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Marieclarise

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Owned.

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6/5/2016 8:40:40 AM
Sometimes only pain can heal....

4/30/2015 4:12:45 PM
When I met Master I was 30 some odd pounds heavier. Thanks to his persistence and belief in me I have lost it all and gained more confidence! Thank you daddy for pushing me. I love you...

4/27/2015 10:55:08 AM
I would like nothing more than to stretch out naked on his bed. Twist and turn my body jutting my breasts out. I feel full and free with eyes on me, watching me. Calculating his next move. Standing over me. Dick out, hard in his hand. I want no sheets. Nothing to cover us. Just his dark skin on mine. Fuckin my body hard. Damaging my system. Then, switching to full body contact. Rubbing and holding me. I want it all. I want something new. A well thought out plan. A means of torture.

4/25/2015 4:30:17 PM
She seems She doesn't feel like you or I Like you or I she can't Brick one Just as you give way so freely She keeps to self her hand. Mortor Hand pried open, self exposed A need, a deep demand Brick two A deep demand for suffering Continually the plan. Lay stone Planned out yet intentionally She keeps them all at bay The space spans out eternally An eon in a day. Wall up. Marie Clairise

11/5/2014 3:48:23 PM
Time has passed and Master felt it was time to push. I was resistant. It was far, far out of my comfort zone....

My family is conservative. My grandmother divorced her husband when my mother was young and never remarried or dated again. I believe she gave up sex at that time as well.

My mother and father have separate houses although they are together still. She has not had sex with my father in quite awhile.
I say this to give insight into who I am. I was raised in certain beliefs; sex was for your husband only, good girls do not sleep around, if you do you will be worn out and old. No man wants a town whore with a worn out vagina. Do not under any circumstances have anal sex or you will be damaged. And the list goes on.

Now, I am not as conservative as them. My gram reminds me of that when the mood strikes her. However, many of the sayings I grew up with shaped my ideas of what I could and could not do known by us in the lifestyle as "hard limits."

When I met Master I hadn't swallowed, had anal, or been exposed nor humiliated before. When I say he has been my first in many ways I truly mean it.

I had many hard limits when we met lol. Patiently he opened my eyes to this life, and as I grew more deeply in love with him my desire to please him grew as well. I began to understand my role as his submissive. The need to be fulfilling to him was winning over my fear and sometimes disgust. I became willing...


7/7/2014 3:16:53 PM
I had failed to previse the numerous ways my leave would be met once exiting this coffin. 
As I dug I began to attack each scenario one by one. I knew now that I would make it from this hole. Anything after that was fair game. To say I was afraid was an understatement. I was in a perpetual state of terror. It fed me doubt. Each time I ate from that tree I dug all the much harder.
I estimated two full days and nights. Two full cycles. I was now on the next. It was the third day. Or evening. I would know soon. I planned on getting through the ground on top of me. Once I moved that final fist of dirt the sky would be in my view.
By this time I had both arms out of the box. My face I kept coved partially. I knew If I allowed my face to be uncovered I would smother.

I had pissed repeatedly inside my cell. Shit too. I licked the blood off my elbow as it ran downwards from the wrist. I was so thirsty. Thirst so heavy and solid, extending 

7/6/2014 8:34:23 PM
Words come together, I dare not breathe

Inside me they will stay
Although I want to, I wont say.

Expressionless remaining, no take of leave

Silently I rant I rave
Wanting to so many ways
Let it spill from me It stays contained.

Apply weight I push it down

I go blank, conditioning myself.
Only I and no one else.
Locking up emit no sound.
Natural anesthetic comes readily.
Self defense takes home in me.
No growth takes place so here I stay.
Missed opportunity for I did not say.

I won't say Marie Clairise

7/5/2014 11:55:05 PM
My fingers found the concave spot. It felt rough and I imagined the splintered wood being deeper than it was. I had to continue.
At times I felt fear grip me tightly as if it had actual hands that could close. I would stop and pray. If my captor was able to notice my movements, I thought myself dead. Was he or she for Christ sake near yet? I hadn't heard a motor turn on and make its descent creepy slowly as its lights turned on.
Were there animals with eyes of yellow waiting to gnash on flesh?
I could not waste mind nor moment to entertain these ideas.

I was beginning to take notice of more of my surroundings. And my body itself.
For example, I had no shoes. Was I taken from my home?
But why the dress?

The air was heavy with dust and dirt. I could taste it.
Some type of insect ran over my chin. If it came closer to my lips I decided to eat it.
I remembered some survival reality show where the contestants did so.
Dig.
I hadn't heard any remotely human activity since the burial ceased. I had almost gone insane with that realization.
Dig.
Cool dirt began to trickle in from my effort. I dug now with frenzy.
Pulling as the hole widened. The wood cracked under my effort. My fist could push through now.
Ah I inhaled, not too deep. Only a miniscule amount of airflow increased with the hole. The earth was a burden on my death bed.
Dig.
My arm shot out into the air.
I had a chance now, a chance to escape, remember, survive.

7/1/2014 3:42:49 PM
I was told time is one thing we can not have back.
Time and spoken word. Returning to once before, unhearing what was heard.
Better times, fond memories. I see in my minds eye.
No wings exist to fly me there.

Why so inquisitive if not accepting?
So many questions your unrelenting!
What matters most is here and now. Let it go, the past is gone.
Do you know how?

Time is of the essence.

My heart swells, too big in my chest.
My eyes close, but find no rest.
An emptiness is felt.
A nothingness. A lack luster.
I'm hurt. And pained.
A darkness, a misery pumps through my veins.
Can one accept another for who they truly are?
The mask came off, and there I was.
A pain so real it's felt when I breathe.
At times I shudder. It does not leave.
 He said "come to me." And so I did.
I didn't know what I had to offer...
My head hangs low.

