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onmyknees1969

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Submission to another is a supreme act of caring. When i place myself under the control of a Dom they become the anchor to my freedom to experience the full range of emotion and sensation that i cannot express in my everyday life. i must offer myself completely, with every part of me. When the magic works, we are engulfed in a spiral of ecstatic energy that takes us to another level of being.


i am a sensualist by nature, with highly sensitive skin that responds to stimulation on all levels, hard and soft. With a Dom who is sensitive to the complex mental states that a

sub experiences, i have been able to respond to a vocal command to orgasm very quickly. i am so highly responsive that it can be addictive, especially psychologically. While i am a “natural” sub i am not a doormat – in fact i feel it is crucial that i make sure that i am doing everything possible to please my Dom, which includes not putting the full burden of a scene on them. While of course my Dom’s wishes are my highest priority, whether that be a good listener or His sex object or the vessel for the pain He gifts to me, i feel that i should submit polite requests, make sure that the toys are available and clean, and provide any other services that will show Him how much i appreciate the acceptance of my submission. i firmly believe that one should not play with someone they wouldn’t go out for coffee with.

While i am not even close to their level, i liken my view of submission to that of a geisha- i must be pleasing in all ways i can to my Dom. i am a bit of a tease, and have been known to be a bit bratty from time to time but only if it is going to enhance the experience.

this is who i am not a role i play, and if You think that means i am a doormat, think again. Before You ask, i am a total package and have many and varied talents.


If You think with what's between Your legs instead of what's between Your ears, then please move along.


However, if You have intelligence, discernment and understand the true nature of what D/s is all about please message me for some engaging discourse....who knows where it could lead?


if You are seeking online only then good luck in Your search ....

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4/15/2016 6:24:30 PM
If You are married and looking for D/s on the side please don't contact me. i am seeking someone unattached.

12/26/2014 5:05:56 PM
the silence is deafening tonight 

the solitude closing in 

those who would lay claim in the sunlight vanish in the dark....

leaving the questions and fears ....

8/18/2014 5:09:30 PM
tonight feels a bit like a blanket that isn't quite big enough to nestle under on a winter night...



8/14/2014 3:34:00 AM
it's a new day unfolding and i am hopeful that it will bring opportunity for growth and to live fully ...



8/12/2014 6:13:34 PM
as i sit here alone in silence, letting the muscle aches from my workout flow through me, i wonder about what will be...

will i sleep alone always ? 

8/10/2014 7:56:24 PM
what is wrong with having a single conversation without discussing sex in this process? why is that too much to ask some people ?

6/25/2014 4:59:53 AM
There is the legend of the unicorn...in the bdsm community it's a bi poly female. However, mine seems to be even more elusive. 

my unicorn is a single, sane Dominant male who isn't poly, and understands that a true power exchange is an equal gift. That sexuality is a part of what bdsm is, but it is not the essence of it. A Dominant male who is employed gainfully, ambitious, driven, and isn't just here to troll for pics, cam and a blowjob. 

if You are out there anywhere in CT or nearby, please find me 

2/13/2014 4:32:34 PM

silence is so cold ...colder than the New England weather ...


6/8/2013 1:41:40 PM

Your verbal caresses set my nerves afire

The soft growl, with the edge of promise;

As i quiver in anticipation of each word

Waiting for the turn of phrase that speaks of desire.

 

I respond in kind, as i open myself to your subtle probing,

The "innocent" question, seeking

My depths, my darkness, my secrets.

 

You lay me bare

Upon your aural altar

My words are your sweet wine

My offering for you to savor every syllable.

 


3/8/2013 10:05:06 AM

This is for International Women's day

 

The layers of  fear will be peeled away

Revealing the truth within

Beyond the demons of the past

Fully accepting the true self

A glorious magnificent being!

A Goddess on her knees.


