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chicknlittle

chicknlittle - photo 1
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5/11/2017 11:26:07 PM
I miss being me
not the me I am for everyone else.

3/28/2017 5:25:03 PM
First Demo/Dungeon/Munch Reaction
It was a very educational and eye opening weekend for me. At first I was darn near petrified lol ... and nearly went home in the first few hours after getting there. I rarely do anything by myself ... let alone with people i dont really know very well ... as well as an hour from home lol. The whole thing was "out of my comfort zone". But i tell my patients all the time that "nothing good ever changes in your comfort zone". And so with that thought in mind, I made the reservation so that it was non refundable. Which i later thought i was crazy for .... and even later, was glad i did.
The first night, in the bar, it took a few Apple Crown and Cranberry drinks before I no longer wished to find the darkest, smallest corner to be invisable. I chatted with people I knew, and even made few friends i didnt have at the begining of the evening. Those of you who know me would not be suprised to find out ... i love to people watch lol. By the end of the evening it felt like i was doing fairly ok.
The next day was a day full of classes, information, and learning. I refuse to stop learning things until the day i die. The Terror Play one gave me prickles up and down my arms. The back of my neck was even clammy at the water boarding demo ... and the almighty turkey bag ... shivers. There was one on rituals also. it reminded me of all the Rituals that have been in my life and what meaning they had. How they made things feel like 'all was well and right in the world'. How i would have ran into a burning house to save my collar back in the day. There was one on medical play. i was very curious to learn about sounding ... and how Men have Man'ginas lol according to Ms Cynthia.
The Dungeon time that night held a revalation for me ... and i didnt even play. I am familar with many of the things that went on there. I have never been flogged, but I know impact play. I have had expirence with Paddles ... shivers. The deliciousness of Canes. Whips. Electric play. And a few other things that happened there .... i have even had a little bit of expirence with drawing blood. Each time that night, it ended the same. The first time i watched it, i thought to myself ... "aww that is sweet of Him to do". Got her some water, and a chair ... Then I saw it happen a few more times and it caused an "hmmmm?" feeling. There was hugging and petting ... fuzzy blankets and whispers in the ear. The longer the night went on ... the more often it happened. I suddenly realized ... this is one thing I am not familar with. 19 years ... and this .. this loving thing ... I am not familar with. At first i felt sorry for myself ... I stood in my hotel room and cried ... wollowed in my pity pot. Then I started thinking of the many bottoms there. How fortunate they are ... how lucky ... what a beautiful thing they get to have. How awesome a thing they have, to maybe know no other way then that way. I would never begrudge someone something filled with so much love and caring. And i came to the realization that .... I have something new to get to learn lol!! that is worth lots of !!!'s. lol

2/3/2017 11:47:00 AM
I am a chubby bunny. If that is not something that you can be OK with, please move along

12/26/2016 8:00:36 PM
 I have discovered that I am surviving. That's what I do. I survive each day one after the other. And then I meet someone .... together, I live. The two of us mashed together until we find out that we don't really match together. And then we part, and I survive again.  Each time ... in between the next ... I survive. Every one in this day and age believes that you shouldn't need another person to feel alive. You should be able to be live alone and still be whole. I call bullshit.
There's a guilt that comes with the realization that you only survive in between. Because the rest of the world believes that you should live alone just as well as you live with another person. But it's just not true. Guess it wouldn't be the first time to find out I'm different. I have been different my whole life from what everyone else is.  And half the time no one even knows what to do with me. The rest of the time .. I survive ... not even knowing what to do with myself.
And I don't dare tell the rest of the world. The Facebook's in the world and in person connections of the world, because they won't understand. The only chance I have of being understood is here.
Do you know what it's like? To just survive ... one day after the other ... waiting for the other person ... the other half ... the other part that makes you whole?


12/10/2016 10:47:18 AM
I was packing for a trip today ... i found i had left the double tailed short whip in my suit case from the last time i packed to go visit my former Papa. As i was putting it away ... i randomly whipped myself in the legs. It cause goose bumps ... and a deep intake of breath ... and a sigh afterwards. I did it three more times as hard as i could. I closed my eyes wishing it was not my hand holding it. I put it away and walked away.
lol now i cant seem to get the goose bumps to stop ... or the throbbing. God it has been toooo long.

12/4/2016 6:15:24 AM
Holy crap ... it actually uploaded my picture. I was goofing around and tried it .. lol it actually worked. It has not worked ages. 

Yes ... I am easily amused.