5/7/2014 5:52:34 PM

I have definate thoughts when it comes to my Master. A way that everything that forms him comes together.? It is like mosiac art . He comes to me in pieces. His hands, his lips, his eyes.... He is man to me. The representation of man.

His hands, they are what grab me, smack me, choke me, hold me down.

His lips, they kiss me and lick me. They bite me, suck me, they tell me to close my mouth. Bitch.

His eyes, they are my favorite. They watch me, take me in, roaming. When ours meet I fall apart. A flick of the eye directs me. When pain builds inside of them I freeze. I drip. I want that angony transferred to me. I am an extension of him. I have become an eager student. Yet fearful. An intoxicating mix. Like a drug. It is something that one does not have any idea, cannot form the begining of a thought when it comes to this bond, this need. What is normal for me is not for many. What is good to me may be found sick to others.

I do not see him as a vision when I see him in the mind. I see him in pieces. That add up to the total sum.

When it comes together I see him standing, dick in hand. Looking down at me.

I can say I love it. I can say I love him. It is more than that.

He means so much more.

I question my ability to walk away?

I have always walked away.

If its messy, if its confusing, if it causes pain.

I walk.


5/2/2014 9:25:06 PM
Daddy is here. He just fucked my brains out again. How is it possible? His dick was harder than the last time. I swear you could hear flesh slapping outside. My throat feels raw from his cock hitting it, pushing into the soft Area. He pulled it out and pounded his pussy. Right back into my mouth it went tasting mildly tangy and creamy. I began to protest only to smacked. His beautiful black cock swelled all the more. My smell Fills the room. I drip onto the sheets. I love this feeling. When he feeds my whore. please please daddy fuck me again.

4/12/2014 1:25:56 PM
_Everything_ My thoughts often turn to you Returning. Uncertain why to this they do A yearning? I am not the one that leads The Master But the one whom heart will bleed No power What is exchanged between us two Freely Cannot be touched or put name too Feeling I gave it all, mind body soul My spirit For you to have total control Please hear this To tie, to knot, to whip and chain But not this type, emotional pain. Marieclairise Dedicated to my first in so many ways.... Bull in rage

4/5/2014 10:20:34 PM
I came to my senses slowly. One by one they returned. Sound, sight, and smell. I heard what sounded like rain. Involuntarily my hand shot out in front of my face, and struck wood. I ws encased. It was so dark. The scent of earth was as heavy as my heart. A word jumped out of my memory; just one. Extreme. Terror filled my lungs and escaped as sound. Screams shrill and piercing came from me. And still the rain fell. I was unable to wrap my mind around my plight. Sweat tricked down my back in a tiny rivlet making my ass wet. I made attempt to calm myself. Preserving energy. Thoughts were hard to hold each one slipping away, out of my grasp. Eluding me. To survive I had to remember. A new sound, or lack of made itself known. Silence. And something faint barely audible. I strained to hear it. There it was steady and slow. Panting. Deep breaths that went on forever. Than a clang. One single sound. Something had been dropped.
I recognized it. I had done this before myself. Behind closed eyes I saw snow, thick and white. My hand slipped here in this memory,evoking the same sound. The sound of a shovel being dropped. Metal hitting the ground. I began to wail. A shrill sound, inhumane.
 Time passed. I slept intermittently.
I heard nothing. Solitude. I was alone.
In my small space I began to explore. My fingers ran along the sides of my coffin. Every corner lined up perfectly with the next. The wood seemed smooth and in good condition. The lid did not give. I moved onto my own body.
What clothes did I wear? Seemed to be a dress of some sort, long and form fitting. A belt hugged my waist. A large buckle adorned the clasp. I smiled.
Time was not on my side. I was thirsty and hunger made my ribs meet my spine. Quickly I worked the belt off. In my haste I nicked my finger tip. I could not bring it too my mouth. I began to work. 
 On and on I went. Using the dagger like edge, digging the buckle into the roof. The wood couldn't be that sturdy. I figured that would be a wasted expense.
I was slowing. My breathing was deep. I was lethargic. My breathing was labored.

3/27/2014 9:19:40 PM
She was slick with sweat. Pain does that you see. Her movements were heavy with effort. He had ordered her session cease. It was at an end. In a trance, my eyes locked on her. What Was her name? What had he called her? Hmmm. Trivial. Didn't matter no how. I riveted my gaze towards the wall. A long mirror dominated it. Large and rectangular. I saw myself in it. Dark hair framed my face.I let the instrument fall out of my grasp and hit the floor. My now freed hand grazed my cheek. She was breathing hard. Distracting me. I turned back to her. The welts needed soothing. I asked for salve. He brought it to me. Together we worked. Rubbing her flesh. She warmed to our touch. He was hard. It would be difficult for her to handle him. Raw yet, pain racked through out her body. At this level of arousal it usually took two of us. The chain wrapped around his fist, I heard is scrape the floor as she was pulled into position. I turned my head. Soon skin hit skin. Loudly. Quick thrusts. In black heals I walked to the door and excited the room. marieclairise

2/6/2014 11:31:53 PM
Often so and sometimes knot... I need to find release for me a bubbling boiling pot, Contrasting feelings run through me from frigid straight to hot. Clothes removed fingers trace both full and concave spots, Linguidily discovering I build until I pop. Like phantom limb I feel him here a drug I need to cop, The bond it frays, its weakening mere thought can't make it stop. Too late a heart returns you see often so and sometimes knot... marieclairise

1/7/2014 10:26:36 PM

Let's do something different. 

Ok,  play time. 

