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Remember when Austin Powers began yanking on the old lady's white hair? "She's a MAN, baby!"
That's me. I'm a man. Yeah, baby.
And here I was convinced that everyone was fooled. How did you ever see through my clever ruse?
Oh, I wouldn't attend one of your silly BDSM group's meetings? Yeah, that definitely proves I'm rocking a set of balls.
Because I refused to Skype with you, a total stranger, and help you jerk off? Yikes, damning evidence indeed.
And then there was the time I declined to escort you, another total stranger, to the [fill in the name of a public fetish event here]. Golly, how could I possibly be for real?
Or are you one of those Genius Photographers who know I'm a man because there's no free photo shoots in your futures? Curses, I keep giving myself away here.
But, wait a second! Hmmm. The old lady whom Austin Powers attacked WASN'T a man, baby, she was Michael York's mother -- a REAL woman!
And so am I. (Er, just to clarify, I'm not Michael York's mother but I am a real woman. Got it? This nonsense is becoming so confusing...)
So if you must harass me, could you at least put a little effort into the harassment? Maybe even some creativity? Please? The whole "you're a man because" shtick is even more boring than those fetish group meetings I avoid like the plague.
I totally understand some of you possess the emotional maturity of pre-pubescent teenagers. Hell, some of you probably ARE secretly pre-pubescent teens, right? And you cannot help yourself from lashing out at me because you'll never have me. And that's fine.
But for the love of God could you please make your attacks at least moderately interesting? Or funny? Oh what I wouldn't give for some rotten messages that could make me laugh.
Hey, I just realized, wasn't that gag with Austin Powers and Michael York's non-tranny mommy stolen from the first "Crocodile Dundee" movie?
And wasn't that Austin Powers "Lower, darling, lower!" joke stolen from Benny Hill?
Forget me, shouldn't you guys be harassing Mike Meyers?
Until next time, sweeties -- squeal like the pig you are. ;-) |
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Yes, I posted a *new* VIDEO JOURNAL ENTRY yesterday. So rejoice and fawn over me!
Going forward ALL messages from dom male accounts are deleted. No exceptions. Weary from the harassment of idiots.
Lastly, YES, I'm real. Check out my vid journal entry. No, I will not Skype with you to "prove" I'm real/provide you with j.o. material. Duh. |
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Clip store, anyone?
I've been toying with opening a clip store. But don't want to waste the effort.
Mostly ass worship, strap-on play, me being sexy. Those sorts of clips...akin to the vids I've posted here on collarme but longer and sexier.
Would love to hear from anyone who's currently running or attempted running a clip store. Any anecdotal stories or advice definitely welcome.
Also, it's long overdue for me to update my pictures. Look for all new and crazy pics by the end of this week!
More soon, sweeties. |
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Fakes, Phonies And MORE Fakes !!!
Anybody else notice how many OBVIOUSLY fake profiles have hit this site in the last few weeks ??
Somebody or somebodies have been busier than shoe elves cobbling together phony profiles with stolen pics (even some of mine were swiped!) and one-line descriptions.
Of course, this is why God invented GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH, right ?? |
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Yes, I posted THREE new vids on my collarme journal page...dying to know what u think!
;-) |
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TWO new ass vids on my journal PLUS outtakes, baby !!! |
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Check out my new AWESOME MIDRIFF VID posted in my journal, baby! ;-) |
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Check out the NEW booty dancing vid In my journal! More snakeskin!!
Happy wanking! ;-) |
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Watch me booty dance in my snakeskin bikini on my video journal !!! |
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My new favorite message goes like this:
"I'll be in your area next week when can we meet for a session?"
Yeah. Not only didn't the sender (three of them this week alone!) not read my profile, but they also assumed I was a pro or a prostitute who could accommodate them in blowing their wads according to their schedule.
Riiiiight.
