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My intro to the lifestyle was short and not so sweet. I loved it, I loved Him, but life is com
MaskingThePain
Female Submissive, 26,  Stowe, Vermont US

Link to this profile: https://www.collarspace.com/MaskingThePain

 

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 MaskingThePain

 Submissive Female

 Stowe 

 Vermont

 5' 8"

 155 lbs

 26

 Bisexual

 Caucasian

 02/21/16

 

Actively Seeking:

Dominant Male

Submissive Female

Submissive Male

Switch Women

Switch Men

Sub/Sub Couples

Friends Only

Online Romance

My intro to the lifestyle was short and not so sweet. I loved it, I loved Him, but life is complicated and it didn't work. We are each others weakness and briefly tried again, but it wasn't the same and that hurt us more in the end. We worked through some of the issues and a few more still stand, He was my best friend and I hope time will get us there again, but I know we have too much baggage to be any more.


 


I've gone through many life changes recently and I know in the future I will want a dominant presence. Right now I'm just looking to talk to people. I am not looking to start a new D/s relationship right away, I may be relocating in the new year. This site was great help during my first breakup with Him and I think I could use a little guidance and friendship right now.


 


 


 


Ultimately I am looking for a mix of vanilla and the lifestyle within my relationship. Someone who I can take home to my parents and will be my best friend. Someone within a 5 (to maybe 7) year range of my age.


 

Journal Entries:
9/6/2017 6:52:23 PM
I drank with a friend tonight. We haven't hung out in a while and it was great catching up. After she left I decided to write a bit and came up with this:

I'm comfortable in Vermont but I'm definitely not pushing myself. Self discovery is important, I'm making good head way but I need more friendship and positivity in my life. More direction and structure. Flexibility is only good for so long. But routine is hard. I need to find what works for me. Little by little I'm making changes. I'm going a good direction but know I'm not fully where I need to be. 

---

I'm living life for me. I'm trying to figure out how to live alone. Diet, workout, everyday activities. Trying to incorporate new things slowly without stressing myself out. I'm not a planner or routine person. I go with my moods and make most decisions on the spot. 
I know that I need an extroverted friend to get me out of my comfort zone. I go to work and then stay at home. On my days off I don't really venture out too far. I don't push myself to meet new people.

My family had a big part in my relationship ending. I've had a few flings and know that isn't for me. I'm sexually frustrated right now and know what I was getting wasn't enough. But my life is so uncertain right now my focus is not on my sexual needs. I definitely have moments where I feel my lack of structure and submission. I know I need it but am not sure how to find it on my own. I'm scared of losing it all again. That doesn't mean I'm not trying, but so far I'm not finding what I'm looking for.
 


8/17/2017 4:09:49 PM
Saving my old intro for future reflection: Obviously it ended for real but the concepts are important.

I decided Switching wasn't for me. Being a Domme doesn't come naturally to me. Though through conversations and talking with my Master I believe slave may be more appropriate then sub. That is the hardest thing for me. I'm a brat and I like some control, I really believe I'd enjoy topping another sub under the instruction of my Master. 

My heart and mind always belonged to Him. I tried dating a bit but the idea of being with someone else never clicked. I couldn't let go of the future we had planned together, but neither could He. I still need the relationship to be a mix of vanilla and the lifestyle but we are going to figure that out together. We talked through a lot of things and I believe we can last. He is my best friend, my confidant and my Master. 

I need some direction in my life and He can give that to me. We've been talking about a schedule and punishment/reward system I can follow. My weakness now is breaking bad habits. I've been doing things my way for so long. I need him here to make me actually do things because I'm not yet where I need to be. But I will be, for Him and me and Us.  


4/25/2016 7:43:11 PM
After all the back and fourth I've chosen the friend path with my ex. I know I want the lifestyle in my life, but every time I think about moving forward with it I avoid it. So I know I'm not ready, but I did something tonight I wanted to share. 

I'm home alone and binge watching Netflix and I decided to play on the couch. My new toy has been very satisfying but I got interrupted by the pizza I put in the oven before I took it out. I got enough from it but I laughed from the interruption because I could have kept going. I guess food is just as important haha 

4/6/2016 8:49:07 PM
I focused on finding a job and I recently got one! Though there is currently a lot of overtime hours and I don't do much but work and sleep haha. My heart and head aren't yet in the same place when it comes to moving on. I'm getting closer but taking it one step at a time. Four years won't just disappear, especially after less then one. But with my first paycheck I went and bought a fun new toy ;)

3/15/2016 9:05:11 PM
I know for certain I need this in my life. But I also know that as of now I am not ready to look for someone else or try things with multiple different people. The job hunt has been going better (plenty of interviews) but now the missing element is obvious (and wreaking havoc mentally) and money is getting tough. I barely have enough money for food, rent and insurance and I don't know how to keep the lifestyle in my life on my own. I don't have enough know how and recently I've lacked motivation.

I do know Eventually I will have the money to buy this new vibrator: http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/vibrators/rabbit-vibrators/sp-adam-eves-naughty-rabbit-92078.aspx and maybe some nipple clamps.

If anyone want's to help me to my goal of relaxing better it would be greatly appreciated. My pay pal is maskedimposter[at]gmail.com 


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