 

 

My fingers dipped in and out of her as if oiled.  I took pause to watch the light play off my finger tips, rubbing them together. Her legs were splayed wide open.  He had chained her so. I looked back over my should at Him, He nooded. i raised myself off the floor. She was sobbing. I sighed,  that never stopped Him.  And it wouldn't stop me.  The instruments for tonight's play were laid out one after another, side by side in the order they were to be used. If I chose to stray from the planned event I chose pain. Worse than hers. If I weakened under her pleas i chose no mercy for me. I knew I was next. In what fashion I did not. Was I the clean up crew?  Would He then turn her on me?  I didn't waste time worrying.  

 

She had been here before. I saw her come into our house, his house from my room.  My door was cracked enough for me to see Him walk her in. Now He wanted to see her used by me. 

 

A slim wire was first. A metal hanger previously. I almost felt pity for her. This would surely hurt.  Hurt was not strong enough a word. 

Her eyes widened when I turned to her.  She watched me approaching.  My feet are bare and make no sound. 

The wire was raised, as I brought it down it whistled. 

Instantly a welt appeared. Her thigh quakes. 

I give it to her again. 

She arches.

Music is made. The whistle, the cry. The whistle, the crack. And than,  finally the screams. 

He does not tell me to stop. I do not.  I know better. My own tears blind me.  She blurs before me.  A mix of dark and light. 

 

Part 1

 

 


1/1/2014 6:59:55 PM

I have been freed to again.

You Have been waiting....

 


12/18/2013 9:44:19 PM
My master has restricted my writing.

12/9/2013 8:23:24 PM
Do I lose myself completely? Who am i if I do things I didn't think I ever would of?

12/6/2013 7:31:53 AM
Happy happy birthday to me!

11/22/2013 11:01:03 PM

She is filthy. She cannot see. Water drips nearby. She hears it. She smells it. Her arms have been bound for so long, movement is but a memory. Feeling has long since left her lower extremities. Blood pools under her chin. She wants to cry out. She needs to hear herself. The gag lays but inches from her mouth. Chewed and bloody. Multiple times her lip was bit working that out. The metallic taste still dominates her tongue. 

He is not in this room any longer. His prescense is overwhelming. His stamina unfounded. A fuckin sicko. She chokes, the tears flow. If only this, If only that. If only the dark wasnt so endless. If only she could work her arms up higher. If only she ran.....

Her mind drifts. Did chow-chow eat today? Did he take her during the night? Will Janice call to check why the scheduled payments werent made?  Liquid seeped from her ass hole. She choked.

Click and turn. Key in lock. Light, the smallest of so was seen.


11/19/2013 8:52:04 PM

Multiple times I'm struck. Than nothing, He stops and cares for me. My curiosity is piqued. The strikes resume. Than stop, He provides care. This cycle is repeated endlessly. This is different. I choke back screams. I will myself to be strong this time.  A need to endure. And so I last. He runs His lips over the welts at times, opening His mouth and sucking them. I writhe. It brings new anguish to the tender areas. Than it is back to the strap. Time has passed and I weaken. The yelps escape. My reserve ceases. I cry out now, more like whimper. I ask Him to talk me through it. He tells me to shut the fuck up. I do. He tells me he knows where I am, that it is almost time. I feel Him run His hands down my back as if He is an artist making final adjustments. I hear the belt fall. My body is jerked upright. Things are being moved,I suppose out of His way. I can feel Him in front of me. I'm directed to crawl close. I cannot reach, out I'm yet tied. Inch by inch I move until I meet Him. His eyes are on me. How pitiful I must look. Red and welted, tied so blind inching until contact. His pants are down, cock out. I open my mouth and suck and suck..... I'm writing this from my bed, my Master is not here next to me. When so I'm usually found with my face snuggled closely to His side. So close, as if two were one. I inhale His scent. I listen to Him breathe. I fall into Him. He is my rock. He is strong. I draw from Him. I laugh at His jokes. I talk about everything. We trade stories from our youth. Mostly I like to listen. I love to watch His face, the expressions He makes. One thing is for certain, I will not be the same. I'm no longer my mother's nor my father's. Not my own for that matter. I'm His. Does He know this?

He does.

Marie-Clarise


11/18/2013 8:15:16 PM

 Pt.1

I wanted his hands on me constantly. Roaming, seeking, in perpetual motion. moving over me, ending inside me... Next to him I become alive. Nature takes over, it happens with out thought. Primal. Earlier than time.My hands are drawn to him. They go to work. I feel his erection. My mouth waters. My body vibrates. A need for him is all I can think of. I will take it anyway he will give it, I want it so bad. He continues to pet me. Lazy long strokes over my head down my back. I arch. He is aware. I wait. If it were possible I would fucking purr. And than I hear Him ask for a scarf. His voice does not indicate anything that is to come. The scarf has one purpose. He has a different need for me; cries of another nature.  

I rise to find what is asked of me. The scarf is black. It is not silk although it is delicate.nonetheless. It passes from my hands to his. I turn and kneel. Head downward, I sigh. The blindfold is placed. I have learned to calm myself. I want Him well. At peace. I bring this to him. Serenity. These thoughts keep me sane,  grounded. I'm being tied. Hands, arms. My face is pushed down on to the leather ottoman that I'm draped over. Does he know I cannot breathe like this? I have no safe word. He makes some adjustments. The blind fold joins the constraints that hold my arms, my wrists. This forms a kind of truncate. It hurts, it raises my arms to a more uncomfortable level. I say nothing. It would change nothing. I save my breath. My session begins.

 


11/12/2013 7:22:10 PM


 This is not the love story. 


 He asked about my emotional state.  A state of wellness, of  contentment he sums up in one single word known as "Good." " Are you good?"  he will ask this from time to time.  I have came to the conclusion that this is my opportunity to have His undivided attention. 

I enjoy this. 

He will use me soon. 

I enjoy this.

Inexplicable pleasure radiates throughout me when I have drained Him.  His juice running in rivets from ass and cunt.  None escapes my mouth,  every bit running down my throat.  He doesn't allow me to part my lips until the pulses stop. I take that time to gaze up at Him. 