I'm keeping a list of these insincere and offensive morons. Femdoms feel free to message me and I'll send you the screen names. |
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The latest video is a sequel to nude recycling. This one features high-high heels and longer loping! ;-) |
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So, what's your WEIRD FANTASY? |
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<strong style="color: pink;">Not so SECRET:</strong>
<p>Live! In a Victoria Secret dressing room near you! Watch as I try on my new sexy bra!</p>
<p>[Cue applause, crowd goes wild...]</p> |
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<p>By popular demand --</p>
<strong style="color: red;">My naked ass!</strong>
<p>Now stop begging and enjoy...</p>
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<p>Didja hear the news?</p>
<strong style="color: purple;">New PICS posted!</strong>
<p>Likey ??</p>
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<p> </p>
<strong style="color: red;">It's Official!</strong>
<p>Let's see here:</p>
<ol>
<li>Pyramid of Giza</li>
<li>Hanging Gardens of Babylon</li>
<li>Statue of Zeus at Olympia</li>
<li>Temple of Artemis at Ephesus</li>
<li>Mausoleum of Maussollos</li>
<li>Colossus of Rhodes</li>
<li>Lighthouse of Alexandria</li>
<p>...and now, the EIGHTH WONDER of the WORLD is my PERFECT ASS in LACE BOY SHORTS!</p>
<p>And it's ready for your <strong style="color: red;">worship</strong>, slaves. ;-)</p>
<p> </p>
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<p>Bonitas non est pessimis esse meliorem.</p>
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<p>Pretty pink welts on my glorious apple bottom!</p>
<p>...no, haven't turned into a sub or slave, so all of you dominants who keep bothering me take a chill pill. (Heck, there's at least one or two of you who probably needed a defibrillator after gazing upon those pink lines on my Glorious Ass!)</p>
<p>I needed to test drive a new dressage whip before using it on a victim. So a very very very willing associate whom I first whipped with my usual intensity and number of licks then kindly reciprocated upon my fine derriere.</p>
<p>How can I possibly use a toy or weapon on someone without knowing how it feels? My cute little welts have mostly faded by this morning. So enjoy the cheap thrill, you dirty pervs. xo</p> |
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<p>Yes! Another ass pic!</p>
<p>...this one is a behind-the-scenes shot of moi perfecting my make-up during a corset photo shoot.</p>
<p>Read it and weep! ...or wank?</p> |
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<b>BEHOLD MY *GORGEOUS* ASS !!!!!!</b>
<p>By popular demand, I present my beautiful behind, sans panties...but don't look at the bruise on my thigh. Ugh. Fell off my bike. :-(</p> |
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*Sigh* Doesn't anyone want to impress me anymore ?? |
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Anybody want a good laugh? And, no, for once it has nothing to do with the feeble wankers who pester me with moronic messages!
Check out the movie trailer for "Charlie St. Cloud," it's available all over the place. This movie trailer is an absolute scream! Hilarious, truly.
We all need some laughter these days. Thank me later. ;-) |
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Message of the day:
"I apologize Goddess.... but i can not get Your full profile. It does not come up. Do you urinate into mouths? Thank You."
Response:
"No, I don't urinate into mouths. But I do block rude, insensitive morons from contacting me." |
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Best message ever:
"im in a mentor hotel looking to serve"
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What part of "read my profile and follow my directions or you're blocked" don't you understand?
If a halfway decent guy bothered reading my profile and followed my directions I'd marry him at this point.
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Yes, it's true, I have a TON of friends on my profile.
But you know what? I've probably BLOCKED three or four times as many people.
And you'll be blocked, too, if you don't read my profile and follow my directions. DUH. |
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Nothing's funnier than a loser who keeps peeking at my profile every five minutes...after I've blocked them for not reading my profile and not following my directions.
You know who you are. LOL. |
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Yes, I do have a lot of "friends" on this site...but please keep in mind, I've probably *BLOCKED* three if not four or fives times as many people from contacting me.
Why?
Because they don't read my entire profile and don't follow my directions. One strike and they were OUT!
*SIgH* Aren't there any sincere, subs/slaves left on this site?? |
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Happy New Year!
