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Kity1964

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3/26/2016 - time for a new profile ... If nothing else I've learned a lot in the last year or so. I've learned that I shouldn't second guess myself. I've learned that I DEFINITELY want to be with someone that wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. I've learned that I definitely want to be with someone who has been living on their own for awhile. I've learned that I definitely want to get to know someone who has the intention to want to be married to his Domme, not just mess around with someone. So, if you're not looking to get to know me, to get to know my family and friends and have me get to know yours ... turn away now because that is what I'm looking for. ? I've been described as very intense. I'm intensely focused on what I want. I get bored VERY easily with people that are really only interested in sex. ? ? I absolutely love my job and what I do. I'm not looking for someone to take care of me financially. ?I'm also not looking to take care of someone financially. I want something that I've never seen before ... a D/s partnership of sorts. A live-in relationship where there is a constant undertone of respect and at the same time deep love. I don't want a door mat, I want someone who's willing to speak up if I've said I'm committed to something and they see me behaving otherwise. When it comes to my sub/slave/cuck I'm selfish, I'm jealous, and I'm protective.? ? Haven't found one yet that can hang when the rubber meets the road. Most live in a fantasy world and while I'm sure that's great for them (and there's nothing wrong with it) ... that is definitely not the world I'm looking for. ? ? ? ?
11/26/2015 update: It's Thanksgiving day and I'm fully moved in to my new apartment in Grand Blanc ... complete with a walk-in closet/play area. :-) Finally my toys have a place to live where I won't have to cover them up every 6 months so that maintenance can come in and change the air conditioning/furnace filter!
9/30/2015 update: My cuck is officially in chastity for his first full day after 4 months of preparing. Feel free to check out the whole back story on my blog: mistresskity.wordpress.com ? Also a big shout out to Chard for assisting me in getting my photos off their sides and upright! All of the photos now showing are from within the last year - the profile pic was taken on 9/19. (Total weight loss to date: 170 lbs!)
9/26/2015 update: you can now see our profile on here at: carynsuecuckold ?Oh... and we have an addition to our family, a new kitty "lil bit" ... and new profile pic?
9/7/2015 update: New picture added (just a face pic, I think it's pic number 12? on here.)
Time for a profile update. ?5/9/2015: I have one very lucky sub and not looking for another at this time. I may choose to take on other part-timers at some point, also inviting Bulls, that, as well as the friends that I have already established on this website, is why this profile remains up.? Also new profile pic added (black shirt/black skirt) and a couple more... (new body stockings)
Previous profile:
Straight out, I'm ONLY looking for a submissive mate and that starts with friendship and time. ?If all you're looking for is to play, you won't like me.
I'm looking for a man that chooses to be and is ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient. I'm looking for a man that realizes that in being submissive he gains his life. He might enjoy wearing women's panties or nylons and he might be bisexual but his primary interest is in doing whatever it takes to make sure I'm smiling and happy. If that sounds like something that begins to describe your desires ... and you're completely single ... completely (and I mean it!) ... and you're able to prove that you are who you say you are (by showing yourself on cam on messenger) ... AND you live within an hour or so to Clio, MI - and are willing and able to drive to me ... then let's talk
You MUST not be allergic to cat and I'm not kidding. My cat sleeps with me, by my face ... seriously if you have a problem with this we wouldn't be a good fit. ? Note (as of 3/17/2015): New profile picture added (red shirt/black skirt)?

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5/2/2015 7:04:50 AM
Yeah, sometimes I can be cruel ... When I know I'm not lying and when it will deepen the subs experience such that he becomes a better person for it ... The following was written to a online sissy that I've come to know over the course of a few years. The one that has pulled cruelness (as a benefit) from the depths of my soul like it's his place in life to do so to help me grow. This morning after he said good morning I responded with, good morning cock licker. He then said *blush* yes Ma'am if a Superior cock needs...(blah blah blah). The following is my response: "All cocks are Superior to the little piece of skin that dangles between your legs, the thing that can only even say it's a penis because it excretes urine. For all intents and purposes it might even be better if it was pushed up into your body and taped there with a little hole in the tape for you to urinate from."

4/18/2015 6:59:58 AM
I was recently reminded of why I started my blog many years ago. A couple things happened over time that made me remove the link to it and now I believe it is time to put it out there again. If for no other reason than to encourage me to continue sharing and being inspired by this lifestyle. So, if you'd like to check out what I've shared, you're welcome to at mistresskity.wordpress.com  (yes, there is no @ sign)

4/14/2015 8:25:13 PM
What is it about "you must live close to me" that seems to be so difficult to understand? If you live in another state, or worse yet, another country...don't be surprised when I don't write back.

4/3/2015 5:34:53 PM
Limits. They can be such interesting things. I see all over collarspace: "limits: blood, kids, animals. " That pat answer tells me a lot about the writer. They probably haven't been pushed or had much experience in life. Limits can be as simple as the next size down ring on a chastity device or sensory deprivation. Personally gags are a limit of mine, used on me that is. I have a small jaw so putting in anything that holds it open for a period of time just plain hurts and not in a good way. Rarely have I found (good) pain, when delivered progressively, to be a limit. Yet while getting one of the hardest spankings I've had ? one comment of "you disappointed me" had me sobbing and calling my SafeWord. "Why?" You may ask. Well I'm not exactly sure except it seemed to restimulate every other time I felt I disappointed a man, especially my fathers, when I was trying my best. It had me crying so hard and it threw me into a deeper space that I had ever been in before. He had no idea what would, in the end, break me. It was totally serendipitous. And that's been my experience with finding true limits. They aren't predictable and they certainly aren't canned. How could I know that telling him I wanted to have my boobs grabbed hard, hard enough to leave fingerprints (I love bruises from that kind of play, they remind me of the fun I had the whole following week ) would bring him to his limit? I didn't know. But when he hit it I immediately recognized it as a limit of his. "I can't hurt you." All I could think was does he not know that it really turns me on? I thought I had told him that but basically, at that moment, what I wanted didn't matter. He just couldn't go there. After realizing would hit limit, I came to the conclusion that this was actually a good thing. The only way limits can be pushed ? (The whole purpose of which is to help the sub learn new things ? go beyond what they are comfortable with ? so as to grow) is to first find the limit. So I celebrated, in my own head, finding a limit of his. Will I push this limit? I'm not too sure at this point. Tho probably the simplest way to do it would be to have him be present while I had someone else do what I wanted. Maybe then he would see the effects of good pain and maybe I'll just let that limit go and not bring a duplicity to him. I really love his sweet, tender, caring ways it's one of the enduring things about him and I'm not so sure I'm even willing to alter that. The last couple weeks have been very enjoyable to say the least.

11/16/2014 10:33:56 AM
Any sub that thinks they want to be in full time chastity would do themselves good to subscribe to a blog from thumper called denyingthumper.com. Especially his blog entry from 11/16/2114 called a boy and his best friend. Exceptional explanation of it all.

11/2/2014 5:34:53 AM
A reader writes:
oh my god....one of the sexiest things I've read: The smell of his skin, his hair; the feel of his warmth; the feeling of protecting, caring, receiving. True bliss. The only thing that could have improved that moment would have been if I'd had a penis.

I do so love to cuddle just the thought of that moment made my groin throb. It's that sensation that makes me wonder what it would be like to have a penis that responded to that throb. What it would be like to rub it into his body, which, would have been his lower back at that point. What it would be like to feel him wiggle into a position where my rock hard penis had its sensitive head in a warm spot. What it would feel like to experience his body giving way to me. His sphincter relaxing, his body anticipating and hearing the moans come from his lips. I would make the moment from penetration to complete submersion last for what might seem to him to be hours. I'd want him to feel my full girth and length inside of him. Just letting it soak and throb inside for a bit before I pulled out quickly, enough to take his breath away, just so I could listen to him beg with his moans and cries to have me in him again. 

Thank you, reader, for the inspiration to want to write again after many months. :) Mistressa Kity

1/15/2014 6:34:31 AM

sub·ser·vi·ent   

adjective
1.
serving or acting in a subordinate capacity; subordinate.
2.
servile; excessively submissive; obsequious: subservient persons; subservient conduct.
3.
useful in promoting a purpose or end.