His is the first, the only. I find myself looking forward to the next. So greedy I am.  I want it everywhere.

He gives it to me until I smell of it. 

I enjoy this.

 

I want something else this time.  In addition of course.  If I'm allowed to say.

It is sinister. He holds back his full sadistic nature. Im just to early on.  This saves me. I want what I am scared of.  Curious to delve deeper.  But how I desire it. Being His fearful whore,

 I enjoy this......



11/11/2013 10:26:04 PM
Women do not form over night. Such a intricate being must be patiently cultivated. She hadn't yet reached puberty. No surge of hormones as of yet, no menstruation. She was a little bird. A vibrant life force. In these early years much of her time was spent some where else than. Always some where else than. In fact that was her absolute favorite place to be. Some where else than where she was. Any place would do. In her room of soft lilac and ruffles. Unicorns and teddys, she dreamed. She flew into space, holding onto rockets with bare hands, landing on red planets with silver rings. She rolled over licorice lawns, tumbling again and again until the spinning in her head threatened to reach her belly. Numerous fantasies played out each one ensuring reality stayed at bay. Coddling her. Keeping her safe. One floor down, one layer of wood and plaster, paint and wiring, nightmares and fear ran rampant. One set of stairs separated her from madness. Deep down, way in the back, in the very core of her The Need lay seething. Coiling and un. Trapped in a baby girl. Isn't that what they called her? Fuckin baby girl. It hated her... Hated her fluffy unicorn. Hated her damn Care bare even the one she called grumpy with the storm clouds embroidered on its chest. It particularly hated her ability to find joy, to play. But how it loved the downstairs. Down below. That's where the magic happened! It delighted in there. The noise, the tears...

11/10/2013 9:56:41 PM

Tonight I fancy a love story. 

 Let it unfold.....

 

She knew from young on that she was not complete. A half of something. A part of a whole. 

The need to be filled, to bond would become the driving force of her existence.  Though not at first.  No, it was not so readily identified. It would disguise itself, the Need.  A shape shifter. The Need was good at that. It would appear one day as a drink the next as new shoes.  It would ravage her for days, to than go dormant for weeks.   It could consume her mind rendering her sleepless nights on end or numb her senses making her appear as in a trance,a stupor. The Need was cunning. Brilliant you might say.  It ensured one thing, It ensured its survival. 

Survive it did.  It flourished. It multiplied.  She was but a girl. Young.  Most days she was confused. She did not understand this longing that filled her. Why baby dolls were not enough. Why play grounds weren't her form of play. Oh no they were not.  Not by a long shot. She wanted more. Needed more. So did this dark force.It needed her to grow.

To become more than what she was.

A woman.....

 Marie- Clarise


11/10/2013 2:03:27 PM

When the body or the mind feels pain that feeling will supersede or over ride all other senses. It  will take precedence over common sense or perceived logic. Poor choices, painful and irrational things may be said to loved ones. I am female; weak, soft and emotional by nature.  Easily upset and hurt. I may  rush to conclusions at times I know. 

 My master is needed to being me back to sanity.


11/7/2013 11:18:13 AM

I  find no release from the mundane that colours my life. It is endless. 

Grey as steel and just as strong I am trapped. Lost,  I search for pieces of me.

Pieces I gave away. I try to unite them with what's left. Attempting to make a whole. My knees are bloody red, my nails torn. I'm in mourning. Black stands of hair cover my face, sticking to skin. Face to the earth I weep. I feel nothing....emptiness. In my darkest hour, the plague of self surrounding me, the grief disfiguring, I stand alone. This hard truth, that my love, my source of pain and pleasure has gone.

 


11/3/2013 8:57:35 PM

Romancing the dead....                                                                                                                                      A soul wonders lost    

and hungers unfed...

 A heart beat stills and endless tears shed.    

Broken she waits for you to come by her side

Minutes crawl bye, hope and dreams die.

Eyelids close a cinema plays

Her head thrown back, she laughs as you gaze. 

Her hand on your arm, and you lean in near. Murmuring things she's needed to hear. 

This scene that sees that plays in her mind. 

It will never be, she will never find. 

a moments happiness real in her head; with a man made of stone I romance the dead.....

marie- clarise


11/2/2013 4:45:11 PM
Here are five of the main ways abandonment shows up in people's lives:1. You look for flaws.?When you find someone who might be a good partner, you start looking for their faults. You look for what's wrong instead of what's right. Nobody ever breaks up with you because you don't give them a chance. You're always the one to?end it

10/31/2013 7:56:28 PM

He wanted to hear another story. Listening while voice was given to soul. Witnessing emotion turned into spoken word. Pain given sound. He waits for her lullabye. I deliver. This slave lies alone. I do not move. But for the shallow rise and fall of my chest I remain stone still. I stay this way. In contrast, my eyes dart back and forth. My heart thuds heavily. Holding my attention. For deeply inside, cradled He lives. If I lie still enough, if I listen closely I hear Him. Commanding me. My fate is His. Yet I disappoint Him. Repetitive mistakes. He questions me. My character. An assest? A liability? I know. And I know nothing. I mean no harm. No harm is ment. Is this enough? When telling Master my intentions were not to deceive. That they could never be to deceive. Is that enough? This bad guy role is exhausting. I am not malicious. Nor sneaky. Under a constant microscope, we all fare the same. Human....


10/28/2013 7:31:40 PM

Everything is heavy right now. I need to make my escape. I'm am panicing, feeling lost. It is what I usually do. I flee. I am shutting down because I am hurt. I'm scared. I want someone to console me so badly. Like a child. I want to cry on His chest. I want to be weak. For once. To draw strength from another. I just want to be... To be protected.  

