i posted this because i believe it is important that i express or define who i am on this  site. i have been approached by Males here that profess to be of lifestyle, however once i look into their profiles they are kinks at best, perhaps just looking for an affair or fuck partners. i have no issue with that, at all. i too have my kinks, my dreamy eyed visions of fetish activities in my past along with new ones. For those that are serious about this it takes a huge commitment of time, communication & efforts to build the type of trusting relationship that the life requires.  I understand that some Doms don't want to take this time.  After all they've experienced some of the same things I have; subs that break promises, don't show up or playing games.  i wish to explore with someone that is skilled & trustworthy.  To share them with someone as willing as i to make it REAL rather then pretend. Someone that educates themselves on being bdsm like i have or even more then i have. my experience is still minimal to those i respect & look to for knowledge that have been living it 24/7 or for years. There are ethics & protocols in bdsm. For the REAL timers those codes are respected & often i have seen them have stronger ethics then the Hetro's. i have returned to this realm because it nurtures my growth as a person. It's not particularly a choice. Like i can't imagine NOT being an artist. When i walk into the bdsm World my carriage changes, i walk taller, my confidence strengthened. It's the discipline that attracts me along with being aware of my body, mind, spirit as a whole. it is a part of my spirituality. i like the head space it puts me into even though i am not sexually active, owned or involved in playing at this time. Although my hunger is great to do so. As a solo married sub who's spouse knows but is NOT interested  i must be extra careful because i have no sponsor nor am i under a Master's protection a mentee {which has happened without my being Their submissive}. i could have this. However right now i await the Universe to bring to me that which i need or the Master that needs or wants someone as myself.
There are two books that have been influential {besides the Veteran bdsm folks i was fortunate to have learned from}. Believe it or not to research bdsm was/is very erotic. The books were, "The Ethical Slut" by Easton Liszt & "Becoming A Slave" by Jack Rinella who i have had the pleasure of meeting at one of his presentations. As in all things balance. luna quietly bows, in humble respect


This was written in response to a FetLife post. The poster was wondering why no one was responding to his profile or his entreaties to be invited to parties. :  (

The author of this enlightening essay gave permission to share. If no link connects it to who penned these wise words I'll try to add one somewhere. All i know it's speaks volumes about a sense of protocol & that we kink/sub women . i am not on fetlife or drawn to lifestyle/bdsm to fuck around.

You want to meet a girl that you can explore your kinky side with. That's wonderful.

Let me ask you something:
• Do you have a match.com or OK Cupid a profile that says "I'm a guy. I'm looking for a girl. If you're a girl or know a girl, would you send her to me please?"
• Suppose you're into stamp collecting. Do you go into stamp-collecting forums and say "I'm a guy who thinks he may like stamp collecting, and I'm looking for a girl to fuck and teach me about stamp collecting."?
• Do you see a girl at Starbucks drinking coffee and say "Hey, I like coffee, too. Wanna fuck?"

Every time you post on here asking for people to "help you out," that's exactly what you're doing.

You seem to think that just because a woman is into getting tied up, beaten, and fucked in the ass, she's somehow different from a "normal" woman. You seem to think that just because a woman likes to have sex, talk about sex, and sometimes be naked in front of people, she should want to do that with you, without knowing anything at all about you except that you like women to get naked in front of you.

Submissives aren't submissive to everyone

You'll hear submissives say "I'm submissive, but I'm not your submissive." No matter how many times you've read The Story of O, there is no chateau full of submissive women who are available on demand to anyone who wants to use them.

Kinky women are not whores

Some kinky women may like it when their partner calls them "whore," but they're not sex workers. They're not in the business of making sex of any sort available to all comers. (And contrary to popular belief, there is not a rule that actual sex workers have to accept whoever is willing to pay them.)

Kinky women are not easy

Some kinky women have multiple partners. Some women will do some sort of limited play with people they just met. As a rule most women will not get intimate with a guy they know nothing about. Kinky women are no different.