Origin:
1625–35;  < Latin subservient-  (stem of subserviēns,  present participle of subservīre  to subserve

), equivalent to sub- sub-

 + servi-,  stem of servīre  to serve

 + -ent -ent

 
 

sub·mis·sive

[suhb-mis-iv]  
adjective
1.
inclined or ready to submit

; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants.
2.
marked by or indicating submission

: a submissive reply.

Origin:
1580–90; submiss

 + -ive

 
 
There is a difference. If you have held a subservient role for the majority of your life and see yourself there, that's all great and fine ... however it's not "being submissive". Unresistingly or humbly obedient - inclined or READY to submit. Just something to consider.

1/1/2014 5:21:44 PM

Laying in bed, on my left side. He's turned away, his ass tucked into me. My arms wrapped around him. The feeling felt so familiar, so comfortable. If our bodies could have handled it, I could have stayed that way for hours. The smell of his skin, his hair; the feel of his warmth; the feeling of protecting, caring, receiving. True bliss.
The only thing that could have improved that moment would have been if I'd had a penis. *sigh* Alas, I've not been so blessed. If I did it would have been buried deep between his cheeks, being kept warm. I swear, even just writing about it now, I feel the ghost sensations of a dick, like an amputee would feel with a missing leg.
We have things to work through, mostly shifting out of familiarity; the seeming "comfort" of "the way things have been for years." However, I believe the willingness is there. Time will tell.
I am looking forward to the exploration.


10/10/2013 3:28:29 PM

Random thoughts on why having my cuck in chastity is a must/deal breaker ...

A couple thoughts here ... a) what's behind it and b) why would he want to give it.

I share the viewpoint of thumper from www.denyingthumper.com

and I've recently found out that I lived with an assumption ... that any man who really wanted to be in chastity and have a keyholder shared the same viewpoint as I. I've learned that's not the case (imagine that.)

My viewpoint ... it has nothing to do with the device, the device is used as a reminder. A reminder that you're loved so deeply as to be owned. The device isn't made to be worn as a punishment, instead it is offered to be worn as a gift to the Dominant.

I met a guy recently that said, "I can't get hard, so it's not like I'd be fucking anyone anyway." That is so far off from the point I wasn't sure if he'd understand my thoughts on it even if I did explain.

A man lives with his wife for years, the biggest complaint I usually hear is that she is tired, or she's not interested in their sex life.

Imagine that same life where he gives her, not only his ability to fuck someone else, but also he can't even touch himself, get hard, orgasm or cum. He becomes extremely submissive. Willing to listen, willing to do as told, willing to do what makes her happy for her attention. All of his attention goes from resenting her not playing with him, resenting her not touching him or even seeming to care for him ... to how turned on he is for her ... how badly he wants to please her, in every way. Of course I, with how much I'm into teasing would do my utmost to ensure he was piqued often. I would do things like have him shave his legs so that he could feel the fabric of his pants rub against his legs ... reminding him with every step that even though he works in a "regular" world ... he doesn't live in one. He is blessed to live with a wife that loves him so far beyond what a normal wife would. He hears the guys he works with, or the guys at the gym complain about the fact that their wives are cold, or that they haven't had a blow job or a hand job since before they were married, unless, of course, they have had to resort to lying/cheating with other women.

I've talked to one potential cuck that said, in his mind, it wouldn't be right if the Cuckoldress wanted to fuck her cuck. That isn't the cuck for me. If I want to have sex with my husband, I will. My viewpoint is that the penis is mine, I will do with it as I please. My viewpoint is that he will be insanely pleased through my torturing him, teasing him, denying him, or even fucking him if I wanted to.

Most men who call themselves cucks, or wannabe cucks really just want to watch while a woman gets fucked. That's not the cuck for me. I want my cuck to watch as his WIFE gets fucked ... and to feel the full anxt and anxiety that goes along with that. Hating it but loving it at the same time.

Some men who call themselves cucks, or wannabe cucks, really just want a way to suck cock without being considered completely gay. (Mostly that they themselves wouldn't consider themselves completely gay.) I've had wannabe cucks try to compete with me about sucking cock. That is not the cuck for me.

No one orders my cuck but me unless I've specifically given permission. No bull would be allowed tell my cuck to suck his cock or sit on the floor and watch while he fucked me. The bulls job is to put his attention all on me and satisfy me.

I'm also not into the cuck that needs all the attention, expects to be spoken to especially humiliated. Humiliation happens naturally, I don't have to "push it" because a cuck gets off on it.

Just as I was typing all of this, thumper had a new blog post. He really describes, in detail, exactly what I'm looking for in my cuck...

----------------beginning of thumper's blog entry----------------   The end (and the beginning) by thumper The other night, in the middle of the night, I was seriously fucking horny. Like, the kind of horny that wakes you up. I kept finding my hands on Belle and putting them under her bed clothes and generally getting all worked up by feeling the hot, smooth skin up and down her ass and up her back and all that. I'd fall asleep for a bit, wake up and do it again, the tube would get all full, then I'd fall back asleep.

Next day (yesterday, actually) I asked her if I was bugging her when I did that. I didn't want to bug her but honestly couldn't stop myself in that half asleep horned up state without her coming out and telling me to stop. No, I wasn't bugging her, she said. She kind of liked it.

Not sure what we talked about then, but I mentioned something to the effect that if I ever did bug her too much, she could always just let me come and I'd be manageable for a little while. She scoffed at that saying I'd also get all moody and pissy and grumpy and she preferred the hot and horny version of me over that. She keeps saying that I was a pill after she made me come over July 4th, but I still think I was pretty OK with it. Whatever.

That led me to asking something about when my next orgasm was going to be because if there's one thing a guy in denial likes to talk about it's his denial. We're all over that shit. A few other things were bandied back and forth before she just came out and told me something she'd already decided.

I wasn't going to come again.

She won't go so far as to say "never" because that's a long time. Suffice it to say she has no plans whatsoever to let me come and is inclined to leave me in my current state indefinitely. As far as thinking about orgasms or wondering when they might happen or whatever, I might as well stop because they're not on the table. They're not next to the table or under the table. They're not in the room with the table or in the house with the room with the table in it.

Of course (OF COURSE) as soon as that sunk in (while I was hugging her and kissing her neck and generally feeling very submissive and lucky, etc.) a little part of me suggested I remember what an orgasm felt like. I tend not to think about that, but now, for some reason, it seemed OK. So I did. I thought about the mental fireworks and the wave of release and the euphoric afterglow and...how I would not be feeling that again. At least not intentionally. At least not for a really long time.

I remember back when we first started to this and my denial periods could be easily counted in hours and reading about guys who were permanently denied orgasms and how I thought, OH JESUS FUCK WHO WANTS THAT!? It was both scary but, I should have known, terribly stimulative. But here we are. I have no problem admitting I've wanted this. I think it's the next logical extension of the path we've been on.

Some might wonder what the point is of living a permanently denied life. Some might think that taking the orgasm out of the equation might somehow alter the outcome such that its no longer appealing. Basically, some guys, even denied and locked-up ones, might still like the idea of occasionally coming (or, at least, the promise of it). I get that. That's not me.

I've changed a lot. I've stopped directing my desire for sex at Belle as if its something she owes me. I still want it, yeah, I and still feel OK making her know I do, but I don't feel compelled to push her on it and don't feel in any way slighted if she doesn't produce. Not like I used to. I've written on this recently so I don't need to dwell, but at some point, I feel like I passed the "me" phase of sex. Now it's minimally "us" and, more often, "her." And to me, that's what's natural and right. Orgasms change how I feel about that. They short circuit it. I don't want to come because when I do it fucks with how I like my brain chemistry to be.

I guess what I'm saying is I've willingly traded in my ability to orgasm so that I'm left in this constant state of needing and wanting and totally subsuming my needs to her will. For some people, that might sound scary or even unhealthy. It is, for me, the most total and comforting and satisfying submission I can imagine. We have sex when she wants. Period, end of story. How she wants. Period, end of story. The only release and climax I get is whatever I can sap off of her when she comes. I don't come because doing so upsets the balance we both prefer.