 

 The future holds much uncertainty. I want the impossiable. Is it unattainable? Is it fartetched; always out of reach? I want to be accepted. Just as I am. To be told that I am just what He needs.... Perfect not, while perfect for Him.

I shouldnt of told Him, I should of told Him.  Back and forth, forth and back it drives me insane. What the fuck. Every time you open yourself to another you risk rejection and trust is a funny thing. We all want to know so much. We want to know everything. I do not like to open myself. Yet I do. For this man I do. Risking everything. Does He not know how much I change for Him? How much I want to? How much thought I give Him? Such a beautiful thing it is when someone sees another as they see themself. Wanting to give only pleasure. To protect that person from harm. I am all things to my love. I will know what is needed when He does not. When the days end has come and He is weary I am here to feed on. I am deep and endless. Poetry in motion. Time can not touch us.

Master and slave.  You are mine and I will not leave you. There is not much you can say girl that would sway me....These words do not leave His lips. They have yet to be formed.

Head in the clouds this foolish girl waits.

 


10/22/2013 10:02:02 AM

I remained positioned as placed. Agape,wide. I was wondering how much I could take? I wanted to be good for Him, to last long. To be His vessel. This was His process. He needed this, I needed it too. His purge. Crack, crack, methodically, almost timed it seemed I was hit. From my shoulder blade to the soles of my feet my skin erupted in fire. I recognized His instrument almost immediately. I thought back to the day it was last used,  remembering what it looked like. It seemed to be something he constructed Himself. It left pink welts that turned into bruises similar to those on fruit that have been mishandled and damaged. It deliveres  the type of pain that makes your body betray movement.  I rocked to my side almost spilling over.  He steadied my body and told me to breathe deeply. 

He pauses now, fingers run along my lips.  One, two, slip inside of me.  He murmurs something about me being wet. I want him to fuck me until He injures my kidneys. He licks me end to end from behind.  I can't take it. I  don't know what to do. I haven't felt this range of physical sensations before. 

Back to my conditioning. He has switched tools to another He fancies. On and on this continues. I ask Him to fuck me. He tells me to shut up.

It hurts. I say so. Im bording on tears now. I am told to go to another place. I try. I cannot. I want to go further. My body cannot.

My wrists are set free. I roll onto my back and spread my legs. He begins sucking, His tongue searching for the tell tale jerk of my legs. I stiffen, He locks in. I walk the tight rope loosing balance. I need something inside of me. I touch His hand. He knows.

Heat erupts,  spreading through out my hips. They begin to rock. I cannot tell what He did in there; which way He curled His finger, was it one or few. I do not know. What I can say for certain is I came. Hard. Loud. I screamed and withdrew my body as if I had been burned.

Quietly we lay looking at each other.

Before the night would end He had taken every hole I had.

He says I am fragile. He moves slow with me. A snails pace He calls it....


10/19/2013 2:23:23 PM

I do not want to cry this time,I say to myself.  Does everytime have to end that way?  Tears dripping wet from my chin? I pray I am stronger now.  My belly quivers and I sigh. 

I am collared and brought back on my knees.  Blind fold in hand he approaches me, that is the last thing I see.  As I write this I stop many times to close my eyes and travel back to that night, to that mind state.  I pause allowing myself to Re visit my emotions. I remember Him asking me if I felt I needed to be debased,  if I felt I needed to be disciplined the day before. I told Him no,I did not. He felt differently.

 He does not speak as He works, but prefers to move about in silence.  I hear the bag unzip and things move about.  I'm worried. He knows this. 

My wrists are taken in His hands and placed behind me. They rest together on my back. He ties them together and guides my face to the floor. I am told to stay that way. I feel my ass spread open wide ass my body adjusts to this new position it has been placed in.  I feel embarrassed and slightly ashamed. I try to close my ass and my vagina with my muscles.  I cannot get them in a less compromising position.  I am open. He can see and touch everything.  Helplessness fills me. Next ankle cuffs are placed.  I hear Him breathing heavily.  I know He will soon begin.  He will exercise His demons, both His and mine.


10/17/2013 9:40:50 PM

Flash back. I am coming up for air, waves breaking around me.  The taste of salt fills my mouth. Yes. I open my eyes and look up at Him. I taste the ocean. It is hot. His cock pulsating, emitting a steam of liquid that is shooting down my throat. His hands lock me into position. I kneel in front of Him. Mouth full I push away. I get nowhere.  He commands me to swollow it all. "Do not spit!" He said,  followed by promises of pain that would follow if I did.  I'm under water again, I can't breath. I swallow.  I'm released. Cool air  rushes in replacing the dank taste that lays heavy on my tongue.

I've pleased Him.  I feel proud. I have done it.  He has given me another first. He stands erect still, in the same place.  I wipe my lips with the back of my hand while bringing my legs under my ass ending up Indian style. 

I watch Him walk over to His utility style bag. A large yellow duffel bag I would describe it as. He shifts gears. It is time for phase II.  My eyes close once again....


10/16/2013 6:36:36 PM

Okay, that wasnt the end.

Rather a new begining.  By now it is known I have a flair for the dramatic. Lol.  My emotions run wild. Quite often they over take me. But that is to be a woman; emotional and fragile creatures we are...

So, our reconciliation.  I itched for Him Sunday of last. He had made contact with me previously on Friday. "Was I happy since I had left ?"  He asked.  Of course not.   I had thought of Him often while we were apart. He had hurt me. I was pained and defensless yet I felt strong in my conviction about needing more from Him. He does not see what I see. It is difficult for Him to bend. He does not bend. He is not one to make exceptions. Unless He deams them necessarly. He runs the show. I understand.

 

I need certain things to allow me, things that encourage me to give. To contine to give. Is that possiable for Him to empathize with? Certain things from Him that facilitate growth. That what was I explained to Him that Sunday. The time comes near when we are deep. We decided not to give up.