**Kinky women are not objects

Sure, some women like being objectified, to be used as furniture, ashtrays, fuck toys, even toilets. But you know what? The women who like that trust the people who do that to them, Do you know why they trust them? Because they know them as people. They have connected as human beings before they connected as kinksters.

Kinky women have feelings

Do some kinky women want to be humiliated, degraded, hurt, and used? Absolutely. This may be hard to understand, but while they may want all those things, they want them in a supportive, trusting, and caring environment. You call my girlfriend a bitch, she'll kick your balls. I call her a bitch, and she melts in my arms. See the difference?

Some things have come to my attention & I shall take time to digest & compose myself.  My energies now even more so focused on serving those that are right in front of me.  Taking care of others that bring light into my life & share the same air space & mindset.  I am letting go to follow the Laws of Attraction & synchronicity.  That which I need will come to me.

      I have not moaned for a very long time……………..I have become blocked & void of attachment to the lifestyle, as a child who has been neglected & no longer seeks that which holds no substance or feeling.  I've only felt more isolated & alone not nurtured or adored.  A piece of furniture, a dog, just another body for someone’s use when in fact I am a child that longs deeply, nay craves for the Father I NEVER had.  Yet part of me yearns still that there is some truth to the dynamics of Daddy/Dom & to the power exchange in an M/s relationship.  My heart has no faith. & in that state I'm afraid my behaviors are very unattractive.  Part of me wishes someone would prove me wrong but I suppose we are all out there looking for someone that can be a loyal companion while making the pain inside subside or at least fill the void if only for a moment.  I am in acceptance that the only person always with me through all in life is myself & that is the relationship I shall nurture.  This does not greatly pain me & I seek no sympathies or empathy.  I feel in many ways more FREE than ever.  I will never deny that my journey through this life has not brought to me valuable lessons & some decent people.  Thank you to those that have in some form assisted my growth!            

I am not really a heavy metal fan but Disturbed music from their "The Sickness 10 Anniversary" CD puts me in sub space.  Beautiful day to create a new attitude in serving.  Perhaps a new phase?  Here is a link for one of my favorite songs, but really the whole CD Rhythms my sub heart! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQBNH3UFEC0

 

Yeah, bringing you another disturbing creation  From the mind of one sick animal who can't tell the difference  And gets stupefied

 I've been waiting my whole life for just one, fuck!  And all I needed was just one, fuck!  How can you say that you don't give a, fuck!  I find myself stupefied, coming back again  All I wanted was just one, fuck!  One tiny little innocent, fuck!  And when I feel like I'm shit out of, Luck!  I find my stupefied, coming back again

 Why, do you like playing around with  My, narrow scope of reality  I, can feel it all start slipping  I think I'm breaking down  And why, do you like playing around with  My, narrow scope of reality  I, can feel it all start slipping away

 See but I don't get it  Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit  Don't you think it can take control when I don't let it  I get stupefied  It's all the same you see  Live with it but I don't get it  Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit  Don't you think it can take control when I don't let it  I get stupefied  I get stupefied

 All the people in the left wing, fuck!  And all the people in the right wing, fuck!  And all the people in the underground, fuck!  I find myself stupefied, coming back again  All the people in the high rise, fuck!  And all the people in the projects, fuck!  And all la gente in the bario, fuck!  I find myself stupefied, coming back again

 Why, do you like playing around with  My, narrow scope of reality  I, can feel it all start slipping  I think I'm breaking down  Why, do you like playing around with  My, narrow scope of reality  I, can feel it all start slipping away

 See but I don't get it  Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit  Don't you think it can take control when I don't let it  I get stupefied  It's all the same you see  Live with it but I don't get it  Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit  Don't you think it can take control when I don't let it  I get stupefied  I get stupefied

 Tifached  Tifached

 And don't deny me  No baby now, don't deny me  And darlin' don't be afraid

 Well, I don't get it  Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit  Don't you think it can take control when I don't let it  I get stupefied