I'm not concerned about the health implications. I ejaculate plenty. At least if "plenty" can be defined as "every week or two when she lets me inside her and the penis leaks semen right after I get close to coming." It's kind of like milking, really. Or ruined orgasms. I get myself up to the edge and then stop and it comes out. Lots of it. Prostate problem solved.

Now that we're here, I'm going to try and change my behavior a bit.

I will never ever ask Belle if I can come. Not once. This is the bed I wanted and I'll have to lie in it. I will never ever tell her I want to come, even if I do. She already knows me well enough to know when I'm feeling that way. She can assume that if I'm fucking her, I will be feeling an intense desire to come in her. I don't know why I feel it's important to do these things. Maybe it's because she's made this decision and I need to show that I respect it and will live by it. Maybe it's because in the past I may have sent mixed messages and I don't want her to feel even a microscopic iota of guilt or doubt. Maybe it's to show that I'm ready to live like this, fully and completely. It almost feels like a new commitment between us. A new level of marriage or something. As marriage is an outcome of dating, this new commitment is an outcome of our several year experiment with denial. The next stage of the journey is starting.

So, you know, NO, I'm not going to say this is the route everyone should take. But I'm very happy she's decided this is our route. I'll follow her right along it until she decides to take us in another direction.

-------end of thumper's blog entry ------------

I'm not sure I could put it any better.


10/2/2013 3:03:21 AM

Fifi was a great dog. Half rotty, half black lab and smart as a stitch. She was the only one (from a litter of 11) that was all black; looked like a black lab on steroids as she had the chest of a rotty. She got big QUICK and had the heart of a playful puppy/lap dog at 90-100 lbs; all in all, a handful.

I realized pretty quickly that “she” NEEDED lessons. *ha* She didn’t need lessons, *I* did … on how to handle this beautiful, intelligent, BIG, BLACK and very inquisitive animal. (Able to scare small children with a single glance.)

Try as I might during “her training” on a standard collar she would have difficulty. I swear she had adhd and would be off chasing *shiny bright* new objects constantly. It was hard for her to concentrate and being a 90 lb puppy she would frequently get her way (my arm was only so long, lol). I knew that it was going to take more to keep her, and those around her, safe. The trainer suggested a choke collar. It took me a LONG time to really be ok with putting this pokey, metal, mediyes, wrassling – because it didn’t look as professional as wrestling, lol) … she would police herself. Looking back at it now, I see it as a predicament bondage piece. She’d pull and it would tighten, pinching. She’d not pull and it would not tighten. I didn’t have to do a thing except keep a consistent length in the leash.

So, “Great,” you say, now that you have all this dog training knowledge … “so what? How does this relate to D/s, kity?” Yeah, ok, so you’re probably not really saying that and I’m sure, being the intelligent people that I generally attract, you totally get the relationship between the dog training, the choke collar and D/s.  

Today has been a day of triumphs for me which is what stimulated this writing, it’s what I really want to share.

A couple days ago I started, or actually restarted, talking with someone that I’ve been casually chatting with for a couple years. The thing about this guy is that he had an effect on me. And effect that I was NOT comfortable with. I’d say he drove me crazy but that doesn’t really reflect what would happen. I would LITERALLY feel an anxiety that swirled around in my head like a tornado, usually ending up in a slight tension headache and my blood would frequently boil. 

I swear to God that I had my finger on the button to block him 3 times during one conversation but couldn’t get myself to hit it. I talked to two friends that know me well about it, asking them what they thought it was about me that made it so that I couldn’t just delete him and let it go. Lord knows I’ve done that easily with others if I feel I’m being played. They both, completely independently, came to the same conclusion – that I seek to see the best in people. Idk, but I thought that was weird. It’s ABSOLUTELY true … I do seek to see the best in people, but it didn’t make sense to me as to why that would be the reason that I couldn’t hit the kill switch. So I kept quizzing myself. Watching myself as I’d have a conversation with him – feeling how twisted I’d get inside. I’m not sure when it was, or what exactly triggered it, but I realized that I WANTED these conversations BECAUSE it caused these weird feelings. It was pushing me, testing me. Moreover, I was pushing and testing myself. Ya see, I have a couple strong suits … things that I learned VERY early on that I’ve used to guide me through relationships. One of them is “be quiet” and the other is “be nice.” Those two things don’t work, though, went confronted with, essentially, a bully.

It was funny that, as I was having these conversations with “T,” I was actually thrown back to my 6th grade school playground where this 4th grade kid (whose mom happened to be a teacher there) was constantly getting in my face. He irritated the hell out of me until eventually I (being much larger than him) stood on his toes and spit in his face; QUITE a statement for me, a shy “quiet” “nice” girl. He ran off to mommy and, thankfully, she must have realized he was being a shit and I didn’t get sent to the principal’s office.  However the torment that I felt inside because of that left an intense impression.

I can only count about 5 times where I’ve felt like that over the next (counting on fingers and toes … lessee, I’m 48, minus about 10 years? – 6th grade … so …) 36 or so years. Once when I was babysitting my sister when I was, oh 11 (she was 2) and saw red because she wouldn’t do what I told her to. Drug her up the basement stairs to her bedroom, by her hair, and literally threw her in her bedroom and realized after that incident that I should never have kids because I had my dad’s temper and I’d probably kill them. (Quite a decision for an 11 yr old, don’tcha think?)  Then when I was in my 30’s my (then) husband backed me into a corner and I turned into the Tasmanian Devil. God was I hot…and not in a good way. One of the incidents was with a guy that I JUST talked to, never even met him, but something about the way he would talk to me would piss me off SO fricking quickly. AND THIS is what “T” had a habit of doing. I just hated that internal “out of control” feeling. Hated it and hate it because it scares me. I’m a big girl and when I get like that I literally feel like I want to hurt something and hurt it B A D, and it gets to the point where I stop caring to NOT hurt it.

So I realize in a conversation with “T” that I can’t stop talking to him because I want to learn to handle this emotion in myself. The conversations became opportunity.

“T” is a compulsive liar. He can’t help himself. I am not a person to make that statement lightly, however, after living with a man that was not a liar whatsoever, and then living with a compulsive one, I’ve come to know the difference, and, actually understand, in a twisted sort of way, how it works.

Why would I care to talk with his guy?  Remember, the conversations have now become practice for me. It doesn’t matter what he tells me, or how he might be playing me, or how he lies or doesn’t. It’s all about me and being willing to define and, basically, use a choke collar on him. (Figuratively, of course as I haven’t – and most likely won’t – ever meet him.) And not even from a Domme viewpoint – just from a general person viewpoint. I’m not taking him on as my sub however… I do see how utilizing my training both with Fifi and with my Domme viewpoint (I think with the whole being, and not just with sex or role play) comes to play. 

AND… remember I said today was a day of triumphs?  Yeah … well … I just fricking LOVE how I view D/s as something that is a constant wave through each and every “relationship”, each and every “conversation” because that viewpoint has me see how I get to use all of this knowledge in general-everyday life.  Late in the afternoon a customer called in at work. One we all know as being difficult. During the conversation I realized he just really needed me to take control. So I did. I guided him through the conversation, giving him plenty of leash and allowing him to pull/pinch himself, until he came out the other end proud/happy of the interaction we had. It was pure art. I couldn’t have done that last week (and in fact, didn’t, as I did have a conversation with him that DIDN’T go well a week ago.) I now have a new relationship with this customer … and I have a feeling he will start asking to speak with me, just a hunch *wink*

Anyway, those of you that know me, I hope, realize that I don’t write all of this; I don’t say all of this; because it’s really just all about me. I say all of this with the hope that anyone/someone/you reading it will find something in it for yourself. Something you can take out into your real/general/everyday/work-a-day world … to make your world/our world a better place. THAT is my legacy. THAT is who I am and THAT is what I live for. THAT is why I love being honored and put into a position as a Dominant, one who can give another those boundaries, that figurative pinch collar, and assist them in showing off being the proud, beautiful and intelligent being that they are in such a way that they raise others to greatness in the process.

*phew* I think a lot of myself, don’t I?  (ROFL) … damn good thing I know I’m very human and far from perfect.