12/31/2012 6:01:42 PM

Happy new year everyone,


as i sit alone in my room, torn between the pounding headache and the feeling like i am in exile again, reflecting on a year of turmoil...


a prayer to the Powers that be, by whatever names they choose, to guide this slave to what she truly needs and aches for...show her ...


a prayer for all those who are in agony, those who ache to serve and have been left alone or taken advantage of, that they may find their path to joy and that those who lie, those who disappear without a word, those who see subs as disposable commodities...may Your karma come full circle in this year ahead and may You find what You deserve...


a prayer for those who are the O/ones who truly understand what M/s means...may Y/you be blessed with the soul fulfillment of finding that O/one who is right for Y/you...


a prayer for all of those who serve this country, and protect our lives and freedoms...may Y/you find Y/your roads paved with kindness, joy and love ...


a prayer for those who hate and are intolerant of others - may you learn to understand what damage that does to everyone ...


a prayer for those who are lost ...may your way be clear and shown to you ...


a prayer for those who have seen abuse ....may your bodies, minds and souls heal and know you are stronger than the pain


a prayer for those who are alone tonight as i am ...may this year chase the loneliness birds away for good


a prayer for those who are in need...may you find your prosperity...


a prayer for all ...may there be peace in Y/your souls ...


12/22/2012 5:14:22 AM
Glad Yule everyone.... Dear Santa, Please bring me to the attention of Someone who understands bdsm isn't about hooking up? That there is so much more... Thank You, onmyknees

11/21/2012 4:01:43 PM
May there be a bountiful harvest and celebration for all here.

11/17/2012 4:04:13 PM
What is it about this month that produces tailspins? And how can one start an intimate discussion and disappear? People are so confusing ....

11/8/2012 7:00:04 AM

In silence deafening, wandering through rivers of sensation.


Skin echoes rage against my clothes, setting fire to flesh.


Wet heat, pulsing deep within...


Aching yet hungering for more...




10/24/2012 4:03:56 AM

"Ruin is the road to transformation"


- Eat Pray Love


how very very true ...

 


10/23/2012 3:58:44 AM

what makes that spark fan into a flame that can be sustained? what does it take?

 


10/18/2012 9:50:39 AM

what is the problem? why can't a slave be a woman too? why can't she be praised for her brains or other qualities even if she is provocative? where is the balance?


9/8/2012 4:54:40 AM

the siren song of sleep beckons me back...yet the ache and the hunger do not ...the need is so strong ...


6/2/2012 10:50:22 PM

hope You like the updated pics


5/20/2012 1:10:50 PM

a beautiful day for a walk in the woods, the air heavy with buzzing of insects, butterflies flitting from flower to flower, and the earth itself pulsing with life reborn.


the weight of the silence still makes my heart heavy, the feeling like something is holding back, or something is beginning but not yet certain 


patience, waiting ...dare i hope?

 


5/8/2012 6:39:16 PM

as the clouds gather, the air heavy and expectant, Odin's breath grows in anticipation of the storm. my face caressed, i am carried upon the wave of memory to that day on the hill, to another storm, much fiercer and yet with a similar scent.

 

That day, when there was but a moment, an eternity of standing beside Him, the smell of sex and storm, desire still strong in the aches and stings of the flogger's kisses on my thighs and burning in His eyes.

 

A moment before the mundane world called U/us back to its dull embrace, there was nothing but Master and slave, Male and female, joined in the dance of Life.


a moment, a lifetime...may such touch Your soul and bring a smile...


would give anything to go to that day again ...and change what is ...

 

 

©onmyknees1969


for One who should know...


5/1/2012 6:43:45 PM

the changes are settling in to a dull ache instead of the sharpness of a razor cut...each day brings me closer ...

 


1/30/2012 8:06:29 PM

hope the new pics are pleasing ...


12/5/2011 6:43:09 PM

what is so wrong with wanting it all?


9/4/2011 8:11:25 PM

This is an experience i had during Hurricane/Tropical Storm Irene...

