wwow so it has been a long time since i have written i felt compelled to write because i just lost another close friend. he was in an accident last sunday i was with him sat night and prolly couldve prevented it. I shouldve listened to him and not gone i shouldve answered the phone afterwards im sooo sorry Mikee you gave me two chances to back out and i didnt.  he was in a coma all week and we finally decided to pull the plug due to severe brain damage that he wouldnt want to have someone wipin his ass for him I think that was the toughest decision i have ever been faced with. Its hard to comprehend that the morning still comes. The earth doesnt stop. Im soooo tore up about this i think im emotionally drained. I feel that it couldve shouldve been prevented god dammit ! im sooo sorry. I love you !! you were such a blast to be around. And such a kind soul! You will be incredibly missed  Take care of Misty up there will ya? LOVE YA !!

Got back from Denver gawd its hard to come back to reality. went to the coffin races they had tricked out hearsts. what a blast !! i want to go next year and do the ghost tour. the halloween party was funner than ever actually met a ton of people i havent met before and met old friends again. i sooo want to move there. if the economy wasnt so bad i think i would. actually met some fine ass women as well i think im in the wrong state this state is lame people are snooty and unfriendly and am sooo sick of the lame laws here . we are sooo far out there from other states it sucks. i think colorado would be much better than nevada sorry mom . haha

Alrighty !! its that time again im sooo stoked goin to denver for halloween party !! Im takin my sidekick chantelle along. Its gonna be a blast she hasnt flown since she was 18yrs old. So this ought to be interesting to say the least. The damn hotel rooms are pricey though ugh. I heard its going to be a big one this year I cant wait!!

soooooooo i gotta post another thing in my  journal cuz some people dont seem to get it. PEOPLE THAT ARENT LOCAL PLEASE DONT BOTHER!!! Im happy where Im at so if ya wanna come see me or move here be my guest.

well i never did get to go out on thursday bummer! oho well , on  with searching again. Went to the Reverend show on friday that totally rocked I got pics with me and the bass player. I also got pics of me and Nashville pussy. What a blast. I also lost my wallet that night I dunno how i managed to do that. Gawd pissed me off. And for that lame individual that keeps goin off on me grow up!! Get a grip and quit emailing me. The earth doesnt revolve around you. You already had the last word now get lost. Im done with wasting my time on people that dont have a clue or know me and who thinks they can judge me and say hurtful things your just wasting your precious time.. Go bitch at someone else. 

went to a big salt lake party this weekend. I had to play tour guide for some friends from out of town. whew !! glad thats over with im about beat. The party was awesome. met some new and some old friends, and it was surprisingly a big turn out. although for some reason lots left kinda early. Not me though, i pretty much closed it down. Saw a fine one i kinda had been talkin to before, he was at last weekends party with all the swingers and couples. i had to ask him if he was one of them, beings how he was there with them. He said he wasnt but dayum what  a fine one! when i was talking to him a bunch of chics came up and was like talkin to me like i was their best friend, and to intro him to them. kinda funny i think he noticed that and  he got the hell out of there quick. i dont blame him. when i got home  i got a a suprise he left me a nice email sayin how great it was to see me  and all this. hubba hubba !! I wrote him back and thanked him
        I cant wait til thurs im going to hang out with someone i totally dig alot. Hes sooo much fun and not to mention what a babe omg!! I cant wait to be his toy!! and serve him and please him in anyway i can. I just hope all goes well this week. And i wish he lived closer. *sighs* im grateful he even acknowledges me. I know a gal that knows him too and lives closer than i do. just to see what she had to say. She was all over that. She wants him. Little that she knows ive gone out with him. But still the thought of someone else serving him kinda bugs me cuz i believe i am best for him. But ill let him be the judge of that. Im just grateful to even know someone as kind , cool , and fine as he.

I wish people would think before they do. Or atleast are sure of things before they jump. I know what i want. And expect people to know what they want.

Finally had a good weekend. Geeesh took long enough to get a good one but finally!! btw just wanted to say spit here!!!! ;)

And the answer to your question is yes I did call you a goon!! ha!

well here I am new year and still not a damn thing. I think I need to move, the action here sucks for some reason.  Or maybe its the goons i chose to be with or in this case the goons i chose to be without. I do have a couple of prospects in mind though we will see.

 last night a dear friend , a lover passed away but before he did he  called to tell me good bye he was In Iraq and got hit by a road side bomb.they had him pretty morphined up i could barely understand him i still am tryin to sort it all out in my head ...... But He called me to tell ME  that he fought for us he fought for his country, for me and for my family to protect us. And to tell me he loved me. he kept appologizing to me And he told me to find someone alot like him someone to respect me, thats kind , and loving.And kept sayin to remember him.  One that will love  me for me and to not put up with anything less.Im just blown away by this cant quite figure out why me? dont call to tell me good bye i wont hear of it !!!  and to call me to tell me in his dying breath that he loved me.and sorry for giving up?
 god dammt! how could you??  fuck!!  Rob why the fuck did you just give up???Why did you leave us?? Damn you!! Im sooooo pissed at you. I told you to come home!! and to come home alive So That you would be home and safe! so we could go ski and go to the keys. How could you?? damn you !!! i will pray for you 

Btw you are still my berry berry breastest friend!! muah's

Had a better weekend than last. I like weekends like that. I finally got to meet someone that ive been chatting with forever. Neither of us had the time.Or just scheduling conflicts etc. But we went out on Thurs and on saturday. couldnt believe how good lookin he was actually someone closer to my age infact hes the same age as my late husband they even went to the same high school whats the chances of that?? and he knows what he wants. we got along really well but then again i get along with everybody most of the time. I dunno yet if he is gonna be that dom im lookin for I have yet to experience that with him. Although I do know what hes into and what he likes we seem to have alot of the same interests. Hes got a son too so we will see i guess. Im just gonna take easy n not rush anything. Im not in a hurry.  He said something about goin to a hockey game on wed. so we will see what happens there. Hes pretty upfront and does what he says hes gonna do. Whew! thats actually a breath of fresh air in my eyes. Its soo awesome to totally knows how to make ya feel good both nights he kept sayin wow gawd your hot or wow damn your sexy . just luv that.

Please forgive me it wasnt directed toward you only towards the youngens that are married. and those that want to play the game. Your my breast friend and dont want to lose you to something as foolish as me writing in my journal about that . it wasnt my intent  to disrepect you or to forget my place with you.Your good to me and i look up to you for that. just know I love you n dont want you upset with me for somethin that i regretfully posted. please let me fix this it wont happen again .

please send a bish in my general direction