 Look in my face, stare in my soul  I begin to stupify  Look in my face, stare in my soul  I begin to stupify  Look in my face, stare in my soul  I begin to stupify  Look in my face, stare in my soul  I begin to stupify  Look in my face, stare in my soul  I begin to stupify  Look in my face, stare in my soul  Look in my face, stare in my soul  Look in my face, stare in my soul  Look in my face, stare in my soul  Look in my face, stare into my soul  Look in my face, stare into my soul  Look in my face, stare into my soul  I begin to stupify

A list of tips & tricks in Relationships:  Vanilla but common sense walks in both Worlds
this is a start of a list of things i want to keep note of.  Just getting started...........
How to tell He isn't really INTO YOU:

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/7-signs-man-doesnt-want-relationship-else-hes-201400190.html

New link:  You judge if it's any good or not.  Personally I miss CastleRealm with it's educational information.  I'm spoiled............to me continual education is where it's at
http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/pageb.html

My Toy Box Wishlist:  {A girl can dream, can't she?}
I WILL be adding to this list because i love to share that which inspires me
May it inspire you!

From my Favorite erotic artist Sylvie Monthule.  All her items are handmade in France & oh so elegant.  "Erotic Jewelry in harmony with one's body and desires." 
*Serpent waist band

http://www.therimbastore.com/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=ST102&reference=/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi%3Fsearch%3Daction%26keywords%3Dall%26searchstart%3D0%26template%3DPDGCommTemplates2/FullNav2/SearchResult3.html%26category%3DSVGS

*Women's Scarab clitoris g-string 

http://www.therimbastore.com/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=CLT11

  This one inserts into the pussy.  What a nice thought to wear it all day as a reminder of a Master's Cock!

*Here is another insertable that i love.  Very Georgia O'Keeffe style of a flower.   I've thought of making something similair out of Bronze, but not sure if i want that in my puss since it's a base metal.  The one i am sharing the link for is.... i think gold plated. 

http://www.therimbastore.com/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=ST43&reference=/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi%3Fsearch%3Daction%26keywords%3Dall%26searchstart%3D0%26template%3DPDGCommTemplates2/FullNav2/SearchResult3.html%26category%3DSVPN

*Women's scarab g-string

  http://www.therimbastore.com/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=ST104&reference=/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi%3Fsearch%3Daction%26keywords%3Dall%26searchstart%3D0%26template%3DPDGCommTemplates2/FullNav2/SearchResult3.html%26category%3DSVGS

*umm umm ummm one more of Sylvie's insertable g-string wonderful to wear reminders of a Master's Cock. 

http://www.therimbastore.com/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=ST75&reference=/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi%3Fsearch%3Daction%26keywords%3Dall%26searchstart%3D9%26template%3DPDGCommTemplates2/FullNav2/SearchResult3.html%26category%3DSVPN

*A new find that fits the cunt perfectly & has an added touch which i find unique & sensual.  Oh just tie me up............

http://www.therimbastore.com/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=ST78&reference=/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi%3Fsearch%3Daction%26keywords%3Dall%26searchstart%3D9%26template%3DPDGCommTemplates2/FullNav2/SearchResult3.html%26category%3DSVGS

*This is something i think would look so Sexy on a Master's Cock.  This has a Lions head one of my totem animals & is of male energy.  Perhaps this is more for a sub male, but to imagine adorning a Master's Cock excites me.  http://www.therimbastore.com/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=BH90&reference=/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi%3Fsearch%3Daction%26keywords%3Dall%26searchstart%3D19%26template%3DPDGCommTemplates2/FullNav2/SearchResult3.html%26category%3DSVMC

 Now for some things that are completley different:

*****Now this would really remind me of my Master, if i had one........I Love this & have been coveting it for awhile now.  Prepare my ass for future entry.  That needs to be done.  i would wear it to bed, ummmmmmm, a delish thought.  This earns 5 stars!

http://www.extremerestraints.com/strap-ons_36/female-butt-plug-and-dildo-harness_1295.html

*The Ass hook.  i can only imagine 

http://kinksterbdsm.com/promo/infernalrestraints/00124_episode/fhg_photo1/13.jpg

That's it for now folks, more to cum.  If You/you have some favs i would appreciate having links sent to me to check out.  Maybe i will put them on the list. 
To claim what one wants, name it
Next for added power to drawl those things closer to manifesting is...