 

Dancing in the Storm August 28, 2011 

 

As Irene was moving up the coast, and it became clear that the storm was heading this way, all my senses sharpened and the tingle in the depths of my soul began to grow. With each day, it seemed like I could not keep myself still …and with each moment my thoughts strayed to the warmth and wetness that was almost constant. Clearly, the calling was growing stronger and while most were becoming more alarmed, I grew more aroused and excited at the signs of the approaching storm. My resolve to be in it grew with each day.

 

Finally Saturday night, restless and unable to contain it, I was out in a vehicle, watching the sky and drinking in the heaviness of the air that precedes such an experience. So excited now, even the fibers of my clothing are stimulating …how do I even act like a regular person? For the shift has begun, I am no longer that which the everyday world sees. I am a storm dancer, one with the wind and water, vessel for the Gods, lover and slave to the passion of Nature.

 

Then it arrives…I awake with my body and head aching with hunger and on fire with the energy. It is all I can do to get through the morning routine and get outside. My jeans are rubbing my pussy lips and the tank top is stroking my bare nipples as this adventure requires as few clothes as possible. I am tempted to pleasure myself to orgasm but I wait …that will happen soon enough.

 

The force hits the minute I force the door to the building shut. I breathe in the life giving gift as my feet dance upon the pavement. Rain kisses my skin and hair like a sadistic torturer who knows how to tease and prolong the sensation until the climax is allowed. In an effort to balance the growing hunger I began to look for images to capture that were appealing to me…then a large gust pummeled me and almost knocked me down but I withstood the force, feeling the wind push through my body like a forceful lover. Before long the pulse of climax rose from my depths and I was shaking all over with release as my juice blended with the rainwater. That’s when the dancing began…it was no longer a walk …my body sway and strutted to the music filling my ears and in time with the wind whipping through the trees.

 

After a time of using my vision to distract me from the aftershocks, I began to head for home but then a glint caught my eye. It was a cell phone, still active.  So after discovering the rightful owner and returning it, I came back to a grove of trees where I stood against one, the rough wet bark against my back, even with my jacket on it set my body on fire again. There I stood as if bound, head back, the strains of a song about finding one’s true self filling my ears, singing the words with my soul.

 

In that moment was bliss…the bliss of another climax roaring through my body…this time not a purely physical one, but it was a spiritual and emotional one as well. While against that tree, every conduit was open and I was bombarded with the energy of the wind and water, along with the rhythm of the earth, gathering within my soul …penetrating my whole self, every part. In that moment I was barely human, flesh and spirit and elemental life. The release was a supernova in my being, a full ecstatic state. “So let it be” was the final phrase of the song, an incantation of promise and of love in all its forms.

 

 

 

 

 


7/31/2011 7:26:20 PM

This is a story i hope will find it's way to fruition someday ...and this girl hopes it will please....




The tension in my cuffed arms reminds me that tonight is going to be more intense than any before. You have bent me over the kitchen table, secured my spread legs and arms and now You can see the wet heat of Your cunt beginning to flow as i anticipate the torture to come. You just watch me, Your slave, as i am breathing deeply with the descent into that place where You are a God.

 

My breath catches as i feel the blade on the back of my neck and hear You whisper “tonight My whore, You are going to bleed for Me.” The shudders flow through me and Your hand feels the betraying juices flowing more freely now. You rub some of them into Your tight ass as You draw the knife across Your canvas, smoothing it out, considering what would be most attractive. You feel me shudder under Your blade, and my scent rises as You dip between my spread legs.

 

There, the tender flesh of my inner thigh beckons You and You run the tip along the spot for the first cut. “a flower for my slave,” You say as the steel begins to pierce my skin and the faint traces of red appear. I gasp in pleasure/pain as You go deeper, and You actually see my juices flow like my blood. You press Your lips to the wound, tasting my essence and moving up to kiss me forcefully, sharing the richest of bonds as Your mouth captures mine, Your teeth drawing more of my life force from my lips. my tongue seeks Yours, as You feel my hunger rising to merge with Yours. “you greedy pig, we are not done,” You whisper into my ear as i squirm and try to spread my legs even further and my ass seems to be jutting out more in an effort to entice You. A soft laugh escapes Your lips as You know what i am trying to do and You return to Your creation.