9/12/2013 3:59:06 PM

I wish I could give the following information to every woman and man having trouble in a relationship. (It's a small part of the article ... the link to the full article is here: http://denyingthumper.com/2013/09/12/temporary-insanity/

.

Temporary insanity (by thumper on September 12, 2013)

Denial does some crazy shit to your head. At least, I find myself thinking and feeling things I doubt I’d have ever felt or thought back when I was having orgasms on a regular basis.

First example. The other morning, Belle and I were having sex. Which is to say, the penis was pushing with all its might against the Jail Bird’s bars while I fingered her and sucked her tits, etc. There was a hope she’d let me out and fuck me, but it wasn’t looking too good in that regard and she had already come so I figured my window had closed. But, the key-like thing was unexpectedly produced and the Jail Bird was off (grudgingly, as the penis was nearly totally hard at the time) and I was on top of her and ready to go.

And at the very moment of penetration, the most remarkable sensation of gratitude came over me. Literally in a cool wave I felt from head to toe the second the tip of the penis felt the hot, wet confines of Belle’s snatch. There was a time in the less than great days of our relationship where I felt resentment at Belle for not having sex with me. I felt entitled and it made me angry at her for not letting it happen. Of course, there were a lot of other things going on back then, but I felt a real sense of injustice at the fact that she had all the power in that regard.

Now, it’s all been turned on its head. Of course, she still has all the power over sex. When, how, what. And now I fucking love it. The difference is, obviously, it’s a consensual thing. I’ve willingly given up any claim or entitlement as her husband and have embraced what I think is her natural right to manage our sex life as she sees fit (even with my suggestions or input, she makes all the final decisions).

And that feeling when I entered her. That feeling of pure blue gratitude that she’d let me do it. That she was willing to indulge my desire for it solely for its own sake. It made me so happy. It made me feel so cared for and loved. It wasn’t a new sensation, to be sure. I’ve felt that way before, but not often so sharply and acutely. It was remarkable.


9/7/2013 12:28:22 PM

This article is written for anyone denoting themselves as submissive, especially one potentially/possibly seeking to be mine.

Remember when you learned to ride a bicycle?  You had to learn something called "balance." Balance isn't something someone can teach you, it's not something that someone can tell you about. You have to experience balance to really know what it is.

Before you learned balance you "played at it" ... maybe at 1 or 2 your sat on a rocking horse, or had a bike that Mom pushed from the back. Maybe then you went to a Big Wheel, one BIG wheel in the front and two smaller ones at back. You got the feel for what the freedom on a two-wheeled bike might feel like. Then maybe you went to a bike with training wheels - and then ... you took the plunge. (For my sister it really was a plunge, because she fell off her bike and went straight into the water-filled ditch. Not a happy moment for a young girl all dressed up in her prettiest blue dress on her birthday.) Back to the point... you played until you didn't play anymore. You became a bike rider, you experienced balance. And now, you could play at a whole new level.

I go through this story because I believe submission to be a similar word to "balance." Though I've found that concept difficult to get across to another because balance is pretty obviously something that can't be taught AND something that most of us have experienced. Submission on the other hand, seems a pretty easy concept to understand, doesn't it? 

I've been exploring D/s for just a few years, since 1994ish. I, by no means, consider that I "know it all" or that I even know much as there are many, many experiences I haven't had. I do, however, have a pretty damned good understanding of "being" and "doing." I also understand that how a person is being is what motivates what they do.

When I first started exploring, something I knew about myself was that I truly love cock exploration and I'm very oral, I love exploring a cock and seeing what gets it really hard, what makes it spasm, what makes it relax, all of its little nuances. I love exploring it with my hand, with my mouth, with my eyes, with my tongue...the list goes on and on. However, I was confused. I KNEW that I loved this, however, I didn't see how that worked with me being Dominant. I mean, isn't sucking on a cock a submissive thing to do? Isn't worshipping a cock a submissive thing? (I could probably sum up those questions right there by saying I consider that the one with the teeth closest to the genitals wins, but then that would be too easy.) It took me many years to see the difference between submissively sucking a cock and doing it as a Dominant. And there IS a difference, it is in the context of who I'm being.

This brings me to why I wanted to write about this. I’ve experienced talking with a lot of people on D/s themed social networking sites like this one. And people are at all different levels of their own explorations.

I just had someone message me saying that he was looking for a long term relationship with a Dominant woman, his profile saying he’s 51 and a submissive. After a bit of “typical ‘chat’” back and forth, much of which could have just been copied/pasted from other such “conversations” he’d had, he asked if I might be interested in talking with him further. I agreed and he then proceeded to tell me that if I was interested in chastity that that wouldn’t work for him and if I was not interested in having sex with my cuck/sub then that wouldn’t work for him either. At that point, regardless of my position on either of those things, I responded by telling him that I was mostly interested in someone without a lot of stipulations and I’m guessing that wasn’t him. He responded back, obviously on the defensive, that he wasn’t a doormat sub.

Now, I will admit, this is not all of the conversation AND social media (texting, emailing etc) leaves MUCH to be desired in the way of true communication, and even with those things working against him/us; his way of being certainly came through loud and clear.

His way of being came through loud and clear as a Dominant. He wanted to behave submissively, but in the way that he desired. Though I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that, it just isn’t the definition of submission I’m looking for in a cuck/sub. I have also heard this called topping from the bottom. But hear me … I am NOT saying there is anything wrong with this. Regardless of what he would have been doing in the relationship, he wanted to guide how it was going to go for him. In my opinion, he would do much better to own that he’s a Dominant that wants to have a woman dominate him.

I do understand that this writing would mostly likely “fall on deaf ears” to him because he’s just not into the kind of submission I’m looking for, which is fine too … hopefully someone will find it useful.  J


7/7/2013 7:58:36 AM

I wrote on my left inner arm - at around 2am this morning. "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?"

I LOVE that question. Fact is "fail" is just a word, isn't it. It's just one option. One thought out of an infinity of thoughts or options or possibilities. THAT is a small game. So, I guess one could summarize that failure is a one in an infinity chance. Pretty small odds! "Fail" is relative. It only means what we say it means. For me it is only what I say it is. Consider Thomas Edison's definition of failure.

So I ask again ... what would you do if you knew you couldn't fail.


6/29/2013 11:29:20 PM

I've wanted to figure out what it is I wanted to do, who it is that I want to be to truly make a difference in our world. I get that I've been committed to that however I've been without a concept that encompassed what I was looking for. This documentary gave me direction with logical and scientific foundation. Words were put to concepts that really resonated with me. A shift is in the works, we're definitely in an evolutionary process that is going to shift the way we as a society fundamentally thinks. It's a very cool evolution that I'm happy to get the experience to be a part of. This documentary is deep and rightly so. I'm sure I will watch it over and over again and get more and more out of it each time. My challenge and my commitment is to share it, to be a conduit to those that are searching to make a difference with their time too. A commitment to being a Quantum Activist. What does that really mean? Watch the documentary it was worth every cent and more to me. The Quantum Activist by Amit Goswami, Ph.D.


5/20/2013 9:15:33 AM
Just read www.denyingthumper.com 's newest blog entry ... I am SO in love with that couple. I want that, I want that, I want THAT!

5/17/2013 4:41:18 AM
This video is the greatest. It's about choosing to live life instead of cruising thru it on auto pilot. Amazing ... Anyone who really wants to know me ... Will watch this http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=xmpYnxlEh0c&feature=youtu.be&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxmpYnxlEh0c%26feature%3Dyoutu.be It is a commencement address btw

4/16/2012 6:16:08 AM

Do you REALLY want to make an impression on me?

Fill my life with things I that inspire me or that I love…

Flowers, dragonflies, angels, butterflies, strawberries, tuna fish with onion, sweet pickles & miracle whip. Lipstick you’d love to see on me. Get creative … dragonflies can be seen on stamps (even used ones that are sold in packs on ebay) (did you know I love to collage and choose a stamp as the inspiration to collage around?). Want some other ideas? Talk to me … don’t ask directly, but if you listen close enough you will find all kinds of things that inspire me or that I love.  And, if you get the chance to come to my apartment, look around … listen to what I talk about.  One guy brought a bottle of white wine in a bottle shaped like a cat … it was totally unexpected and he made a seriously good impression. J

(Warning: do not do any of these things if you’re not serious in some way, because you WILL get my attention. And, while this might sound contradictory to what I just said, (consider that it isn’t):  The most important part of doing any of these things is doing it ONLY because you want to, as opposed to doing it “in order to” ie: in order to get in my pants or in order to become my favorite. Also note … this applies to most women, not just me.)