My New Year's resolution is easy this year!
I'm not sending "condolence" messages to loser subs and slaves who contact me without reading my profile and following directions!
Don't follow my directions and you're blocked! It's THAT easy!
Also, I'm going to post something at least weekly. All year. No, really, weekly. Promise! ;-) |
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MERRY X-MAS everybody!
...especially you insane losers who resent me because you can't have me. Why do you go through such lengths to bother me? I'm too lazy to create multiple collarme accounts to taunt someone who'll just block me anyway!
I hope sincerely in 2010 all of you wonderful, bitter, haters will get lives.
Amen. |
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Every time I think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
But there's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of the fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
well every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say
I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say |
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I'm deleting ALL messages without pictures & blocking anyone who doesn't follow directions. Please, don't waste my time. |
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"Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained" - Blake
Attention prospective supplicants: This is all about MOI. Your needs are fulfilled by serving my whims and desires...otherwise, there are plenty of pro dommes who can work from your scripts.
Want a response? Well, impress me, stupid. Duh. |
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Hmmm, does this mean I'm a menthol or a Virginia Slim??
A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?
-Oscar Wilde |
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URGENT:
Read my entire profile and follow directions. That means include a pic...and the "secret word"...or I will not respond. Period.
Bother me afterward and I'll block you. Period.
It's that simple! Everybody wins!
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"To let understanding stop at what cannot be understood is a high attainment. Those who cannot do it will be destroyed on the lathe of heaven."
-Chuang Tzu, Bk XXIII, ¶ 7
Yeah yeah, I know. The lathe reference is an anachronism. (Sue me, it looks cool in print.)
Also, you guys finally pestered me into setting up a wishlist on a popular retail site. Message me for details if you're dying to send stuff. Or not.
Lastly, be on the lookout for my new pictures. Coming very soon! ;-) |
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What situation would cause woman to hate?
Nietzsche (through the character Zarathustra) suggests a metaphor to explain -- "Thus spoke the iron to the magnet: ‘I hate you most because you attract, but are not strong enough to pull me to you.’ ”
Therefore, a woman grows to hate the man who initially attracts her but then fails to live up to her expectations, resulting in her loss of respect and fear of him. Duh.
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Hello boys and girls. Slowly but surely getting things together. Get back in touch if we've spoken previously. New people approaching need to read my entire profile and all my journal entrees. And follow directions. Otherwise you're useless to me so PLEASE don't waste my time. |
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Hi everyone...I'm still sick and behind on messages. But I'm still in control, so DO NOT touch yourselves! And I want you to write in your journal about the frustration from being out of contact with me. Impress me, sweeties. I should be fine in another day or two. Be patient and remember, I'm worth it. ;-) |
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Hello pets. There are a couple things I need to type.
Firstly, I'm a little under the weather. As a few of you who have spoken with me recently know firsthand, I'm still not feeling well. ;-( Plus I'm overwhelmed with messages, so please be patient for me. Remember, I'm worth it. ;-)
Also, my "methods" were called into question by someone who contacted me. They wanted a face-to-face meeting and a place in my life, asap, but weren't interested in playing by my rules.
I put a lot of thought into my requirements for proving yourself to me. I want and need proof of sincerity and identity from online strangers. You forget I was a dancer and men promised me literally everything and few if any have ever delivered anything. ;-(
Now I have more than 40 pages of messages (mostly from wankers, freaks, frauds, time-wasters and serial time-wasters) who are now promising me the moon, too. But beyond reducing the incessant messages and empty promises there are personal security issues and privacy considerations my screening method affords. I am female, after all. ;-)
Equally important is how my method quickly weeds out self-proclaimed submissive men attracted to my body but not my mind. I see D/s as an intellectual adventure. Exchanging power is mental. If you don't understand or at least intuitively appreciate the mental aspects, we're just not right for each other.