 

The searing burn tears through my flesh as You continue to work Your magic with Your blade, deepening the marks as You stop to taste my blood and kiss me ever deeper.  Each time You return to Your creation, You spank me ever harder, matching the pain and delighting in the ever growing wetness You see now as Your cunt is almost drooling juices. Your fingers enter and i can’t help but writhe and beg, “please Daddy, please Daddy, please fill Your little pigslut’s cunt, please?” “greedy whore, I am not done,” You whisper, laughing a little as i am almost crying for You.

 

An eternity passes, the flower is stained red, as are my lips with the life force flowing, and the blood is now mixing with my tears as i am reduced to agonizing need and hunger. You dip a finger in it and trace the word cunt along my spine as i no longer can speak but just shudder and whimper and cry, thrusting Your ass out and with everything in me, trying to get Your cock inside. i finally manage to whimper a “please Daddy, please” through the tears, and You stroke my hair softly, then in a single blinding thrust You are deep in Your pigslut’s ass, and now pulling that hair as You pound Your balls against Your whore’s clit. “Cum for me,” You growl as You feel my juices soaking Your balls and thighs and my animal growls match Yours as i try to get You in even deeper. The mutual orgasm is an explosion of cum and screams as we are both soaked and You pull out of Your whore’s ass and begin to fuck my face so i can clean You properly and thank You for Your gift. i lick and suck You eagerly, lapping up Your cum and the juices until You are all clean. You free me from the restraints, and gather me in Your arms as a child, holding me and gently stroking my hair again. We drift off into a peaceful doze, warm and sated for now.

 

©girl onmyknees  2009

 


7/10/2011 6:04:31 PM

as the night surrounds me with Her velvet blackness, the thoughts of the past and future are a murky river.

 

and underneath, the dream remains...complete in its simplicity...He is to command and i am to obey...

 

there is nothing else ...

 


6/13/2011 4:34:11 PM

so as the night descends my thoughts are of gratitude and abundance.
so many of U/us spend time searching for what it is that W/we think will make U/us happy or fulfilled but yet do not turn within...

 

and are W/we truly grateful for the gifts W/we are blessed with ?

 

i am learning to be...in faith and trust...

 

"that which is like, unto itself is drawn" ...from The Rise, Sully Erna...


3/17/2011 6:08:59 PM

kneeling, time stopped,

 

nothing but wait,

 

wait to serve, to obey,

 

hoping to please,

 

each breath a prayer...

 

the slave's creed an echo ...


3/6/2011 6:29:57 PM

the demons dance continues ...and with every answer there are more questions...it is so curious as to how the rhythm of life works ...the online movement in and out of each others' lives and psyches......

 

The commands reach into my soul with their tendrils of capture

 

Tugging upon each of the heartstrings, with the only answer ...

 

"yes Master"

 

nothing but to obey...

 

To please...

 

the truth of slavery....

 

 

 

 

 


2/20/2011 2:50:08 PM

The catharsis began today ....tears have flowed ...now to dance with the demons and to face the fears ...

 

 

the hardest thing for a slave is to give permission ...


2/13/2011 4:32:13 PM

just returned from the fetish flea and i sit here thinking about a lot of things ....it is strange to have spent three days surrounded by kinksters and to feel so alone...


7/10/2010 3:32:35 AM
it makes me wonder sometimes if there is a way to do what i was born to do and still have a semblance of a vanilla life...

to find the balance...

and to fuel the fire.....

7/15/2009 4:50:38 PM
Your whisper echoes in my ears as Your ropes hold me fast.
"Mine" they sing to my skin as they are tightened.
The ache of taut muscles and burning passion consume my soul.




7/2/2009 4:08:43 AM
as the doors close and open in the saga of my life, i realized recently that without the in person physical, for me the control is an illusion. the cam, the phone, the chat, all are useful in their own way but it is the look, the touch, the wet heat that are the true measures. if someone hasn't met within six months, then what is the point?