3/18/2012 3:41:59 PM
I love living in the moment, its not always the most pleasurable emotions but at least I have no regrets for giving life all I can.

2/17/2012 2:24:43 PM

My answer to the question: "Can you tell me a few things that a cuckold should do in a relationship?  ...

Number one ... ALWAYS respect your Mistress ... especially when she's done something "human" and messed up somehow.

Learn her ... never stop learning her ... never assume you know her fully, there is ALWAYS something new to learn.

Be blessed by the fact that it may seem you will never do anything "right". Enjoy your punishments ... mental, physical, emotional.

Have courage, think for yourself, step into the unknown ... enjoy the journey instead of focusing on some destination.

Everyone is different, though ... my answers will be completely different than another Cuckoldress.


2/3/2012 3:34:41 PM

The following journal entry was written more for future reference for anyone interested in applying to be in my life for any length of time rather than just "general public" but *shrugs* this seemed as good a place as any to park it :D ... if you read it and find value in it, great.

Personal integrity – honoring your word as if it matters … which it DOES!

Do what you say you will do, by the time you say you will do it. (fulfill your promise)

If you figure out that you won’t be able to do what you said you would do by when you said you would do it (You won’t be able to fulfill your promise for whatever reason)… contact the person you had made the promise to AS SOON AS POSSIBLE (BEFORE) and a) make a new promise (and make SURE you’ll be able to keep it) and confirm that this new promise is acceptable; or  b) be honest and say you’re not going to do what you said you’d do and take whatever communication needs to be said from the other person.

How to handle a broken promise:

What is a broken promise: not doing something you said you would do by the time you said you would do it … and not contacting the person beforehand to make a new promise.

Contact the person that you had the promise with. Admit that you know you broke a promise.  Don’t give excuses, reasons or justifications … just be responsible for your inaction. (Giving excuses, reasons or justifications just adds fuel to the fire. It’s human nature to do it…but just don’t.)   Gain permission to offer a new promise. Offer the new promise that you are definitely going to keep … or … tell them you just are not committed to the promise and you’re not going to do it and listen to whatever communication they have to give.

If we’re talking and I end up having to have a conversation with you about personal integrity … you know you’ve hit a new level with me. If I don’t care whether you honor your word or not; I have no vested interest in you.

Is the best thing to do not to make promises? Yeah, um, no. The best thing to do is to make LOTS of promises and really learn how to clean them up. Imagine if everyone in your life did this with you. Imagine knowing someone where when they made a promise to you, you KNEW and could COUNT ON that it would get done, on time or before … and if it wasn’t possible to happen that way, they would tell you.

THIS is how I train someone I want in my life.


1/22/2012 1:44:51 PM

Seems to be a day of inspiration! ... a little more insight into me...

So, here's how I like to operate in life in general ... and especially when it comes to play...

Have you ever read anything by Napolean Hill? "Think and Grow Rich" was his most famous book ... but the one that captured my attention was the first chapter of "The Laws of Success" ... look him up on Wikipedia right now and read the first few paragraphs about him.

"The Laws of Success" was written based on the 13 laws that he found that the successful men that he studied followed. In the first chapter he discusses one thing that completely set them apart, something they all used and operated with. The best way to describe it is this... it's a wave length. It's a wave length that we as humans have basically lost the ability to perceive tho it is definitely there. It's not that it's not possible to perceive it ... with time and practice ... it CAN be perceived...just we don't have the inate ability. like cats can see wave lengths we can't and dogs can hear them this is just another example of that. Consider that we, as spiritual beings are a wave length. When we come together there is another wave created, something that's not possible with only the individuals - it takes two or more to happen and it's unique to that relationship and that time period. It's THAT wave length that I like to "focus" and "hone in" on. I put that in quotes on purpose ... I put that in quotes because I don't DO anything differently - it's just a focus or an intention that I have ... who I am, what I operate knowing. An example of it in action is: have you ever been talking with someone and then what you were thinking came out of their mouth? Or the opposite... had a thought, said it and the person you're with says " I was just thinking that!" ... most have had that happen often ... those are examples of that wave in practice. So... when I think something that I normally wouldn't think ... or am inspired to write something that just seeminly *pops up* to me ... I know that is most likely inspired as a result of the combination of the wave lengths.


1/22/2012 11:17:55 AM

The question asked of me:

Please tell me about your desires to cuckold a slave. What is his involvement in your activities? Do you use chastity? Must he be present and perhaps clean up?

If you're just speaking to my activities as sex you're missing the boat. So many men focus on the sexual or sexual denial parts when trying to talk to a cuckoldress about the lifestyle. Do you have any idea how disrespectful that is? Typical boy. Looks like I have my newest journal entry.

I have desires to cuckold, yes. However, my definition of a slave is the lowest form of life not someone I truly care about ... not someone I love with all my heart and soul enough to put my sexual needs out of the picture so as ...

Well, let me describe it this way... (realizing that I am not currently married... this is still my viewpoint)

My husband is a very handsome man, I'm very proud of him, he's beautiful actually. So beautiful that even when I put him in women's clothing women envy me for having him. He is extremely attentive to me and does everything to make me happy ... is a domestic Goddess, has a great job which supports us well but does not take him away from me too much and makes me feel safe and secure. However, he is not well endowed. I take pity on him tho as he is so beautiful and cares for me so well. I put my sexual needs and desires aside, finding them elsewhere knowing he cannot satisfy me that way. I might pretend that it's him that's fucking me while I'm being hammered by someone so I might want to have him close by so I can see his face every now and again... however, I know it's not always easy for him to see me enjoying someone else’s cock. So I help him out by perhaps tying him in the chair in full view ... or tying him to the bed and using him as my mattress. I don't want him to feel left out. I also don't want him to have to feel the pressure of having to perform ... so yes, I have him in chastity. See, I do this all for him, because I love him so much and he takes such good care of me. I'm only thinking of his best interests. Tis very unselfish of me, don't you think?

In my world in order to access the realm that I seek I have to have a key and he is it. He unlocks that world for me. He is my world. I love him with all my heart and soul - which is huge. I drop my "2D life" to train him in the 3D world created with us together. I'm constantly coming up with ways to remind him of how much I love him ... of how much I care for him ... things like having him shave his legs and wear nylons and panties under his work clothes; having him wear a chastity device so he's never tempted to think with the little head - it saves his sanity and intelligence as well as remind him that his penis' is mine. I claim it, I own it, I train it ... it's mine. He no longer has to have the responsibility that is associated with it. That is how important he is to me... how much he is loved.

I feel it's important the he know he's the center of my universe, and that I know that he is the key to unlock it ... so that he doesn't worry his little head off wondering if I'm going to end up leaving him for a bigger dick.


1/21/2012 8:02:12 AM

Yep, that's it ... I'm convinced ... men should come with a manual.

Chapter 1: how to tell when he's lying:  (I'm starting to wonder if it's a pretty simple flow chart, actually)  a) has he cum yet? 1. no ... he will say whatever he needs to say to get  off *alert* might be lying 2. yes ... truth comes out.

Chapter 2: how to tell when he's living in a fantasy world or acting out some sort of role play and dragging you into it hook, line and sinker ... 1. (Any help here would be appreciated...!!


