the distinctions between that and "submissive" will blur. But it is necessary when speaking of M/s relationships to be more precise about these meanings. Slaves and Owners of my acquaintance distinguish sharply between the "Master" and "slave" of delimited D/s, and the Master and slave of an obedience-centered chattel property relationship.

I have offered this discussion to distinguish beween key elements of submission as contrasted to slavery. "Slave" has a particular meaning to an established segment of the BDSM community, and the aforegoing is intended to illustrate ways in which this mode of obedience differs from the more commonly encountered D/s styles of submission.

The origins of the word

Sapiosexual is a recently constructed word (neologism) that has come into common usage, particularly on social networking sites where people are self-identifying as sapiosexual. It is a concatenation of the latin root sapio- from sapiens meaning wise or intelligent (itself derived from sapere which means to taste, or rather, to discern) and the latin root -sexualis as it pertains to sexual preferences.

There are a few definitions to be found online

, all with slight variations. Wikipedia currently redirects queries for sapiosexual to pansexual.

Other derivatives of sapiosexual found online are sapiosexuality and sapiosexy.

Wolfieboy

of LiveJournal (Darren Stalder) claims to have invented the word in 1998.

Fun & Intersting Quotes

"I am sapiosexual. I think geeks and nerds are sexy--I often want to rub my clit against their minds." -Kayar Silkenvoice

"Me? I don't care too much about the plumbing. I want an incisive, inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind. I want someone for whom philosophical discussion is foreplay. I want someone who sometimes makes me go ouch due to their wit and evil sense of humor. I want someone that I can reach out and touch randomly. I want someone I can cuddle with. I decided all that means that I am sapiosexual." - Wolfieboy

"I am a sapiosexual. I admit to being attracted to a cute face, or a sexy body, or a winning smile. But those things simply catch my eye. For someone to keep my attention requires the ability to uphold their side of a conversation." --luvnkisses

"Sapiosexuality is the idea that sapience is the single-most important determining factor in one’s sexual preferences. So one is first most attracted to someone who appears to be thoughtful, rational and grounded." --Iain

"Owing to my timidity, I did not get that good a look, but her T-shirt at least had a ?, an F with an arrow and '07 marking the year, so she had presumably participated in some physics contest. Sadly, few sapiosexy girls (this is not (hetero)sexist; it's just egocentric) flaunt their stuff at strangers like that." --brtkrbzhnv

"Sapiosexuals: I ejaculate on the mere thought of a girl reading Kant's ontological argument explanation out loud." --Mokami

"And just what is "sapiosexual?" Only has sex with wise persons? Only has sex with humans? ...with the self-aware?" --Jeffrey Miller

"braiiiiiiiiins!... sapiosexuals remind me of zombies" -- Effervescence

The analogy to D/s practices cannot I think be overstated.

The Fatal Flaw Behind Horse Breaking

By Jeffrey Rolo

Rather than list the common errors committed during horse breaking I'll cut straight to the chase since such errors pale in comparison to the overall fatal flaw inherent in breaking a horse: the act itself! Contrary to the belief of some, when preparing a horse for saddle our goal is not to break a horse's spirit, but rather to create a willing and accepting partner. Ruling a horse via fear and abusive treatment is not only reprehensible by its very nature, it is also highly unnecessary as horses can easily become willing partners if shown kindness, patience and compassion.

Some people possess the belief that horses are willful beasts not capable of exhibiting loyalty or reasonable behavior. As such, they believe horses should be dealt with using extreme force until the human breaks and conquers the horse's spirit. Frederico Grisone, a handler that lived in the mid-1500's and has also been credited with laying the foundations of modern dressage, was one such individual. Although I do believe the horse world has become more enlightened in modern times, unfortunately there are those who still to this day adopt violent training techniques.

While I will not provide any names or specifics since the goal of this article is to criticize an overall behavior rather than an individual, I would like to share an example of how futile violent horse breaking can be.

There is an individual that is, oddly enough, respected by some as an accomplished horse trainer. He breaks these horses fast and furious; groundwork and developing a mutual relationship is irrelevant and only serves to delay things. If a horse is deemed to be stubborn he has been known to pull out a 2x4 and beat the horse, not caring whether the "stubbornness" is actually born out of defiance, fear or confusion. There is no doubt about it – all signs of spirit or will must be broken.

One year I was able to observe much of his prized stock at a multiple-day horse show, and he owned some beautiful horses to be certain. Each was certainly a strong contender to take home a ribbon. Whereas one or two of his horses did manage to place in an event, a greater majority not only failed to take home a ribbon, but also failed miserably. Once the crowd would start applauding the deafening outbursts would scare a majority of their horses, causing them to sidestep, dance around, reverse and generally fail to perform. One was reacting so poorly it needed to depart the stadium before the conclusion of the event.

There is an important lesson to be taught by this example. While it true that horse owners must be firm leaders to their horses, going overboard and ruling by fear rather than respect can only go so far. Yes, this trainer was able to "break" his horses. Yes, they were forced to perform under saddle and would accommodate most of his requests. But the moment some of the horses were placed in a situation they feared even more than their trainer, the new fear took complete control over them. Had the trainer been a partner rather than a dictator, the horses may have drawn strength from him. Had the trainer taken a slow and methodical approach towards training, the horses may have been trained ahead of time not to fear clapping and cheering. In the end the trainer not only failed his horses, he failed himself.

A less offensive example of horse breaking would be the infamous "bucking bronco" routine popularized by old cowboy movies and legends. This is when an unwilling horse is saddled and ridden until either the rider(s) or the horse gives up. Such a battle of wills is not inherently violent or cruel as the abovementioned practices are, but once again is it really conductive or necessary? When a trainer attempts to break a horse there is a small chance that the horse may be injured and an even greater chance that the trainer may be seriously injured if he is tossed.

