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Sully38

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Friends:
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My name is Jennie and I am interested in learning more about the world of BDSM. I have always had an interest in bondage,spanking,slapping and having a man who is in control of me. I would like to learn more about some things and some things which I am curious about. That would include my bi curious side :0) I have a good tolerance of pain and a great curiosity for general naughtyness I want people to teach me about the things I don't know about not the things that I already know!!!! I am owned who is free to chat with others but if you want anything more my Master will be involved! Master and I can accommodate in Manchester, we like a social drink and we play hard but with a smile :0) Ladies, young subi guys and couples are very welcome to chat, perhaps more! Single guys it is possible but I wouldn't build your hopes up. I/we look forward to hearing from you Jennie xx

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3/10/2018 1:26:23 PM
Things are so hard right now. I have come down with a cold as low immune system and pain all over and still can't decide what I am going to do when better and to top it all off work have finished me on health grounds so when am better I am back to job hunting :(
Master was my rock and since he passed away I have lost that 

11/11/2017 3:15:30 PM
Really struggling today with the pain from the surgery and not made better after a fall this afternoon. Still having trouble with missing Master and been on my own and still undecided as to what I want to do after I have recovered 

10/20/2017 1:38:10 PM
Yesterday would have been Master's birthday and tomorrow it will be a year since he passed away and I have never felt as lonely as I do right now. He was the reason I was here and he always helped me through rough times. I am still undecided if I want to continue on this path when I have recovered from my illness :(

9/26/2017 2:26:18 PM
Been a while since my last entry and I still have no idea of which way I want to go when better. My surgery was postponed and have a new date for the 18th Oct which is gonna to be a tough week as the 19th would have been Master's bday and the 21st was the day my world ended when I lost him. I keep looking at his picture and wondering what advice he would be giving me about all my little niggles and worries 

9/7/2017 3:19:03 PM
Really struggling right now and still unsure of which way I want to go. It is coming up a year now since I lost Master and I feel lost after finishing my cancer treatment. I know what I would like in the future but it is if I can find it here which I am not sure about. Guess I will have more time to think about it after my next round of surgery next month 

4/1/2017 4:04:23 PM
Today has been tough and then come here to be spoken to like I am nothing. Yes I am sub but right now I am alone and undecided where I want to be when recovered but that does not mean that I don't have feelings. Doms want subs to treat  them with respect but that goes both ways.  If I do carry on in this life then I will not be a doormat and I am never going to be a slave because I like to have a say in what I do and don't do. People think that this is wrong but I want to look after someone and be cared for in the same way. Maybe I am hoping for too much but I had it once with my late Master and if I get it again great but that will be when I am ready too make that step :(

3/18/2017 4:25:23 PM
Really struggling with things right now. Physical treatment has finished but I am so tired and my mood is low. I am spending a lot of time thinking about things and where I want to go once this nightmare is over. I am thinking about Master and what he would want me to do but I know he would want me to move on but I can't see that I can get the sort of relationship I am looking for. I guess time will tell 

3/3/2017 3:30:56 PM
Been a tough few days with radiotherapy and my emotions all over the place. I keep looking at a picture of Master and wondering what he would be saying if he was here. I only have a few more days of radiotherapy next week and physically I am almost there but mentally that is going to take longer according to the cancer support worker and she has referred me to counselling so that will help in some areas just not all the areas that are causing me problems right now. Off to try and sleep and keep hoping things will look better in the morning but they don't :(

2/27/2017 2:25:23 PM
Today been a tough day had another radiotherapy session followed by dentist and he removed a tooth :( Shattered tonight and back for radiotherapy in the morning. Missing Master and still deciding where to go next in life :/

2/22/2017 3:49:16 PM
Struggling right now to know which way to go once my treatment is done I am a third of the way through and has been a long 8 months so far and dealing with the loss of Master 4 months ago is making things harder as he was always there for me as I was him :(

1/22/2017 2:34:44 AM
Hate it when people think because I am a sub they can speak to me like I am nothing for some they may be happy to be treated in this way but I am not. My late Master respected and looked after me and in return I looked after him even at the end without been told I did it out of my love for him and us.
I am 3 weeks into an 8 week recovery from surgery and the pain and discomfort is not good but thank god for the painkillers :)
I think about Master everyday and look at his photo by my side and remember the things he would say and hopefully that will see me through this dark and difficult time in my life and then maybe when I am sorted I can think about where I go next on my life journey 

12/19/2016 3:25:57 AM
Getting closer to Christmas which means closer to the surgery just 10 days away providing the pre op goes ok. I really wish Master was here to talk to and keep me safe I can only hope that he is looking down on me :(

12/8/2016 6:55:11 AM
Saw the surgeon 2 days ago and have been given a provisional date for the surgery on Dec 29th and that is 3 weeks from today so starting to feel nervous about after and how I will feel and how people will see me afterwards to :( 

12/5/2016 1:37:13 PM
Met with the breast care team on Friday to discuss my surgery in the New year and tomorrow have an appointment with the surgeon and hopefully have a date for the surgery. Feeling quite nervous now as all seems to be very real and I am missing my Master as he would have been there and known exactly what to say to make me feel better :( 

11/22/2016 6:25:23 PM
Chemotherapy sucks!!! I am scheduled to have surgery the first week of the new year oh the joys. Tonight I cannot sleep as I am thinking of Master. I really miss him and feeling low as I have the last few days has made it harder as he always knew what to do or say to pick me up and now I just feel alone now the family have gone home :(

11/14/2016 3:44:53 PM
been a really tough week after hospital last weekend but on the plus had my birthday Sunday and had some time with my sister and her kids. Managed to get last chemo session done today and see the surgeon next week and all systems go for the surgery hopefully before Christmas. Nervous about it but the next step to getting better although really missing Master :(

11/7/2016 2:58:12 PM
well had a very eventful 2 days after ending up in hospital Sunday and been allowed home finally today now got parents fussing over me :( 

11/6/2016 12:14:32 AM
Only slept for 2 hours so much on my mind right now and decisions I need to make. I feel as if some people are expecting things from me that I cannot offer or commit to right now. I only lost Master 2 weeks ago and dealing with that and the treatment I think is enough on my plate right now. I know that I have to move on and live my life as that is what Master wanted me to do but there is only so much I can do at one time.  

11/5/2016 2:48:18 PM
Has been another tough day for me with side effects of treatment and the upset over Master. Now the fireworks are scaring my dogs be glad when they have done :( 

11/4/2016 9:49:57 AM
Yesterday was a tough day as I had to say goodbye to my Master at his funeral. With all the treatment I have been having and he was my rock right up to the end and for that I am so thankful but now I have too try and get through the next few months of my treatment without him. We had over 3 years of time together and spoke everyday and his death has left a huge whole in my heart and I am shattered that he is no longer with me guiding me. I will never forget our time but I know in time I shall have to move on. RIP Sir gone but never forgotten by your loyal sub :(

10/23/2016 7:31:17 AM
Since my last entry things have been very difficult as I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June and have been having treatment which has taken a toll physically and mentally. There has been other stuff going on but to say my life has been a struggle is an understatement. The treatment is working but is still going to be a battle for a few more months and then hopefully get things back on track

4/17/2016 5:56:51 AM
This last week I have left a job after 9 years to start a new one tomorrow. To say I am nervous is an understatement. I know that I needed to do this to have something better and a chance to work my way up in time rather than just been stuck in a dead end job with no prospects. Onwards and upwards from tomorrow :D

3/11/2016 5:30:18 PM
sometimes things happen in life and throw your life into disarray it is all about you deal with it. I am going through a mixture of emotions right now and I am trying my best to deal with everything in my own way :(

2/19/2016 1:25:58 PM
Life has a habit of jumping up and slapping you down just when you least expect it. You just have to rise up and take it on the chin like a good submissive I guess and learn to live with life's challenges :)

2/6/2016 7:57:23 AM
Sick of this rain :(

1/1/2016 7:54:47 AM
Happy new year to all and I hope 2016 is a good year for all of us :)

12/26/2015 4:37:57 AM
I hope everyone has had a good Christmas. I got to spend some time with Master and was very spoilt. I wonder what 2016 has in store for me!!!!

11/24/2015 8:45:53 AM
Been a while since I posted on here. Things are going well with my health and fitness and I am spending a lot of quality time with Master and looking after all his wants and needs. I am having a lot of fun and I am a very lucky girl :D 

10/22/2015 4:34:31 AM
Had yesterday and last night serving Master at his house. I love to be able to do things for him it is what I am here for and I like to make him happy :D

9/19/2015 6:29:22 PM
Today I would have been married for 12 years but I am not sad I am happier fitter and healthier than I ever was :)

9/13/2015 8:35:30 AM
Time is precious and you should make every minute of life count and have no regrets as it is not a dress rehearsal. Spend it with the people that count and help you rather than drag you down !!!

9/7/2015 7:25:41 PM
Sat in work and so much going round in my head . I have been thinking about how me and my life has changed in just over 2 years. I am proud of what I have done and continue to do. I am so lucky to have friends and people in my life who continue to help me progress in life along my chosen path and for that I will be forever grateful :)

9/2/2015 7:15:38 PM
Got my new bike yesterday it is ace so happy with it and just in time for the 16 mile ride I have planned on Sunday :)

8/9/2015 8:12:34 AM
Things playing on my mind again :(

8/8/2015 6:09:11 AM
There are days when I think I have everything that I want and then there are days when I realise I don't and today is one of those days :(

7/31/2015 3:21:56 PM
well have had a couple of sessions in the gym and pool ready for the skyride on Sunday just hope the weather holds and hopefully see Master next week some time :)

7/11/2015 3:58:54 PM
Had a great day yesterday and had another with the family today shame I have to go back to work next week :)

7/10/2015 9:05:58 AM
Has had a great day with Master I am such a lucky girl :D

7/8/2015 12:56:56 PM
Another crap day weather wise so been to the gym and worked some things out (or tried to anyway) then finished with a swim :)

7/7/2015 12:23:32 PM
well managed to the gym and pool before the rain came. Day 2 of holidays done and dusted :D 

7/2/2015 4:56:14 AM
Had some time with Master last night :D Did him a few jobs and hopefully made him happy which makes me happy :D

6/28/2015 9:01:43 AM
Watching Lionel Ritchie at Glastonbury makes me want to go to a gig :D

6/26/2015 8:57:55 AM
Well this week has not exactly gone to plan but oh well have done most of what I needed to do. Have been and seen the dentist today and gone well :D 

6/14/2015 8:56:06 AM
Struggling with things today. Physically I am ok but mentally well now that is another story. Have a lot of feelings and emotions going around my head.
I want to be good at everything I do but I feel like I am failing in a lot of ways. Don't get me wrong I am getting fitter and healthier and still off the cigs which is good.
Today I just feel very alone  maybe it is just my hormones who knows maybe tomorrow will be a better day :/

6/3/2015 6:01:28 AM
Why is everything I do not good enough!!!

5/30/2015 6:37:16 AM
Been and had a good session in the gym and the pool and all ready for work later :)

5/29/2015 11:53:17 AM
Had a great afternoon and night serving Master last night and although the weather this morning was grim I did manage to get out on the bike a bit this afternoon :)

5/28/2015 3:20:46 AM
Been to the gym and the pool and feeling good :D Looking forward to later

5/27/2015 1:41:01 AM
Finished work and was in the gym first thing followed by a decent session in the pool before the kids started to arrive. Now to sort my days off :)

5/21/2015 11:32:39 AM
After not much sleep last night I have been on the bike to try and clear my head and I hope tonight I sleep better :/ 

5/20/2015 8:18:16 PM
Woke up with another nightmare and now cannot get back to sleep. I have no idea what it's all about but I am hoping they will stop soon :( I had a good day in the gym yesterday and I am hoping for the same again unless the weather is better and I can get out on the bike instead and make the most of it before what will be a very busy weekend in work.  

5/15/2015 8:18:05 AM
well didn't get the first job I applied for on the trams but the job I really want there has come up today so have applied for that so fingers crossed. That would be some good news in what has been a run of the mill week and same next week :)

5/11/2015 8:56:39 AM
weather picked up again and been out on the bile for a short time today and now ready for another night shift. Hopefully there will be a change if this new job comes through :D

5/7/2015 8:34:08 AM
Well the weather better today and have been out on the bike. I have pushed myself and tried to clear my head while I think about certain things going on right now!!!
My job application has gone in and all I can do is wait and see and hope my hard work pays off in another area of life :)

4/29/2015 2:29:23 PM
Had a good run on the bike today to try and clear my head and hopefully help me sleep minus the nightmares would be good :( 

4/23/2015 7:36:32 AM
Been out and done 32k on the bike today. It was very warm but I am getting closer to been able to do the 50k charity ride later in the year :D
Feeling more positive not sure if my mind or the weather that has helped lol!!!!

4/21/2015 7:08:55 AM
Today would have been my grandma's birthday. Even though she has been gone 15 years I still miss her everyday. She was my sounding board and my rock and would always help me to sort things out in my mind. I cannot wait till off work tomorrow and can get out on the bike and clear my head :)

4/7/2015 7:53:03 AM
Have been out on the bike and done 20k it feels good to have such nice weather and get rid of a few cobwebs :D

3/31/2015 8:07:10 AM
Roll on next week and my week off as I need some time to recharge my batteries. Hopefully the weather will be better than this and I can get further afield on the bike to get ready for 50k ride in September as well as get some fresh air and clear a few things from my head.
The ex has been lurking again in the last week but he can just keep looking as I am getting on with my better life without him dragging me down :)

3/27/2015 12:25:49 PM
Have done some running about getting the banking and shopping done but at least it stayed fine. Back in work tomorrow but on the plus side it is only 11 hours not 12 thanks to the clocks going forward :D

3/25/2015 7:30:48 AM
Struggling with sleep keep waking up having a nightmares. Roll on April and a week's holiday. Have been out on the bike this morning and tried to blow away a few cobwebs after a busy weekend in work :)

3/21/2015 4:51:57 AM
Slept better last night hopefully the nightmares have stopped and have been to the gym this morning :D

3/10/2015 9:42:55 AM
Not feeling it today and so wish I did not have to go to work but hey ho last one for 3 nights and hopefully this weather will stay and I can get out on the bike. Need to get some rides in before my big one in September :D

2/27/2015 1:50:03 PM
I was asked a while ago what I wanted from life and my answer was simple. People around me who care and don't just use me and drop me and that goes for my so called family too. Well here is a decision if they can't involve me and be there for me I am not doing anymore for them. Rant over 

2/19/2015 4:35:18 AM
Had a lovely day and night last night serving Master. I am such a lucky girl and he does spoil me :D
Sky coming tomorrow and then the phone to go next week :)

2/14/2015 5:43:52 AM
In the supermarket minding my own business when who do I bump into my ex buying gifts for his new bird and he had to tell me how happy he is....well news flash dickhead I have got rid of the noose around my neck, have changed my life along with help from my Master and my change of attitude and I am HAPPY :D

2/11/2015 12:06:45 PM
Had a nice run out on the bike again today as the weather was not bad. Feels good to get some air into my lungs and the heart pumping, just wish I had managed to clear my head :)

2/8/2015 5:02:10 PM
Well my Master is home and boy does he spoil me. Booked tonight off for time with him and he had gig tickets for the coolest of bands to come from Manchester. Had an amazing time :D Certainly helped after a tough week and so glad he is home!!!

2/5/2015 7:20:40 AM
This has been a tough week personally and mentally but it will hopefully be over soon when things get back to normal.
Have been to the gym and tried to work out some frustrations and things on my mind!!!

2/4/2015 5:53:16 PM
Been and had a good session in the gym this morning and then a visit from my parents . Off to bed soon if I can sleep with things on my mind. Roll on weekend :) 

2/3/2015 7:39:42 AM
Have managed to get out on the bike today cold but at least it was fine :) Last night in work tonight and then a few days off before Saturday and looking forward to a great weekend :D

1/30/2015 11:53:04 AM
Why is it whenever I try and do any good I just let people down and it is usually those closest to me?
I can't seem to do right for doing wrong!!!

1/29/2015 2:45:08 PM
Have had an interesting day. Wanted to get out on the bike and clear my head but the weather kind of put paid to that so went to the gym and had a workout and then took the dogs for a nice long walk in the park in the snow....well they had some fun haha.
My sister has phoned me and had a nice chat with her and the kids but now sat here with my thoughts :D 

1/22/2015 6:53:01 AM
Have cycled all the way to Ashton and back along the canal. A good run to prepare for the ride I want to do in September. Feel good to have the blood pumping and get the fresh air. Somebody gave me something to think about yesterday when they asked me what I want from my life. Some is easy to answer some not so :) Yes we all have the big dreams but I am realistic and there is not much that I want apart from to be happy and healthy and have the basic things in life which some take for granted.

1/20/2015 8:28:29 AM
Last night in work tonight then 3 days off and hopefully some good weather as decided I want to take part in the 50k women's bike ride in September so need some good weather and some good runs :)

1/19/2015 2:39:22 AM
Had a great day with all the family yesterday to celebrate my baby niece's christening day. There was a lot of snow but it did not spoil the day one little bit.
Back to work tonight for a couple of nights! 

1/10/2015 8:42:50 PM
15 years ago today was the toughest day of my life as well as the hardest. I showed family too much and caused them upset, but I survived and have come through it. I will never allow myself to be in that position again!!

1/8/2015 4:51:44 AM
Been out on the bike and had a good run getting ready for Saturday morning bike ride. Thinking of doing one in September for charity 50km so need to get some hours in :)

12/31/2014 1:18:35 PM
Happy New Year to everyone and I hope you all get what you want for 2015. Me I just want to continue on this journey making myself a better and happier person and been the best sub I can be for Master :)

12/29/2014 8:30:15 PM
Sat in work and a lot if things going round in my head. Thinking how much life has changed for me and wondering what the New Year is going to bring. I know I am on a journey and that I want to continue to make the changes and become a better person inside and out :-)

12/29/2014 8:02:11 AM
Have had some sleep and cleaned the bathroom and kitchen before heading to work again. Still trying to decide on what to do with my first New Year's Eve off in about 10 years :)

12/27/2014 5:49:01 AM
Been out on the bike and blown away a few cobwebs. Not feeling ready for going back to work tonight after a few days off. Oh well at least got New Year off and see what 2015 brings :)

12/25/2014 8:11:49 AM
Been a lovely day so far I have had some lovely gifts and a nice lunch cooked by your's truly and sandwiched nicely in between I have had a visit from Master to make the day perfect instead of sitting on my own :)
I am very blessed and such a lucky girl here's to it continuing in 2015:)

12/24/2014 3:18:54 PM
Merry Christmas to everyone hope it's a good one :)

12/22/2014 8:29:44 PM
Have been looking into a cycle ride that I would like to do. Give myself a challenge and goal to work towards and at the same time raise funds for 2 charities that I would like to support at the same time. All I need to do is get some extra training in after Christmas :-D

12/21/2014 7:12:37 AM
Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about! How does that work when something or someone is on your mind 24 hours a day 7 days a week and there is not a thing you can do about it?
Merry Christmas to all and make it a good one in whatever you do :D

12/13/2014 1:27:34 AM
Was up earlier than I wanted to be as in work all night tonight so have been out on the bike and tried to clear a few things from my head. Don't think it has worked :)

12/8/2014 6:55:49 AM
Been to the gym and tried to work a few things out in my head. Back to work later again :/

12/5/2014 4:26:09 PM
Done most of my Christmas shopping today and got the important ones for Master and my niece's and nephews :D then had my hair done.
Off to bed as want to go to the gym in the morning :)

12/4/2014 9:04:55 PM
I cannot believe I have just woken having a nightmare and now can't get back to sleep, so it's gonna be a long day :( 

12/4/2014 4:15:57 AM
Been and had some time in the gym as may not get chance tomorrow. Have a lot of running about to do and an appointment in the afternoon.
Feeling like 2015 could be a great year for me on a lot of levels :D

12/2/2014 8:33:02 AM
Had a really good sleep after work and then some good work done in the gym. Feel better now worked a few things out and had some good news so fingers crossed it comes to something good for the New Year.
Off to work for my last shift soon and then some quality chill time :D

11/24/2014 6:56:23 AM
Struggling with a few things today, a few emotions going round. Could do with a chat but off to work again soon so more time to sit and think :(

11/22/2014 4:24:07 AM
Have been to the gym and had a good workout followed by some homemade carrot juice in my new juicer :D Really starting to feel the benefits of all the juice.
Back in work tonight so just chilling now before have to get ready and head off.
Had a few things on my mind this week but getting them sorted!!