So when someone contacts me, they need to prove they are real, sincere and attracted to exchanging power for similar reasons. If they want a chance at being in my life, they play by my rules. Period. They don't have to do anything, remember. But if what I want and need doesn't appeal to them, they do not appeal to me. I do not negotiate my comfort zone. I also want someone who's submissive for reasons healthy for all concerned. Remember, I didn't solicit a response or otherwise bother them, they came to me. So the burden of proof and proving themselves lies upon them.
When someone contacts you, I'd see things as opposite. They'd owe you proof of who they are and what they're offering. And they would have to conform to your comfort zone. Only fair, wouldn't you say?
Thus endeth the "lesson" for tonight. And if you've read this far...maybe you need a hobby?? ;-) |
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Oh, to intellectualize your arousal. Keep your panties on, bitchboys. You're in for some book learning. And, no, you're not getting smacked with the book. Not physically.
"The Spontaneous Overflow of Powerful Feelings" was how the 19th century English Romantic William Wordsworth described the essence of poetry. But doesn't that also describe the erotic discipline you so crave?
Read my profile and my journal entries, listen to my music. Then approach politely. Beg me to cure you from indecent haste.
You'll know such sweet sweet shame, darling. You'll experience the nurture paradox in the marrow of your being. You'll be deliciously needy and hopelessly lost in The Forever Place that is my distracted attention.
I am the cure for your "alpha dilemma." I am more than worthy of your constant worship. I am your ultimate dominant fantasy and beyond.
You're probably not worth my time. But beg me anyway. I love it when you beg. ;-) |
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A PROPER JOURNAL ENTRY:
I expect honest, heartfelt communication when someone writes for me in their journal. I demand good grammar and spelling. I require at least one paragraph with a minimum five sentences to qualify as a journal entry. (More than two paragraphs will impress me.) Show some effort and I'll be all over you. ;-)
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"I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all"
Yes, my profile has been updated. Significantly. More details tomorrow.
xo
KB |
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"Die Verwandlung"
Derived from the Latin words 'meta' meaning 'change' and 'morph' meaning 'form'. Some insects, amphibians, molluscs, crustaceans, cnidarians, echinoderms and tunicates undergo metamorphosis, which is usually (but not always) accompanied by a change of habitat or behaviour. Sometimes slavegirls undergo a metamporphsis, too. Including this one. ;-) More soon... |
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I just had the most wonderful phone conversation!
Thank you, SS! You have me in a tizzy. But I want more feedback from you. ;-(
You have to kiss a lot of frogs on this site. But I've found out there ARE a few princes on here! And one of them might even be local!!!! |
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--We interrupt this journal for a special bulletin--
RADIO KISMET is now on the air!
Just click on my pic and listen to 100 of my favorite songs! Slip on some sweatpants and be generous with your twenties because it’s like I’m giving virtual lap dances!
At least there is no commerical interruptions? So take a listen, because I like a beat that *makes love* to my body. ;-)~
And playlist dot com is so fun I even posted a new picture! So quit whining for more. Check out KellaBella666 at playlist dot com for another shot of the enigmatic moi. I think you can also listen to my playlist in a separate window. Victory is ours! |
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And now a brief aphorism:
Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.
-Oscar Wilde
This website is chock full of "romantics." Hopeless ones. |
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Tonight is the Organ Grinder Ball in Cleveland, but I don't have a monkey. So I'm not going. ;-(
I would love to hear what what went on there if any attendees feel like sending me messages.
Who knows, you might escort me to the next one... |
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Now with AUDIO PERFUME !
Through the magic of the internet you can now listen to my favorite song. Just click on my picture then hit the play button on my profile's brand new jukebox.
Turn down the lights, turn up the volume and it's just like I'm kneeling in front of you! Feel the "kismet" ;-) |
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"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself." Galileo
Well I met one of you guys today. Very nice man who lied about his age by "only" 10 years. For some reason you 30 year olds just don't do it for me. I don't want to discuss the Cleveland Indians, sorry. I don't care about your high school or college adventures. You're just too immature for me, period.