10/2/2013 9:36:34 AM

In the end I could not of met that much to Him. He began to treat me like an old girlfriend. He would say He was coming to visit me and than not show. No phone call no nothing. Just empty space. I would wonder how He could do that to me? I was a dedicated slave to Him. And DID HE NOT NEED TO SEE ME? I needed to see Him.

What of His word? That trait that was so dominate, so appealing. That trait that set Him apart from countless other men? The ability to say and follow through with His word. Gone.

I cared for my owner. I desired His happiness above all else. I wanted to be his everything. I waited for Him. Waited many a night. Just to have Him touch me. Leash me. Use me. Beat me.

Whatever He needed.

I remember us laughing. Sharing. Laying side by side. My first.

I can be a lot of things, I can serve, I will put Him first. But when you do not show. When you feel I do not deserve even a phone call, Your actions show me I am not owned. I am not yours. For true ownership entails responsibility. Responsibility to what is yours.

A slave dies, her spirit and lively hood wilt without daily contact from Her owner. He is what keeps her drive.

I am articulate, attractive, devoted, educated, a professional, excellent homemaker. I am an asset.

I am fresh. Easy to mold.....

Oh and I love cum. Love it everywhere on me. Inside. Outside.

I am a submissive woman who will follow. A man who desires to be followed.

 


9/30/2013 5:40:57 PM

I should be clear, these journal entries are not time sensitive. They were entered at my leisure and not immediatedly when they occured.

 

That being said, I am no longer in that commitment. We have parted ways. I will continue to write as my path unfolds. Sometimes heartbreaking and painful other times erotic and dark. I give of myself to these pages.

Marie-Clarise


9/27/2013 6:58:29 PM

He is human as am I. Mistakes will be made. His and mine. We must own them. A month into this, we both continue our intake assessment. My feelers stretch out, picking and probing relentlessly. Trying to make sense of everything. After all this it is a relationship; an agreement of sorts. I see things in this man that I believe will be what I need. Such a delicate balance. The giving and taking, do not want to tip the scale. Admittedly it is always in His favor. If Master is pleased and sated he can than lead the slave. He may then help to fulfill both and enrich our lives.

Does He know than what fills me, Is that of His concern? Is it on His front line? How to ensure His happiness, His contentment is ALWAYS my concern. But does it trickle down to the slave? It should. Ownership and Servitude relationships are great responsibility.

I don't ever want to stop feeling His control. That mandates communication. It is a MUST. I love His heavy hand. I need to know HE NEEDS ME. It is nutrient to my soul It is a job well done on my part. I need to continue to learn Him. I dissect Him. Break Him down. This is my duty. Walls come down brick by brick just as they are laid. I continue to grow with Him hoping His focus on me remains razor sharp.


9/23/2013 6:59:16 PM

I am unknown. I have made entries into this journal, none have given voice to what makes me tick. This one will.

As far back as I can remember I have been in this life. It wasnt by choice. It just was. My father was extremely dominant. He controled the house. My mother was beaten regularly. I saw this. It was normal, it was routine. It was life. He beat her, he also protected her. I never worried about anyone hurting my family. Anyone but my father. I knew he loved her more than anything. He loved her more than I could understand. They were a tragic love story and I was the audiance. My young mind took it all in. I watched, internalized, and formed what would become my life long opinion of what love ment, what a womans role was, and what it ment to be safe.

STRICT AND TOTAL DOMINANCE. And out into the world I went. A beautiful brutal belladonna. Romantic and twisted.

Black eyes are my particular favorite. I feel victimized (love it). I can view it easily (a wonderful visual). And it happens swiftly (pow pow).

Is it easily understood by others how cozy and safe I feel when my mate is breathing down my back, on top of me, demanding this giving instructions on that? I have my role to play and He has his. I truley fluorish in these dire conditions.

I left out few pieces of past sessions. At this present moment I have a burgandy cresent moon above my left eye. A single scratch covered in scab short and thin neighbors the moon. It is sore to the touch. I was given that gift this weekend. Its color is so vibrant. It contrasts nicely with my light skin. Yellow and red. Red and yellow. The hues are Sensuous.

How do my Masters sessions affect me? How does one describe something as rich as this? What does it give me? It fuckin frees me. I am on all fours, chained by the neck, hair wild. I see myself. I am the epitome  of Bitch. It radiates from me. Heat. I dont know if He sees me. Does He know? Is it possiable for Him to understand how I work? And give me what I need? To feed it?

I am pissed at this time. No communication as of yet today. That is the opposite of what I need. It is only one day He will say. I dont give a fuck I will think. I am His. I need His words everyday.

If I didnt, would I really be His?

M.C.


9/22/2013 8:31:52 PM

I knew for certain the next time spent with Him would be of a darker nature.  After all, this is no tale of a lost princess awaiting a kiss. A story of a woman living a life more vanilla than extract. No, this life is estacy and pain. Give and take. Whip and dick. Yes, it is. Join me as the next chapter unfolds....

He came to me early. Earlier than most weekends. He likes to be greeted at the door, kissed and welcomed. That is what I do, that is what pleases Him. My focus is on Him and what is needed from me. He will eat, He will drink, I am to sit with Him as He does so. We eat together most evenings. After, we sit side by side watching a movie I have chosen. He enjoys the movies I choose for us. He wants me by His side close to Him. I want what He does. The night begins innocent enough. It ends much differently.

A change in the air. I feel His mood shift. I am told to change my clothes. I know why. The sound of movement, of rustling bags, and zippers opening reaches me as I undress on the second floor. Should I rush? Do I move slowly? It does not matter. I finish and return to Him. The blind fold will come first. This I know. Once on, my other senses peak. I am collared. Its on too tightly. I cannot bring myself to say a word. I am ordered to stand. I stand and wait.