11/19/2014 8:29:10 AM
So far it has been a quiet week with Master away on holiday :( At least the weather has been good today and been out on the bike and now I have books on my kindle including the Story of O to keep me occupied :D

11/17/2014 6:14:50 AM
Just because I am sub does not mean I will put up with nasty comments from anyone!!

I have a Master and happy with him and I know what and who I am. I have come a long way in just over 18 months and will not be dragged down by hurtful comments

11/16/2014 3:35:51 PM
Had a really great week off and a fantastic birthday with lots of nice things to show for it. Back to work tomorrow!!!

11/12/2014 4:12:29 PM
Yay it's my birthday. Had a lot of cards and some gifts and something extra special from Master :D. I will have to show my appreciation when I get the chance ;)

11/11/2014 3:02:28 PM
Had an amazing day and night yesterday with Master he really knows how to spoil me, and looking forward to tomorrow and seeing the family for my birthday on Thursday :D

11/8/2014 9:56:14 PM
One down one to go before my week off and time to celebrate :-D. They say life begins at 40 well for me it began at 38 and a half. I got rid of the ex, found Master and found a new healthier life :-)

11/7/2014 6:53:13 AM
well lost another 5lb this month could have been better but not been out on the bike much. Really need to push on till Christmas.
Roll on Monday and the start of my week off for my 40th birthday :D

11/5/2014 3:18:02 PM
Doctors in the morning wonder if lost this month :)

11/4/2014 8:23:08 AM
Been out on the bike and blew away a few cobwebs before my last nightshift until the weekend :)
Only in Saturday and Sunday before a week's holiday for my big 40th next week :D

10/30/2014 5:05:24 PM
Had another excellent day with Master. Have really been such a lucky girl, he is too good to me sometimes, he spoils me so much :D

10/28/2014 9:11:17 PM
Won't you hold me in your arms and keep me safe from harm. I need you here to wipe away my tears and kiss away my fears!!

10/27/2014 9:37:26 AM
Only 2 weeks to go to my birthday :D

Wonder what life has in store for me when I get to 40. It has changed so much in just over 18 months. Can it get better? Yes I believe it can and will get better :)

10/26/2014 9:40:34 AM
Well have no idea what is going on in my head right now. I again feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster and can't get off.
Depressing now the clocks gone back and go to work in the dark, come home in the dark and if a rubbish day get up in the dark.
Think I need a holiday and some sunshine :)

10/25/2014 3:48:41 AM
Got up this morning feeling better after a better night sleep. Have been to the gym and done a few things at home before chilling with some football before work tonight. An extra hour as the clocks go back !!!

10/24/2014 4:36:20 PM
Been another difficult day have been very emotional. Time to wrap today up and start again tomorrow ;)

10/23/2014 11:01:37 AM
Today has been a long tough day!!!!!

Feel like I need a holiday!!

10/21/2014 10:58:40 PM
Well the start of my 3 days off and some time to get a few things done and sorted at home. Still a few decisions I need to make and some may not be popular but have to look after myself and what I want in my life, Applied for another job last night so lets hope this time it is lucky and the right move for me :)

10/20/2014 7:37:55 PM
Almost the 3rd shift done of 4 :)

Looks like it's gonna be a bit wet and windy for the next few days so not much chance of getting out on the bike but sure can find something else to do.
One or 2 things on my mind in work tonight it's giving me a headache but will get there in the end as I always do :)

10/18/2014 8:34:05 PM
What a night my ex has had a go at me for wishing his mum a happy birthday for today when I bumped into her at Asda. And then the 12 hour shift from hell, soon be home time thank god :-D

10/18/2014 8:24:38 AM
Been out on the bike this morning and now going to get ready for work. Hopefully something to look forward to next week when off again ;)

10/17/2014 4:19:31 AM
Why is it when you achieve something there is always somebody there to just pull you back down again?

10/14/2014 7:55:52 AM
Just had a shower after doing a workout at home before work. One good thing it is my last one and hoping to get the decorating finished tomorrow :)
Not sure what else I am up to but definitely some gym time and get bike fixed :D

10/13/2014 5:53:37 PM
Just had a nice chat on the phone with MistressK55 and really looking forward to going and meeting her with Master as soon as we can arrange it :)

10/13/2014 8:43:11 AM
20 months ago I met my best friend and confidante who knows what I want and need in my life. With my positivity and new outlook and with his advice and encouragement I am fast approaching my 40's not with fear or dread but with hope and focus on the important things and not looking back :D

10/12/2014 6:52:27 AM
Always love a surprise visit from my Master even for a brew and a chat after he has been on a long hard bike ride :D
It has put a smile on my face for going back to work soon :)

10/11/2014 7:07:30 PM
Sick of being taken for a fookin mug. So cannot wait until the day I can give my boss my notice because I have got a proper job. My ex husband needs to get a life and leave me alone. I am not his wife anymore and I have moved on and changed myself for the better. Rant over!!

10/11/2014 4:06:45 AM
Have had a really good session in the gym this morning and feel quite proud of myself today. I am so pleased with the progress I am making and although has not been an easy 18 months I am certainly feeling the benefits of everything I have achieved :D

10/10/2014 1:28:51 PM
Been in the gym this morning and then done the shopping.
Trying to decide what to do for my birthday next month :) but don't know, and have also had a Christmas list of the nieces and nephew today. Where has this year gone?

10/9/2014 2:48:36 PM
Had a great day of cleaning and ironing and even polished shoes for Master. In return he cooked a fabulous lunch which I may try myself  ;). Came home and did my own ironing but did not feel the same satisfaction as I did after doing Master's :D 

10/8/2014 2:02:23 PM
Been a long day since finishing work. Went to the gym and had a visit from mum and dad this afternoon. One or two things on my mind but think I am over thinking things again. Gonna head to bed soon and get an early night and see if feel better about things in the morning 

10/7/2014 8:30:02 PM
Sat in work an hour and a half to go thinking about what need to do today. No play for me for a few days thanks to Mother nature. Life's a bitch sometimes :-(

10/6/2014 7:43:01 AM
Was in work last night and had some thinking. Certain things over the last month - 6 weeks have changed and all seem to be for the better. I have been feeling very positive over the last few weeks and I think the changes could be the reason. Not long now till my 40th and I am not worried about it like I was just hoping I get to celebrate it ;)

10/5/2014 5:19:47 AM
Was a very busy and tough night in work. 3 more nights to go before some time off for cleaning and chores either home or away ;)

10/2/2014 4:26:04 PM
Been another good day today. Went to see the nurse and have lost another 5lb this month  so a pound and a half more and I have lost 4 stone :D 

10/1/2014 3:06:55 PM
Had a good day today with the decorating but shattered now and off to bed as want to try and get to the gym first thing before the doctors at 10.45. Missing somebody right now but pleased to have had a text from them :D

9/30/2014 8:18:36 AM
Struggling with a few things today. Everything seems to be getting me down today and no idea why. Oh well guess will right itself soon enough :)

9/29/2014 5:13:04 AM
Well back to work tonight after a week off. Got up earlier than intended and been to the gym and given the walls a 2nd coat of emulsion before papering gets done later in the week. Some more glossing to finish then the paintwork is done.
Had a lovely weekend with my mum and sister's and a great day out. Apparently I am spoiled :)

9/28/2014 1:47:57 AM
Had another great day yesterday. Went for a few drinks with mum and my 3 sister's followed by an Italian meal and then the coronation St tour. Long but exhausting day and well worth it. That is 2 amazing days I have had this week and I am so so lucky to have people around me who I know care in their own way :D
Back to work tomorrow so today just chill :)

9/25/2014 4:42:31 PM
Well I have had the most amazing day with my perfect Master who used and abused me in just the way I wanted. I am such a lucky lady to have this special man in my life and I count my blessings everyday. I am off to bed now I have creamed my sore boobs and with a smile on my face. Roll on next time :D

9/23/2014 6:31:43 AM
Just been and got my ticket for tomorrow night's City game something to look forward to it should be a good game :)

9/23/2014 3:13:25 AM
Been to the gym and getting ready for the decorators coming tomorrow morning :)

9/22/2014 6:53:34 AM
Finished at 6am for my week off :D Have been to the gym came back and crashed for a couple of hours. Had a shower and now just chilling. Get my lounge decorated this week all being well before the new couch arrives. But also want to get some fun in too ;)

9/20/2014 8:38:27 PM
Nearly one down and one to go before my week off and I can't wait. It will be good to relax and recharge the batteries even if planning to do some decorating :-D

9/20/2014 3:02:25 AM
Someone has just said to me You can't change how people feel about so don't try. Just live life and be happy and thinking about it it is very true :)
Been and had some gym time but saving some energy for tomorrow :)
Today would have been my 11th wedding anniversary what a difference in me from this time last year :)

9/19/2014 1:13:14 PM
well went back to pick up bike all ready and fixed but no they dont have the part so have to make do and wait so not very happy tonight but at least can still ride it.

9/19/2014 5:48:51 AM
Been to the gym and cycled up to Halfords had to leave bike there so walked back and got to go back in an hour to pick it up. The exercise never ends today :D

9/18/2014 11:50:21 PM
It's funny how when people are on your mind they appear or get in touch. Off to the gym me thinks :)

9/18/2014 4:28:20 AM
Just got back from the gym and feeling really good. Big bike ride coming up on Sunday :D

Off out shortly to get the paint for my decorating next week :)

9/17/2014 6:03:58 AM
Been out on the bike and to the gym. Feeling really good for the start of my 3 days off :)
Go back into work Saturday and Sunday and then a whole week off. Looks like I will be doing my decorating and getting some gym time and just have to see what else I can plan for my time off.
Do have a day out planned with my mum and sister's on the Saturday afternoon, an early surprise off one sister for my 40th :D  

9/16/2014 8:15:06 AM
Been and had some time on the bike making the most of the weather before work. Last one for 3 nights and got a big bike ride coming up on Sunday :)
Had someone and something on my mind and can't seem to think about much else not sure if a good or bad thing :D

On the plus side the fitness side is going really well and have stopped worrying about being a disappointment to people. I am happy and if they aren't then tough. Looking forward to my weeks holiday next week. Roll on Monday :D 

9/15/2014 7:36:52 AM
Been and had an hour at the gym to clear my head before work! Grilled some garlic herb chicken to take for tea with me. 2 down 2 to go and some time off :D
Got to get out on the bike this week and get ready for Sunday and the big bike ride planned :)

9/14/2014 7:22:48 AM
Been and had a workout to try and clear my head a bit before work. Worked a bit but not much. Guess I will just have to continue working on myself and then maybe the rest will work itself out in time. I need to stop listening to people who just doubt me and want to drag me down again and concentrate on myself and what I want!!! 

9/13/2014 8:10:26 PM
Sat in work and things going round in my mind again! Why is it so hard to work out what is going on and if what I am doing is the right thing. I am working very hard to be the best I can be and just feel like sometimes it is never enough for some people. Who is there for me when I need to help me with my problems and concerns? Maybe I am just expecting too much but my family seem to have deserted me right now :-( I guess will have to work things out by myself!!

9/12/2014 11:06:17 AM
Been a weird day today. After the heartache of the news last night, I then had to run into the ex husband who decided he would shout yet more abuse at me in the street.
I know I made the right decision the day I got rid :)
Been to the gym and done the shopping and now just chilling before being back in work tomorrow night!!

9/11/2014 2:46:25 AM
Have a few things on my mind again. Have been to the gym and tried to work a few things out :/
Another nice day may go out on the bike and see if can clear my head for a bit!!

9/9/2014 6:26:06 PM
Sat in work not been a bad night bit quieter now and things going round in my head. Still no luck on the job front but they do say no news is good news...well let's hope so!
3 and a half hours and time for a few days off ;) Having some flooring laid in the kitchen this morning :)

9/8/2014 8:41:41 AM
Well I have managed to catch up on my sleep after yesterday and the 30k bike ride. Good job as back in work soon, still only 2 more to go and then hopefully some rest and relaxation time, well in between the gym and household chores haha :D 

9/7/2014 9:02:04 AM
OMG I have completed the bike ride and now am shattered just as have to go to work. Still can sleep when finish in the morning when I finish lol :)

9/6/2014 5:26:03 AM
What a morning I have had of running around and getting things done. Not been to the gym but have walked a few miles all in all today. Chilling now before work and then the 16 mile bike ride tomorrow weather permitting :)

9/5/2014 7:17:09 AM
Had a great chat late last night on the phone with MistressK55. It was nice to find a woman on here who wants to talk. She is very genuine and I hope that we can become friends :) 
Been to the gym this morning and been and got some cycling shorts and gloves for Sunday and the 16 mile bike ride :)
All in all been a good day I just need a drink now :D

9/4/2014 2:23:07 AM
Been and had today's session in the gym. Got a 16 mile bike ride coming up at the weekend weather permitting. It's gonna be tough and gonna push me to the max. Have done 15 miles but that was an easy route this is is trails and hills but it needs to be done :)

9/2/2014 6:58:47 PM
Sat in work and few things on my mind Something seems different and I can't decide what it is. Got the drs later see how much weight I have lost in last month and check blood pressure etc :-D

8/31/2014 5:54:08 PM
Well did my 11 mile bike ride yesterday and although things are aching I feel good that I did as a few thought I wouldn't. Well stick that in your pipe and smoke it lol cos I did :D

1 down 2 to go in next few weeks!!!! Want to be where I was on Friday!!!

8/28/2014 3:29:16 PM
Why is it when you say nothing is going to happen because you are in different countries and have a Master you are accused of being a fake?
Sour grapes I think because a dom assumes no submissive will say NO!!!!!!

8/28/2014 1:35:43 PM
Been and had some good time in the gym today and have pushed myself as far as I ever have before. Feel a lot better for it too. Got a day with Master tomorrow so looking forward to that :D
Soon be Sunday and the first of my 4 bike rides in a month :)

8/26/2014 7:36:04 AM
Been and had some gym time and now time to get ready for work. I am just glad it is my last one as this has been a tough weekend mentally and physically :(

8/23/2014 5:48:38 AM
Have been to the gym and tried to work some things out of my head. Got to go and work the night shift tonight and have a feeling it will be a busy weekend.

Hopefully go quicker though ;)

Yesterday was a tough day for me, but I got through it. Now looking forward to my bike rides coming up the first one next Sunday and then each one building up more and more distance :o

Physically I am feeling good but just not quite so good mentally but I know I will get there as I have come through worse!! 

8/22/2014 5:08:23 AM
Has had a very tough morning. Why when you need someone is there never anyone around?

Gonna get out on the bike and try to clear my head!!!!

8/21/2014 1:34:19 AM
Up been to the gym and now back and showered...well I do have the 2 16+ miles and have now booked onto a 27 mile one in Oct eek :)

Now having a brew and then get some jobs done at home.

8/20/2014 9:06:44 AM
In work last night and have booked myself onto two bike rides next month, both over 16 miles. Best get prepared ;)

8/19/2014 7:14:25 AM
One more shift to go and then some days off I wonder what I shall do!!!!

8/18/2014 5:52:37 PM
In work and not too busy which is not good as giving me time to think :(

Looking forward to my few days off though and some time in the gym and hopefully on the bike if the weather is fit :)

8/17/2014 6:46:12 AM
It is good to have the football season back. Saturday and Sundays spent listening to the games chilling before work :D
Was a busy night in work last night and not really slept well but have had enough I hope as back in soon.
After the events of the news on Friday I have decided that I am going to do what I want to do and enjoy myself as life is just too short. If anybody has a problem with the way I do things then I don't care because I am happy!! 

8/16/2014 6:51:21 AM
Had a couple of drinks last night and have been to the gym today. Chilling now before heading for a 12hr night shift :(

8/15/2014 8:14:05 AM
Has been a day from hell and I am so in need of a drink tonight :(

8/15/2014 2:34:19 AM
I have just received some bad news today so if messages are not answered I am not been rude I am just not in the mood :(


8/14/2014 9:19:13 AM
Had a good session at the gym today :D
Feeling a little more positive than yesterday the good night's sleep must have helped :)

8/13/2014 8:19:09 AM
I hate waiting for news you feel so helpless and no matter what I try to do I cannot distract my mind from it. Think I may have a beer or glass of wine tonight might help me sleep if nothing else :/

8/13/2014 5:19:34 AM
Just been to the gym. Needed some time to think and clear my head after finding out last night that a friend was taken ill in Scotland and she is in hospital :(
Could do with a drink and some distraction but not sure if it would make me feel better :/

8/12/2014 7:33:33 PM
A couple more hours to go then home and a few days off :)

Few things to sort out while off as well as getting in the gym and housework done :)

8/11/2014 6:25:54 PM
Sat in work things going around in my head again. Really cannot wait for my days off and get into the gym and try to clear my head a bit. It is always the best way may even try and get there this afternoon just see what time I get up as back in work tonight :)

8/11/2014 6:43:53 AM
2 down and 2 to go. I am so ready for my time off. Have one or two things on my mind and need to get in the gym and try to clear my head. Not sure if I will be able to get out on the bike but the gym will be ok :)

8/10/2014 6:28:03 PM
Work has been quite busy tonight with the weather. Have just listened to the conclusion of the golf and all gone fairly quiet for a bit so can do the paperwork and kill some time before finishing and going to bed :D

8/10/2014 7:06:46 AM
Been to Asda and bought all the stuff to make fruit smoothies and drinks and now my blender won't work so not happy :(

Oh well just have to listen to the football before going back to work :)

8/8/2014 5:51:05 AM
Have been to the gym and done the shopping. Just had a light lunch and now to tackle the cleaning :)

8/6/2014 12:21:04 PM
Have been out and had such a lovely day. I have had some fun, nice food and drink, great company and returned the favour by doing some household chores. I really am very spoilt :D

8/5/2014 8:23:43 AM
Been out on the bike for a bit to clear my head and done my home workout before heading off to work for my last shift until Saturday :D

Feeling good and quite positive right now :)

8/4/2014 8:15:42 AM
I have caught up on my sleep after work this morning. 2 more nights to go and some time off :D

8/3/2014 7:16:02 AM
Have just completed 2 laps of the Manchester Skyride cycling 25k or 10 miles and I feel good as well as shattered because only had 2 hours sleep after working 12 hour nightshift :D
All my hard work is paying off finally :D

8/2/2014 4:25:24 AM
Hope the weather picks up before tomorrow and the skyride. Have been out this morning and it was a little wet :(
All ready for the 12.5k though :)

8/1/2014 8:51:03 AM
Have been running about all day and the day started at 5am. Was in the gym early and been on the bike, got wages done shopping and had hair done. I feel shattered :)

7/30/2014 11:55:21 AM
Have been out on the bike this morning and sent off my passport application forms. All helps in the preparation for the skyride on Sunday.

Been to the gym and done my usual steady session followed by some weights and toning exercise at home in between the housework :)

Feeling very positive and motivated right now :D

7/29/2014 8:24:44 AM
I am so lucky to have found some people in my life who keep me motivated and focused in changing areas of my life, and I count my blessings everyday :D

They know who they are and thank you just doesn't seem enough :)

7/28/2014 7:10:43 PM
Once upon a time Monday and Tuesday's were the quiet nights to ease me towards my days off but not tonight although not too busy now.
Roll on Wednesday and some time off ;) although no fun for me this week :(

Got the Skyride on Sunday and they have upped the distance from 10k to 12.5k which should be fun lol :D

7/27/2014 7:21:16 AM
Well last night's 12 hour shift felt more like 24 hours as it was so busy. Got a feeling it's gonna be a very long week. Oh well at least I have Gideon Cross to keep me company. What I would do for my own Gideon Cross instead of reading about him :)

7/26/2014 6:23:56 AM
Had a few beers last night so have been to the gym and then out on the bike to clear my head for work later.