1/9/2012 9:44:41 PM

I want to create a realm. I started thinking about this a few days ago. In the Sleeping Beauty series by Anne Rice there is a village where there are different businesses and, obviously, people that live there. Each business is run by a Dom/me and tended to by slaves. The one that has come to mind most recently is the stable. I would think it would be fun to take a ride in a carriage lead by "horses" occasionally. I don't know that I would want to invest the time into the training of them, but I would like to use them occasionally. As such, in the realm I'd like to create there would be a Dom/me that had horse play as their speciality. The horses, dressed in head pieces with feathers that moved in the wind as they pranced. Bits in their mouths, full leather harnesses; their penis' wrapped so they stuck straight out, with a bell attached to the end. Each horse would have a special "tail" made just for them. It would start at the penis and extend around into the anus. The penis side would have a circle that the penis and balls would fit through, the anus side a removeable plug .... the plug, of course, expanding with time. At the end of the plug there would be a tail, long enough to stroke the legs of the horse as he trotted. He would be in specially made boots that had him stand similar to a woman in 4" heels. On the bottom of the boots would be horse shoes.

The horses would be dressed each morning and attended to each evening by a male slave who would be expeceted to award those horses that did well that day with oral ejaculation.

We'd have horse races for fun occasionally. But mainly the horses would be used for transportation around the realm, either transporting people, or goods. The would be bought/sold to the good people of the realm.

I was talking to a lawyer a week or so ago that would have had the means and acreage (and even stables!) that could have made this dream reality. Regardless of how it might come about ... the first step is creating the vision and sharing it with others. I'd love to get your input ... how you could see yourself being used in the realm, or what business you might run ... or what professional role you might hold ie: doctor, dentist, etc... and how you'd see yourself using the slaves in your home and business.

God, wouldn't this just be so much fucking fun?


1/9/2012 6:16:11 PM

Sent to me by a friend ... so I just HAD to share...

Andy Rooney says:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over forty most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over forty will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over forty doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.

A woman over forty knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of forty give a hoot what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

Women over forty are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

A woman over forty has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women. Women over forty couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over forty. They always know.

A woman over forty looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over forty is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over forty for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of forty-plus, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some twenty-two-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free,” here’s an update for you. Now 80 percent of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.


1/7/2012 8:06:09 AM

My answer to someone wanting to capture my attention …

I would venture to bet that most men don't know how to hold my attention, let alone realize that THAT is exactly what they need to do if they have any intention of capturing me (so to speak.) And, I'm guessing that because I just realized it myself. LOL

What it really takes to hold my attention is intelligent thoughts effectively communicated and... and this one is probably a key ... that communication in an abundance enough to make me remember you. This key point is one that I'm sure most men 1) have no idea how to do if they DO realize it's important; 2) don't have the patience/endurance to do; 3) have no idea what "my world" looks like and what they are "competing" against.

Care to step into my world? (that's rhetorical ... I'm putting you there anyway... LOL) Imagine your CM in box with at least 5-6 different new messages a day. By New I mean people you've never heard from before. Add to that continuing conversations from at least 15 sometimes more different people. It's not unusual for me to have 100+ messages a day from continuing conversations and new people ... if I'm on CM that day. If I'm not, which is rare - because I try to keep up with everything - there will be at least 20 or so. Imagine what all that is like to keep up with. The cream has a tendency to rise to the top ... by cream I mean the people that stimulate my mind because of their intelligence and intrigue. So, that gives you a bit of an advantage. The thing you have to overcome is due diligence. Messaging me once in a day is just not enough for me to retain who you are without having to go through our conversation history. Also, I'm actively searching and interviewing for the man that will become my cuck. Those conversations are much more intense, meaning I spend more time with them. This is all just CM related ... add to that other sites like … add to that that when I'm chatting online I'm usually on yahoo and it's not unusual for me to have 3 to 4 conversations going at once. (I'm an attention whore, I love it! LOL) Now... add to all this my life ... I work 10 to 5 usually Mon thru Thur ... and I have several play partners around town.


1/7/2012 7:17:39 AM

Just a note to myself ... viewpoint / world to create ... Mistress of horse farm/stable - Sleeping Beauty trilogy, book 2.


12/31/2011 11:05:38 PM

Had a wonderfully enlightening conversation this evening with subnoh.  It's not always easy to share deep thoughts through messaging, usually so many things are lost in the translation (emotions, nuances and such). (Hence why, for me, trying to build long distance relationships can be difficult.) Subnoh, I give you credit, darlin, for staying in there and really comprehending what I was layin down. Anyway, I raised a couple questions that I'd love to get other's viewpoints on ... whether you are sub, switch or Dom.  Question 1:  If there were no sexual activity what-so-ever ... both Dom/me and sub were fully dressed in non-sexually erotic clothing ... would you be as interested in D/s? (My answer ... hell yes. For me there is SO much available in D/s which can have (wonderful) life-long lasting effects. For example: from one Dom, many years ago, I learned that "confidence is sexy." "No matter what you're wearing, or where you're at," he would tell me, "you walk in that room with full confidence and you WILL turn heads." Then, of course, he made me practice it over and over again. That is one piece of training I will never forget ... plus it's training that I give so it keeps giving over and over ... Neither he nor I will ever have any idea of the number of people's lives we've assisted with that training. THAT is the type of training I throughly get off on. It has me be able to fulfill my goal as a Domme and my general life goal of leaving a legacy. -a good one-) Which brings me to Question 2: keeping in mind that I do understand every Dom/me is different - we all bring different gifts to the table (as does every sub etc) ... In your opinion, what is the overall goal of your Dom/me ... and if you don't have one ... what would you wish their goal to be with respect to you?


12/30/2011 10:17:48 AM

UPDATED!!!  (see below)

 

So I just responded to an message and the question I have is a valid one ... so I decided to post it as a journal entry as well. Anyone who with a viewpoint that cares to respond is welcome.

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Please help me to understand a viewpoint. (and yes, I'm serious about this) I get this a lot and it just doesn't make sense to me. 

Why did you send me a message, saying you're interested in getting to know me, and that you have pics ... without actually sending the pics? 

Is it a matter of you're trying to be respectful ... like not filling up my in box should I decide not to respond? 

Is it a matter of you're just lazy and don't want to go to the trouble of attaching the pics unless I respond? 

It just always makes me wonder when this happens ... (and it happens a lot, obviously). I put pics on my profile on purpose ... I want people to get an idea of what I look like before they message me. I'm not hiding anything. 

I mean, do you honestly believe I'd want to have an indepth conversation with you about being my cuck without seeing who I'm talking to and getting an idea that I would be even somewhat attracted to you?

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I got a LOT of great responses to this journal entry and appreciate all ... however I feel the need to mention the two that made me think the most and actually shifted my viewpoint. They brought to my attention a world that I forget we live in... and it expanded my viewpoint greatly. Thank you "breathlesssub100" for mentioning facial recognition software used by large companies, especially those with products focused on children ... I understand a need to protect children from potential predators. And... thank you "grsubone" for  this ... "the world in general doesn't have a very favorable look at submissive males. Dominant females have been portrayed in TV shows, movies, etc... and are also portrayed as sexy and confident. Submissive males, however, are portrayed almost as someone with some sort of sickness, like there is certainly something wrong with them for feeling that way."  I forget these things. And... I'm very protective of my subs, especially those that are exploring cross dressing and bi worlds. So that really shifted my thinking.  Again... thank you for contributing to my life ... all of you :D


12/14/2011 3:33:12 PM

Pepsi needs to make sexy glasses, then I wouldn't have to drink my Diet Pepsi out of a Coke glass. Just sayin.


12/12/2011 5:06:20 AM
Well apparently there are dual spellings for arithmetic ... according to the mathematician. Who knew. Learn something new every day.

12/11/2011 8:11:28 PM

I stand corrected ... according to a mathematician friend it's not math that I suck at ... but  arithmatic (it's really arithmetic ... apparently he sucks at spelling.)


12/7/2011 2:53:48 PM

STOLEN ... YES, PILFERED from another's profile ... but so befitting it's not my fault, I take no responsibilty ... couldn't be helped.

 Six traits I seek in a prospective partner are, in no particular order: a puckish sense of humor; a boundless thirst for knowledge; a quiet tolerance of human foibles; a commitment to open, honest communication; a deep-seated spirit of adventure; a willingness to investigate new aspects of this lifestyle; and a childlike sense of wonder. Yes, I know that's seven things.

 When asked to describe myself in 3 words ... I reply ... I suck at math.