Write it down

"MAKE that WISH LIST!

Naked, you are simple as a hand,
smooth, earthy, small...transparant, round.
You have moon lines and apple paths;
Naked, you are slendar as the wheat.
Naked, Cuban blue midnight is your color,
Naked, I trace the stars and vines in your hair;
Naked, you are spacious and yellow
As a summer's wholeness in a golden church.
Naked, you are tiny as your fingernail;
Subtle and curved in the rose-colored dawn
And you withdraw to the underground world
As if down a long tunnel of clothing and of chores:
your clear light dims, gets dressed, drops its leaves,
And becomes a naked hand again.

~by Pablo Neruda

Oh of loves past with their intensities, their ability to find my vulnerable spots.
I am slow to jump into the pool of potential heartbreak.
Love for me has become a comfortable chair.
One, which I cannot get rid of though the chair
no longer fits the decor of the room.

Love now for me is a warm blanket that I pull to chin at night for warmth.
It feeds me, though I do not remember eating of it.
I have fallen too easily into the habits of simple living.  Of falling asleep & waking up.
I drive through life always getting to the destination, but forgetting the names of the streets.  
     Again sleep calls to me.  Singing tunes that promise Dream time.
A life that is created when the eyes are closed. 
For often that is the life I live for.

I wrote this after my Mother died in 2004
I think it's time to manifest the dreams
Which has been brought to my Attention
THank You

i've added on to my story of coming into lifestyle
from 5/17/2012 called Growing Forward.
i told someone i would finish telling my story from that journaling date
So it's a scroll down on new entry on 5/17/12
called "Opening The Door"
i am asked what has been my walk in this bdsm Quest.
i 'sigh', long story which i don't want to redundantly tell.
Cause it's over, but it was a good time
& instrumental in Why "I'm BACK!"  Yay!!!
Sometimes someone needs to know or i get curious friends that ask.  Anyway it helps me to journal.
Funny i refuse to blog for my work, but i'll ramble here.

Moans, upon Moans
Upon Bones
As we sweat & bite
Pulling the Moon Down from the sky
Reaching inside for the tide
It rolls into shore
pounding, crashing into the Beach
Moan upon Moan
Bones upon Bones
Flesh upon sweat
Life upon life
When souls unite
The world moans...
found something that i saved from 2001.................Awakening cums in Waves.  i do not know the author or where i found it.  It's beautiful!  It's probably Marge Piercy

     I do NOT mean to be mean & rude to any Dom/Master or person here.  i am only myself in earnest.  On the other hand it has taken me YEARS of work in order to have the confidence i have NOW.  Yes i am a submissive & in Real life with the role i play i am both a Doiminant {as a teacher} & a submissive serving my students which also serves me.  I have earned respect & in lifestyle i Don't like to be addressed without respect.  My comments now are not directed towards anyone in particular.  Those i have become friends with in this most absorbing community have my utmost adoration & respect.  i think even think highly of those i may have butted heads with when i started on this site.  The best of people will call me on what i need to learn.  i am not afraid of their being up front with those views.  Thank You paid forward for Your honesty with constructive criticism.  

     I raised 3 kids so i've gone through my share of humiliation, humbling, lack of respect & being an abused Dominant in that situation.  i am NOT trash, i am luna who has followed many teachings to find self.  The Master or Dom i wish to attract will respect what i have become from that school of learning.  The Masters i have attracted in the past have ALWAYS shown me respect which made me all the more willing to SERVE!  What we need does Cum to us, chuckle.  You know what i mean................   

Celibacy, the new form of submission!  For just RIGHT Now this is where I would prefer to be then in a lifesyle where i hunger painfully without feeding.  Besides if i can not feed myself then how can i feed another?  http://flowerpick.hubpages.com/hub/celibacyandhealth

 

It is worth repeating that a true celibate possesses tremendous energy, a clear brain, gigantic will-power, bold understanding, retentive memory and good power of enquiry.