Feeling so good and positive right now about myself just need to sort some other stuff out :)

7/25/2014 4:57:17 PM
I am a little tipsy tonight. I needed a drink after today ;)
Back to work tomorrow :(

7/25/2014 7:20:49 AM
Been out on the bike doing some running around and when home I had cycled 11.3 miles no wonder I was hot :)

7/24/2014 4:02:02 PM
Have had a good 2 days in the gym and out on the bike making the most of the glorious weather. Loads of running about tomorrow day so may do some on the bike again :)

7/23/2014 4:40:57 AM
Have been to the gym followed by a good bike ride. I have just been looking through some photo's on my computer from last year and cannot believe how much I have changed mentally and physically in the last 12 months. This is definitely the way I want to continue going forwards :D

7/21/2014 8:10:43 AM
Roll on tomorrow excited already :D

7/19/2014 8:39:09 AM
So apparently I need to get a life. Well yes I probably could get out more and meet more people. But I am happy with the way my life is going right now. I am the healthiest and fittest I have been in probably 15/20 years and I am a completely different person to what I was 18 months ago. If people don't like that then tough I am concentrating on the things that are more important for me personally. If you don't like my journals then it's simple don't read them!!! 

7/18/2014 12:39:23 PM
Been out on the bike today and really pushed myself. Things on my mind tonight so just a quiet one in front of the tv with a beer sounds like the plan for me. Back to work tomorrow :(

7/17/2014 1:34:14 PM
It's been another long week, not seen anyone since coming back from doctor's. Things going around in my head again :(

7/17/2014 2:45:54 AM
Didn't sleep well last night for some reason so was up and in the gym early this morning. Off to the doctors shortly for a check up and looks like a nice day so make the most of this sunshine is the rest of the day for me :)

7/16/2014 7:25:25 AM
Been out on the bike and cycled between 10 and 12 miles before the rain started. Just been and got some shopping and now chilling :)

7/15/2014 6:30:45 PM
Work is quiet tonight giving me time to think about things which is not always good. Trying to keep busy so I stop thinking but once things in my head it is difficult to forget :(
3 and a half hours then I can go home :)

7/15/2014 7:57:36 AM
Been and had some gym time before getting ready for work, my last one for 3 days. Hopefully the weather will be good and I can get out on the bike and clear my head after a busy weekend. Be good to have some me time although not in the way I would like :)

7/13/2014 6:32:38 AM
Have just been and bought some ankle/wrist weights and some dumbbells to help with the toning side. Will be good was interesting cycling home with them in a bag on my back :D

Never compare your journey with someone else's. Your journey is your journey not a competition!!!!

7/11/2014 8:58:02 AM
This is the first time I have had a chance to sit down all day. Started early and cycled to the gym came back showered and then went to pay the bills and do the shopping and done some tidying up. Soon be time to get the tea on then chill on my last night off work for 4 nights :) may even go a glass of wine ;)

7/10/2014 9:11:03 AM
well this has been another long and stressful week :(

I have just finished my mountain of ironing ooh the high life I lead 

7/10/2014 4:37:28 AM
Been to the gym and had another good session and cycled back the long way round. Had a shower and chilling now in this good weather :)

7/9/2014 1:25:29 AM
Well I have been and done a couple of hours in the gym and feel good this morning apart from one or two things on my mind.
A break from work for a few days just what the doctor ordered when I saw him yesterday.
He has told me to try and relax more as I am the healthiest I have been in years and does not want me getting ill or run down from stress :)

Still trying to decide what to do for my birthday. Have a surprise day booked by my sister but that is 2 months before my birthday :D

7/7/2014 6:16:17 PM
Sat in work phones not ringing this shift is dragging again tonight. Got the doctors later today and see if the hard work I have put in has been enough :/

Things on my mind tonight and been quiet just makes it worse. Questions I don't know if I can answer and still trying to decide what to do for my birthday since it's a big one.

Over thinking ruins you, ruins the situation, twists things around, makes you worry and just makes everything much worse than it actually is!!!

7/7/2014 8:03:46 AM
Well it has been a long weekend and I am so not looking forward to this week as I know it is going to be long and uneventful. Just work and a lot of time to sort a few things out is going to be the order of the week :(

7/6/2014 6:34:05 AM
I knew this was gonna be a long week and if last night's shift was anything to go by it is going to get longer :(

Have been to the supermarket and got something nice and healthy to take to work. Yes I am taking this health kick seriously as I am loving seeing the benefits as well as feeling better too. Just hopefully more people will notice, because when I get the comments and encouragement it helps to keep my focus :)

7/4/2014 3:58:22 PM
This week is gonna be another long week :(

7/4/2014 1:03:51 PM
Done my home exercise routine this morning then went out and hit the shops. Have got a nice new pair of shoes as well some other things ;)

Having a small glass of wine tonight as back in work tomorrow :(

7/3/2014 10:19:08 AM
Really not having a good day today. Really need to get away from it all if even for a night!!!

7/2/2014 1:49:59 PM
Bed time and yet again things going round in my head. Done my ironing and put it away :)
Off to the gym again tomorrow and maybe the bike too 

7/2/2014 9:17:14 AM
Done my washing and been to the gym and worked some frustrations out. Now looks like a night chilling and maybe a small glass of wine :)

7/1/2014 10:52:59 PM
Well have now finished for 3 days off :D

Having a brew while the washing does,hang it out then off to the gym. Determined to get stuff sorted out in my head and the best place to do that is the gym 

7/1/2014 5:52:19 AM
Been to the doctors and followed that with a trip to the gym. Resting up now before heading off to my last shift until weekend :D

Somebody said to me I should stop caring what other people think. Stop taking caution in my actions, listen to what I want and what I want to do as this is my life and I should live it so that is what I am going to do.

6/30/2014 6:33:34 PM
Sat in work and tonight it is very quiet giving me all the time to think certain things through.
I hate this time of night when at work because I cant switch anything off.

Got to get up early tomorrow as got doctors appointment and then work tomorrow night for my last one. Roll on Wednesday :)

6/29/2014 7:24:48 AM
Well last night's shift was a joke 2 members of staff down and last weekend of month so everyone been paid and mega busy with just 2 of us. Hope not the same tonight. Roll on Wednesday and my time off so I can have a drink ;)

Making one person smile can change the world, maybe not the whole world but their world!

6/28/2014 8:12:42 AM
Been to the gym this morning and worked a few things out. Off to work soon for 1st of 4 night shifts oh the joy :(

Things playing on my mind a bit and some things have not helped this week but I will get there :)

Society is going to judge you anyway, so do whatever you want to do!!

6/27/2014 1:05:06 PM
Enjoying the Glastonbury coverage on TV would be better if there but this is next best :)

6/27/2014 5:57:21 AM
Been and had another good session in the gym and for the first time this week I can feel the benefits of my hard work :D

Back to work tomorrow :(

6/26/2014 8:31:37 AM
I sometimes wonder why I bother with anything at all!!!!

6/26/2014 5:26:04 AM
After not sleeping very well again last night due to thoughts on my mind and being warm I was up early and headed to the gym. Smashed it again so yesterday was not a fluke :D

Now what to do with the rest of the day!!

6/25/2014 4:07:48 PM
Bedtime and things going round in my head again. Why does it always happen at bedtime and not in the middle of the day :(
Best try and get some sleep and then up and out to the gym in the morning see if today's session was a fluke or a sign that my fitness is getting better :)

6/25/2014 5:45:52 AM
Been to the gym and had a really good session smashed my PB on the rowing machine :D
Had shower and some lunch and now time to chill for a bit!

Have been sat thinking and wondering what I can do for my 40th birthday. It's not until November but everyone keeps asking, so I guess I need to decide on how to celebrate this milestone in my life, as they say life begins at 40 but if truth be told mine started at 38 and a half :D

6/24/2014 8:22:54 AM
Woke up early as too warm so headed to the gym. One more shift for me then a few days off so get some gym time and maybe time out on the bike if the weather good. As for anything else just have to wait and see :)



6/23/2014 5:35:00 AM
Been out on the bike again this morning making the most of the weather. I get back to a nasty and rude message from someone. I can't even send a reply as the loser has blocked me probably doesn't want to hear the truth.
Some people are sad. Yes I am overweight but I have lost over 3 stone in 18 months and I am not going to let these narrow minded and rude ignorant people set me back.
I will always answer messages but those who just want to abuse me in any way can jog on. Rant over!!

6/22/2014 11:26:25 AM
Whenever there is an end, there's always a new beginning.

So true for me when I look back to how I was just over a year ago. I am a completely different person. Not all changes are complete but they are getting there with help and encouragement :)

Those who have helped know who they are and I could not have done it and kept focused without them. So thanks :D

6/22/2014 3:29:41 AM
Was up early this morning so been to the gym. Not used to seeing Sunday mornings with working Saturday night it makes a nice change :)
Back in work tomorrow night for 2 nights has to be done as I didn't win the lotto last night :(

6/21/2014 5:57:31 AM
Done between 8 and 10k this morning on the bike. Feel refreshed now had a shower and see what else I can plan for my next 2 nights off before back to work on Monday :)

6/20/2014 1:45:56 AM
Was in the gym this morning for 8 as I woke up early again. Going to get my bike fixed soon so will be able to get out on the bike again maybe later and over the weekend as this weather looks like it is here to stay and I am off work for the weekend which makes a change :)

6/19/2014 6:40:02 AM
Been and had an hour in the gym but knackered after a busy but great 24 hours. Called at Asda and got some salad for tea and then chill while I see if England can hopefully get a win in the world cup :)

6/17/2014 3:50:52 PM
Spent a great part of the morning in the gym this morning and got some jobs done this afternoon. Very happy to be seeing Master tomorrow and can't wait to see what he has in store for me ;)

6/16/2014 6:57:01 AM
Now on a weeks holiday :D Have been to the gym this morning and had a good workout. Need to get the bike fixed and I can make some use of the good weather as that clears my mind a bit better. I am slightly confused by one or 2 things at the moment and some fresh air could help to sort some of the confusion out!!

6/14/2014 4:35:12 AM

Well after yet another restless nights sleep I have been to the gym and had a workout.

Someone or something on my mind as usual :)

 

Off to work for 12 hour night shift but on the plus side only got tonight and tomorrow then a whole week off to hopefully get a few things sorted and have some time and if spent with some great company even better :D


6/9/2014 8:29:28 AM

Someone and something on my mind today and I have to say it is confusing to say the least. I have been to the gym and tried to clear my mind before work but it doesn't seem to have worked very well.

 

Sure it will work itself out in time. Get the bike fixed and then I can hit the open roads and bike trails in preparation for the skyride at the end of the month :)

 

Some people may find my journals disinteresting but I find it a good way to get my feelings out rather than bottle them up and it does me good. If you don't like them then sorry do not read them and move on!!


6/8/2014 6:42:51 AM

Well it has been a while since my last entry.

Had a fantastic day yesterday it was just what the doctor ordered, just a shame had to go to work and not let it continue ;)

 

I am not sleeping well lately but I am starting to feel good about myself again and it has been a long time since I felt good in myself. I think my confidence is coming back after taking a knock plus getting some words of wisdom and advice from someone who knows me very well :)

 

Hope this is back to stay and can stay on this track. I have my skyride 3 weeks today and need to get back on the bike when fixed tomorrow so praying get some great weather between now and then :)


5/24/2014 3:40:20 AM

Been for a walk this morning to try and clear my head again. I don't know why people have a certain habit of getting inside my head making it impossible to concentrate on anything else but they do.

Anyway done a bit of cleaning up and hung out the washing all before heading back into work tonight :(

 

Just heard a song saying how life is a Roller coaster and just gotta ride it. How true this is for me right now. I feel as if I am on a roller coaster both mentally and physically and cannot get off the ride :(


5/23/2014 6:31:16 AM

Been to the gym this morning and tried to clear my head. Back to work tomorrow :(


5/21/2014 10:32:10 AM

Went out on the bike and did just around 6 miles, now bike needs some minor repairs before I can go too far again so I guess tomorrow it maybe a walk to the gym instead :(

 

Hopefully it will rain so then I won't be wanting to go on the bike :)


5/20/2014 5:48:02 PM

Well almost 6am and home for 3 days. I am hoping for some decent weather as have a bike trail planned if stays fine and not sure what else as yet, more than likely some time in the gym and doing a few things around home.

 

One thing I do know is I am ready for a drink after working all weekend ;)

 

A few things on my mind tonight and not helping work been pretty quiet at least when busy I can't spend so much time thinking and dwelling. The last few weeks I have felt like I am on an emotional rollercoaster and the ride is not showing any signs of stopping :(


5/19/2014 8:34:17 AM

When you're alone, you think. When you think, you remember and when you remember, you feel pain!

The scars you can't see tend to be the hardest to heal!

 

Been out on the bile for an hour before work to try and clear my head but not really worked :(

 

Ready for my days off again this week, and hopefully with the good weather still here :)


5/17/2014 7:46:19 AM

Been out on the bike for a couple of hours this morning and got a bit of a suntan before heading to work later.

Love been at home in the day just will be a nightmare tomorrow trying to sleep in the heat :(

 

Will be glad when Wednesday comes along and a few days off but there again will probably rain knowing Manchester and my luck :) 


5/16/2014 2:50:57 PM

Well today has been a waste of a day. Went out on the bike this morning before waiting all afternoon for the phone company to come who never arrived.

Back to work tomorrow for 4 nights :(


5/15/2014 5:04:34 PM

Listen to the advice of older people. Not because they are right, but because they have the most experience of being wrong!!!


5/13/2014 5:31:03 PM

Well this has been the toughest few nights in work for me. I have gone through so many emotions this weekend I will be glad to get out at 6 and go and get out on the bike and clear my head. I have 3 days off and I plan to put them to good use ;)


5/12/2014 6:56:01 PM

"No matter what shape you are in, everyone can make improvements. This is your time. You can change your story".

 

That statement is so true for me right now. I have made so many changes but there is still more for me to do if I want to be truly happy within myself and with other's. Some are going to easy changes but some not so easy!!

 

Right now I feel like I am going through an emotional roller coaster and cannot get off :(


5/12/2014 8:58:31 AM

Oh well another another dollar :(

On the plus side the weather is going to be better for my days off and plan to get out on the bike as well as in the gym :)

 

Need some fun but that will come all in good time :)


5/11/2014 7:24:19 PM

Had a great afternoon at the City game and did see the trophy and had some celebrating before heading to work although tiredness creeping in now and still a little over 2 hours to go.

 

Hopefully will hear about the job interview this week and a new start with a new job :)

 

Ready for a drink after this weekend's shifts and still got 2 more to do, so roll on Wednesday ;)


5/10/2014 8:47:15 AM

Been and had some gym time this morning and now time to get ready for the night shift and then home to bed before getting up for the final day of the football season and hopefully see City lift the title before heading to work again :)

 

Hopefully will hear about this job soon and I can give up the nights and weekends working :)


5/9/2014 8:21:04 AM

Been to the gym, done the shopping and had an interview. All in all a good day. I need a drink now :)


5/8/2014 8:44:56 PM

Missing someone is not easy. I do it everyday!!


5/8/2014 3:09:24 AM

Well the football was good last night and feel better after a good night's sleep and a couple of hours in the gym this morning now to tackle the house :)


5/7/2014 8:30:45 AM

Not been the best of days feel very alone right now hopefully the football will cheer me up tonight!! :(


5/5/2014 7:25:21 PM

Work is quiet now and it is just giving me time to think about my tests at the doctor's on Wednesday afternoon :/ 


5/4/2014 5:33:23 AM

Sometimes it's the bad things that happen in our lives that puts us on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!!


5/3/2014 3:30:12 AM

Have been to the gym this morning and had a short workout as I am off out on the bike now since it is a lovely day and I have to go to work later for the night shift.

 

You owe it to yourself to be the best you can possibly be!!


5/2/2014 4:28:37 PM

Had a very busy day today and managed to take my mind off things for a while at least. Now on my own again and my thoughts have started going around in my head :(


5/1/2014 4:32:05 AM

Been to the gym to try and take my mind off my tests next week. Called at Asda and now just home and get some jobs done :)

 

Tired of wishing, hoping and waiting for something that is most likely not going to happen!


4/30/2014 6:19:25 AM

Been to the gym and had a decent workout this morning so feeling good :)

Off to the Asda to get something for tea as need a few other things too and maybe a little drink ;)


4/29/2014 8:26:35 AM

Don't confuse your path with your destination. Just because it's stormy now doesn't mean you aren't headed for sunshine!!


4/27/2014 6:40:23 PM

A person needs just 3 things to be happy in life: someone to love..., something to do and something to hope for :)


4/26/2014 2:12:49 AM

Apparently my journals should not be about me going to work and doing the housework. And as for going to the gym and cycling I am still FAT.

Well newsflash I know I am fat and no oil painting but at least I am trying to change for the better and I know that I am changing I can the change in my photos.

 

If you don't like me or what is in my journal simple don't look at me or read them!!!!


4/25/2014 7:59:46 AM

Have been to the gym and have done the shopping so not a bad day :)

 

Back to work tomorrow. It will be busy no doubt but not as busy as last week. Have some ironing to tackle later so that is my Friday night sorted. Ooh the high life I lead :(

 

No word from the doctors about my hospital appointment but hopefully soon :)


4/24/2014 12:00:22 PM

Done a few jobs at home and had some tea. Still got things on my mind I need to try and think of something else or I am going to go mad!!

 

Off to the gym again in the morning before heading out to do the shopping. Maybe a busy day is what I need :)

 

Think I need some time away from work and the house :(


4/24/2014 2:58:01 AM

Have just got back from the gym and had a decent session and worked out some things on my mind while there.

 

Will be glad when this hospital appointment comes through and can get things sorted properly!! 


4/23/2014 6:03:48 AM

Have done the washing, been to the gym and wasted my time going to the doctors and now I Need a big drink. I may have to open the bottle of wine in the fridge!!!


4/22/2014 10:40:45 PM

Well thank heavens that weekend is over. Has to have been the busiest weekend of the year so far.

Now time to catch up with the housework, gym and maybe a drink or two!!!


4/22/2014 8:01:52 AM

Last night in work coming up and hopefully some fun as well as the housework which needs doing!

Hopefully tonight will be quiet after 3 busy nights.

Done myself a nice grilled chicken breast with some salad to take and then tomorrow morning get back in the gym as been a few days since last went. Summer is coming and I would like to get down another dress size before then :). Never know may even get a chance to get out somewhere nice and show it off!!


4/21/2014 5:18:27 PM

Another busy night in work again just starting to quieten down a bit now, ready for home though things on my mind and tired :(

 

Why is it whatever I do it is not good enough for people and what I want is not what other's want?

 

On the plus side only one more to do and then some time off ;) just hope the weather is good and I can get out on the bike and get to do a few other things too!!


4/20/2014 7:52:21 PM

Work busy again tonight and things on my mind right now. Gonna be ready for home at 6am and even more ready for my days off!!

 

Have a few things I need to deal with this week

 

"Sometimes you have to distance yourself from people. If they care they will notice and if they don't, you know where you stand with them"


4/20/2014 5:37:58 AM

Happy Easter to everyone don't overdo the Easter eggs :)

 

Have slept very well this morning after a very busy night shift last night and back in again tonight.