 

:D


12/5/2011 1:12:07 PM

I’m An Enigma …

When most hear the word Domme they expect a certain demeanor, a certain type of punishment, a certain type of training. I’m different; I very much do not fit into a common Domme box. I’m not even sure I can adequately explain the difference except to say that I am not in this just to scene and move on. If I take on a trainee I seek to assist them to enhance, to transform, to paint the future on a blank slate, to create something new, similar to going from 2D to 3D.

Am I really a Domme in that I could give a shit about protocol? However, I expect and demand respect for myself, for others in the lifestyle and for my trainee’s families. My trainees should expect swift correction should they ever, even accidently, humiliate me in public. They should expect the same should they act in a manner that conveys they are taking me for granted.

I’m definitely dominate and enjoy control and I thoroughly enjoy giving pain and occasionally receiving it. If the type of control I give isn’t the type of control that the sub is expecting, does that make me less dominant?

If a sub considers themselves “trained” we are most likely not a good fit. I believe that the moment I believe I know it all and stop learning is the same moment that I become ignorant. I am not looking for subs/slaves that consider they need no training. I’m looking for people who are a bit restless … seeking some type of fulfillment that they themselves may not know what of. I’m looking for people with a willingness to see different viewpoints, think differently.

I refuse to give orders to absolutely everything. I can’t read minds and I want my trainees to be creative … to think for themselves and surprise me. I want suggestions, I encourage them … whether or not I USE them is completely and totally up to me.

My main goal … to enhance the life of my trainee (which enhances the lives of all around them) and thus have my own life enhanced, that is my legacy.


11/20/2011 5:08:15 PM

*rant*

 

*frustrated*

 

done.

 

moving on ...

 

refusing to allow crap to rule


10/17/2011 6:53:42 PM

Dear Diary,

La la la la laaaaaaaaaa, tra la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaa, La la la la laaaaaaaaa la la a a la la.

The more people I "meet" the more I love my cat. He loves to snuggle. He kneeds me. He's soft and fluffy. Sometimes at night he pets my face. Unconditional love without expecting anything except food, water, box cleaned and petted now and again.


9/25/2011 2:12:03 PM

Dear Diary ... thank you to (he knows who he is) for the ability to steal some great words/ideas/sentences from his profile. He put into words that which I have been having trouble describing. So now my profile is updated once again. :D  Have to put this in here as well ... to remind myself ... today mom calls and says, "I was feeling sorry for myself and so I thought, I will call Caryn (yes, that is my real name) she always has a positive outlook on things." That was one of the nicest compliments anyone could give me. I love being the person someone can come to (and in this case the someone one is a very important someone in my life) when they WANT to and are WILLING to shift their viewpoint from one of feeling sad or like a victim or sorry for themselves into something positive. (Note: I am willing to listen to the saddest story in the world or assist/coach the person IF AND ONLY IF the person telling it is willing to consider something positive from it. I'm not here to listen to sad stories and let the person wallow in it ... if you want to be sad about something, be sad, there is nothing wrong with that, just don't tell me about it when you just want to be sad and stuck in your wallowing.)  

 Here's an example of how I did it for myself today (it's a brain muscle I have to work all the time...it's not something that always comes easy, but it's damned sure worth it) ... I needed to do laundry ... but I didn't want to. Just felt kind of blah about it. Sure, I could have procrastinated and not done it, but then I knew I would have just felt worse. So I switched up my words. (my words create my world...)  Instead of thinking "I HAVE TO do laundry," I started thinking, "I have an opportunity to do laundry." I started feeling grateful for having the opportunity to do laundry! I started thinking about all the women who have to go to a river with a basket on their head and a board and a rock in hand, beating their clothing to clean them. How lucky am I that I get the opportunity to go to a laundry mat, stick in a few quarters and an hour or so later all my laundry is done for the week. I'm spoiled really. I have water that I know is clean and disease-free easily accessed. It was a completely different way of looking at something and it shifted my attitude about it. I ended up enjoying the time I spent, rather than hating it like a chore, like it was something that was being done TO me and I was such a victim because I had to wash clothes *sigh* (well, ok, so I never thought of it that bad, but you get the idea, lol)

I love having the opportunity to give this kind of idea to someone else who's reading this journal entry ... someone who's willing to try it even once for themselves ... and make their life happier for an hour. THAT'S the kind of person I am. THAT'S the kind of Domme I am. I would love to have the opportunity to train a willing submissive / cuck not only to be my "perfect" (whatever that is!) partner, but also to have that individual (who will already be living a great life...) to powerfully live a life they love inside of who they are and who they seek to be for others.


9/11/2011 7:21:12 PM

Dear Diary, the last week has been interesting to say the least. Time to change the profile. I am most certainly not sub. If I take on submissive characteristics but that is just that. I have no desire to submit and I can't stand receiving humiliation. Guess "switch" is now off the table. I am who I am. I'm not like any other Domme, we are all unique.  Though I'm much more of a Cuckoldress, or should I say, desire to be.  It takes an equal amount of give and take on both parts for a relationship to work. Too much give on my part gets old quickly.


9/2/2011 4:11:02 PM

Dear Diary, in the last two weeks I've finished my divorce, moved from Kansas, recovered quickly after getting denied entry into Canada, gotten an apartment, gotten a job, set up a bank account, change my own shower head, added oil and coolant to my truck, saw a couple ol flames, aced a job interview (then turned down the job) ... basically I'm damned proud of my accomplishments. Life is interesting, if nothing else, lol!


8/19/2011 7:33:48 AM

Dear Diary: WOO HOO!! It's moving day!!! 18 hour journey to Michigan, a stop over then the little trek to Toronto. So excited I can hardly contain myself. Look out Toronto, lol.


8/8/2011 1:16:47 PM

Dear diary: 11 days left before I leave Kansas and head for Toronto. It's been quite a journey so far and yet it hasn't even begun.  I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself. It's hard to imagine what this dream life is going to look like.


7/22/2011 1:43:14 AM
Dear journal ... everything is progressing along well. Less than one month left before mr. Kitty and I head off to the great white north and onto the next stage of fun/play with our lives.

7/12/2011 3:04:47 AM
mom used to say, "this is going to hurt me more than you," right before I got a spanking or some sort of punishment. While I've never had children besides assisting to raise my brother and sister ... I do know I hate having to deliver punishment because I just have a feeling it is much harder on me. Besides being denied my favorite being ... ugh... there is a whole gammit of mental crap I put myself through. Being a domme is not always a piece of cake.

6/29/2011 9:22:08 PM

Dear Diary ... It's been awhile. Well the Canadian Postal workers finally decided it was ok to deliver my chastity devices to the cuck and so went back to work. He got them yesterday ...hehehe... yes, I'm definitely discovering more of my inner sadist. Met with an awesome sub today. Just gotta love a good pair of balls sticking out of a nice 'n tight pair of pantyhose. Rubbing my nyloned feet all over is body was such a turn on ... especially as he lay on the floor, just moaning and begging for my phalanges to be rubbed against his cheeks and put between his lips. Met me at the door just as I wished, nylons and nothing else (except for 3 very beautiful long-stemmed red roses. *sigh* I love flowers.) Thank you, dear w, for such an intense and thoroughly enjoyable time.


6/23/2011 4:52:15 AM

Dear Diary, I'm tired.


6/20/2011 7:16:07 AM

Dear Diary, we need a cure for the Canadian postal strike. Oh and a time machine would be great too.


6/16/2011 8:07:25 AM

Dear Diary, OMG, I can't believe I missed putting in an entry on a historic day (yesterday) LOL ... The paperwork has gone to the county clerk's office ... the official date to see the judge is August 19th. Not exactly as soon as I'd like it but given that it's been 8 years since hubby and I split up ... what's a few more days, eh? Though there are many things to accomplish between then and now it feels like I have a lifetime before it happens.  On a side (and totally different) note: I finally dyed my hair again today ... it's really black. Tomorrow or the next day will bring the raspberry red highlights near my face. I'm debating whether I'll bleach it first and make it reeeeally raspberry or make it more subtle. Most likely I'll be bold, it suits my personality.  Hmmm... talking about divorce right next to dying my hair, LOL ... wonder what that says about me. (Feel free to comment, lol)


6/14/2011 2:58:06 PM

Dear Diary, I'm feeling like one POWERFUL bitch! LOL ... I suppose filing for a divorce yourself can create that kind of effect. I'm SO close ... tomorrow the paperwork will go to the county clerks office. Then a mandatory 60 day wait for the court date. *patience*  After 8 years of not completing this marriage cycle and the hubby and I being on great terms just not compatible anymore ... this adventure has been therapeutic to say the least.


