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	I am interesting, fun, creative - in the right setting - in the right relationship. Am I a "TRUE" submissive? Probably not - but then, what exactly IS a "TRUE" submissive? Too often I've heard Dom/mes say that the sub they didn't bother getting to know or care about didn't instantly obey - is NOT a "true" sub. It's just common sense that I would submit more to a Dom/me who has earned my trust and respect - even more so if repeatedly over time over a Dom who simply demands my TRUE submission. I really hate that term. The Dom I seek is * loving and caring (e.g. the book, "the Loving Dominant") who recognizes BOTH the responsibilities and privileges as a Dom. * shares some interests in cosmic energy * seeks a long term partner - just like me I'm intelligent, loyal - to a fault, although I'm working on learning to take more time in letting people in, and walk away from bad situations sooner. The right Dom could be helpful in this process / the wrong one (let's call him .... say ... a domineering, sadistic bully) is harmful. re: Kink. Here's my thought process on MY ideal kink relationship. It's a journey where we learn from each other along the way. It's a partnership between people who trust and respect each other. It includes mutual service to each other. [Different types of service / but service none-the-less.] I see similarities between my gentle/Daddy Dom and what I learned when attending St Paul Dog Training classes. Gentle, patient instruction followed by LOTS of praise. Not every sub's desire - but it works on me. Ahhh! But where's the fun without punishment, you ask? For those who require the thrill of punishing your submissive, I wish you well on your journey - elsewhere. I respond well to suggestions and praise, not barked orders and punishment. I've read the posts in groups where old-timers express their disgust with newbies and their multi-page list of hard limits. At this point I barely know enough to come up with 1/4 a page of hard limits. As I learn and experience, that list will grow. With the right partner - over time, the list will shorten. Reminds me of a joke. A newby requests that a Dom/me do a scene with them. The Dom/me asks, "What are you limits?" [Newby] "Why none, Sir (Mistress). Do whatever you will with me. Your pleasure IS my pleasure!" [Dom/me] "Hey, George! This one hasn't got any limits. Go and get the chainsaw!" The right Dom: * Is willing to take the time to earn my trust. (e.g. doesn't demand insta-sub.) * Shows concern for my physical, mental and emotional well-being. (willing to learn about me -- doesn't demand insta-sub.) * 'Teaches' rather than Disciplines. * Provides a safe place for me to BE who I am rather than beHAVE a certain way. (Gor is a hard limit.) * Understands that, in the end, I get the final say in what happens to me via hard limits and safewords. (I'm not a slave.) * Is available for aftercare even days after a scene. * Is available for both BDSM and vanilla activities. * Thoroughly negotiates 'training' activities. RE: Vanilla stuff Movies: classics, Monty Python, foreign, historical dramas, musicals and then there's Kill Bill) Music: Mn Public radio, accoustic (blue grass, folk), Sacred Harp Food: Ethnic (E-Indian, Mexican, Greek, Asian); Comfort (meatloaf, chili, full-fat plain yogurt with walnuts and berries, trying to go wheat-free for health reasons.) Misc: Rennaissance Faire; Reading; Live Theater, summer theater. 2 of my all time favorite stage shows were, "To Mordor or Bust", "Anonymous 4", "Kalevala" with Ruth MacKenzie) also interested in Qi Gong; meditation. Thanks for reading.

10/13/2012 4:36:22 PM

(addition)

Submissives wanting some one / any one to tell them what to do.

Seems to me, if that's all a submissive wanted - we wouldn't have to go to the kink community to find it. HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of people love to tell you what to do, what to think, where to go, etc. The difference is in finding some one who is interested in my best interest.

(previous writing)

I'm recalling a conversation with a Dom (on a 2nd or 3rd date?)
The topic was about aspects of D/s relationships. He said something similar to, "if I were to tell you to do something ..." .
My reaction: I just shut down. I felt queazy. Who IS this guy? Why the **** should I do what he tells me to do? What's he done for me anyway? Other than make me chauffeur him around - promised to fill the gas tank then changed his mind - expect me to 'take turns' asking for dates from day 1.

Yet I fantasize about finding MY Dom, sitting at his feet; eagerly seeking and listening to his opinions and suggestions; looking for ways to please him.

And I've observed other D/s relationships (from the outside), where the submissive does as s/he is told. So clearly this 'being told what to do" CAN be part of a healthy D/s relationship.

In my short-lived D/s relationship, He first listened and noticed things about me, made me feel cherished. THEN submitting to him was the most natural and comfortable thing for me to do.

Then I read the posts by Doms, expecting submissives to TRAIN and EARN the right to submit to them. But as soon as I have to compete against other submissives for the few Doms available, woo and pursue them, etc. I don't feel cherished and I don't want to submit to them.

Quite the opposite - after working so hard to WIN a Dom, I start feeling 'entitled' - like the man who "expects" sex from his date since he paid for the dinner and movie.

I don't have a tidy closing paragraph for this.
Just thought I'd take a stab at putting some words on the proverbial page.

9/17/2012 8:20:15 PM

I've been wondering why, oh why, people keep calling me a Domme.

Well, I just learned the answer ... I am NOT a submissive.

I AM AN ALPHA-SUBMISSIVE.

I have always known I could submit to the right Dom. The Dom I admire and respect who can admire and respect me without expecting me to "play stupid" so I don't hurt his fragile ego.

I can't submit to a Dom I don't respect.

I can't respect a Dom who gets upset and puts me down when I ask him to prove himself to me.

I can't respect a Dom who expects me to 'go dutch'.

I can't respect a Dom who keeps a balance sheet (I called you once, now it's your turn to call me.)

But to the Dom who sees my value and is willing to earn my respect, my trust ... I am loyal to the end.

MsJewel		MsJBondage		MsJennE
MSjim		MsJanesLov		MsJade
MsJena		MsJules		MsJesseCNY
msjen		MsJinCharg		msjo


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NylonCaptive

Italianbabe36

Age: 38

Greenville, South Carolina