11/23/2016 10:02:28 PM
was watching a movie (strictly a vanilla movie) in it there was a scene where someone walks with a crop and swats it on their palm while talking ..... i looked at the leather and the handle and my skin prickled up and my insides shivered and tingled while i thought of it slapping my skin. sighs.

now i am filled with a anxiety attack sort of feeling that has a hold of my throat. 
shakes her head .... its been toooooo long.

lol and no i am not accepting invitations to change that from strangers .. thank you, no.

11/5/2016 3:19:36 PM
Went to my first munch .... i sat in the car for 20 minutes and agonized over whether i was going to actually go in or not. i was lucky enough to meet a very nice girl while waiting in line and she said i could stick to her. 
I met some people ... everyone was nice. 
I did sit there after food part of it ... while everyone was mingling and walking around ... i almost cried once lol. the social anxiety was killing me, but i was determined. A nice Man came and chatted with me a while ... and some of the ladies were so wonderful. 

10/8/2016 3:14:47 PM
Hmmm ... well i put "Dominant Male" in the google image search and the results were ... well .. lets just say that it is no wonder it is difficult to find an Owner

9/25/2016 9:45:10 PM
Ok so .. i have had way toooo big of a conversion with Capt Morgan tonight ... we had juice together. whispers ... he has the best juice .... thinks about that, ok maybe i should have rephrased that. lol of course it only took one glass ... cause thats how i roll lol. oh that was bad. Thank goodness for auto correct cause i cant type at all.

i miss having a Papa. i think and say that so much i probablu shjould put that on as a signature lol

9/24/2016 2:48:33 AM

Cant sleep ... well ... afraid to ... or dont want to. take your pick. bad dreams.
bad couple of days .. maybe that is what started it
some times i think this image i have of "having it together" is a farce ... in fact i know it is.
i sit here at 4 in the morning ... depressed, exhausted, feel like crying, and afraid to sleep because i might dream.

i miss having a Papa so much


9/13/2016 10:52:31 AM
 I just read this in a book and it seems to explain a lot of things.

"there is nothing wrong with us. The atmosphere we were raised in, our parents, and their involvement, or lack there of. It's what caused us to later be the people that we are.  Realizing who we are, embracing it, and allowing ourselves to be who we are naturally is healthy. Some people fight their entire life to try to be someone or something they are not. The result is someone that lives in extremely difficult and unhappy life"

8/25/2016 10:20:29 PM
Have an overwhelming wish to feel small. and such a wish for a spanking. Something to center my mind and make it stop talking

8/21/2016 7:19:03 PM
I wanted to change my picture on my profile .... everyone teases me about my big eyes ... but now it wont upload one ... shrugs .. oh well i guess

8/20/2016 3:59:14 AM
Woke up from a dream about being spanked ... Gosh I miss that. 

7/18/2016 12:56:04 AM
it is 3 o'clock in the morning I miss having a Papa. wake up from bad dreams. It's a really really bad dreams. Pain and Agony and blood and screaming people, being chased, things on the dark. Just needed to write it down. To wake up more. Afraid to go back to sleep.

6/30/2016 6:26:05 PM
I have been reading a book recently called the Boss. The title isnt the topic, but the line that stuck with me today and rolled around in my head.
"I so loved how strangely intimate a blow job could be, almost more so that intercourse. I love knowing that there was no possible way my partner could be thinking of anything else. The pleasure I took in preforming the act made me feel almost selfish."
She is so right in saying that frame of thought. Like glowing in a happy space ... is it possible that anything that feels good .. isnt a bit selfish? hmm ...

6/19/2016 7:55:38 PM
I found out .... rope makes me wet ... mmmm mmm

6/16/2016 6:47:17 PM

A friend of mine said something today that stuck with me when we were talking about wanting to be 'real'.

"You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby.

But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand"

6/15/2016 9:37:20 AM
Ok so this came out as no surprise to me at all lol ...

== Results from bdsmtest.org ==
99% Submissive
98% Rope bunny
92% Slave
89% Girl/Boy
88% Exhibitionist
87% Pet
85% Masochist
84% Primal (Prey)
83% Non-monogamist
82% Experimentalist
77% Ageplayer
76% Voyeur
49% Brat
47% Degradee
4% Vanilla
3% Daddy/Mommy
3% Sadist
2% Owner
1% Dominant
1% Primal (Hunter)
1% Rigger
1% Switch
0% Brat tamer
0% Degrader
0% Master/Mistress

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CherryxBlossom
 
 Age: 30
 Loiusville, Colorado