Will be a very busy 4 night this week I shall be glad when my time off comes :)


4/19/2014 8:55:21 AM

Been out on the bike to clear my head, had a shower and now ready to go to work and tackle the night shift..well sort of. Going to be a busy weekend I will be ready for a drink come Wednesday and my time off :)

 

 


4/18/2014 11:35:03 PM

Ended up going out for a meal last night and having far too much red wine so have a funny head today and in work tonight :(

I may go out on the bike later to try and clear my head for that although I do need to go and do a supermarket shop as well


4/17/2014 8:52:26 AM

Off to meet my best friend in town tomorrow and have a look around the shops and some lunch. Will have to see if I can get myself something nice ;) for the next time I have a night out or in as the case may be :D


4/17/2014 2:23:05 AM

Have just got back from an early session at the gym and it was a great session after my night out last night :)

Few jobs to do today around the house and got my niece and nephew for a while today!

 

"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us"


4/15/2014 10:35:06 PM

Well that is work done for 3 days time to get out on the bike today I think since the weather is good. Football tonight too so best get my singing voice ready :)


4/15/2014 6:58:50 PM

People think that to be strong is to never feel pain. But in reality, the strongest people are the ones who feel it but get through it!!


4/15/2014 7:16:30 AM

Still thinking about what project I can take on. Been out on the bike for the last couple of hours enjoying the beautiful weather and clearing my head before my last work shift till the the weekend. Will be ready for my days off after this weekend as seem to be feeling tired more than ever, it could be the calm before the storm as I think next weekend will be busy :(

 

 


4/14/2014 7:29:49 PM

Have decided I need a project not a hobby something a bit bigger than that just to take my mind off other things. The big question is what project...........


4/14/2014 5:47:01 PM

Sat in work it's a bit quiet tonight just gives me time to think about things. Hoping this nice weather stays and I can get out on the bike on my days off clear away a few cobwebs and just get out in the open air without getting wet will be good.

Football as well and that is always better when not raining :)

 

Judging by tonight this is going to be a long week on my own

People say it gets better, but sometimes it doesn't, it just gets different that's all!!


4/14/2014 7:03:25 AM

Been out on the bike for a cycle up the canal after waking up with a headache. It is nice to make the most of the good weather before heading back into work later. Roll on Wednesday and a few days off.

Will be good to get in the gym but if weather this good may get out on the bike a bit more and got the football on Wednesday night :)

Everyone making plans for Easter weekend and mine are just for work the sooner I get another job the better!!


4/13/2014 8:53:49 AM

Listened to the football and not the result wanted but a good game. Off to work now for another 12hr night shift oh the interesting life I lead...all work and sleep :(


4/12/2014 3:56:49 AM

Had a lovely night last night but a very early start this morning and in work later. Been out on the bike for the last couple of hours to blow away some cobwebs and clear my head. A few little jobs around the house and then back into work tonight for a 12 hour night shift... oh the joy. Hopefully Wednesday will soon come around and some time off again :)


4/10/2014 2:51:33 PM

Had a really good session at the gym today and then a visit from my sister with my niece and nephew which was nice. One more day off and then back to work :(

 

My ex really needs to get a life instead of hanging around near my house!!!


4/9/2014 1:06:11 PM

Why am I such a disappointment? Am I really that bad that people can just let me down? Am I not allowed to have feelings and needs and wants in life?

 

Just a few things going around in my head.

All I want in life is to be happy in my job and home life it's not much to ask is it?

 

Had an interview yesterday and have heard today I have not been chosen for the position so looks like I am stuck where I am for now.

 

Need to get back in the gym tomorrow and will work off some frustrations!!! 


4/9/2014 9:47:43 AM

Did my jobs and then went for a walk along the canal this afternoon to clear my head. Came back sat down and fell asleep :D the night shift catching up on me amongst other things.

Going to make some tea and then chill for the evening and listen to the football :)

 

I am still considering the job offer and my cv has been spotted on a job site with an invite to call them. I need to be sure that whatever move I make is the right one.

I have spent a long time being unhappy in various points of my life and now I am stronger I want to be happy so I will make decisions based on what can make me happy!!


4/9/2014 1:36:23 AM

Bed changed and been to gym all before 10am :)

Was hoping it might clear my head but no, no such luck. If it stays fine I may go out on the bike and see if that works!

 

Some cleaning to do first and when washing dry, the ironing :) I can barely contain my excitement :D

 

Need to decide what to do about things!!


4/8/2014 10:24:22 PM

Spent most of the night thinking things through. Why can I never find the answers that I want and why can I never seem to get what I want?

I have put a new pic in my profile and the transformation in me from last year I have to say is amazing. I have a long way to go but I know I will get there :)


I have now finished for 3 days and off to the gym in a bit after some breakfast and a brew anyway :)

 

 

Shall be ready for a drink after that!!

 


4/8/2014 6:20:40 PM

It's a quiet night in work which is good as it gives me time to think about a job offer I got yesterday afternoon :)

Trying to decide if it would be a good move for me or not. Less hours, similar money, days and not every weekend and home for 5pm every day what's not to like :)

The more I think about it the more appealing it is getting  


4/8/2014 7:36:36 AM

Off to work soon for my last shift till the weekend.

Time to get in the gym tomorrow and maybe if the weather any good on the bike :-)

 

Just spoken to my sister and my niece is doing well hopefully be out of the special care unit soon so I can go for a cuddle, I can't believe she is 5 weeks old today already the time has flown by.


4/7/2014 7:09:16 PM

Sat in work things going around in my head and then an email alert for a job which I am interested in so what do I do.... the only logical thing I apply :)

All I can do now is wait and see if I get a call to go for an assessment and then hopefully the interview :)


4/7/2014 5:01:10 PM

Unexpected text messages from the right person can have a positive on the mind and body, instantly improving a person's mood!!


4/6/2014 6:41:14 PM

Not all scars show. Not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't see the pain someone feels still it is good that crying keeps you healthy by literally flushing away harmful bacterial and reducing stress!!


4/6/2014 8:19:11 AM

Feels like I am banging my head against a brick wall with work. It doesn't matter what you do it is never good enough. I work 12 hour nights and just had a phone call asking me to go in now 2 hours earlier. Wouldn't mind but day staff don't start till 11am today and only want to go out drinking I wish I could!!!

Can't remember time last had a drink :(


4/6/2014 4:33:59 AM

Well had a good day at the football with the right result and then come home to watch the Grand national to watch my horse win me the work sweepstake :D

 

Went to work and had a very busy shift and now just want my days off again only 3 to go and then time for me.

Day off from the gym back in tomorrow afternoon unless good weather and then maybe out on the bike it may just clear my head :)


4/5/2014 7:32:31 AM

Been to the football and seen a good win now to see if my horses get placed or win the Grand National all before heading to work for another 12 hour night shift!!

Hopefully some playtime after my 4 nights I will be ready for it ;)


4/4/2014 12:52:03 PM

Well my last night off work for a few nights!!!

 

Off to the football tomorrow lunchtime should be a good game and a sell out :)

 

Been a busy day today have walked miles and that was after an early session in the gym :D


4/4/2014 1:41:06 AM

Been to the gym and back already and it's not even 10am :)

 

Busy day today hair appointment and shopping :D


4/3/2014 4:52:28 AM

I have been and had a really good session in the gym this morning. I actually did some extra so feeling quite proud of myself :D I think I can give myself a big pat on the back.

 

Just done some jobs at home and going to have some lunch before deciding what to do with the rest of my day.


4/2/2014 7:46:17 AM

Choose your relationships wisely, because it is better to be alone than in bad company!!


4/1/2014 6:59:23 PM

Good result on the football tonight! Only 3 more hours then home do a couple of jobs and then in the gym for around 8am get that done and maybe later if fine and nothing happening I can get out on the bike as well.

 

Sat in work and have a lot of things going around in my head.

I don't know why but I always feel like I am second best! Just for once I would like to be the first thought in somebody's mind is that too much to ask or am I kidding myself.

When married I was so far down the husbands list of priorities that I did not register and I always said I did not want things to be like that again and yet again here I am asking myself the same question!!! Funny thing is I see more of him now we have been apart for over a year than I ever did in almost 10 years of marriage!!!


4/1/2014 6:58:59 AM

Had a weird night in work last night one or two things on my mind. The last one tonight before some time off.

Want to get on the bike and blow away some cobwebs and clear a few things off my mind.

 

Hopefully some time for a drink ;-)


3/31/2014 8:27:49 AM

Have been and had an hour on the bike now time to get ready for work 2 down 2 to go. Roll on Wednesday and hopefully a drink or two ;-)

Been a busy weekend and hopefully tonight quiet as tomorrow won't be with the United game on :-(


3/30/2014 5:25:40 AM

Scorpio will give you 2 keys one to their heart......and one to their room!!!

Scorpio's love all their friends and would do anything for close friends!!

 


3/28/2014 2:32:13 PM

Just over a year ago my life was flipped upside down. Was it for the best I hear you ask!!

 

In all honesty YES it was. I have met some amazing people in the last year who have helped in so many ways and each and everyone knows who they are!!

I have changed as a person in so many ways and without advice,guidance and continued support I am not sure I would have got there. I still have a long way to go and I know that I will look back in the future and know that I did the right thing.

 

Thank you to all of you I could not do it without you and I hope it continues!!!!!!!!


3/28/2014 10:10:46 AM

Well today has been a funny day. Had a couple of hours in the gym before heading off to get wages and do shopping and ended up having a row with the office manager who seems to think that they can just dump crap on me and I am going to sit there shut up and take it. Well now they know I wont and I hope I hear about this new job soon. Back into the hell hole tomorrow so tonight I may just get myself hammered :)


3/26/2014 6:01:16 AM

Wooo Hooo I knew the job search would pay off in the end. If all goes to plan I could be working even closer to home on Days Monday to Friday :D

Finally an end to the 12 hour night shifts and working for a proper company destined to go places :)


3/25/2014 11:24:59 PM

Well I have finished work for 3 night question is do I get some me time ;) Time to have some fun or is it all going to be work and no play. Shall have to see need to get in the gym at some point!!


3/23/2014 1:02:50 PM

Why do some of the dominants on here think that because I am a submissive they can be rude or try and give me an order. I am not looking to relocate in any way and I will not answer anymore rude messages!!!!!!! 


3/23/2014 6:15:14 AM

Have been and had my workout at the gym and cycled there and back the long way round so feeling better today:D  Off to the supermarket to get a few bits  for my tea and then chill on my last day before back in work tomorrow night :(


3/22/2014 3:48:17 PM

Great afternoon at the football. Need to get in the gym tomorrow and work off the meal I have had tonight now though. Back to work Monday and back to usual :(


3/22/2014 4:12:20 AM

Been out on the bike this morning and cycled around 7 miles altogether so feeling good :)

 

Off to the football this afternoon I hope it stays fine and dry :)


3/21/2014 8:31:58 AM

Been to the gym and had another good session :)

Been to the supermarket and walked the dogs and feeling a little better today.

 

Just waiting for some blood test results on Monday or Tuesday now and once got them will feel better hopefully :)

 

Had a run in with the ex husband yesterday and even after a year separated I let him get to me which I need to stop as I have made a lot of changes to myself and my life and it is all for the better and I need to keep remembering that I am so much better off without him :)


3/20/2014 6:58:48 PM

Scorpio wont wait around for you to make the move. Either make your move or move on!!!!


3/20/2014 8:32:36 AM

Some sad people who go through life just using other's for they want and when they don't get their own way they just walk away!!

Worse when all you have ever done is try and help them thinking they were decent!!


3/20/2014 4:43:06 AM

Been to the gym, come back showered and been for a blood test all before 12pm. Now the day to get on with some jobs after a hard deserved cuppa :D


3/19/2014 6:29:25 AM

Been to the gym and out on the bike. Now time to tackle the cleaning. Loving my time off :D

 

Few things to sort out as well but nice to have the time too 


3/18/2014 4:51:07 PM

So many wannabe's fakes and just generally rude people on this site!!!


3/18/2014 2:45:15 PM

Well I managed to get some time in the gym today and have done some jobs at home more to do tomorrow after the gym :)


3/17/2014 9:40:45 AM

Have managed to get a few things done today but feel as if I have wasted a lot of the day running about unnecessarily :(

Tomorrow if back early enough I want to tackle the kitchen and bathroom as it needs a good sort out!!

A week off thinking I can get some stuff done and first day and I get waylaid :( at least beginning of the week and not the end I guess!!


3/16/2014 11:53:26 PM

Woo Hoo it finally has come a week off and to say I need it is an understatement :)

 

Time to do what I want to for the next week and not have to think about work. If they ring then I am unavailable until next Monday night.

 

I want to crack on in the gym and on the bike and get my house into some sort of order!!!!!


3/16/2014 7:43:38 AM

Just had some photos of my niece who is 2 weeks old tomorrow and she was not due for another 8 weeks. She is so small but doing well but couldn't help but get emotional looking at the photos :(

 

Had another busy Saturday night at work last night thank god tonight is my last one and I can spend some time this week getting things sorted in my house and hopefully some time on the bike and in the gym :)

 

Had a very strange dream this morning which woke me up feeling very strange :/


3/14/2014 2:11:25 PM

Something on my mind again and now on my own I just sit thinking about everything trying to get it straight in my head!!!

Up for the gym in the morning and then off to work for 1st of 2 nights and then a break :)


3/14/2014 6:18:06 AM

Gym done, rent paid and now just time to sort some things out at home. Get my life in order :) Two nights in work and then a whole week off next week and hopefully some me time!!


3/12/2014 9:27:22 AM
A year ago tomorrow my husband left and I am sat here thinking how much myself and my life has changed in that time. I am continuing with the changes and I can see a lot more changes over the next year :) He said I could not survive without him what a load of shit. I have moved on while he still in the same rut. I know which one of us has survived :)

3/12/2014 3:14:01 AM

Well that is the gym done for today :)

Showered and had some breakfast now for some housework while I wait for the postman and a parcel to be delivered.


3/11/2014 6:23:08 PM

Roll on 6am this office is giving me cabin fever :(

3 days off wonder if I shall get some me time this week and time for a drink or 2, maybe tonight while I listen to the football :)

off to the gym first thing as been a couple of days since went last was out on the bike yesterday felt good in the fresh air :)


3/11/2014 9:17:34 AM

Been out on the bike for a bit since the weather is so good and was hoping it may clear my head a little bit as not sleeping much. Off to work for my last shift soon and then got a whole week off next week :D

Sometimes wonder if I will ever learn but I probably wont just keep making same mistakes again and again but I guess it is how I deal with them that makes me stronger.

 

With all that is going on and again my family and friends who say they care are nowhere!!!


3/10/2014 6:29:30 AM

Well with things on my mind and neighbours kicking doors in it's no wonder I am having trouble sleeping and now the police want to know if I heard or saw anything this morning... the answer being No I was trying to sleep so did not pay attention!!


3/9/2014 8:49:34 PM

Sat in work and a lot quieter than last night and that just gives me more time to think about things. Almost 2 down and 2 to go before my days off and hopefully some time for me and to have a rest :)


3/9/2014 6:28:52 AM

Had some sleep after the nightmare shift and had some coffee now off to shower and get ready for the Man City game before heading off again to work!!


3/8/2014 8:37:38 PM

After tonight's joke of a fooking shift I am looking for another job. If anyone know's of anything serious in Manchester in and around Clayton please let me know. Only serious offers please!!!!!!!!!

 

Off home to bed and then up to go to the game for 4pm :)


3/8/2014 6:27:00 AM

Been to the gym and had a good training session I feel better everytime I go. Had a shower and some lunch and now just chilling before work and then see what the next week brings :)


3/7/2014 1:49:51 PM

Why is it when my family and friends need me I am there but when I need them they are nowhere to be seen :(

 

I shall remember in the future!!!!!!!!!!!!


3/7/2014 8:33:01 AM

I have had the busiest of days today. I was in the gym for 8am, been to the hospital to see my sister and niece, called at the supermarket and got something for tea and now I NEED a drink ;)

 

I think I shall partake in a small one tonight before being back in work tomorrow!!!!

Having a party all by myself. Oh I know how to live the high life :D Cheers!!!


3/6/2014 7:44:23 AM

Have been to the gym hoping to get rid of some frustrations and sort a few things out in my head. Someone or something seems to be dominating my thoughts right now ;)

 

Why the fuck can my ex husband not leave me alone!!!!!!!

 

Back to work Saturday so some more gym time tomorrow and a bit of shopping planned.


3/5/2014 9:45:16 AM

Scorpio's hate it when they are being lied straight to their face when they know every bit of the truth.

And when a scorpio asks a question,it's best to tell them the truth because chances are they are asking because they already know the answer!

 

Some people would do well to take note of that :)

 

I need a drink and some distraction tonight after a strange but happy start to the week!!


3/5/2014 1:17:52 AM

Gym done and dusted by half 9 cant be bad. Half 7 a good time to be there as only couple of people in. Now to get on with some housework and see what else needs doing. A woman's work and all that blah blah blah.

 

Will need a drink later!!!!


3/4/2014 8:41:19 AM

One more shift left until the weekend and I could do with a distraction. Will be spending some time in the gym and also have a job fair to go to on Thursday where I can hopefully find a new job :)

 

As for anything else just have to wait and see ;)


3/3/2014 5:43:58 PM

After Sunday's day of highs Monday has been an emotional day. A day of ups and downs. My niece was born at 3pm 9 weeks early and weighing in at a small 2lb 2 and although early signs ok she is stable and the next few days are critical. I cannot get to see them and this when I feel so alone. Sat in work now on my own and then home to an empty house no one to put an arm around me and make me feel like everything is right.

Like I say a day of mixed emotions :( 


3/2/2014 8:14:59 AM

Well it's a blue day in the City of Manchester :D. I am going to have a happy Master which means I'm happy ;)

Not looking good after 1st half but pulled it out of the bag 2nd half. Well done Manchester City!!!

 

On the down side work will be very busy tonight so I need to be on my game :( better have some coffees lol!!!


3/1/2014 3:50:07 AM

Had a glass of wine last night but have still managed to do my time in the gym this morning so feeling good :)

Back in work tonight though which is not so good hopefully not too busy!!


2/28/2014 9:15:06 AM

Everywhere you go it's mind games.

 

That instructor has pushed me today in the gym and I am feeling it this afternoon. Gonna have a bath and soak with a glass of wine ;) cos I need a drink or 2 maybe :D


2/28/2014 2:31:14 AM

Was up very early this morning so the gym done and dusted. Had a shower having a brew then tackle the shopping.

Might even have a cheeky glass of wine tonight ;) as back to work tomorrow 


2/27/2014 8:28:17 AM

Been and had another couple of hours in the gym. The instructor has upped some of the exercises to make it more of a workout and feeling it today but feel good as well must be the blood pumping more :)

 

One more day and back to work :( Think I need a drink before then!!


2/25/2014 8:46:59 AM

One more night in work and hopefully 3 days to do what I want to do and the first thing is I intend to get back in the gym as been a while since I last went.

 

Hopefully also some time to have a drink and some fun too as I need to forget some of my problems if just for a evening :)

 

Feeling a little better than last week though and more determined even contemplating taking part in a 10k run/walk in May just need to decide if I am ready for it. Could walk it but would like to think I could run some too. So will get in the gym in the morning on the treadmill and see if I could run and how far before I decide. 


2/22/2014 5:53:14 AM

Been and had some time out on the bike to try and clear my head. A weekend off is a rare thing for me and spending it on my own I don't know why I bother. Hopefully be fine again tomorrow and can get out on bike again as it was good getting back out and blowing a few cobwebs and stress away!

People reckon they care but they don't so hey ho look after myself as I have done for so long! 


2/21/2014 3:43:04 PM

I swear to god I have had enough of people taking the piss out of me even my own family doing it now :(


2/20/2014 2:33:00 PM

Back home after a very long couple of days. Now chillin for a couple of days :)


2/19/2014 12:11:16 AM

Honesty costs nothing. I have always been honest on here perhaps if I lie I may get what I am looking for too.

Anyway bigger things to get through today and tomorrow so after that I will sort out where I am going wrong with things in life!!


2/17/2014 5:22:14 PM

Some people on here are a joke, some are wannabe, some fakes and some who just don't deserve to find what they are looking for.

Break my confidence,break my faith and break my heart give it your best shot cos this week cannot get any worse!! 