Rope. Long rope. The kind you cannot get out of. The kind that guarentees cooperation and no movement slides around my neck. He mumbles measurements to Himself. He knots. Its a fuckin noose. Wait. It loops my neck and continues low down my belly. A crack on my thigh and they are pushed open. I stand hip width legs apart as He threads the rope through parted legs. It feels rough on my lips. Between my ass crack, up my back, around my wrists. As he manipulates the ropes, He puts it in elaborate knots. He is into the presentation. 

Once done I imagine what I look like. Like a slut girl. A moment of pleasure before the  panic wells inside of me. Rising, I stifle it back down. Utility style tape coveres my mouth. I hate the tape. Cant say shit. I am placed in a peculiar position. A position of balance. If I tip I choke myself. That becomes my focus. Do. Not. Tip. 

When it is all said and done I will tip. I will crumble to the floor.

"Crack" I feel the first strike. In rapid succession more follow. Before I can recover from the last the next rain down. Shoulder, ass, thigh, hip. I stay strong for all of 20 seconds. It is that rubber flog. Many thin rubber strands. The rubber is pink. A pretty shade for an ugly thing. Again and again I am struck. I scream  begining to fall off the chair. Back up I am put. On my knees I struggle to remain there. Ass out, so open, so ripe for the taking. He spanks me with hand. Jesus. This hurts as much as the pink monster. Again I cant breathe. Inhale slow I tell myself. I cant think! It comes to fast. He moves on and on from this to that. From flog to hand. Something is building inside of me. He is going somewhere. A type of progression. There is a path He must take. It will not end until the end. I cry, I shriek. I fall. I feel choking. Back up I am put. I can not take this. Please stop I am begging now. I am sorry I yell. Sorry for what I do not know. But I know I am fucking sorry. Im sorry and I wont do it again. In my panic I had worked the tape off enough bit by bit with my teeth.  He growled for me to stay still while He finished. I saw no finish line!! He seemed mad with need. I was sure I would bleed.

Oh my God He is pouring cold water over me. Somewhere in my thought process tiny bits of information connected into a realization. He was wetting me to increase the pain of the whip. Fear flooded my mind. I began to thrash. Again He ordered me still. If I just can stay still maybe He will finish I think. Water pours down my back, dread fills me. Whip hits me. I am a prisioner. I wondered if this is how it was for the men of old. Captured in dungeons. Chained and whipped.

I dont care anymore, I just dont. I cant take anymore.  I tip over. I am crying and gasping. He removes the hold on my neck. I am panicing. I cant stop moving and crying. He pulls me to His chest murmuring I did good. I am good. A good girl. I feel anger. You pushed to far I yell. Not at Him, no. It is only in my head. I am told to go shower. So I do.

 

 

 


9/18/2013 8:10:23 PM

Sept 19 13

 

I have since spoken with Him. A misunderstanding occured. An lack of communication on my behalf? He didn't recieve my messages. Yes, they were few. No, I did not do as told previously with scheduled check ins. Yes, I missed or rather chose not to check in that following morning as told,  He pointed out.  I laid and listened as He gave me a summary of the evening. Areas of confusion were cleared. He also gave insight into my emotional state. Again, that unerving ability to read me. To know where I am in my mind. Often I quiet myself. When He sees inside of me I am left in silance. There is no point to argue, no point I must drive home. However, I did have a leg to stand on here. I asked "why when He realized (He would not be making the trip to see me) did He not tell me then? To me that is a common courtesy. He insisted I was upset because He did not return as He planned. Yes, that is true but only mildly so. I was upset because I could not reach Him. I sent Him 3 messages. I sent them early in the evening so I could be sure it was before He became intoxicated. He did not reply to a single one. I knew at that point He would not be returning. And again, when He came in for the evening why not shoot a message out stating He was in bed and would talk to me the following day? Hmmmmm

The morning came and when I did not see any form of contact from Him I did not follow protocol. Intentionally, I don't think so. Maybe somewhere in my subconscious. In the forefront of my thoughts I figured He was still sleeping. I still should of did my part. I realize that now. From there on it was a tumbling, an accumulation of mistakes and misunderstandings. I tried Him at 7. He did not pick up. He says He never got that call. I took it as maybe He was unhappy with me and?   I did not pull that out of the mist, the night before He left I had difficulty reaching an orgasm. Did that upset Him? Did I disappoint Him? I did not know. This event coupled with His new found silence was disturbing and hurtful to me.

He told me I am emotional and I need to be more secure in us. He said He gives me reassurance quite often. This is true. Does He understand every time He is there, when He does not give up, when He stands firm I become grounded. Fears disengage themselves from me, loosing their hold. Slinking away as if banished from me?

Masters I ask you, How valuable is your slave? How priceless is her devotion? Her smell, the way she takes you inside of herself? Her lowered gaze? When she offers the small of her neck up to you? When she is bound and cannot see, yet she trusts. She trusts you. She gives you everything. Beauty this deep takes time to cultivate. When real it does not come without reserve. Once given it is powerful. I am His to with as He sees fit. I learn to not question. I learn these things as He demonstrates His ability. I exhale. I can follow.

I write for me.  I only speak truth. My interpretations of our journey. I say ours because it is not only me.

 


9/16/2013 7:30:47 PM

Sept 16th

Fourth entry:

Its the not knowing that will kill you. I am so deeply hurt, so wounded. To give the most private parts of yourself; the inner being. This type of relationship is centered and built on trust. For me to let someone in. To become exposed and raw. Vurnable. And to be pained like this is a crime. It is a knife to one's soul. I am new. Yet I take this more seriously than the man I have met on here. I am shaken. I have no desire to go on here. To be broken again. I gave everything I could at this point. Why take the time to build anything if the goal is to brake it? How do you just up and leave without one word?

Fraudulant characters.