6/13/2009 4:22:29 AM
The blood runs hot through my veins as i ache for the touch. Patience is the hardest lesson when the hunger is so fierce. When can the animal be free in bondage?


2/24/2009 3:43:23 PM
it's been a while since my fickle muse has let my words flow like the blood burning in my veins. tonight it is a fever, a need that gnaws from within, how to continue to hope and to grow while i feel trapped in many ways.

when is it enough? when is it right? these are the questions that drive me to seek out those who can see what has only been partially unearthed from the depths of my soul.

12/28/2008 7:42:03 AM
as i kneel here on the floor, bemoaning the fact that i made weak coffee this morning, the muse has yet again brought me to the topic of communication.

how hard is it? a phone call, a text, an email - none of them take more than a few minutes to let someone know that they are in one's thoughts. Yet these things are often too much for some people to work into their day. That would be perfectly fine for a casual encounter but in this milieu even casual encounters are not casual. And particularly if things have gone beyond casual, then it is crucial to maintain the bond.

or am i asking too much? am i being insecure?  i don't think so but if i am please feel free to respond.

12/16/2008 4:35:50 PM
The night's chill seeps through me alone with my thoughts.

each day grows more challenging, each night longer as i wonder how to lift the curse

the curse of waiting, the torture of patience, why do i have to accept that vanilla life often has to come first here?

i long for the days to come again when pleasure always was ahead of business and that caution could be thrown to the wind without consequences' intrusion.

white hot fire flows through me tonight, the prey is here, taunting the wolf to hunt.



12/1/2008 2:23:31 AM
the ache of waiting is a slow death of my soul
 
hunger and need building beyond reason
 
the demons bleeding into the vanilla world, in the form of anger and tears.
 
how simple the solution, how elusive and yet so near.
 
a word, a voice, a touch, a bruise.
 
so very little, yet so powerful.
 
own me in flesh and blood, with juices flowing and sweet sweet cream.
 
i beg of You, accept the gift in deed and word.

10/28/2008 6:47:40 PM
as i sit here, exhausted from the work of the day, i am filled with a deeper ache than the sore muscles from preparing to move. it is the ache for Him, His touch and His pleasure, that is leaving my very soul bare and raw. to feel His gaze, hear His voice, and to serve Him is what i crave with a ferocity that is shocking. to be so close to it and yet so very far away is an exquisite form of torture.
 

10/24/2008 4:04:45 AM
in the cold of the night i wait, breathless and burning with desire
the icy fire of the air at war with the heat of my flesh
 
no thought but please, please, please
free me with Your bonds
let me serve You
 
let us dance in the flames of ecstasy.
 

10/9/2008 5:20:22 PM

The look, the voice, the touch that brings me to the edge of climax.

The whispers that roar through me.

Silence that screams "You are mine."


10/2/2008 3:47:44 PM
i am under consideration

tonight is sooo strange as i sit here wondering about too many things at once. my fickle muse is laughing at me. more another time

9/28/2008 4:20:37 PM
tonight is a rough one - what is so scary about real time for some people? i understand that some have certain reasons why they are online only but i am way too in tune with the need for touch and contact to do that exclusively. tonight my flesh burns with hunger, my brain filled with thoughts of worship and service, and my heat is rising from between my legs.

9/18/2008 4:59:01 PM
tonight is very strange in that i am overwhelmed with expectation and yet there is a sadness about life getting in the way of living. why do people tend to let their mundane take over soo much? perhaps i am too obsessive as someone who cannot stop thinking about the lifestyle when others around me seem to be distracted so easily.