I will be very careful who I correspond with and I will not be replying to nasty hurtful messages. I always respect other people and try to reply but will only do so if the same courtesy is shown.

Off to the gym tomorrow afternoon when I get up to try and get rid of some frustrations as it has been a couple of days since I had the chance to go!!!!! 


2/16/2014 7:05:38 AM

Had a really tough night at work last night and didn't finish till after 8am this morning and soon be time to go back in tonight. I just hope it's quieter :)

 

No time for the gym today so will and get some tomorrow as it helps to give me some time to clear my head as well as the obvious lol :)


2/15/2014 3:13:08 AM

I have been and had a workout at the gym this morning. Not a long one as in work later and have to go in later and finish later but least I will be able to watch the match before I go :D

 

Feel better for it this morning too got the blood pumping and things a little clearer in my head after a tough week and next week is going to be a tough week but I do have next weekend off for a nice change. Had just one Valentine's card which was an improvement on previous years lol


2/14/2014 1:57:05 PM

Some people need to be very careful about who they meet and who they trust. When something seems too good to be true means that it usually is. I have found that out and have been hurt yet again :(

But I know that I will be ok and I will bounce back. I am a sub but I do not deserve to have my feelings trampled on!!!


2/12/2014 7:33:00 AM

Surprising what you can find out when talking to people who think you know stuff. Well all I can say to my ex husband is look out because karma has a way of biting you right in the ass and I cannot wait to see when it does :)

 

Off to the match tonight think it will be a cold one though but the right result in the end :)


2/11/2014 5:28:04 PM

Sat in work and my head is spinning I don't know which way to go for the best. I know what my head and heart are saying but which do I listen to!!!


2/11/2014 6:16:58 AM

Why when I think situations are clear and sorted something comes along like a steam roller and makes me question everything again?

 

I just want people to be honest with me like I am with them!!!!


2/10/2014 5:31:28 PM

work not very busy tonight so the things on my mind are going around in my head :(

 

One more after tonight and a few days off :)


2/9/2014 5:07:08 AM

Had a very busy shift last with one staff member off and one who is as much use as a chocolate fire guard and now the neighbours have woken me up before my time :(

Back in again tonight but hopefully not as busy :)

Roll on Wednesday and some time off :) 


2/8/2014 8:16:38 AM

Looking at the weather I am glad I went for a nice walk this morning to clear some things on my mind although wish I didn't have to go to work tonight. Going to be a long weekend I think for me.

Least got the game to look forward to on Wednesday night and then shut myself away for valentines will hardly be innundated with offers to be wined and dined and the postman won't be struggling with my post lol!!


2/6/2014 2:13:18 PM

Been and had some much needed gym time today. Just chilling at home listening to the rain on the window glad I am not going anywhere :)


2/3/2014 7:24:21 PM

Why do so many people treat me like I have doormat written on my forehead. In the last year I have made lots of changes and that is the way I am going to continue so if people get hurt in the process I am not apologising for what I should have been doing a long time ago. I maybe a submissive but I also have a brain and intend to use it.

If anyone doesn't want a submissive with a mind of her own then I am not for you.

 

Rant over!!!!!!!


2/2/2014 8:36:48 AM

Had a very busy night in work last night but it did not stop me thinking about things :(

 

Always something to make me think and I cannot decide what to do and where to go!!!

 

Need to talk it over always good to talk :)


2/1/2014 6:28:11 AM

I am starting to think I may invest in a punchbag and then when people piss me off and I need to vent some frustrations I can punch that. Might also help with my fitness lol.

 

Just had another run in with the idiot just going to the paper shop and minding my own business shame he cannot do the same :(


1/30/2014 8:51:19 AM

Today is not a good day. I had a feeling when I got up it wouldn't be and it has got worse :(

 

Even going to the gym I have not managed to feel better!!!

 

 


1/29/2014 3:53:30 PM

Been out to watch the footie good result and great win. Had a few glasses of wine felling happy!!!!!!


1/29/2014 9:22:27 AM

Why is it when someone or something is on my mind I get constant reminders whatever I am doing?


1/28/2014 1:09:40 AM

Well off work for a few days and  a chance to catch up with a few things starting with the gym :)

Looking like a few cold and wet days so will have to find some indoor activities there is always the housework I guess and I do have some ironing to do!!!

 

When all that is done I can always curl up with my book :)


1/26/2014 7:26:53 PM

Sat in work and things are going around in my head. Starting to get a bit disillusioned with things and I don't know why.

People claim to know me but do they actually know or care what I want. The answer to that is no they don't because if they did, then there are certain things which they would not do or suggest.

 

Oh well guess just have to decide what I do want and try and explain things a little better!!!!!


1/26/2014 8:09:33 AM

Had a very busy night in work last night and not slept all that well this morning so hoping for a quiet night tonight. But then when too quiet it just sets me thinking and that is not always good.

 

All I want tonight is some peace and hopefully catch up on some reading in the early morning :)

One good thing is that this is the 2nd of only 3 shifts this week as I have Tuesday off for an early appointment Wednesday ;) so that will be a chance to get in the gym for some extra this week as not been for a couple of days although have done some walking and running about!!


1/24/2014 2:45:34 PM

Had a very busy but good day and now I am sat chilling with a bottle of beer and Bon jovi on the box. Heaven :)

 

Trying to take my mind off decisions which I need to make for a bit anyway!


1/23/2014 1:03:59 PM

Had a couple of productive hours in the gym today and a nice low fat meal cooked by myself tonight. Starting to enjoy my gym time more now I can,

 

Doesn't stop me thinking though about what I want and hope for in my life, but does help to clear my head :)


1/22/2014 3:00:37 AM

well I have been to the doctors and even with the Christmas indulgences I have managed to lose 6lbs in a 4 week period happy days. So the work in the gym and the bit on the bike have paid off :D

Total weight loss to date 2 stones 13lbs since October 2012 :D

Still thinking about things though :(

 


1/20/2014 5:50:17 PM

In work and yet again things going around in my head. I hate these quiet nights and days sometimes it gives me far too much time to think.

Tried to read my book but my mind keeps wandering off to other things.

 

Two more nights and then a few days off :)


1/18/2014 4:07:52 PM

I seriously wish I knew what to do!!

 

Doing my head in all this thinking!!

 

Another day and more thoughts even going to the gym hasn't stopped me thinking and going for a walk :(


1/17/2014 9:39:10 AM

Why is it so hard to know what to do in certain areas of life?

I need to where I stand with people and I am no good at reading people's minds, so why do it when they know that.

Am I wasting my time I don't know only time will tell I guess.

 

Is it so hard to have the best of both worlds.

All I want is for someone to care for me and be there for me, and for me to be there for them whenever they need it!!

I am not looking to be used and abused as that has gone on all my life in relationships and family situations.

 

Just because I am a submissive does not always mean I have doormat across my forehead.

So many fakes and wannabes on here it is sometimes hard to filter out the honest ones!!!

 

Rant over!!!!


1/17/2014 2:18:23 AM

Had a restless night. I don't know whether I am worrying about things but I do have things on my mind and find it hard to shut off sometimes and now I have the op to think about :(

 

Supposed to be off work all week and been asked to go in today but at least only a 3 hour shift. I am starting to feel like it's my only chance of getting out apart from the gym which is where I have been this morning and tried to clear my head!


1/16/2014 2:58:54 PM

Questions questions and more questions going around in my head!!!!!!

 

Where do I start? Well they always say the best place is the start so that is what I need to do


1/16/2014 8:43:14 AM

Been to the hospital and not quite gone to plan. I have been put on the waiting list for a small op but thankfully nothing to serious and all I can do is wait for that to come through, then hopefully I will be all fit and well again :)


1/15/2014 4:06:39 PM

Well had a great night at the football and it has certainly took my mind off things for a while at least.

Back to the hospital early tomorrow for some results fingers crossed they are good results I don't need any bad news right now :/

Can see I wont get much sleep tonight thinking about them :(


1/14/2014 3:28:01 AM

Been to the gym and done some more work on my fitness at least that is still something I have control over.

 

I am still confused and a little cheesed off after last night.

 

For almost 12 months since splitting from my husband I have built my confidence up slowly and last night I feel as though it has just been knocked straight back down again :(

 

I did not sleep well last night as it was all going around in my head and I am wondering if I have been wasting my time!!


1/13/2014 1:07:54 PM

well now I am really confused.

Why is it my feelings do not count for anything?

I am not asked for an opinion before just going ahead?

 

 

Going for a walk to clear my head :/

 


1/12/2014 11:41:42 PM

Well work has finished for a week :D

 

How do people have a habit of getting inside your head leaving no room to think about anything else?

 

Oh well off to the gym in a bit and then tackle the problem that is my house and all the clutter and mess :-/

Hopefully when I have cleared my house I can then start deciding what to do although I have decided what job I would like to do just have to see if any going so another job to do :)


1/12/2014 6:44:17 PM

3 hours of my last 12 hour night shift left before a week off to spend in the gym and trying to sort out the clutter and rubbish in my house.

Just going to be so nice to think I have no work for 7 days and time to do what needs to be done :)


1/10/2014 5:45:42 PM

14 years ago today was one of the darkest days I have ever had to endure in my life, as I sat with my beautiful grandma as she passed away. I had ended and I struggled with my grief but I overcame it and I made a promise that whatever I did I would be happy, loved and looked after and that I would make her proud as she looks down on me. Well Grandma you may be gone but you are never forgotten and I hope you are proud of me!!!!


1/10/2014 5:26:20 AM

Well did my 8 mile round trip on the bike was good to be back on it again and the weather was not bad. Liking the gym but nothing beats getting out and about on the bike.

Feeling quite refreshed and gonna get a shower and tackle some cleaning :)


1/10/2014 12:51:08 AM

Gonna have a long session out on the bike today as I need to go to Argos so gonna cycle up there today feeling brave or stupid lol 4 miles each way there about, but I know I can do it if I take my time. Feeling positive and the weather is not too bad today.

Back to work tomorrow for 2 shifts then my week off hospital appointment Monday for a check up :(


1/9/2014 4:57:25 PM

Why is it so hard to find what you want in life?

Why does everything have to be so complicated never straight forward. Well not for me anyway.

It doesn't matter what I do it's either not good enough or too much. If that is the case people should tell me what they want and then I can decide if it is for me or not.

 I am paid to answer phones in work and when I do it's wrong and when I don't that is also wrong. I think my boss needs to decide on what he wants as well as me :)


1/9/2014 3:56:32 AM

Been and had a couple of hours in the gym after my night out at the football. Having a brew then a shower and get some housework done as my day off and I have a few things to do tomorrow.

 

Can't wait for my week off starting Monday give me some proper time to sort myself and my house out :)


1/8/2014 5:25:19 AM

Been and had a couple of hours in the gym and home now and showered then off out tonight :)

 

Off work all next week from Monday so plan to sort my cv out,look around for a new job plus get in the gym and sort out my house so kind of feels like I will be busier than if I was at work!!!

 

 


1/7/2014 9:05:20 AM

It has now been around 8 weeks since I started on the e cig and although had the occasional cigarette in that time I feel so much healthier :)

 

Off to work soon for my last shift till weekend so will get to the gym in the morning and have a night out planned tomorrow :)


1/6/2014 7:50:55 PM

I don't know why but everything seems to be confusing me right now. I don't know what is going on half the time and I need some reassurances about things.

 

My job,my ex and my private life are all proving to be tough nuts to crack. The only thing that does seem to be going right is the no smoking and the fitness well I think it is time will tell when I go back to the doctors I guess on that one, although I am doing everything I can to make sure it is going the right way:)

 

There is something missing right now in my life and I cannot decide what that is :(

I need someone who can be there to give me advice and help and I don't mean in the financial sense but more in the mental and physical.

 

Oh well off to do some work before home to bed and then start all over again tonight but at least my last shift for 3 days :)


1/6/2014 8:22:55 AM

Not been to the gym today as felt a bit unwell when I got up. Feeling better now so will go again tomorrow all being well before work.

 

Still got things on my mind but I do have a very positive feeling about this year so let's hope I am right :)

 

Off to work soon:(


1/5/2014 5:19:22 AM

Was back in work for the first shift of the New Year and it was very quiet for a Saturday night. It gave me a lot of time to think about what I am going to do this year, what I want to achieve and what I want in my life.

I know I am going to carry on with my health and fitness, and find a new job that is more suited to my skills and attributes.

 

All in all I can see it being a busy year but that doesn't deter me at all just makes me more determined :)

 

If people do not like the changes I am making then they are not the ones for me!!!

 

I think after this afternoon a move is in order where certain people cannot find me. I feel very alone right now. Big decisions need to be made and some are going to be tough!!!


1/4/2014 5:26:13 AM

Been and had a couple of hours in the gym this morning before I have to go to work later.

 

Still got things on my mind and not sure what is going on. Guess it is just going to be a wait and see for some things.

 

I am feeling quite positive for some of my plans for the New Year but not all. The main thing is I am positive that I can continue with the health fitness and not smoking :)


1/3/2014 11:24:00 AM

Had a really good few hours in the gym this morning, then got my wages and went to have my hair done and then did the shopping with lots of fruit and veg.

Still got things going around in my head and not sure where I am going with these thoughts :(

 

Back to work tomorrow these days seem to have gone very quick hope that doesn't mean the year is going to go so quick.

 

Only one more week and off for a week's holiday!!!!!!


1/3/2014 12:25:45 AM

Well off to the gym for me this morning, see how I go on today. Be back on later :)

 

Need to work out and get rid of some of the things going on in my head right now.


1/2/2014 3:41:16 AM

Up nice and early this morning and been to the gym and had a couple of hours. I have even progressed from a brisk walk to a run on the machine so the no smoking is paying off :)

 

Determined to start the new year as I finished the last year. All I need to do is get some questions answered and sort out where I am going in life! 


12/31/2013 10:55:23 PM

Happy New Year to everyone I hope you have a great 2014. 

Work is now finished for 3 days and I need it after the busy night last night and a day of relaxing and football springs to mind :)

Back into the gym tomorrow and keep on top of things for the New Year and not let the hard work go to waste!!! 


12/31/2013 5:31:18 AM

Well the busiest night shift of the year beckons for me tonight and then 3 days off. I hope everyone has a Happy New Year and gets everything that they hope for. I know what I hope for whether it will happen I will just have to wait and see what happens I guess.

I am feeling more positive going into the new year and I want to continue with some of the things that I have done this year and continue on this journey :)


12/30/2013 5:55:38 PM

Sometimes I have no clue what I am supposed to be doing!!

 

Sat in work and been busy since being on my own for the busiest part of the night, but still find time to have things going round in my head :( 


12/30/2013 7:43:11 AM

Slept very late today I must have needed it with all the stress from Friday night and the weekend at work so far, 2 more shifts to go and some time off :)

 

New Years Day football and beer day I will be ready for a drink by then after working New Year's Eve :(

My next job is definitely going to be something where I may get some of the holidays off!!

 

Just need to see what the New Year brings me!!!!


12/29/2013 6:20:54 PM

Work not been very busy tonight giving me too much time to think :/

 

Everybody staying in ready for the New Year celebrations and sad little me is having to work :(

Well as my boss and ex husband say I have no life. Time to change that come the New Year as well as continue with my health and fitness :)


12/29/2013 6:21:15 AM

Had a very tough night Friday which ended up with me calling the police. Hopefully it has resolved matters but if not I could have to do something more I shall just have to wait and see.

This is when I wish someone was here to help me with the decisions on what to do!

Went to work last night not a busy Saturday night everyone is probably staying in ready for New Year's Eve. I know I will be busy that night but at least I finish for my 3 days break New Years Day :)

Get next week out of the way and back into the gym properly and continue with what I have been doing all year. Still not smoking, been over a month now :)


12/27/2013 2:17:02 PM

I give up today :(

Maybe now my ex husband had realised he has hurt me mentally and physically for the last time!!!!!!!!!!!!!  


12/27/2013 7:48:48 AM

29 years ago today at the age of 10 I lost the most inspirational man I had the pleasure to call my Grandad :( still think about him now and look at his picture and smile.

 

On a plus I think I have walked off the festive indulgences and also treated myself to something special for Master I just hope he likes it ;)

 

May try and get in the gym again soon keep the momentum going :)


12/26/2013 10:44:45 PM

Well thanks to my neighbours I have not had a wink of sleep all night. Aw well least I have no work today and I can take my time with everything I need to do.

Back to work Saturday which is going to be a busy weekend finishing with the fun and games on New Year's Eve. I always seem to see the New Year in working :(

Next year a new job and preferably one where I don't have to work Bank holidays weekends and Christmas or I could just win the lottery :)

There again I don't know if either is possible!!


12/25/2013 10:46:26 AM

I have had some lovely gifts for Christmas and even had some welcomed company albeit not for long but much better than spending the day alone. 

On my own now and watching the soaps ooh the exciting life I lead but nice to just chill out with a glass of wine :)


12/24/2013 6:15:32 PM

Merry Christmas to all my friends and anyone reading my profile. Hope you all have a good one :)

I am on my last shift for 3 days and I plan to enjoy myself :)


12/24/2013 4:36:32 AM

Worked a 12 hour night shift last and in again on the same shift tonight and the neighbours have decided to be very loud and wake me after around 4 hours sleep. Just what I needed on Christmas Eve :(

Still at least I am off tomorrow and can chill out and maybe have a drink or 2:)


12/23/2013 9:01:04 AM

Yay I have got my new washer in time for Christmas it has been the longest 3 weeks without one. Off to work for another 12 hour night shift and then one more before the holidays start and hopefully a drink or 2 just to get in the Christmas spirit ;)


12/22/2013 7:26:59 PM

Another tough night in work until now plus I have had to deal with my ex husband trying to get too me in work. When is he going to learn I have moved on and do not want him any more.

 

I want a man who can make me happy the way I would make them happy not a useless lump :D


12/22/2013 8:18:54 AM

Had a very busy night in work last night never stopped :(

 

Had a good sleep today in preparation for tonight but hopefully a bit quieter, but there again been quiet will just give me more time to think. I have things going around in my head and I cannot seem to stop the thoughts and questions.

When people look at me what do they see?

Do they just see me as a doormat that has no feelings or do they see more?

 

I feel like everyone just wants to shut me away and not be seen in public with me. Am I really that bad or I am just being paranoid?

 

Oh well I guess I will answer the questions in time!!

All I do know is that although I am a submissive I am worth more and with the right person I have a lot to offer. I have made a lot of changes this year and I know that going into 2014 I am going to continue doing so with or without anyone because I am doing it all for me and no one else, although it would be nice to have someone to share it with. 


12/20/2013 12:10:21 PM

Been to the gym today and then called at the supermarket on my way home and now just chilling before back to the grindstone tomorrow night.

Felt good after the gym cleared away a few cobwebs :)


12/19/2013 5:00:27 AM

Been for a really nice walk along the canal and cleared my head.

 

Hate feeling confused!!

 

Make my wish come true all I want for Christmas is you!!!!


12/18/2013 2:00:45 PM

Went to the doctors today and I have lost another 4 pounds in 4 weeks, been off the cigs for 3 weeks :)

Feeling better after a couple of hours in the gym today and getting the blood pumping :D


12/17/2013 11:36:02 PM

Well I have finished for 3 days what shall I do with my time. First things first I shall get into the gym and see if it helps with my mood and emotions. Second I need to wrap the presents for my nieces and nephews and then after that we shall have to see what happens I guess!!!


12/17/2013 6:21:33 PM

Just over 3 hours and 3 days off I really need them this week as I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me. One minute I am fine the next I am bursting into floods of tears.

Need my break I guess!!


12/17/2013 7:57:35 AM

Couldn't sleep this morning things on my mind again so got up at half 11 and headed to the gym for a couple of hours. Just chilling now before my last night shift for 3 days. Still not smoking :) least I seem to be doing something right if not much else!!!!!!!

 

Things seem to be getting on top of me right now think I will book some time off in January and just have a week at home to chill and recharge my batteries, not like I have anywhere to go!!

 

Somebody really needs to snap me out of this mood I am in I really need a drink!!!