Now I'm thinking the perfect age for a man hovers around 40. You're no longer living like a college student, somewhat intellectual and not so old that we'd need a defibulator charging on standby.
Seriously, if you're under 38 years old, don't bother typing me messages. Go drink with your friends and light your farts on fire.
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Oaky, hrees athnoer screet cdoe mssegae ofr aroppx 45 preecnt fo uyo: Lkoos lkie I mghit hvae fnuod smeoodby! Ntohnig ofr creaitn, btu tghnis ookl prsiinomg! Hpeollufy hse ofr lefer...btu mi nto hloindg ym btareh. |
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At last!
KELLA BELLA'S SECRET ORIGIN
One day Kella Bella's mom was cleaning her room. In the closet, she found an S&M bondage magazine. This was highly upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until Kella Bella's father got home.
When Kella Bella's father walked in the door, her mom irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in 'your' daughter's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. Several minutes passed, then Kella Bella's mom finally asked him "Well what should we do about this?"
Kella Bella's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think I should spank her."
And Kella Bella's been chasing that spanking ever since. ;-)
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fI yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. Bcsaue of the phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod aeappr, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
fI yuo cluod raed tihs, tehn wyh ddnit yuo btheor rinadeg the rset of my pfoilre? Why do otu-of-sttae, otu-of-crnotuy, otu-of-gae rngae and otu-of-tehir-mnid mne kpee beorhintg me??? Hlep!!! |
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And the messages keep on coming.
Men: Please be patient. Please don't send multiple messages if we're corresponding. They confuse and sometimes pressure me. And when in doubt I'll block you.
Some of you keep asking about things I like. Instead of cutting/pasting responses, here's a list that's always subject to change:
My favorite song is "Unfinished Sympathy" from the Massive Attack album titled "Blue Lines." Play it loudly if you'd like to get a sense of me.
My favorite non-fiction book might be "Freakonomics : A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything" by Steven D. Levitt.
My favorite fiction book might be Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist" but I also like a few Jane Austen novels quite a bit.
"Carrie's Story" by Molly Weatherfield is by far my favorite erotic novel. Never read her sequel, though.
My favorite movie is probably "Brotherhood of the Wolf" (Le Pacte des loups). Fictionalized historical drama about a monster that killed nearly 100 people in the French mountains during the 18th century. Or it might be "The Layer of the White Worm."
My favorite sport is tennis. I'm good. Also like riding horses much as possible. Always wanted to try archery.
My favorite restaurant is Maiorca in downtown Cleveland.
My favorite ice-cream is mint chocolate chip.
I enjoy ice wine and Chinese food, but not at the same time.
Walking after midnight is fun.
Love the beach. Got a condo?
Amusement parks are wonderful distractions. So are car trips and roadside America.
Worked in clubs for a long time and now I stay away from them and bars much as possible. And I'd rather do something creative on a date instead of sitting in a movie theater for two hours.
That's as much free association as I can provide tonight. Thanks for reading. |
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There’s a moral to this story (just ask Bruno Bettelheim and/or the guy he plagiarized, Julius Heuscher!):
After the genie sat trapped in his bottle for those first hundred years he said, “In my heart, whosoever shall release me, him will I enrich for ever and ever.” But a second full century went by and nobody set him free.
The genie began his third five score years of imprisonment saying: “Whosoever releases me, for him will I open the hoards of the earth.” But no one set him free, and thus three hundred years had passed by.
Upon the start of a fourth century in his bottle, the genie promised, “Whosoever shall release me, for him will I grant three wishes.” Still no one set him free.
Thereupon the genie’s fifth century of waiting commenced. He waxed wroth with exceeding wrath and said, “Whosoever shall release me from this time forth, him will I SLAY...'"
The End |
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What is it with the Gorean thing? (And I'm NOT talking about global warming...) You guys are persistent, I'll give you that much.
With all due respect to followers of John Norman's writings, please PLEASE don't contact me if you're into the Gorean approach to exchanging power.