6/27/2008 6:09:26 PM
as i reflect upon the truly brutal week i had in my vanilla life, i long for the pure escapism of servitude. it seems that i can only truly relax in submission these days as the simplicity of it calms my restless mind.

to serve, to please, to accept and give pleasure, pain, to obey - these things are so basic to my nature that i do not have to even think about them so much as just bring them forth from my true self.

i don't want to hide from the "real world" in as much as take a break sometimes or at least face it knowing that i am something other than how the vanilla world defines me.

to serve, to be owned, to have the secret knowledge that my true self hovers right there under the surface - the thought makes my soul burn and my flesh tingle.

6/22/2008 4:50:23 PM

tonight my fickle muse is rather reflective - it has been a rather mellow weekend and i am mixed about that.

my thoughts of the needs i have for the long term are in conflict tonight with the fierce hunger that has been the mark of the full moon. if i were, i suppose that it would be different but now i am battling that intense ache and wondering how to get through the week.

my flesh is actually burning for sensation, the air on my nerve endings almost too much to bear. the pulsing and wetness is strong so there will be another night with the toys <blush>.

to quote one of my favorite songs - take me, tame me, make me Your animal. lol


6/21/2008 4:55:55 PM

is He out there?

the One, the Master with whom there is completion.

mind, body and soul entiwned in the most primal of embraces.

where agony and ecstasy become the same.

i am here, awaiting Your pleasure.


6/12/2008 4:53:30 PM
another weekend looms on the horizon and the force of impending summer is warming my blood. i can almost smell night jasmine in my dreams and taste the air, heavy with promise.

i need the heat of the blows - burning my tender flesh as my soul burns.

i ache for the feather touch that sets my nerves aflame.

i burn for the freedom of submission.

6/2/2008 9:02:39 AM
today, the muse is filling my head with fantasy so here goes....

He is sitting there, on the couch as i am standing before Him, legs spread, arms behind me, breasts pushed forward. there is silence as He just watches from the shadowy light in the room. i am almost afraid to breathe for there is no way to tell what He is thinking or wishes of me - no rule to guide me on how to move. every second is an eternity, and i can feel the nervous beads of sweat in spite of the coolness of the place.

"Closer." the deep, soft whisper with the power of all that controls me rings through my soul, as i move to stand in front of Him. fear and lust are one as i feel myself getting wetter with each step. once there, i tremble a little, anxiously wondering what today's exquisite torture will be.

"Turn around and present." His voice is now an animal growl, husky with anticipation as i turn and bend over, fully spread, exposed to Him with my hands grasping my ankles. i just know He can see my juices, and knows how eager i am. i blush in spite of myself, feeling my face redden as i know He is taking me with His eyes. His pussy is throbbing and pulsing, almost as if He were inside already.

the thrust of the leather clad fingers are almost as shocking as the blow on the sweet spot and i almost lose my balance. again and again, He strikes His ass and pussy and thighs while moving in and out with His hand. "Beg for it slut," He says mockingly as He feels me getting close to the brink. "Please, please Master," i cry, "please may i cum?" "No."

No. that one simple word which brings agony to a new level. i buck and clench as He continues and pain and pleasure are one. He does not let up, nor is He moved as i begin to scream. He feels me almost buckling under His attention and uses His hand inside me to force me to my knees, ass still in the air, face to the floor. the heat is spreading through battered flesh, taut with the tension of the edge.

He finally ceases to strike and before i can beg again, He plunges into His pussy and growls "Now!" i release with a growl of my own as i clench around Him, drawing Him deeper, when He suddenly pulls from me and thrusts into His ass. there is nothing but lust, He takes His pleasure and allows me release when He does. all that is dissolves into bliss as we release together, then i crawl around as is proper to clean Him. 

He sits back down and motions that i am to kneel between His legs. our bodies sated, for now, and the skin hunger for touch the only desire. "i love You, Master," i whisper, "I love You too, pet" 

well - it's short and sweet -and i hope to make it come true.  

