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How NOT to protect your relationship.

To me being 'protective' of the relationship i have with my partner is a pro-active mind set. It is about communicating, politely, your standards to others at the very beginning or at the first sign of any kind of behavior that is questionable.

To me, protection, is pro-active because it is the opposite of reactive. Men seem to congregate in the reactive pool. Something will happen, and they will say to themselves 'oh, they didn't know what they were doing, or they didn't mean it, or they don't really know any better'. They tend to give a person the benefit of the doubt, which is a nice quality. However, when they keep on giving a person the benefit of the doubt over andover again until the person actually does A. something directly to them, or B. something so blatantly wrong they can no longer excuse or justify the person's behavior, and then, and only then do they take any action, giving the 'benefit of the doubt is no longer a 'good' quality.

It is now something that will eventually destroy your relationship. Because you are teaching your partner that you will not do what is necessary to protect their feelings, their sense of power, place and security in your life, and in the relationship. You are inviting and allowing disrespect, offense and damage to happen to your partner, and you are sending a message that you condone it.

You are not being 'protective' to your partner. Being protective requires communication and IMMEDIATE follow-thru. If someone does something once, politely inform them it is not acceptable. if they do it again, you tell them 'hey, we spoke about this before, please do not let it happen again because it won't work out well for you. Third time it happens, see you the fuck later moron. No if, ands or buts. Fuck off, don't come around anymore.

Voila, you no longer have to deal with a moron trying to cause problems in your relationship. You have sent a loud and clear message to your partner that you value them, and that you will not allow anyone to cause problems between the two of you.

If you do NOT do this, and you keep inviting morons into your relationship, if you keep making excuses for them and their behavior, if you keep procrastinating on taking action and you keep not upholding the agreements that you have made to your partner, you will destroy your relationship. No if, ands or buts about it.

Why is this so important?

Well, what do submissives and slaves most often say they desire most from their Dominant partners? It is to feel protected and safe, physically and EMOTIONALLY. This feeling of security is what allows them to lower their internal walls, to be open, honest, and vulnerable with their Dominant partner. This is what builds TRUST in a relationship. Men may think it is something else that builds it, but i am here to tell you the secret to women's souls... THIS is what builds our trust.

If you fail to instill this feeling of protection/safe haven and trust in your partner... and instead behave and make decisions according to YOUR comfort level, YOUR desires or according to some transient whim, then your relationship will never develop any farther than the 'grace amount' a submissive or slave is willing to extend you. That 'grace amount' will expand or shrink, in accordance to how much security/protection/trust a submissive or slave feels with their partner.

If you value your partner, if you want your relationships to grow, flourish and excel. Then i recommend being proactive. Discuss with your partner what is needed to instill the security they need. Clearly state them to each other, write them down so there is no confusion or so that they are not forgotten, and revisit them and update them as time passes or situations change.

LIVE your healthy boundaries clearly for others to see. Uphold them consistently and immediately. And if you do so, you will notice less and less that people try to infringe on them... because as a couple you gain a reputation that disrespectful crap will not be tolerated. That respect of your relationship with your partner is not only mandatory, but a priority.

And miraculously, in time, you have to work less and less at it, because more and more people know and respect the clear signals you have sent out. You will in future tend to only attract others who share the same values and healthy boundaries. And in the meantime, you will have been building a healthy, happy, secure relationship with your partner who is able to be more and more open with you, is able to submit to you more and more deeply.

It is kind of amazing how it all works together.

How NOT to protect your relationship.

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