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I have to thank a wonderful Mistress on here who asked me a series of questions when we first started emailing. I'll share some of them.
did you sneak wearing panties as a young boy, either your mom's or sister's panties? do you wear panties now, as a reminder that you are not a "real" man?
My answers to her were:
Yes, I certainly did sneak my mom's panties, and her girdles, bras, stockings, and pantyhose, cloth diapers as well.
And,
Yes, I wear panties now as a reminder that I'm not a real man, and I feel like I'm the furthest thing away from ever being a real man.
Then she said:
tell me more about this sissy boy ... did your ex-wife know you snuck her panties (I know you did)?
I answered that in every long term relationship I was in, I snuck the woman's panties, and I used to get in trouble for stretching them out, or not returning them, until I finally started getting my own.
I said:
I need to take care of Mistress's needs and wants to feel complete and accomplished. Does that sound silly?
And she knowingly answered:
no, this doing not sound silly. this is the personality of a sissy boy, totally unlike an alpha male who claims he is submissive to women. a sissy does feel whole and complete when he takes care of all of his owner's wants and needs. he puts her wants and needs before his own. his wants and needs are secondary to hers. his reward is being permitted in her life and home full time - after he has made her approval and acceptance. he lives and breathes for her. he gets his life and breath from her. he puts her up on a pedestal because she is everything to him. without her, he has no functional purpose in his life because she IS his life. only a truly owned sissy boy can understand these words.
he is guided, directed and totally owned and controlled by his owner. he will have a backbone and will be able to stand on his own 2 feet, but will thrive under her leadership. he will be mentally and emotionally mature and stable. he will be gainfully employed with health insurance. he will be healthy in both body and bank - never being either a medical or a financial liability to his owner while he is living under her roof and rule. he will be responsible for doing all the chores for his owner - in her home and in her yard. he will push her vacuum cleaner, her lawn mower, her leaf rake, her snow shovel - always being an asset to her as he makes her life easier for her as her unselfish servant. this will prove his worth and value to her. in public people will notice how attentive and devoted he is to his owner. other women will be jealous because their partners don't do the little things that he does for his owner.
She added:
in order to be a good slave to a woman, he needs to make sacrifices in his life as it is now. his life will change, and that change will reflect what his eventual owner wants and does not want. as soon as he enters her home full time, he gives up all his rights, requirements, and expectations. he becomes hers - the way she wants him to be - for her. a potential applicant does not tell me what he wants. he asks me what i want from him - whether it be lifestyle or vanilla interests.
Her evaluation and explanation of what a sissy boy is - to me - is spot on. I've always felt like I need to take care of Mistress and all her needs, with my own not being important, in order for me to feel complete. It's just the way I am, the perfect sissy boy.
However, after a lifetime of sneaking panties, dressing in cities away from home, and a divorce, I moved further out of the closet. The sissy boy is still in me, but now I live in a feminine manner. I go out in public as a woman. I take low levels of estrogen. I'm quite passable, and have been for quite some time. I don't look like a guy in drag, with all due respect. I'm happy letting my female side show. I also will be quite happy to share the details of what my life is like now.
Even though I'm as close to being a woman, I'm still a sissy boy who wants to take care of his Mistress, and all her needs and wants. Every aspect of her definition of a sissy boys personality, traits, needs, and lifestyle suits me. It's just who I am, a sissy boy.
Am I making sense with all this?
Sissy Lizzy
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