Shameful.

I didnt deserve this. I only wanted to please Him. I had stars in my eyes. So many nights we would lay together. Touching. I miss everything about HIm. He was my first. I feel my heart tear and rip with the thought. Tears blur the text.  I.  I believed Him. Can you believe that?

Shame on me.

M.C.


9/9/2013 6:13:50 PM

Third entry

Sept 9 2013

 

He has an uncanny ability to read me. He is not always right, however He is 80% of the time. That does not bother me. I am hiding nothing. I keep checking for cracks. My mind constantly touching and picking at our converstations. I am looking for flaws. I have yet to meet a man who is who He says He is.  As each day passes and He keeps his word I open to Him. That is something new. I can not remember be willing to give myself away. As He shows Himself I feel safe.

 

Long conversations were key this visit. I voiced things to Him I was hesistant to say before; the poly thing.  He eased my fears. Unbelievable. I cannot believe I am open to the things we speak of. Who is this woman? I cant say Im pleased with the idea. But I am learning to be a good submissive. I am learning how to put His wants in the forefront of our relationship. For, if I am happy with this man; if He makes me feel complete how can I deny Him anything?  That being said He was denied nothing this visit. Every hole was used. It was unexpected. I felt like I would vomit when He fucked my ass. Pressure. I felt pressure and tearing like when you pull your lips apart. He came inside of it..... Than He came inside of my mouth.  I spit it out. He promised I wouldnt next time. Hmmmmmm. I may take the hit and spit again.

 

I still have the whip marks from last week. He said they would go away. They have not.


9/2/2013 9:17:17 PM

Sept.2.13

Second entry:


So much can take place in a few days. I will begin where I find my mind visiting most. I will try to put into words what I feel, what I like and what I do not.

I sit here now, (He has left) and I run the tape over and over through my mind. I pick at it. Flip it. Examine it. Checking for flaws. Checking Him for flaws. I find none. There are things I do not like. But they are not His fault. He is just, well just Him. For christs sake He did not even know I existed when He did those/these things. Let me say this, I have never met a man who keeps His word as this man does. It is one of the most honorable things a man can do. It is a dominate trait. For if He chooses not to do something He is free to just say No. No need to lie. He runs the show. I admire that about Him. Now, on to the things I do not.

He is way way way more experienced than me. I feel like a simple bumble bee in a hornets nest. He has done so many things with so many women. Women that do things that are seen in movies. And here I am, simple. Conventional. Submissive. I thought it would be a gift to my Master. A beautiful gift. He would unwrap. My inexperience.  I imagined Him delighting in being the first of so many things. The beast in Him released and uncontrolled as He rips me open. Hmmmm. I am a hopeless romantic I've been told. 

The reality is, in this world nothing is sacred. In this I am lost. I want to be unleashed  A new born slut. Enough of these school girl fantasies.  Sometimes I think I should go be used and come back. Why save myself when I am viewed no more special than someone who has done it a hundred times?

Moving forward....Lets get physical lol. 

I have been bound, holy shit. Ive been bound by my hair!!! Who would of thought.  

Hair bound, Arms, wrists and legs bound. Blindfolded. Duck taped. And than came the pain. The relentless beating. Beating here, there back here. I tried to be quiet. I could not. I felt my flesh erupt in welts. I cried out I will bleed. He told me bitch be quiet. It was like nothing I felt before. Everything before Him was nothing. I pleaded Stop!!! Yet I knew if He did He had failed. I had to go further. He didn't plan on stopping, He planned on taking me further. And further we went.  It carried on until I would of ripped my hair out to get away. Tears blurred my vision. He let me go. I was angry. He could of gave a fuck less. Dress off, legs up in the air He finished me. 

I have no idea what comes next. He is everything. I get worried. And when I do He is aware. He knows exactly when I am on edge. It is one of the single most beautiful things I have known. He borders on evil and caring. I will be lost in my head and He will ask out of the silence " are you ok" or "what are you thinking of" He knows when I need Him. He feels me be carried out to sea. Is this what it is when you find your Master? Only time will tell.



 


9/1/2013 9:43:37 PM
"A woman must be continuously physically dominated. A man should be unafraid to use his biologically given superior strength to assert his ownership over a woman's body at any and all times. Of course, physical domination comes in several forms --- it comes in the form of reprimanding a woman when she misbehaves (slapping her, pulling her hair, twisting her arm, beating her, torturing her tits); it also comes in the form of using a woman sexually (fucking her throat, ass, and cunt whenever the mood strikes a man). Second, a woman must be continuously mentally dominated. A man should constantly be reminding a woman of her proper place --- reminding her that she was born to serve a man, to be property, to be owned and used. The more a woman hears the truth, the better she is able to come to terms with it and fully embrace it. Lastly, a woman must be practically dominated. By this, I mean that steps must be taken to practically limit her ability to free herself from ownership." Not Mine but well said

8/29/2013 8:34:05 PM

First entry

8/29/13


We have met once.  One night together. Our beginning.  He was charming. I was nervous. That soon passed. He made me comfortable, our conversation flowed freely. Although the mood was light I felt an underlying darkness about Him. I liked Him. I like Him. He handled me perfectly. At all times I knew I was being led. When He looked at me I felt Him probing my mind. I wanted more. 

We slept together that night.  He did not enter me, not my body. However He made His way into my thoughts. He would remain there for the week that followed. 

It could not pass more quickly. 

He tells me of what He will do to me. I don't know if excitement or fear rules me. He will. He says He will rule me.  

I do not trust easy. I can not give all of me, not just yet. So I save some. I take that piece and I bury it. I bury it so deep it cannot be found.  It is hidden behind a wall of tears and pain. Enclosed in glass. 

If He breaks me He will find it....


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lucycampbell21
 
 Age: 27
 Manhatten, New York