     One of the students of Dhanvantari approached his teacher after finishing his full course of Ayurveda (the ancient Indian science of medicine) and asked: "O Bhagavan, kindly let me know the secret of health now."

     Dhanvantari replied: "This seminal energy is verily the Atman. The secret of health lies in preservation of this vital force. He who wastes this vital and precious energy cannot have physical, mental, moral and spiritual development."

     My vital force has places to go & seeking in lifestyle has only been an extreme time & energy sucker!
Except of course my wonderful friends found while on this path that have made it all worthwhile!

I have chosen to be celibate for the time being
After passively seeking & having the revelation that in lifestyle......
"Most I know DO NOT find what they need".  That is because they are looking in the wrong places.  As I have been doing lately & I know better.  I have sought outside of myself while a wonderful World exists within me.  I am imaginative, exploritory, open minded, realistic while keeping a positive disposition.  School is never out & there will always be homework if you are on a journey of growth & expansion of self.  This does not mean I am self centered.............indeed not.  I serve already in my every day walk in life.  I have no interest in serving someone that doesn't even have the time to read my profile or REALLY get to know me.  If I am to be with anyone I DO NOT want what I already have in a relationship, which is, lack of communication, no fun time together, or shared interest in sexuality/sensuality. 
If you are merely looking for a convient fuck or
a collector of subs move on! 

In my return to lifestyle I have yet to give myself physically to any Master or Dom & I won't until I believe TOTALLY in the one who seeks me.  I'm not interested in being someone's hobby or notch in their belt.  I want Union of Mind, Body, Soul.  Anything less is like eating at McDonalds {a propaganda machine which Doms our children's mind they must eat their food because it's so yummy........uhhhh}  I believe in something greater then US.  I have knelt with Christians & danced/drummed with Pagans all in the quest to be in touch with my body & wholeness.  As a student of life those were my choices.  Lifestyle was not a choice for me it is a deep rooted need to serve, to be loved as a companion & precious pet.  To serve a Master & willingly give them FULL CONTROL.  Accepting & desiring their Affections.

Own my mind, the heart shall follow.  Own my Heart then there shall be no going back for my body will have no choice in hungering
a Masters/Dom's AFFECTIONS

Be they tender...........Or Deliciously Painful!
As a precious pet feeling every lick of the whip, every mark, each sadistic touch a show of Master's LOVE & adoration! 

Growing Forward
No back stepping
I shall NOT linger in the Lounge of the past
I dost say to Thou
I don't want to judge nor do I want to be judged
Your kink maybe Not my kink, still ok
It's cool I might learn something new
I Like Smart kind people
I like to stay positive, take it as it comes
&
Don't count the heads till they get there
Expectations are the doorway to being offended
What someone says about me isn't about ME!
What I say about someone isn't about THEM!
None of us are going to get out alive anyway
So let's enjoy it, laugh, laugh often
Got it, Get it!

I am guilty of over abusing exclamation points
my friends held an intervention
That means I like to be EXCITED about life
Learning New things, people or ways to keep PEACE in life's journey
I like it when someone thinks I've been drinking at a gathering because
I am so happy & EXhilarated to be with everyone
that understands the Same Language
But, I wasn't drinking
Being with peers in ArT always makes me feel that way
I felt excited {as well as giddy nervous} when I was involved with the Dayton/Columbus Ohio
bdsm groups a couple years ago & serving a true Master/Sensei.
Mostly Only people that are into what I'm into can I REAlly talk with
They GET Me!
Artisans & people in lifestyle
There is a Language that is different in those two realms, yet the same
Both have Sexual energy, are sensual & assisted by Muses 
Both are Creation & Orchestration of a Vision
I teach & inform people which means
Mostly I am serving, Mentoring, training, supporting, facilitating
I shall say I am often Herding CaTs
I must always be diplomatic & hone my Communication skills
The proverbial cheerleader of Hope
It often is Exhausting to always be the mentor the one giving direction
Exhaustion of choice
ME Nice 24/7?
NOT, just ask keeper/hubby
He gets the "Not nice parts"
Thank You Keeper
I HIGHLY RESPECT & LOVE the Man
Keeper wants ME to fly!