 


12/16/2013 7:03:17 PM

In work and wondering what the point of anything is. No matter what I do or how hard I try it is never going to be good enough for some people. I will always be a disappointment!

 

Roll on Wednesday and some time off to sort my head out properly and get some time in the gym and maybe a drink!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I got rid of one waster in March and I think I need to sort out a few more :(


12/16/2013 7:20:23 AM

I sometimes wonder why I bother with anything when all people do is take advantage and abuse my good nature. I will do anything for those I care about but when I need someone there is nobody there.

 

Been for a walk to try and clear my head and mood before work again, only 2 more to go and hopefully some me time and time for a drink!!!!


12/15/2013 6:44:32 PM

In work and it has gone a bit quiet so just thinking about things again. 

Questions going around in my head decisions that I have to make and some not easy.

 

I need to decide what I want to do next year, what goals do I want to set myself and what can I achieve.

 

Roll on Wednesday and some days off!!!!!


12/15/2013 6:02:48 AM

Had a very busy night shift last night a lot of people going to Christmas parties and nights out. Not the best time to be a member of staff down :(

Roll on Wednesday and my days off again :)


12/14/2013 8:17:22 AM

Didn't go to the gym today went out on the bike and cycled a 5 mile trip instead. Came home and listened to the football now just getting ready for a killer night shift. Boy do I need a drink and some fun!!!


12/13/2013 3:36:21 PM

My first proper test tonight drinking and not smoking I achieved it :) Home now and thinking about things and feeling somewhat confused :S


12/13/2013 7:02:29 AM

Been to the gym and had a couple of hours this morning, came home and showered and cycled up to the bank which is a couple of miles, so now I am just chilling on my night off before back to the gindstone tomorrow. Still not smoking so feeling very good right now :)


12/12/2013 2:23:07 PM

went to the gym and had a good workout this morning came home and had a shower before heading out to see grandad in the hospital.

Came home and now just chilling before \i tackle the gym and then some cleaning tomorrow!!!!

My last day off before going back to work on Saturday :(


12/11/2013 10:24:58 PM

What a weird night worked till 2am came home fell asleep on sofa and up already bright as a button so may get ready and head off to the gym before heading out later. I will probably be regretting it later but hey ho.

 

I have also found that since starting on the electronic cigarette I am having some really weird dreams and some nightmares, feel so strange


12/11/2013 4:26:13 AM

Been to the gym and had a couple of hours exercise and tried to clear my head as it feels like it is turning to mush. Things are stuck in there and will not go away no matter how hard I try.

Questions,feelings,wants,needs,wishes and some doubts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

People have always said I think too much and I am starting to think they may be right but so much time on my own at home and work just makes me think more and more :(

 

I am now looking forward to what I want to achieve next year and where I want to be this time next year. Lots of thinking. I know I want to continue with my health and fitness and stay off the cigarettes (in the last week I have smoked 2 cigarettes). As for anything else that depends on what else I decide I want to do. All I know is that whatever I put my mind too I know I will get there :)


12/10/2013 6:59:06 AM

Decided that instead of the gym I would just have an hour on the bike today and then the gym tomorrow.

Managed to clear my head while out and ready to face work again soon 


12/8/2013 8:01:53 AM

Had the night shift from hell last night. The last thing I want is to go back in tonight but I guess I have to. The sooner I find something else the better.

 

Something is missing in my life right now and I have to find out what that is. I have been thinking about how much I have changed this year. 

 

All the changes I have gone through I feel healthier and happier and I will continue until I get to where I want to be with or without people behind me!!!

 

Just would be nice to have someone proud of me instead of feeling like a disappointment all the time!


12/7/2013 6:02:32 AM

Been to the gym this morning and had a work out. Did a 5 mile brisk walk on the treadmill and gave me some time to mull things over in my head.

 

I am back in work tonight :(

 

Would much rather be having a drink like all the customers that I will have to deal with ;)

 

The sooner I find a day job the better!!!!


12/6/2013 1:35:45 PM

Feeling a bit fed up tonight maybe I am just tired after no sleep last night.

 

Early night tonight I think, back to work tomorrow and may have a crafty beer cos I could really use a drink.

 

May get up and head to the gym again in the morning and keep up with it.


12/6/2013 6:21:32 AM

well been to the gym and come home for a shower and some lunch. Now time for a walk over to asda and do the shopping.

 

I could really use a drink!!!!!

 

Hope I sleep better tonight too :(

 

Need to try and switch off my brain a bit stop thinking about things and just go with the flow


12/5/2013 9:27:09 PM

What a strange night. I could not sleep so I decided to get the wii games console out and did some aerobic exercise to try and burn some energy. That didn't work so then had a game of Tiger Woods golf and still I cannot sleep. Weird night all round!!!!!

 

Don't know if it is things on my mind or what but I am still nowhere near tired :(


12/5/2013 2:37:57 PM

At home and things going around in my head again.

 

I do wish I could stop thinking sometimes and seeing problems that may not be there or they could be there and I just cannot control them anyway :(

 

One more day and back to work for another busy weekend with all the Christmas parties starting. Could so do with a drink myself!


12/5/2013 6:51:25 AM

Been to the gym and worked off some frustrations and energy. So nice to come back to a warm house and hot water for a shower :)


12/4/2013 9:55:41 AM

yes!!!! I now have a new boiler so heating and hot water back on I am so happy right now my house feels like I am in Portugal!!!!!!!!!


12/4/2013 12:28:49 AM

Heading off out to the gym as not been for a couple of days and not much else to do today with no washer or heating at least I can get warm in the gym ;)

 

Why do people look at a profile and obviously do not read anything written in it? Is that not the point of writing things on your profile so that people know what you are looking for and know your situation etc!!!!


12/3/2013 5:44:38 AM

Almost 36 hours since I smoked a real cigarette still tough but I am going to get there :)

 

One more shift to go till the weekend but still no heating or hot water so not good :(

 

Shall head off to the gym in the morning and keep up with that as it has been a couple of days since I went last!!! 


12/2/2013 5:17:59 PM

Sat in work thinking again!!!!! Always starts when quiet in work :(

 

On the plus side today it has been 23 hours since I last smoked a real cigarette hard but I will get there in the end :)


12/2/2013 6:32:58 AM

Great just been on to the letting agent and they have to wait to hear back from the landlord before they can fix the boiler so no idea when or if it will be fixed this week :(

 

Not the best time to be trying to quit smoking although I have not had one since Saturday afternoon :)


12/1/2013 5:22:37 AM

well still no idea when heating, hot water or machine will be fixed and had a very busy night at work last night.

Very surprised I have only smoked a couple of cigs since Friday back on the electronic one today. I will be a non smoker for the New Year!!!!


11/30/2013 8:06:44 AM

Why does it just keep happening to me?

 

Last night my boiler packs up and so no hot water or heating and now this afternoon my washer has gone!!!!!

 

I really feel like crying and on top of all that I have to go and do a 12 hour night shift for the next 4 nights.

So NEED a drink right now!!!!!!!!!!!

 


11/29/2013 6:33:54 AM

well a very early get up this morning I have been to the gym,work and shopping all before 2 o'clock.

 

Quite enjoyed the gym this morning certainly feeling the benefits of cutting out the cigs all part of the new improved me.

 

And then maybe I may find the one thing that I am looking for ;)


11/29/2013 12:10:21 AM

Just back after a lovely evening beer,wine,food and ironing!!!!

 

Loved the ironing it had piled up after a few weeks but got through it with some drinks and food ;)

 

Off to the gym I think as I didn't go yesterday and then head off and do the shopping.


11/27/2013 8:20:18 AM

Been for a nice long walk today instead of the gym and got some fresh air and cleared my head.

Think tomorrow is going to be a good day much better than today!!


11/26/2013 8:51:46 AM

Off to work soon for my last shift for 3 nights so hopefully will get in the gym as well as have a well deserved break and drink. May have some ironing to be getting on with ;)


11/25/2013 6:27:22 PM

Why does everything confuse me right now?

 

Things I read, things I see and things I hear.

 

People all seem to say one thing but mean the other. Oh well a part of life I guess just seems to be happening more and more.

 

Phase 2 still going quite well and I am starting to feel the benefits after a little over a week :)


11/24/2013 7:19:13 PM

In work not been a bad shift tonight but gone quiet now so things going around in my head.

Still getting on with phase two and another step towards the new me.

Still a long way to go until I get to where I want to be.

 

I like to make people happy is this all part of being a sub?

 

The honest answer is I don't know!

As well being happier in myself, I also want to make other people happy even if they cannot always see that.


11/23/2013 7:46:52 PM

Well another joke of a shift in work with staff going home early, more work in a sicknote.

 Soon be home time and bedtime until I get woken up by the helicopter circling for the football match at lunchtime.

Roll on Wednesday when I am off and hopefully have a much needed drink!!!!


11/23/2013 5:17:20 AM

Had a couple of glasses of wine last night and been to the gym for a bit this morning.

 

Back in work tonight which I would rather not be but needs must like everything :)

 

Roll on my days off again already!!!


11/22/2013 12:20:55 PM

Having a drink after the day I have had.

 

Questions going around in my head and I need to start answering them and getting answers from somewhere!!!!


11/22/2013 8:05:53 AM

What a day. Had a bollocking at work  because I lost my rag and stood up for myself to a member of staff and got told I was lucky not to have been sacked for flaming shouting at her.

So went to the gym and took out some frustrations and now after my shower I NEED a drink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Safe to say the sooner I find another job the better as I am not been abused and bullied by another staff member and then getting told off for standing up to them. Wouldn't mind if I had hit her but I didn't!!


11/21/2013 4:58:08 AM

After a day off from the gym yesterday I thought I had better go today so got up and went and put in some extra work and worked off some frustrations.

 

Feel a bit better after been down yesterday and a good nights sleep :)

 

Phase 2 giving up smoking is going slowly but getting there :) I want to be a non smoker for the new year if I can be only 6 more weeks to go!!!!!!!!!!!


11/20/2013 9:46:15 AM

Well got a few things done today but not everything as I fell asleep after my lunch. Sleep caught up with me so will have to the rest tomorrow.

Got things going around in my head again.

I have decided that I am like marmite you either love me or hate me and there are more people that hate me than like me right now.

I don't know why this is when all I ever try to do is keep people happy and be there. I will help friends and family whenever I can, but when I need someone there is nobody there.

Oh well going to have beer tonight with my tea and try and stop thinking too much!!!!! 


11/20/2013 4:04:25 AM

Been to the doctors and he is very pleased with my progress in this journey, been to Asda now having a coffee before I tackle the housework with some music belting out.

So much energy considering I have been awake for 23 and a half hours. Must be high on life :D

Wish I knew why people are ignoring me except my ex husband who has just felt the need to come around and have a go at me. I could so do with a drink right now!!!!!


11/19/2013 8:27:49 AM

Been doing a lot of thinking the last couple of days.

I am still persevering with the 2nd phase of the new me and I hope that people will be pleasantly surprised.

It is not going to be quick and it is hard work but I am not afraid of hard work. I am only doing this to make my life better in every way as we only have on life, and I wasted enough time I want to be happy and healthy and get everything that I am looking for!!

I don't ask for much just to be happy :) 


11/18/2013 8:00:38 PM

2nd phase starting to get easier I just wish I could say the same for work and home.

Been sat in work since 6pm and may as well have been on my own when the other staff member is refusing to speak to me for what reason I do not know and working with same person again tonight so that is going to be another long night. One good thing is that it is my last one for a few days.

Having just myself as company has made me start thinking about things again and asking myself questions in my head again.

Today I go for a weigh in with the nurse since last month so hopefully some good news instead of bad news and let downs!!!


11/18/2013 5:13:33 AM

Phase 2 still going very slowly and hard and not made any easier at work last night. 

I felt like I was back in school all them years ago being bullied by the same cowards.

 

I have achieved a lot in just over 12 months and some little  bitch spoil it all for me so when I find a new and better job and she is still stuck there, because no where else would she be able to get away with what she does at this place I will have the last laugh.

Karma I love it!!

 

I am ready for my days off on Wednesday :)


11/17/2013 8:26:28 AM

Struggling with phase 2 again today, but I know if I persevere and get through the rewards will be of great benefit to me and my future, so I will just keep going :)

 

Off to work soon and things going around in my head all sorts of questions AGAIN!!

Why can I just not stop thinking and go with the flow?


11/16/2013 4:36:14 AM

Been and spent some time in the gym came back and had a shower. Few jobs to do at home before heading into work later.

I am struggling today with the next phase of the new me but I know I will persevere.

I really feel the urge to go and shut myself away but I did that for many years with my ex husband and I am looking forwards not backwards so need to keep going and I know I will get there in the end just like I have with my weight and fitness.Although not there yet still more work to do but feel ready to add the next challenge.

I know what I want and need in my life now, and to get it I had to make changes for myself and then hopefully I can get what I want and need!!!!!!! 


11/15/2013 12:34:57 PM

Well another phase of the new and improved me has started today. I felt that the time was now right to begin :)

 

Thinking about a few things just lately to improve body and mind and to give myself a better life so that I can continue with what I want!!!!!!!


11/13/2013 10:06:05 AM

I was going to enjoy today My birthday!!

But what was I to do with my day? I didn't want to spend the day sleeping not today.

I knew there was a chance of seeing Master, but it was not a definite, even though I hoped and prayed I would see this fine figure of a man. Surely he would come and see me today on my birthday.

Then the bleep of a text on my phone. It was Master, he was coming over to see me. I was excited as it had been a couple of weeks since I last saw him. I had to get ready.

 

I showered and put on my shortest skirt, my sexy underwear and my silky black stockings and suspenders, oh and of course the heels!

 

I came down and put on my make up. Today I was going for the sexy look :)

I had just finished as he pulled up in the car. He grabbed a bag from the car, oh and some ironing but I didn't mind. He came in with a smile and I closed the door, he gave me my card and gift. Grabbed 2 cans of lager passing me one and said happy birthday. 

 

Then suddenly I got a look, a stare which said it maybe your birthday but you girl are in trouble. My heart sank!!!

Showing me the 3 tops which seemed to have never seen an iron.

"This is how I found these in the wardrobe after you had supposedly ironed them. Not acceptable are they and you need to be taught a lesson even today".

 

I ironed the items again and was dragged by my hair to the bedroom and told to strip, which I did.

Stood at the bed with my eyes closed I knew this was going to hurt.

"Pick one left or right" so I replied right eyes still closed wondering what was coming.

 

Suddenly a punch to the right boob then left and so on 6 to each side. My boobs sore he told me too bend. Again doing as asked 10 strokes of the cane on my ass cheeks followed by 2 across the back of the knees. Tears started to roll down my cheeks and he thrust his huge cock into my mouth so deep forcing me to gag and the tears then started to flow. In just over 30 minutes I was reduced to tears and my eyes resembled them of a panda, he gave me a drink from his cock although this was a pleasure not a chore and I enjoyed this bit ;)

 

After the short respite, on all fours on the bed, he fucked my other 2 holes, hard, deep and fast finally emptying his swollen balls in my ass. Moving back onto the bed he lay back and I started to suck his huge cock  forcing it again so deep I was gagging and unable to breath for a minute. He pulled out as I fought for air "Now what must you remember?"

 

"That any ironing or any other chores which you set me must be done to your standards Sir".

A mistake I will not be making in a hurry again!!!!!!!

 

 


11/12/2013 5:28:02 PM

well my birthday is here and I am in work for a few more hours then off home to enjoy my day maybe with a drink or 2 later on ;)


11/11/2013 7:42:05 PM

Sat in work got 1 more shift and I finish at 6am on my birthday.

Thinking about things again as work is quiet I am soon to be a year off being 40. Things have changed so much since this time last year and the biggest change is in me.

I have got rid of the baggage known as my husband :) I have lost weight and got myself fitter and I am going to continue to do so. I feel so much happier in myself since last year and I want to carry on and I am determined not to go back to the way things were. Like the saying goes life begins at 40 well for me it began at 39 :D)

A lot of people have helped these past months and they all know who they are so I want to say Thank You for the advice,encouragement and just generally being there to keep me on track. It is nice when people say they are proud of what I have done but nothing is more satisfying than the pride I feel in myself for continuing the hard work and it has been hard at times but you only get 1 life and I for one have wasted enough time.

My life is a journey and at the moment I am enjoying this journey and hope it continues!!!!! 


11/8/2013 8:08:59 AM

Just found out that a coat that did not fit me last year and fits me now is a size 16. Haha I kid you not I am into a size 16 coat all I got to do now is try the jeans and that aim for my birthday is done. Feeling much happier and next week is going to be a great week for me :D !!!!!!!


11/7/2013 7:56:22 PM

Sat here unable to sleep thanks to the neighbours again :(

Thinking things through in my head again!!!

 

Anyway shall get to gym nice and early so guess that is one good thing :)


11/7/2013 8:32:26 AM

What a couple of busy days!


11/6/2013 2:22:37 PM

Well things going around in my head but looking forward to next week and my birthday and hopefully some company for the first time in 5 years :) Sad I know but hey ho!!!!!

Sat in a jumper today which is 3 sizes bigger than I am in from this time last year so feeling great and rather proud of myself ;)


11/5/2013 7:07:50 PM

Sat in work been quite busy and now a lull and that means sat thinking again. I so wish I could stop thinking about everything and just go with the flow :(

Problem I don't know what I am thinking about so much going around in my head right now. On the plus side I am on a countdown to my birthday only 1 week to go :)


11/5/2013 8:22:20 AM

Stressed is my word for today and soon got to go to work which will be very busy as Manchester City are playing at home and that is going to cause more work and stress.

Arrggh will it ever end. I just hope they win and then at least I won't have bad tempered blue's fans ringing to go home!!!!!!!!!!! 


11/4/2013 7:30:16 PM

Sat in work after a 5 day break and things going round and round in my head. I am missing something right now and I don't know what.

How can I miss something when I don't know what that something is or is it maybe someone.

Off home soon and then up and off to the gym if I have time before work keep working on my weight!!


11/4/2013 4:17:04 AM

Been to the gym and worked off some of the weekend as well as some frustrations. Had a shower and now to do a few jobs at home before heading off back to work after a 5 day break :(

Roll on my birthday next Wednesday :)


11/3/2013 1:57:52 PM

Had an amazing weekend topped off perfectly today :)


11/3/2013 3:03:54 AM

10 days to my birthday I am really going to have to push myself if I want to be in a size 16 for then.  Just hope this is the first birthday in 5yrs that I wont be spending alone ;) after all my hard work and have a few nice drinks to celebrate!!!!


11/2/2013 6:49:13 PM

Off to bed after a long day and what happens..my mind starts going round and round. I so wish I could stop thinking especially at bed time :(


11/2/2013 2:01:03 AM

well here comes the day of big celebrations for mum and dad's 40th wedding anniversary. Drink and good food will be involved so I can see I am going to have to do some extra in the gym in the coming week before my birthday the week after. Still not everyday anyone celebrates 40yrs married but mum and dad are so BRING IT ON!!!!!!!


11/1/2013 6:52:32 AM

Just got back and I resemble a drowned rat!!!!


11/1/2013 4:26:49 AM

Been to the gym and had a couple of hours now had a shower and heading off out to do my shopping in the rain. Ooh the excitement never ends and no rest for the wicked!!


10/31/2013 4:15:01 AM

Had another early start today so been to the gym and just got back, now got some cleaning to do. Oh what an exciting life I lead..... still the cleaning can be like another workout :)


10/30/2013 10:16:53 AM

Had such a busy day today with the gym and things and it is still not over yet. Felt like I killed it in the gym this morning first thing and my legs are hurting a bit and like the saying goes No pain,no gain :)


10/29/2013 9:35:15 AM

Off to work soon and then head off to the gym in the morning. Gonna really crack on with it this week!!!!!


10/28/2013 6:50:21 PM

Sat in work having a think about what I could do for my birthday. I am hoping that for the first time in a number of years I might not spend it alone but being away from family and also been on a wednesday I may well do although I hope not.