No offense, but all the "Kneel before Zod!" stuff seems akin to playing Star Trek and just doesn't appeal to me. Wouldn't want me kneeling in front of you if I were giggling, right?
My reality threshold is high, but it's based in reality. And based upon surrendering myself to an individual, not dogma.
I respect your attraction to the Gorean stuff. I ask you to respect my lack of enthusiasm for the same. Everybody wins! ;-) |
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SPECIAL MESSAGE: I began replying individually to the men who felt compelled to send interminably long messages with the overly descriptive scenarios of what they'd do to me, etc.
But with nearly 50 pages of new messages, it's just not possible to continue sending personal responses.
So, if you're part of that literary movement who sent a masterpiece to win me over, here's my collective reply -- I bet you cut/paste that to all the girls. ;-) |
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Here's an idea for your inner misogynist: Instead of wasting time creating duplicate or multiple profiles in order to continue contacting people who block you (hint hint), why not head to the video store? There's a fantastically terrible new film on DVD that's right up your alley entitled "Captivity" that you won't want to miss. Starring Elisha Cuthbert as a kidnapped fashion model, this sad excuse for entertainment features non-consensual mental and physical torture just like you've always fantasized about. But I'd suggest watching only about 70 of the 85 minutes and skip the alternate endings. Otherwise you'll feel betrayed and heartbroken. |
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TOP 10 REASONS WHY I'M "NOT REALLY" SUBMISSIVE:
(10.) I rolled my eyes at your message.
(9.) I didn't instantly fall madly in lust with you after receiving a one-sentence message.
(8.) I don't play your CAPITALIZATION game.
(7.) I didn't reply quickly enough to your message.
(6.) I didn't reply to your message.
(5.) I don't believe a word of your message.
(4.) I know what I want.
(3.) I'm self-confident.
(2.) I won't consider relocating to [INSERT STATE OR COUNTRY HERE].
(1.) I blocked your silly profile. |
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Like a phoenix rising from -- oh, what's the point. Big thanks to whomever pressed the complaint tab against me enough times for them to suspend my profile. Managed to catch up on LOTS of messages. Worthless messages, but messages nonetheless. Also, has anyone heard of a BDSM organization or collective called the Coda or C.O.D.A. ? Several of you have made mention, I'm curious for more input. Anybody who can provide the skinney might be rewarded with a special picture! xo |
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Today's quick geography lesson: Bucharest, Romania and Delhi, India and Rome, Italy are more than 75 miles away from Brunswick, Ohio. No, really. I can prove this using math. Also, can anyone tell me why so many of the nice people whom I've blocked for sending nasty or harassing messages keep gawking compulsively at my profile? Lastly, I have more than 40 pages of messages. Please, please don't send multiple messages. If I'm already corresponding with you, I'll get back to you. Promise. If I've blocked you, good luck on your search. Everybody wins. We're all adults here. Video killed the radio star. Walk like an Egyptian. Strap your hands cross my engines. I just can't get enough. We got the beat. Etc. |
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Did you know how many movie producers frequent this site?? They've offered me roles in everything from fetish and hardcore to the new George Clooney movie! Then there's all the website owners wanting me for online content. Weird how none of the producers have credits and the website owners can't provide URLs. :SIGH: At least the guys pretending to be women don't think I'm stupid enough to fall for their tricks. |
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They locked me out of my journal for 24 hours! Guess I was a bad girl, but don't know why. All I did was shout out to some non-fans of mine...not as if I "criticized" anybody. That was a violation of collarme's TOS how, exactly? (Note to self: My haters are also tattle tails! They're DOUBLE LOSERS!!!) Also, if you're one of the few people I haven't blocked, please be patient when awaiting a reply. Would really appreciate if you didn't send multiple messages, I will get back to you. Promise. ;-) |
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I guess it takes a day or two before my picture will appear. You won't be disappointed. Also, please do not message if you reside more than 75 miles away from me. We'll never meet, why waste our time? If you don't meet my criteria, please don't waste my time. I certainly would not waste yours. |
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