Although I have been a member of this site for several years, this is my frst journal entry. I decided to start this journal because I feel the need to put into writing my thoughts and experiences over the years.

  First I must admit that my success with this site has been less than sterling, possibly because I seek the wrong  partner or possibly because I see the wrong things. I find plenty of willing male submissive/slaves to play with, but I have the feeling that most women are seeking longer term relationships than I am prepared to enter into.

  I am very dominant in my vanilla life and altthough this carries over to my lifestyle  here, I occassionally have a very strong need to let someone else take control and lead play. It may be this "semi-switch" mentallity that is causing me a problem. Who am I really and what am I really seeking.

In spite of all I think I know and all that I read, with the possible exception of a collar, I still have difficulty understanding the difference between a submissive and a slave. Confusion that makes it difficult to contact those who post as either submissives or slaves. Perhaps someone could enlighten me in a separate posting or by email.  I know I do not like to inflict hard physical punishment, long lasting bruises, blood or heavy pain; but would rather play in a sensuous way, inflicting punishment and "pain" as are necessary to fulfil  both my needs at the moment and the needs of my partner.

Enough for now.. more later