You may ask Does he know?
 
I shall say Yes & no because He doesn't really want to know
But, He Knows
He understands it's my thing & I'm going to do My thing
We both knew that 27 yrs ago & discussed this before committing
We both agreed then if someone were the bird to fly it would be Me
Keeper wants ME to Fly!

How I Got Started: Feeding the Fire of Desire for submission?
Stay tuned a stroy never unfolds all at once 

Opening the Door

New Entry 7-11-12

My first what I thought Real Dom experience happened in 05.

& a HUGE reason I finally choose TrUth with Keeper

How Lovely, just spot on I'm so Dam hungry I buy this dudes spiritual pagan DOM shit. 

I ate it for breakfast, lunch & dinner

Because I WANTED to BELIEVE so MUCH

Ok, it was his Dick, there I said it.
It took me over 20 yrs of marriage to act on my hunger for Lifestyle.
Of course this first experience shat on me. The man was a predator mingling with southwest Ohio's bdsm & pagan yahoo groups fishing for vunerables. To make it worse he went to the munch from my invite. I had always wanted to go even joined the Dayton bdsm group yahoo site. Lurking for about a year or two, so hungry. 
 When I met him I felt like I could go like there was hope to finally experience
that need beyond kink. He could be my escort.
I knew how lifestylers would feel about marrieds coming on board sans partner.

I was humiliated there was so much this guy was pulling. I talked to the elders of the community. I let it be known, of course then it went into the Dom circuit board......................Man banned

I am not a victim I was a fool..................I was ashamed.
To this day I will say I am glad for the experience.
It was a HUGE learning Zone
& believe me though he was a Cad I did enjoy the ride some of the time.
 
I was afraid to go back to the munch
I  took a deep breathe, dressed sexy, put on some lipstick
& went anyway holding my head high!

I wasn't going to let this STOP me Now.
I had seen, learned & knew too much to go backward
i wanted to Learn more.............i will Never know Enough
I had only been fooled because I wanted to believe so badly.
I was embraced by the group when I got there. I had bonded, especially with the alpha subs & younger Female Dominates.
The bdsm community was very supportive of me.  Thank You!
I wasn't afraid to be my own bird another confidence lesson learned

OH, Now where did I go? Hummm
Oh soooo much time to becoming a good, humble, Self confident
submissive cum slut. Always becoming, Growing forth

  It can be more so emotionally painful when relationships don't pan out as you think, people have lied, cheated, or worse put a submissive in UN-Safe situations

 
Coming Out of the CloseT
AKA doing it honestly or Not at all

I was blessed, couldn't be luck I don't believe in that.
I couldn't deny the pull so I grew forward.
Staying involved even solo. Subs protect subs, good people protect their own.
With time, much time I became owned & collared by the well Respected Master Ro

I was open with keeper
& He would help me pack up for gatherings

Because it's always important to take things to share!

& it was extremely important to me to be honest. 

Master Ro had a bdsm group called SAFE that offered educational programs, demonstrations & dungeon play afterwards. I was being trained as alpha sub & assisted preparing for these events.
I am all so well aware that being sub is not about sex  

Keeper also knows I like flogging & have two pair of handcrafted leather floggers I adore
He is welcome to use them

He's just not into it 

Thank you Leatherman at the Chamber for making them
{a little plug for the establ. in Columbus Ohio, High St near the campus} Cause they rock.

So How did Keeper handle it? Well.................
 

We entertained Master Ro his primary & life partner Surrendra & others from the Dayton bdsm group munch. We cooked out, hot tubbed & swam.

He's STILL just not into it 

Keeper went to a Columbus groups hayride. I wanted to be honest let him see who I was around. Do some Vanilla stuff.  i invited him to attend munches with me.  But.........................