Could always take myself shopping and do a spot of retail therapy because if I don't buy it no one will. Anyway got a couple of weeks to decide what I am going to do ;)


10/27/2013 7:09:19 PM

Has had enough of been taken for a fool. Working on my health and fitness it is now time to look at other areas in my life starting with my job.

I am sick to death of people who think they can walk all over me in all areas of my life and I am just going to roll down and take it. I may be a submissive in my private life but in my work I am always professional and do the job to the best of my ability the same way I approach other things in my life so I am going to look for a job where I am appreciated for the efforts that I put in.

I am not afraid of hard work and never have been but this place takes the mick big style.

7 years almost I have worked here never had a day off sick, never been late and never gone home before my shift is over and yet I still get treated like this. 

My life has been a journey of self discovery since becoming single and things have changed for the better apart from my job so that needs to change and fast!!!!! 


10/27/2013 7:50:55 AM

Not managed to get to the gym after a very busy night last night, made busier with the extra hour :(

I will have to try and get up earlier tomorrow and do a little bit extra to make up for today if I want to get down before my birthday although I do have to walk to work so a little bit of light exercise :)


10/26/2013 4:47:06 AM

Been and had a couple of hours in the gym this morning just a light workout as in work all night tonight. Feeling good :D


10/25/2013 9:28:10 AM

Well shattered after a very early start in the gym this morning before heading to work for the day.

May get up early tomorrow even though on the nightshift tomorrow and keep the momentum going want to really push myself for the next couple of weeks leading up to my birthday :)

All part of the new healthier and improved me :D


10/24/2013 5:12:01 AM

Well I have been and had a very productive 3 hours in the gym this morning on the treadmill,bike and weights. Feeling very happy with myself even though I bumped into my ex husband and he gave me some grief because I know whatever happens I will not be going back there. Since getting rid of the useless lump I have changed my hair and I am still losing the weight and I am more determined to keep losing it not for anyone else but for me, I feel more healthier than I have in years and I don't want to fall back. A lot of people are giving me the right encouragement and advice and that is helping so I just hope they continue to do so. Off for a shower now I have had a brew!!!! 


10/22/2013 7:51:49 PM

Well soon be the start of my 3 days and get some time in the gym and maybe out on the bike weather permitting would like to get down another dress size before my birthday 3 weeks today eek that's going to be cutting it fine, still can give it a go :)


10/21/2013 8:26:49 PM

Stuck in work and things on my mind. Questions and thoughts going round in my head. I really need to stop thinking or I wont be able to sleep when I finish work :(


10/21/2013 8:32:26 AM

How does one person get right inside my head?


10/18/2013 6:21:52 PM

Off to bed if I can shut off tonight as I didn't last night loads going round in my head. Think I may head off to the gym when I get up before work. I'm getting well into it and feeling the benefits in so many ways :D

Wonder what the next week will bring?


10/17/2013 7:25:50 PM

Why do I start thinking at bed time so I can't sleep. I need a drink maybe that will help!!!


10/17/2013 4:13:22 PM

well had a good day today went to the doctors and I have lost 6 pounds since last month :)

The gym is certainly paying off so went home changed and had a couple of hours in there. I will get down to what I want at this rate :)


10/15/2013 6:10:27 AM

Been and had a couple of hours in the gym as I don't want to lose the momentum and got work soon so gonna go and have a shower and get ready. With the right people behind me I will keep going and getting myself healthier and get to a weight I will be happy with and then maybe people will not be ashamed to be seen with me!!!!!!!!


10/12/2013 4:01:55 AM

Been and had a few hours in the gym and now mum and dad coming round before I have to head off to work again!!!!!


10/10/2013 9:03:14 AM

Been and had a couple of hours in the gym so feel nicely refreshed :)


10/9/2013 9:16:02 AM

Cycled to the gym and had a few hours working off the weekend over indulgence. Came back and had a shower followed by a nap and now going to cook some tea and chill for the evening as no work tonight bliss!!!!


10/8/2013 8:17:29 AM

Nearly time to go to work again but hopefully no extra shifts so off for a few days. Didn't think I would say so after the weekend but I am ready for a drink and time to chill and relax ;-)

 


10/6/2013 8:29:54 AM

Had an amazing day yesterday at my cousin's wedding and feeling a little hungover today all ready for going back into work. Going to have to hit the gym and bike this week work off some of the excess of the day :)


10/4/2013 9:05:01 AM

Off to work soon and then come home and get ready for the wedding tomorrow now I am finally back online :)


10/3/2013 1:46:15 PM

Had to buy a new laptop today and I am still getting to grips with it all. Work tomorrow night and then a family wedding on Saturday so will be able to have a drink or two then :)


10/1/2013 11:07:40 PM

Just had the longest night shift and I have actually sat and watched paint dry so I now need a big drink especially after not getting out till half 6 instead of 6 :(


9/30/2013 7:06:46 PM

This has been yet another rubbish weekend at work and still 3 hours to go and another 12hr shift to go. Boy do I need a drink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cannot for wednesday and some time to get to the gym and out on the bike and clear my head.

Things starting to circle around in my head again it's starting to give me a headache again lol 


9/29/2013 7:42:46 AM

Had a really busy night at work last night can't wait to find time to have a drink. On the plus side I have a wedding to go to next Saturday just a shame I have to work Friday night and go on my own without a plus one lol. Gonna be a few family members surprised to see the new me next weekend :D


9/26/2013 8:56:40 AM

Got up early this morning and headed to the gym and then after a shower and some jobs around the house I have been out on the bike around the trail and park so all in all a very enjoyable day. Hair appointment tomorrow and then work in the afternoon!!!


9/25/2013 7:40:20 AM

Been out on the bike for most of the day on the bike trail. It has been the perfect cycling day as fine and dry but not too warm.

After the weekend I have had in work I may partake in a beer later and then off to the gym tomorrow for my first session for nearly 2 weeks now my foot is feeling better :)


9/24/2013 7:29:29 PM

So ready for home now although not been as busy as expected I am starting to get sick of the paint fumes in my throat really need a drink.

Oh well only 2 and a half hours to go and a couple of days off and an appointment to get my hair done on Friday :)


9/23/2013 6:54:52 PM

Only 3 more hours to go on the night shift and just found out Manchester City are at home again tonight so that will be the 2nd game this weekend I have had to deal with the after match antics :(

I really am going to need a drink on Wednesday when this stint is over and hopefully have some good weather so I can get out on the bike and just forget about things for a few hours. Really need some fun in my life instead of all this work and things going around in my head!!!!!


9/23/2013 6:21:44 AM

was so tired after a busy night shift but got woken up early so went out on the bike to clear my head. Had a shower and soon be time to go off to work again soon the fun just never ends. Roll on Wednesday when I am off again :)


9/22/2013 8:46:45 PM

What an extra busy weekend will be glad when it Wednesday and some time off to have a drink and some fun!!!

Maybe get on the bike and if my foot feeling better get in the gym!!

I will lose another dress size or maybe 2 before Christmas!!!


9/21/2013 8:48:10 AM

Off to get ready for work. Gonna be a busy weekend with the Manchester derby game tomorrow I feel the need for a drink coming on already :)

Been doing some research this afternoon on things to help with my weight loss and fitness and got a few things I can try because I want to keep my focus and commitment and with the right backing behind me I can get there and be what and who I want to be!!!!!

Been my biggest problem in the past starting well and losing the focus and people stop giving me he encouragement and a reason to continue.

I want to do this for me mainly but also I want people to be proud of what I achieve!! 


9/19/2013 7:16:01 AM

Had a great night last night and plenty to drink, got home early this morning and after a coffee or 2 and a shower I tackled the kitchen. Cleaned every surface and put everything away. Been to Asda and walked the dogs now chilling before cooking the tea!!!!!


9/17/2013 8:24:27 PM

Nearly the end of my last 12 hour shift for 3 days. Going to go home and get to the gym early then get myself ready before my night away tonight!!!


9/16/2013 5:37:18 PM

Still hobbling around and sat in work resting my foot Roll on Wednesday and I am off is all I can say hopefully some half decent weather to get out on the bike for a bit as can't do much in the gym!!!


9/14/2013 8:35:39 AM

Been out on the bike for a while thank god I can still ride with my foot,even though I am hobbling around like I am 92 haha.

Don't want to let the good work slide and I have work all night oh the joy!!!! 


9/12/2013 5:46:29 AM

Been on the new bike trail near mine and done around 10 miles so feeling quite chuffed with myself and it has cleared some cobwebs after not having much sleep last night!!!


9/11/2013 1:21:41 PM

Weather not been great today so been and had 3 hours in the gym and worked off the crap night shift  had last night.

Hopefully weather better tomorrow and I can get out on the bike on the open roads!!!


9/10/2013 7:12:48 PM

3 hours to go at work then a few days to chillax :) and a chance to get back into the gym and on the bike if the weather stays fit!!

Feeling more and more positive as this week goes on!!!!!!!!


9/8/2013 8:15:11 PM

For the first time in weeks I can honestly say things in my life are looking good. I have applied for a new job and got a couple more to look into, and getting out on the bike and in the gym determined to lose some more of this weight as I promised myself at the end of last year and I have actually stuck to my guns and got on with it. Sat in work and not thinking about the negative just the positive :-)

Just hope people are proud of what I have achieved and what I hope to continue to do with their help and guidance 


9/6/2013 11:34:19 AM

Was given a low fat recipe the other night so decided today to re-create it and it was almost as good as the one cooked for me!!!

Had a couple of hours in the gym because of the rain so all in all not a bad day :-)


9/5/2013 4:10:31 AM

Just had a very productive morning. Cycled to the the gym and hour in the gym on the treadmill and then went on the cycle trail for a couple of hours ending up at asda to get something for my tea.

Feeling much more refreshed than first thing this morning :)

Shower and some lunch now me thinks!!!!!! 


9/3/2013 6:17:08 AM

Got woken up earlier than I would have liked after a long night in work and my last one tonight so been out on the bike for a couple of hours to try and clear my head!!


9/2/2013 8:45:20 PM

A quiet night in work so been on the scout for a new job but not much that appeals or is suitable for me so will have another look when I get up later today. I am determined to find something that is more suitable for me and also gives me some more time to get on with the important things in life!!!

One more night to go and have heard that Wednesday is going to be a nice day so going to get out on the bike for a decent run and maybe the gym too!!!!


8/31/2013 6:39:33 PM

Tonight I have decided that enough is enough as regards work. So this week the job search is going up a notch and I will be applying for everything and anything, as I cannot do this job working with numpties, and people on flexi time, while I am stuck here for 12 hours without even a 5 minute break!!!!!!!!


8/30/2013 12:46:51 PM

watching the footie since my plans changed. Back at work tomorrow for 4 long nights, will be ready for drink after them!!!!!!!


8/30/2013 8:36:02 AM

Done my shopping and had a couple of hours on the bike and blown away a few cobwebs again!

Feeling refreshed!!!


8/29/2013 11:45:19 AM

Been to the gym and got rid of some excess energy and take my mind off things for a while :)


8/29/2013 3:07:50 AM

Been out on the bike for a couple of hours and blown away a few cobwebs feel much better for it too :)


8/28/2013 12:17:30 PM

well went to the gym this morning and had a couple of hours on the treadmill felt a lot better and relaxed until had some bad news this afternoon.

 

Another school friend and another funeral it is starting to get frightening.

 

Went out on the bike to clear my head but didn't help so cut short and came home!!!

Better day tomorrow I hope 


8/27/2013 9:01:09 PM

Almost at the end of my 5th shift and 3 days off :)

 

I am going to get out on my bike and into the gym and sort a few things out in my head and life :)

 

Happy days!!!!!!!!!!


8/25/2013 7:58:12 PM

Has had enough of everything right now. I feel like throwing in the towel on here and everywhere else!!!  Too many people taking me for a dickhead.

Submissive I may be but not a mug.

It's true what they say True friends walk in when the rest of the world walks out.

 

Where are my friends not around so that tells me everything I need to know!!!

 

Will I ever find what I am looking for on here probably not!!!!!!!!!!

 

To many men who just want to beat a woman and take the piss instead of considering the woman's feelings not just physically but mentally but maybe I got it wrong.


8/24/2013 7:18:44 AM

Still questions around in my mind and work later.

 

Things sent to test me that's for sure :)


8/23/2013 2:07:45 PM

Had an emotional and physical draining two days and then had to work all day today. Then the next 4 nights in for 12 hour nights and then hopefully some time off for me to do what I want for a change it seems like so long.

 

Still got a million and one things on my mind I feel as though my head is about to explode sometimes :(

 

Hopefully can get things sorted in my head and life soon ;)


8/20/2013 8:37:25 PM

Going to be a tough day and I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

 

Everybody seems to think they can have a piece of me and to hell with my state of mind and feelings.

Starting to wonder if it is all worth it. One thing this last week has taught me is that I should live my life and look after number one, because this is life it is not a rehearsal I have one life!!!!!!!!!!

 

If anybody does not look that then tough I really don't care anymore. My best mate is burying the father of her 3 kids and regretting things I don't want to be full of regret. If people want to be there on the roller coaster of life then fine if not, the ride is stopped and they can get off, but I need to know before I start up again cos once it starts it will not stop!!!!!!!

 

Rant over!


8/18/2013 5:10:35 AM

Right now why is everything confusing me!

Yet again I have no idea what is happening and what to do

I have never been so confused in my life!!!!!!!


8/17/2013 3:45:21 AM

Life has knocked me down a few times. It has shown me things I never wanted to see. I have experienced sadness and failures. But one thing is for sure I always get back up!!!!


8/16/2013 11:50:09 AM

Spent all day in work today since 8am, finished at 3 and was then locked out until gone half 6 as my dog sitter decided to do a runner with my key. So had an enforced 3 hour cycle ride up to the bank and then passing some time while I waited for him to turn up 


8/15/2013 6:19:43 AM

Had a nice bike ride up the canal path today. Off out again now. Enjoying been out and about got a full day at work tomorrow!! 


8/14/2013 6:59:07 AM

Been out on the bike for a couple of hours, worked up a sweat, got my pulse racing. Did I manage to clear my head (did I hell) just more and more confused right now!

Why do I let people get inside my head?

 

I have so many questions right now I don't know where to start!!

 

Feel like jacking everything in because no matter what I do it will never be good enough for people

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


8/13/2013 5:42:25 PM

Busy at work and got things going around in my head again. Just feeling a little bit confused about some things right now.

Oh well 2 days off time to get out on the bike and clear my head!!!!!!!


8/11/2013 7:48:36 PM

Work is quiet and just thinking things again. Why can I not stop thinking about everything. Can't wait to go home and get into bed just so I don't think for a few hours at least just dream :)

Just wish some of my dreams could come true for once in my life. I don't ask for much I just want to be happy with how life is going and right now all I can say is I am confused as to how my life is going and it gets more and more confusing!!!


8/11/2013 7:42:09 AM

Watching the start of the new season and Manchester United in winning ways. Can they do it this season I hope so but there are some stronger teams this season who have made some better signings. Oh well guess we shall have to wait and see come May!!!!!


8/7/2013 3:02:16 AM

Off out on the bike to clear my head!!!!!!!!!


8/6/2013 5:34:56 PM

Sat in work and things going around in my head again. Why does everyone go quiet on me when I could do with a sounding board or advice.

Oh well I guess there is only me who can answer the questions in my head right now anyway!!!!


8/6/2013 7:01:21 AM

Well I made the local paper yesterday only a small picture but proof that I was there for the sky ride :-)

Been out on the bike this afternoon for a short while and getting ready for my 3 days off after tonight's last shift so hopefully a bit more time out on the bike. Still got a few things on my mind so time on the bike to blow away a few cobwebs!! 


8/4/2013 6:40:04 AM

Well anyone who didn't think that I wouldn't do it I have done it 10.8km sky ride!!!!

Feeling pretty good and very proud of myself :-)


8/3/2013 6:29:32 PM

well the big day of the bike ride has come. 3 and a half hours of work left then home for a couple of hours kip then off out to start.

Gonna be knackered but so worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


8/1/2013 8:53:26 PM

Had a couple of hours sleep, woken up and now can't get back to sleep again. I have no idea why my mind works overtime at night!!


8/1/2013 12:12:28 PM

1 bottle of wine down. Shall I open another......better not lol.

Thinking things through with some tunes on


7/31/2013 12:29:00 AM

ooh why can I not shut off and stop thinking. I have done nothing all night but think about what I want and where I want to be in life.

This life is so confusing at times always obstacles or  then  the fakes and wannabes!!!

 

Then  I look at my job and wonder what I could do instead!!

 

Only thing I do know for sure is that I am a sub who does have a mind of my own and I do know in theory what I want, just not sure if I am going to get it on here or elsewhere!!


7/30/2013 7:57:26 AM

Been out on the bike after another morning of trying to sleep after a night shift and getting constant disruptions. I am starting to feel like giving up!!!!


7/29/2013 4:32:38 AM

Been woken up by a mega thunderstorm scaring the dogs. Gonna head off on the bike now the rain has stopped and clear my head.

Back in work later and got doctors first!


7/27/2013 1:02:16 AM

Why can't I make a decision about what I want and need?

Just keep racking my brains and it's giving me a headache!!

Off out on the bike to see if I can clear my head!!!


7/26/2013 1:18:29 PM

Registered for the skyride for Sunday 4th August. OOh I am really doing this.

 

Well let's face it got to do something other than hang around the house looking at 4 walls and 2 dogs. Nothing else to do except make some decisions!!!!!


7/25/2013 12:30:15 PM

Cleared away a few cobwebs and been out on the bike this afternoon. Got my Euromillions ticket for tomorrow night and hopefully my numbers come up and I can get myself away and clear my head once and for all!!!


7/23/2013 7:33:20 AM

Arrghhh why does everyone want to use me when they are having problems or just need some fun and yet when I have things going on they don't want to know or just think about themselves.

I feel like I need a 30hr day just to get things done, and I need to split myself in god knows how many ways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


7/22/2013 5:04:29 PM

I have made another decision tonight I am looking for a new job so if anybody knows of any jobs in the Manchester area they can let me know :D

My boss has took the piss out of me for 6 years and it is not going to be happening for much longer!!!!!!!


7/22/2013 7:35:37 AM

Well had quite a night in work, came home went to bed and I have been out for a couple of hours on the bike so feeling more refreshed.

Still feeling a bit confused with everything, sure it will sort itself out though. I have took a lot of disappointment over the years and I have always come out fighting in the end. I'm a big girl (in a lot of ways) and obviously not everyone's cup of tea. I guess that is their problem.

I have feelings which I cannot turn on and off like a switch would be easy if I could sometimes, but it is how you deal with them that determine how life turns out.

I cannot make people like me and want to be around me and that is up to them I guess.

I am certainly not going back into my shell and going to fall apart like I have done in the past!! 

My ex husband thinks I am going to run back to him before long and as I told him not until hell freezes over. I am going to be with someone who wants me for me and only me. If they can't see past the outside and what's inside me move on. I am a sub not a doormat!!!

 


7/21/2013 7:41:34 PM

Sat in work and things going round in my head.

I have decided to concentrate on myself and see what happens in the next few weeks. I have decided to take part in a bike ride round Manchester which is around 8 miles so that is a challenge for me lol :-), quite looking forward to it now!!!

As for anything else I will decide when I am good and ready one thing I do know is I am submissive and not a slave!!!

 


7/21/2013 6:21:26 AM

Been out on the bike and done a few miles. Not really cleared my head but enjoyed myself all the same. 2 weeks today I will be doing the Manchester skyride I feel 8ish miles is achievable and I am going to show people that I mean this seriously!!!!

Finish my water and off for a shower then chill before back to work!

Why when I am trying not to think about someone do I keep getting constant reminders around the house? 


7/21/2013 4:12:20 AM

Had the busiest night in work last night yet again the same useless staff member didn't turn up for her shift.

Even though busy it didn't stop me thinking!