Personally I would reserve the bucking bronco antics for the rodeos and stick to sound, measured training practices when preparing a show or pleasure horse for saddle. Just a couple days spent with round pen work can make a lifetime of difference.

In the end if you attempt to break a horse rather than train a horse, you just may succeed despite your disservice to the horse. But you also run a chance of turning an otherwise potentially great horse into an equally violent, unmanageable monster at the worst, or a spooky, untrusting horse at best. Is either result really worth it?

Experiment concluded. No amazing theories to purport, however some interesting trends. The number of one line and single sentence emails was above the 50% threshold. About the same as on a vanilla website. I even scored a monosyllabic 'hi'. Wohoo! More of the gents seemed to be nice guys than was expected, if not terribly creative or overly productive writers. There were quite a few who either did not read the profile, or outright ignored what was written. I even found myself shooting back some scathing responses to school these fools. They reminded me very much of why I hated the 'scene' back in NYC.

I remember the first time I attended a TES (The Eulenspiegel Society ) meeting. I was interested in meeting some like minded folk, instead it felt like a twelve step program meeting when it came to the circle. Hi my name is Bob and I am a sadist. If you have been you know what I am talking about, and if you have not, stay away. Some of these guys reminded me a hell of a lot of what I have termed the Napoleon Doms. They need not be short, but it helps. They have that attitude of superiority coupled to loathing of all others (and too often a misogynistic streak) that makes them swell men to be around. The most amusing aspect is that they usually have no reason to retain such an attitude. Usually not particularly bright, attractive nor creative. Just a friggin chip on their shoulders. Too many of the emails conveyed this. Oh on a side note entirely related to this, the men in general on this site lean towards the hideous side of the spectrum. I thought I was one of the decent looking fellows before, but now I have a new appreciation for my good genes and awesome hair.

On a final note there were some actual thoughtful emails and nice wishes. I gave several some advice on sending out a more enticing first email, and I even let a few in on the gig. The rest, well fuck em.

Some time ago while I had a profile on a more traditional dating site it was proposed to me that setting up a test account as a woman to see what types of messages women actually do receive would be beneficial. A friend who lived several states away and who was near my age assisted me in writing a brief profile and allowed me to utilize several of her photos. It was quite an illuminating experience.

After seeing multiple journal entries and comments in profiles berating the messages and responses that the ladies of this site are assailed with by the supposed mature and dominant men of CollarMe I am contemplating a similar campaign. More details to come...

One hour into the experiment. Wow! I am flabbergasted. That any women at all remain here is a testament to the pain that the female gender is able to endure. Also, my suspicion that the male to female ratio is high (i.e. many more men than women) seems to have been confirmed.

One more pontification.

Why do men feel the need for honorifics? Sir, Master etc. I can understand Dr. after all that school and internship I would want to be called Dr. But it is a professional title. If a woman is yours, and you are her man, what need is there to be called Master? Go to it, have at it.

Invariably one is asked, “What type of relationship do you want?” Not a question that normally pops up in vanilla dating (at least not with such far-reaching connotations). It is however, understandable considering the breadth of kink and various so-called definitions that are bandied about for dom, sub, slave, etc. that one encounters it. With this acknowledged I will attempt to answer the query to the best of my ability.  

I have been actively involved in what for a lack of a better term, I will label the D/s subculture (And why if misnomer means to be improperly named, where the hell is nomer? Go ahead, go look it up) for the better part of my dating and sexually active life. Nice to have lived near and then in NYC, hell of a town, named twice, etc. Because of this lucky happenstance I was able to recognize that my interest in, shall we say deviant relationships, was not quite so deviant after all. With the clubs, the Internet and a relatively blunt personality I was able to insure that my relationships were with women who shared my interest in this subculture and D/s relationships in particular.  

My last girlfriend was quite submissive to me in many ways, but was by no means someone I would label a slave. She was terribly well educated, an Ivy Leaguer, came from good breeding, Doctor and Professor for parents, and was quite successful in her main career and her second in the art world was taking off (and has since really exploded, yes we are still very good friends, distance alas, did us in). Although quite submissive to me, she readily dominated other women. It was a wonderful relationship, lasted for a few years, and was a window into what is truly possible.

       I have also had relationships with those I would certainly label as slaves. One gorgeous creature was an ex print and runway model, who had her masters degree as well, bright beautiful and twisted. She was the first woman who asked me to use her body for profit as well as pleasure. I rather enjoyed watching her work at the strip club. The furtive glances to me whilst dancing for customers. Fun indeed. I have also rather enjoyed Daddy/daughter type dynamics and mentor/mentored as well.  

Well, so much for brevity. You have some preamble, now to the meat of the matter. In my primary relationship I desire a woman of intelligence, a high level of confidence, and a certain level of looks. She might self identify as a switch, submissive or slave. Hopefully she is capable of dominating other women, at least in the role of Alpha woman of the house. I am not opposed to monogamy, and what could be best described as a traditional marriage (do not read that to mean no career, homemaker only, more the dynamic of king of the castle, although the queen’s advice would carry much weight). Of course, if she is open to our owning some little slaves together, that could prove enjoyable. 

As noted in my profile I will be beginning grad school soon. Owning a little honey who is up for being used as a little cocktail waitress, or stripper could be lovely. I do have quite a dark side and enjoy getting inside a woman’s mind, finding her dark corners, and drawing them out, having her face them, mind fucking, etc.     

          All relationships have their own particular dynamics, and with D/s ones the possible dynamics, are in my opinion, substantially wider that vanilla ones. This of course is both the draw and challenge. If there is that chemistry, desire and shared interests, then any relationship will evolve in its natural course. Hopefully what I have written might inform you as to whether or not we might be compatible.