6/12/2011 8:42:41 AM

Dear Diary,  had some fucking awesome sex last night and this morning. I think I might even have a bruise on the top of my head from hitting it into the wall, lol. Might have claw marks on my ass too. Oh, and I'm sure I will be feeling it on the inside of my pussy later. *Alas* no pictures taken. *deep sigh* What I wouldn't have given to have a pic taken when I was on all fours and he had his left leg wrapped around mine; his cock buried so deep into me I could feel his balls slapping against my clit; my head smashed into the wall helping to push back into him. Either then or when he had his finger nails buried into my ass, pulling my hair/head back; his cock just slam fucking me.  Yeah, I could handle that 3-4 times a day for days on end.  :::can't wait to be in Toronto!:::


6/10/2011 11:26:48 AM
Wow, life in the fast lane! Kinda feels like I'm driving my favorite porsche on the autobaun. Living life is so damned fun when things are right and any resistance that could be there is either just not present or melts away quickly. Its also frickin fun when I'm living by instinct (heart) tempered ever so slightly by brain (logic) rather than the other way around. I feel like i just got out of a pool of caramel and stepped onto hugenormous ski slope, I'm in total control, feeling he wind in my face and doing an occasional triple back flip with a twist and STICKING the landing everytime!

6/9/2011 5:19:46 AM

I always feel like I should put something really profound here ... but, fuck it. Life is pretty simple and straightforward right now ... though anyone on the outside looking in might say, "WTF?"  I know where I'm heading. I know the life I desire to lead. I have a partner that is in-sync with me. I consider myself extremely lucky. He will be locked in my cage next week. His short leash will follow within a few days. Guess I need to start thinking of the tattoo I will have placed on his body as a forever reminder of my never-ending love for him and our committment to our lifestyle. Hmmm... or should it be a brand. :D something to ponder.

 Steve, my cuck, I adore you and am committed to creating an amazing life with you for the rest of my days. Thank you for your love.


6/6/2011 5:02:06 AM

I have to be the luckiest woman on earth.  It really is just that simple.


6/5/2011 9:15:53 AM
Its amazing how quick the mind can jump to conclusions, wrong ones mind you, resulting in hurt feelings. What a waste of time. This journal entry is a reminder to myself to just relax. We'll see how good of a reminder it is, lol! Kity...be adventureous, be courageous, be an explorer, be a discoverer and be fun. Enjoy your life~remember you create it. Create a life you love and live it powerfully.

6/3/2011 5:07:57 AM

Yep, it's Official... guess I could never be accused of being too conservative. Oh, what the hell, I only have one life to live in this body, might as well live a created life that I LOVE! Nothing like having a partner to create with that adores me almost as much as I adore him. (I can already hear him scoffing at that last statement, lol) {#}


6/2/2011 5:19:52 PM

*snap* *pop*

 

Yep, that's what happens in my life when something is reeeeeeeeeally right. The universe aligns or is that bows? lol


6/2/2011 1:29:29 AM
Hmmm today is my 27th anniversary and the same day I filled out my preliminary divorce papers. Lol there is just something very ironic about that. I'm not one of those "get him for all he's worth" kinda gals though. His friendship is more important to me than any amount of money I could get from him. Imagine what the world would be like if all dissolutions of marriage were this sane. No lawyer necessary here :)

5/31/2011 3:05:35 AM
He constantly amazes me. He's miles, even countries away yet seems to already be able to read my mind. I have to pinch myself. It's hard to believe the universe has brought me (in him) another remarkable gift this lifetime. My cuck, I adore you and can't wait to torture you with my own hands. Such twisted pleasure you are.

5/27/2011 11:50:15 PM
Yep, looks like a relocation to toronto is (could be? So as not to jinx it) in my not so distant future. I just asked mr kitty and he purred that he wouldn't mind being a canadian cat as long as he's with me. Just purchased a couple of chastity devices for my cuck. No baby, its not just a good mind fuck :) the boxes are on their way.

5/27/2011 5:26:48 AM

Dammit, I wish cock cages weren't so frickin expensive! There are 5-6 kinds I want to try. Tho I think I'm leaning towards metal, it's just much more attractive to me.


5/26/2011 4:50:31 AM

All we really have is our word. Today's society has given into the fact that most people don't live up to what they say. I don't live that way. If you give me your word, I expect it to be followed out ... or ... to be told that it's not going to be followed out as soon as you know it's not going to be with a result ie: either you'll do it at another date, or you're not going to do it and take the consequences. I don't expect anyone to be perfect, God knows I'm not. Just honor your word, it's a simple request ...


5/25/2011 4:26:05 PM

yep, it's chosen ... there is no other alternative for me for a long term 24/7 relationship than a cuck.  That is what I seek.


5/22/2011 4:29:55 PM

There is almost no bigger turn on than intellectual conversation. (I said almost)


5/19/2011 6:05:35 PM

Is he really out there? The man who could kiss my feet, sit in the closet listening to other men take me and still, upon command, spank my ass when I needed and wanted it? Could he also LIVE with me and love me adoringly for all who I am and for all who I am not? I would clean house on a regular basis for someone like that (LOL) ... tho I'm sure it would please him more if he were allowed to do it for me. I'm sure there IS a man out there longing to experience the same as I. A man who would compliment my kinks and whom I could explore further with ... enjoying all life had to offer. I am definitely looking ...


4/7/2010 4:49:27 AM
My likes/dislikes now reflect my opinion solely as a Dominate...per suggestion

4/1/2010 12:00:34 PM
There is so much to be learned. I'm constantly finding things in life that I didn't know I didn't know and then have to remind myself that I am not "bad" for not knowing. What is this human obsession to know all or to fear that which is unknown? I don't know...but lord knows I experience it.

3/26/2010 5:21:33 PM
Be creative, invent a perversion.

3/23/2010 5:43:36 AM
Words I live by ...
Life could be lived as a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely, in an attractive, well-preserved body OR Skidding in Sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other; body thouroughly used up; totally worn out while Screaming, "WOO HOO! What a Ride!"

3/19/2010 5:24:23 AM
*sigh*

3/18/2010 4:50:58 AM
So my coworker says today, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me" and then added a little eyebrow raise. I responded promptly with, "tease." He just giggled. This is the same guy that wore green toe nail polish today for St. Patties Day. He also told me that he "rocks" a dress. I'm sure you can just imagine where my lil cross-dressing fetish mind goes with comments like that!

3/17/2010 5:08:36 AM
I am constantly amazed at the quality of people that I meet in the lifestyle. I've found most to be extremely intelligent and creative. Plus there is such a wide variety of kink, if I ever got bored it would most definitely be my own fault. lol

3/13/2010 8:55:52 PM
I'm nibbling/biting on his ear; pulling his hair and grabbing my possessions. His moaning and body movements fuel my fire. A fire that rages on the more I nibble/pull/grab, the more he moans, the more he moves, the more the fire is fueled. It rages on. Even now as I recount just a few of the many moments my face is red and my heart pounds ... let alone what happens below ...   

3/10/2010 4:55:23 AM

Life sure can have some amazing ups and downs, can't it?  I went to my first munch last week, met some amazing people that I can't wait to get to know more. Found out I (most likely) will not be able to attend an event I really wanted to attend ... a little bit of a downer, but tis ok as there will be more events of it's kind in the future, if I am accepted into the group.  Found Collarme and and now the kink connections in my local area continues to grow! (Can you say WOO HOO! ?)  I shared at work with a few close workmates what I'm into and now they look at me with admiration and request advice! And about the time I think life can't get much better than this I discover an old friend from college on facebook. Someone I've been searching for for over 15 years. The first person to introduce me to "The Story of O". I had no clue back 25 years ago tho, lol. I can't wait to fill her in on EVERYTHING I'm up to.  


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hellokitty94
 
 Age: 25
 Paris, France