 

Not matter how hard I try, I cannot turn my feelings on and off with a switch much as I would like to right now :(

 

One thing I have decided is I am definitely sub and not slave so if anyone reading this is looking for a slave I am not for you!!

 

Off out on the bike to clear my head!!!!!!!!!


7/20/2013 5:47:26 AM

Been out on the bike all was fine till bumped into the ex.

Why do I keep letting him and other's get in my head and knock me down.

Is it because I am a sub and should have no feelings or emotions?

 

Oh well work later that will take my mind off things NOT!


7/20/2013 3:12:55 AM

Off out on the bike to blow away a few cobwebs before work later.

Still considering taking part in the 12 mile skyride in a few weeks so need to make sure I can do it :)


7/19/2013 4:10:09 PM

had a chat with a so called friend tonight and it looks like I have to prove myself all over again, in various parts of my life.

 

Anyone who doubts my sincerity or honesty about anything I do watch this space..........


7/19/2013 10:42:49 AM

I have no idea what is going on?

 

All this is new to me and I just don't know what to do!!


7/19/2013 7:23:33 AM

So many questions going around in my head again and the one person who can give me the answers is not around :-(

Guess I will just have to try and answer them myself!!!

Been out on the bike and cycled 8 miles today so that has made me feel a bit better :-)

 

I will get fitter and healthier for myself and nobody else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


7/18/2013 6:32:47 AM

OMG can this week get any worse my ex husband has just been at mine kicking off cos I reported him for theft of something that was rightfully mine.

Sick of being fuckin dumped on might as well just give up on everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


7/17/2013 6:21:16 PM

Why do I get everything so wrong? What is wrong with me? I try to be the best I can be and do everything that is asked of me and still that is wrong.

I should be sleeping now but it's too damn hot and my mind is in overdrive.

When I was married my husband treated me like a doormat and I vowed it wouldn't happen again and it won't!!

I may be a sub but I do have feelings and no one will walk all over them!!

 


7/17/2013 8:47:14 AM

Well had some time out on the bike this morning very warm out on it today. Came home fell asleep and parents turned up. Now home alone for the night I guess :(

Might have a couple of cold beers before bed ;-)


7/16/2013 11:11:07 PM

Finished work showered and changed washer on. Think I may get out on the bike ;-)


7/16/2013 7:56:50 AM

Over thinking ruins you, ruins the situation,twists things around,makes you worry and just makes everything much worse than it actually is!!


7/15/2013 8:11:21 AM

Well I have been out on the  bike again. I will get this weight down and myself fitter so that I can be the best sub that I can be ;-)


7/12/2013 9:18:01 PM

Why do the Americans keep viewing me, am I that impressive or I they just having a laugh?

I'm a sucker for an American accent too :(


7/12/2013 6:30:52 AM

Questions going around in my head again which I just don't know the answer to!!!

 

Who am I?

What am I doing? 

Am I doing the right thing?How do I know the right thing?

Why do I feel alone?

 

Just a few things I need to sort out in my head while working this weekend and hopefully will find some answers. Only person who can answer them is me I guess!!!! 


7/10/2013 8:59:12 AM

Have burnt my shoulders today while been out on the bike... oh well what's a bit of sunburn in my attempts to get healthier lol.

As I said before no pain no gain!!!! and I do like certain pain :-)

 

Think I need a drink tonight ;-)


7/10/2013 4:32:54 AM

Well been out on a 2 hour bike ride this morning instead of the gym thought it would be nice to get out in the fresh air ;-)

 

Feeling knackered slightly but no pain equals no gain and that is what I need to keep telling myself, as it is all for a greater good in the end result!!!!!


7/9/2013 7:12:34 PM

I wanna wake with you, I wanna reach out and know that you're there, I wanna be the first thing that you see!!


7/9/2013 5:36:42 AM

Got up cos I was too warm and couldn't go back to sleep. Had a shower and then been out on the bike for an hour.

Feeling refreshed another shower then off to wok for my last shift for 2 days :-)


7/8/2013 7:28:22 AM

I'm starting to think I am not normal.

There again what is normal?

 

Just something to think about again :-)


7/7/2013 8:08:23 AM

After one of the shittest nights at work and not much sleep this morning in the heat, I feel like crap and it's nearly time to go back to work :(

 

I really really need a drink but can't yet soon though :-)


7/6/2013 5:01:42 AM

Been out on the new bike again this morning cycled to the gym :)

All this will pay off I hope


7/5/2013 4:15:03 PM

well I picked up my bike today and have been out for a ride this evening and OMG now I am saddle sore. Had a few drinks this evening just for the pain :-)

I really wanna zig a zig ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


7/4/2013 5:51:16 PM

well off to bed then go and pick up my bike today :-)


7/4/2013 2:45:15 AM

Just back from the gym had a couple of hours again after yesterday.

Pick up my bike tomorrow :-)


7/2/2013 6:41:27 AM

Well my last 12 hour shift is coming up, then home for shower change and a session in the gym as not been for a few days. 

I am looking at buying a bike now to help with the fitness and bike ride in the country maybe fun ;-)


6/30/2013 9:29:14 AM

well time for me to head for work again. Looking forward to my days off and who knows something to look forward to!!!!!!

 

Sometime in the gym will be good :-)


6/29/2013 3:11:20 AM

Just got back from another productive couple of hours in the gym. Having some water and then have a shower. Feeling very refreshed.

Never thought I would enjoy the gym but I have to say I feel better mentally and physically and more confident :-)

 

 


6/27/2013 9:16:50 AM

Just because I am submissive does not mean that I am going to be taken for a dick!!!

 

My ex husband has found that out today!!!!!!!!!

 

Fooking joker!!

 

Rant over


6/27/2013 5:58:48 AM

Been out and got wet going to the doctors now what to do on a wet Thursday afternoon off!!!!!!!!


6/25/2013 4:28:24 PM

5 and a half hours and I can go home for 3 days off. In need of something while off maybe a nice drink :-). Too much to hope I might get invited out anywhere!!!!


6/24/2013 8:25:28 PM

Oh my God can this night shift go any slower I am in agony and need to go home. My gums still bleeding can't have a brew and really in need of some TLC and some sleep!!!!!!!!!!! Nobody cares they just laugh and find it funny!!!


6/24/2013 8:06:29 AM

Went to dentist to supposedly have 1 tooth out and oh no he decided to take 2. Got a very numb mouth and gotta go to work in under 2 hours for a 12 hour night shift :-(


6/24/2013 5:59:48 AM

Off to the dentist to have a tooth out soon. Could do without it just before a 12 hour night shift :-(


6/23/2013 4:15:09 AM

Up a little earlier than usual but it Was worth it ;-)


6/22/2013 9:19:42 AM

In work so any messages sent will be answered much later or tomorrow after I get up. could be a busy night :-( after the Robbie Williams concert kicks out. On the plus side it is the last one till next year now :-)


6/21/2013 4:29:50 PM

Alone on a Friday night WTF. Something is slightly wrong with this scenario. Was hoping for a visitor or at least or a text!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to work tomorrow night for 4 nights!!!


6/20/2013 4:56:13 PM

well not seen a soul all day since coming home from the gym and now slightly drunk. Off to bed. Here's hoping I see someone tomorrow or today as the case may be!!!!! 


6/20/2013 8:38:48 AM

Had an early night last night so was up early this morning and went to the gym for another couple of hours working on my fitness.

Starting to feel so much better in myself ;-) 


6/19/2013 1:25:40 PM

Bedtime for me soon been up since yesterday. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day


6/18/2013 10:54:37 PM

well the start of my 3 days off. Will I see anyone or do anything that's debatable :-/

 

I hope I do!!!!


6/18/2013 6:35:00 PM

Well almost time to go home for my 3 days off. Will enjoy the break after tonight been so busy.

I need to get a straight answer off 1 or 2 people as well!!!


6/17/2013 7:05:24 PM

Why is my life such a joke to people and why do people not think about my feelings?


6/16/2013 6:44:11 PM

Stuck in work soon be home time and then off to bed for it all to start again tomorrow. On the plus side only 2 more nights to go :) I have decided that I expect too much and from now on I am going to stop thinking and dreaming because all I get is hurt!!


6/16/2013 8:07:37 AM

Happy Father's Day to any daddies I hope you all have a good day!!

 

I have got to go to work again later for my 2nd night of 4 :( 

 

I am sure I will have something to look forward to on my days off here's hoping ;)

 

I will be thinking about it when in work later no doubt!!!!!!!!


6/15/2013 7:41:38 AM

Off to work soon for my 4 night stint have things to keep me occupied and look forward to I hope!!!!!!!!


6/14/2013 6:01:04 AM

Last night was a long night after being called into work and not had much sleep this morning, but at least it gave me time to get a few things straight in my head..well almost ;) 


6/13/2013 8:38:24 AM

Has decided how can I be honest with myself if people cannot be honest with me?

 

Or am I again over thinking things!!!!!!

 


6/13/2013 4:19:06 AM

Well been to the gym this morning and feeling very refreshed now the blood pumping.

Time to sort out a few things and get things right in my head ;-)


6/12/2013 1:17:35 AM

Why do I feel like I am wasting my time?

 

Wish I knew the answer. 

 

I have tried to do and be everything asked and expected of me. 

 

Does it get me anywhere? Right now it feels like it's getting me nowhere fast :-( 


6/9/2013 6:48:22 PM

Over thinking ruins you, ruins the situation, twists things around, makes you worry and just makes everything much worse than it actually is!!!!!!!


6/9/2013 9:08:52 AM

Ah well another long night shift beckons.

 

Will just have a think about things no doubt as always ;)

 

Have plenty to keep me going!!!!! 


6/7/2013 9:46:20 AM

Is having naughty but good thoughts about someone right now :-)


6/2/2013 8:32:05 PM

Can't wait for my day off on Wednesday I am starting at the gym, get myself into better shape :-)

 

Only 2 more nights after tonight!!!!!!


5/27/2013 5:37:46 PM

can these 4 nights get any worse? I have had enough of this dead end job the sooner I find something else the better.

 

Too much time to think as well in this job until it turns my head to mush or just makes me doubt myself and other things further!!!!


5/24/2013 11:53:20 AM

After a busy day I am chilling with a beer!!!


5/23/2013 4:50:01 PM

well I'm off to bed had a long day and missing someone right now.

 

They are always on my mind every minute of everyday :-)


5/22/2013 1:21:40 PM

Has had enough today I am tired and cranky and off to bed.

 

Starting to wonder if it's all worth it. If people want to laugh at me behind my back because of the way they want to treat me, then so be it I don't give a f**k!!!!

 


5/21/2013 9:00:37 AM

Feeling a little confused today!!

 

How do I explain to someone how I feel,when I know how I feel,but I dont know how to explain it to them, so they believe me and run the risk of losing everything!!!!!!!!!


5/19/2013 5:37:16 AM

What a day worked 12 hours last night, had 3 hours sleep and now can't sleep again questions going around in my head.

Why can't I shut off I have another 12 hour shift tonight :(

 

I have no idea what to do!!!!!!!!!!!


5/18/2013 7:13:02 AM

Things on my mind again and I gotta go to work with so many thoughts and decisions going around in my head!!!!!!!!!!!!


5/15/2013 6:10:51 AM

Sat here again thinking loads going round and around in my head.

 

Why do think about everything over and over?

 

It doesn't get me anywhere :)


5/14/2013 7:43:54 AM

Why does everyone want a piece of me when the one person I want to have a piece is not available. Could do with splitting myself into about 10 different directions lol


5/12/2013 6:57:57 AM

What a wet afternoon I am sat looking out of my window at the rain and again I find my mind drifting off thinking about things again!!

 

How do I work out what is going on inside my head I have no clue maybe I should stop trying. Work again later and I know I will do nothing but think about things especially later when I am on my own!!


5/11/2013 5:28:11 AM

How do certain people get inside your head leaving no room to think or concentrate on anything else?

 

It is mystery to me ;)


5/3/2013 4:33:05 PM

Today has been one of the toughest days in a while glad it's over :(

 

Just hope I sleep cos I have 4 12 night shifts to do :(

 

Where is a shoulder when I need one?


4/26/2013 1:38:15 PM

Is it so wrong to want more from a situation or relationship?


4/22/2013 8:54:35 AM

Having a really shit day today, just not feeling it at all!!!!!!!!!!!!


4/21/2013 8:23:39 PM

I have never said I was perfect. I have flaws and imperfections just like EVERYONE does.

 

Certain things I can change now but some things take time and I will never be 100% perfect.

 

There are things I would gladly change about myself I would love to be built like a supermodel but I never have been and never will be!!!

 

All I can do is try my best to please people and if I fail then sorry if it's not good enough!!!!!!! 

 


4/21/2013 6:59:59 AM

Had a busy night at work last night, but however busy didn't stop me thinking about things.

Listening to the football and again I find myself thinking. I really need to stop thinking.

 

What am I thinking I hear some ask:-

 

Who am I and what am I doing?

Am I doing the right thing?

Is it all going t be worth it?

Am I happy?

Who cares if I am happy or not?

 

That is just a few of the things in my head right now!!!!!!!!!!!


4/20/2013 8:01:29 AM

Off to work soon and I could really do without it.

 

So many thoughts and feelings going round in my head right now, not sure what will happen but suppose the next 4 nights will give some thinking time!!!!


4/19/2013 1:09:30 PM

I feel so alone right now. Drinking alone is never a good idea!!!!!!!!!!!!! Back at work on the nightshift tomorrow so yet more alone time for the next 4 nights when is this ever going to end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


4/15/2013 7:00:18 PM

Decisions decisions decisions I'm sat in work again and things going around in my head!!!!!


4/5/2013 9:40:06 AM

I seem to be very appealing to Americans lately!!! No idea why!!!!


4/3/2013 2:38:38 PM

Anyone give me some advice I feel like my head is going to mush!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


4/1/2013 6:00:50 PM

Sat in work and happens again I start thinking!!!

 

Is this all it's ever going to be?

Am I wasting my time?

Am I expecting too much?

 

The answer is I don't know suppose I will just have to see what happens and decide which way it is going to go or maybe I should just stop over thinking things as I always do!!!!


3/31/2013 11:32:49 AM

What a crazy time I am having right now so many things going around and around in my head. So many different emotions and feelings!!!!

Are they normal I don't know there again what is normal?


3/29/2013 5:42:12 PM

I am loving the single life I have just had all 3 hole fucked sleep well tonight me thinks!!!!!!


3/24/2013 7:57:35 PM

3 hours till my holiday starts I wonder what this week will bring for me!!!!!!! It certainly can't be any worse than last week!!


3/21/2013 4:12:41 PM

Well what a fucking shit day it has been. I really know how to screw up!!!!!!!!!!


3/18/2013 6:42:57 PM

Well here I am stuck in work again all work and no play does that make me dull haha.

Why do people lie to me do they not think they will get found out for the liars that they are Rant over!!!!

On the plus side I have applied for a new job so fingers crossed!!!


3/17/2013 9:38:21 PM

So many things going around in my head right now this is when I hate working nights too much quiet time to think and usually come to the wrong conclusions, oh well I guess what will be will be and I should try and go with the flow,and stop worrying about things I can do nothing about.

Just wish I had a few answers to some questions I need to know the answers to and then I can decide on a few things and make things clearer in my head.

Yeah right who am I kidding I always like to believe the best in people and then I get hurt so I will probably not get the answers or the outcome that I am hoping for!!!!!!!!!!!!


3/14/2013 5:42:29 AM

I just want you back for good!!!!


3/12/2013 9:24:45 PM

Is fed up of being let down, do people think that I don't have feelings that they can string me along and then just fob me off with pathetic excuses. Stuck in work and things going round in my head again.

 

On the plus side I had lost another 1 and a half pounds yesterday taking my total weight loss to 26 pounds 2 pounds short of 2 stone so anyone who thought that I couldn't do it can now stand corrected because I have and will continue to do so with or without your encouragement!!!

 

 


3/9/2013 9:11:11 AM

well after weeks and weeks of running around like a headless chicken between work and hospital and losing almost 2 stone I am now hoping for a change of pace!!!!!!!!!!!


3/7/2013 6:37:14 AM

why do people feel the need to lie and fob me off. I'm a big girl in a lot of ways I can take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


3/1/2013 2:44:42 PM

Why is it everytime I get something I want either it or I FUCK UP!!!!!!!


2/26/2013 7:08:33 PM

well i went to see the nurse yesterday and I have lost another 2 and a half pounds taking me to 22 and a half pounds off in total and still cutting down on the cigs down to less than 10 a day so all in all quite proud if myself haha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


2/23/2013 7:05:44 PM

Has had enough definitely time for a new job and a new life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


2/12/2013 8:33:44 PM

Hates this time I start thinking again wherever I am whatever I'm doing....... somebody tell me what to do before my brain turns to mush!!!!!


2/8/2013 2:28:44 PM

sick of being on my own!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just gives me more time to think about things


2/4/2013 8:34:11 PM

Working the nightshift and yet again things going round and round in my head. My absent Master has suggested that I cut down on the cigs which I have done I have halved my intake so that is good and I have lost 16 pounds in weight which pleases me more even though I can't tell where it has gone from.

I have got to decide what I am going to do not quickly but again for my sanity!!!!!!!!!!


1/30/2013 4:30:33 PM

Had a lovely night Tuesday and day on Wednesday after the shite I had on Monday now I can't wait for Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


1/26/2013 9:12:00 PM

In work yet again only 45 minutes to go then it's one down and 3 to go before my 3 days off and I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


1/21/2013 6:41:46 PM

Stuck in work with things going round and round in my head again. I hate these nightshifts too much time to think about things and me I always over think things instead of just going with the flow!!

I just need to make up my mind and go with it maybe Wednesday will help!!!!!!!


1/21/2013 4:59:04 AM

I feel as if I'm going mad!!!Don't know what to do!!!Things going around and round in my head!!


1/19/2013 8:58:53 PM

How do I work out if someone is been honest or just stringing me along? Can't sleep tonight things going round and round in my head decisions need to be made, not quickly, but still need to be made for my own sanity.


1/18/2013 7:41:16 AM

Another day spent on my todd :( omg i AM SOOOO BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


1/15/2013 8:31:40 PM

It always happens to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


1/15/2013 9:50:11 AM

Day 4 of cutting down on the cigarettes and I hit my target of 9 yesterday so quietly pleased with myself.

Waiting to find out when I can meet with my Master I hope it's very soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


1/14/2013 11:29:39 AM

Was hoping to meet with my Master this week but work means I have got to wait till next week :(


1/14/2013 6:31:50 AM

Day 3 and I managed to only have 10 yesterday so that was better had 1 so far today. Tough but i can do it.

I am now waiting to see if I get a phone call today from my hopefully new Master excited but nervous and trying not to smoke through the nerves haha  


1/13/2013 6:25:31 PM

Why do people feel the need to come on here and just be rude to someone who they know nothing about?


1/13/2013 6:59:09 AM

Day 2 of cutting down on the cigarettes and oh my god last night was hard. I have set a target of 9 a day and I did go over yesterday by 2 but I think that was good as I could have had more. Got 10 in my packet today and I am not having anymore than that had one up to now today when I got up :)


1/12/2013 8:12:07 AM

Day 1 of cutting down the cigarettes and it is going okay but hard. I have set myself of 9 a day and have so far had 2. I have got an electronic substitute which is okay but not the same but better for me so just got to try and stick with it. In 2 hours a 12 hour night shift beckons so we will see how I go in the stresses of the office.


1/10/2013 1:07:11 PM

After meeting my sir yesterday and coming up with a plan to lose wight and stop smoking I have been to see my GP today and he has suggested doing one thing at a time. So now I have to decide which is more important lose the weight or stop smoking. More decisions!!!


1/9/2013 1:33:51 AM

Today could be the day that I meet my Master for the first time. Although I am quite nervous about our first meet I am also very excited at the prospect of showing my Master just how much I worship and adore him. I just hope that today is the day I have been dreaming about because I have needed this all my life and I now have my Master to serve and obey finally!!!


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FreckledSub
 
 Age: 28
 St. Louis, Missouri