He's REALLY NOT into it 

OH we discussed, yes indeed we did
Still do

 Our conclusion:  we both aren't into the same things & that is just fine.
He didn't get into my people at all it was obvious they weren't his type. 
He was Very Clear. 
He's REALLY NOT into it
OK that explained Everyone understands absolutely
what's up with that married lady luna chick

Master Ro & I parted. It was sad to lose my Sensei/Master
His health was poor & he had to re-locate.
He had said to me sky dancer one day we will part
& probably never see each other again.
It will Never change though
Because We carry each other in our hearts 

A girl like me can starve with a man that Clearly isn't into lifestyle
Nor very hungry

I was nice till
I couldn't be Nice anymore about it
going that long & Not being happy Sexually/sensually & suppressing my inner calling to bdsm.

It was making me ANgry with a roar
An Un-Attractive roar at that
Only to Keeper of course, who can't help who or how he is.
A turtle is a turtle & sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. 

How I coped till now? The renewed awakening!

I had my Art & all that I had learned from being involved actually worked for me as a business woman.

I had to grow balls & DOM people
in a tactful non offensive kind of way
My confidence & my carriage is very different when I am thinking in sub mode. Even if I am not owned or serving anyone in a consensual way, or playing.
However I was losing that sense of Discipline that i loved in being a sub.
Little by little I had lost it
I was letting myself go
I Refuse to go there

I was a bit spoiled being under the umbrella of a Master & community that looked out for each other. But more than that they nurtured my baby steps into bdsm, Safely!

hanging out with Real timers that were straight up Veterans some in 24/7 relationships or households was a wonderful learning experience. I admire how some of them were leaders in the bdsm community. All colors & flavors, how fun for me it was like an open class room!
Not to mention I got to see & or play in a few very cool dungeons.
Thank You to those that made those opportunities possible!
Oh, I am going to get all dreamy eyed now & get sentimental about the St Andrews cross I gifted to Master Ro for our collaring ceremony. I had it specially made for him. He gave it to the person that took over SAFE when he moved. I miss it, sigh!!!

Second Verse Different than the first
Not sure exactly how that will go.......Be Nice & Honest PLease!!!

Now I have come back.
Yet I still have responsibilities to balance in order to Serve anyone properly.
I have told my children "You might as well wait to have Sex till it feels right so that the first time is really special. Because after you do it your going to want to do it more"
And First times like that won’t happen Again
They have officially confirmed my philosophy
Having grown up & all

 That's all i'm saying about my kids

I don't have Sex or do Drug with My kids
Or anybodies kids, OK!

I just want to be the ME I am to BE
the closet was getting smaller
Now I sleep knowing I have explained where I am coming from
Hopefully
Surely I will expound more in the future
In my Quest to be of 'O'
To Serve
To kneel & kiss a deserving Masters Feet
Where that Quest takes me
I DO NOT KNOW

Growing Forward

I have spoken to a friend of the Dom that berated me the other day & i believe what she says about him being a good man & I do not doubt he is true in lifestyle.  So i am going to take into account that everyone has bad days & have been burnt by subs or Doms.  I suppose his bad day was with me.  However i am not removing my post

nor am i saying he is not a true Dom.     

Keep in mind my Profile says "Not Seeking".  No i am not a victim or attracted to drama or arguing.  i just need to vent because i allowed myself to be intimidated by a DOM who i had stated up front i was looking for someone in my area, however i was impressed with his writing. Well, it wasn't enough, my explaining i didn't want someone so far away, besides feeling burnt by a couple of DOMS recently.  I really do know the red flags, but hunger overtook me {with Doms on yahoo}.  i saved the conversation just so i could review it & not feel so crazy. It finally came down to me saying the final No Sir. He was pushy, rude & then intimidating/insulting how i was conversing to him in respect as i have been trained to do so. So really all those that Think I am NOT one to speak up or refute your behavior when it is rude & pushy, step away. i will NOT be insulted quietly unless i am owned & collared & when respect has been earned in a relationship. i had admired a mind that was nolified by his words.  Dear Sirs NEVER blame me or another when you are the one being pushy & RUDE & a submissive is honest about not wanting to say "Yes i am into seeing if You can control my mind" in a little over an hour!