5/31/2008 8:33:43 PM

my blood is running hot tonight as i am recharging my mojo. questions abound about the next steps in my journey, as i have spoken of so often. it is time for reflection yet again, for as i feel myself moving toward something soon, i wonder is this it? what is enough? what is too much or is there such a thing?

the line between scening and a D/s relationship has been brought into sharper focus lately. how to reconcile them, how to balance all.

this is not what i intended to write tonight but my muse is fickle and not to be toyed with.

what do you do when you think too much? or when you start off with an intense conversation and nothing happens after that? perhaps i am too impatient and there is a lesson here. but the need is overwhelming sometimes and those demons i so love to dance with are pounding a beat in my head.

well, enough of my humble musings tonight - there is a story percolating and perhaps the muse will be more forthcoming after some sleep.


5/28/2008 4:31:56 PM
it is a glorious spring night, as i can feel from the chill of the open screen door, with the air in conflict about the earth's awakening. i am casting off the cloak of the vanilla, the mundane to bring forth my true self, slave, submissive, what label does not matter.

as i let my mind wander down the twisted, overgrown path, i wonder how to stop drifting. when one has a taste of what they really need, it is a challenge to balance what is. how do you find it when everything says you will when you stop looking?

there is a growing curiousity about the Gorean lifestyle that tugs at me like a child in need of attention. could it be what has been there all along?

5/27/2008 3:34:39 PM

hunger tears at my soul
sharp, aching, ferocious

flesh eager for the signs of a deeper calling for the primal dance.

that ancient rite of power, of pleasure and pain, compels me to seek the beast.

whose lust can only be filled with possession and worship.


5/13/2008 6:34:40 PM

as i sit here, exhausted from my mundane day, i am filled with the questions about what is next as i process what was. i ache to give and share all of myself without losing my ability to function in the vanilla world. i hover on the edge of subspace - that razor's edge where i dance and wonder - is He there already? are my eyes open enough to see? by the Powers that be, may i see it when it happens!


5/12/2008 3:00:40 AM
it is amazing how quickly things can change in one's life. i have had a door close lately and it seems that it is paving the way for others opening.

i still seek that elusive combination of fear and safety, pleasure and pain, ownership and desire, dare i hope for even more?

5/5/2008 6:23:30 PM

it's been a while since i have found my thoughts gelling enough to write. i have just returned from a week in New Orleans and am sunburned, exhausted and recharged at the same time. my body is aching from the sexual hunger that underscores the french quarter. each step i took on those familiar streets was a teasing caress to my soul.

it is back to "reality" now as i am trying to seem mundane again while i am almost throbbing with the need for release.


3/14/2008 4:15:35 AM
this morning brings a sharp ache to my soul and a fire to my flesh. it is elusive as to the cause, and the mundane events of the day to come seem to stretch before me as penance for feeling too deeply, daring to live, aching and needing too much. i try to hide it but it is seeping through the cracks. my feverish dreams float through my head - of the hand gripping the back of my head, the force of the blow, the feel of the capture kiss, the taking, it fills me with a white hot tension and i am wet and throbbing. until later.

2/23/2008 4:26:31 AM
tonight i am bubbling over with energy - the contrast of light and dark between the eclipse and the moon in her fullness and the veneer of purity that is the snow that has been falling all day. this week has been such a time of intensity that i have hardly been able to sleep and my clothes are pure torture as they abrade my flesh like sandpaper, leaving my nerves endings raw and the lightest touch of air takes me to the edge.

yes it is one of those times - when the emotions are as raw as my skin feels, when each event is monumental, when i seem to hover on the verge of dropping to my knees in gratitude for the slightest acknowledgement. i am laid bare on the altar of pain and pleasure, a sacrifice offered, to be consumed with sensation and servitude, the deepest corners of my very soul spilling out with tears and the libations of sex flowing freely.

it is almost a regret that retreat is not an option but that is no longer possible. i am weary of pretending that it is okay for me to accept anything less than what i give - which is full measure.

on that note, i must try to ease the edge of this exquisite agony before i attempt to sleep.



this was written last night and obviously i was too aroused to remember to hit save lol

1/31/2008 4:43:49 PM
my blood is surging through my veins already feeling the quickening of the movement to longer days and the warmth of spring. i am almost shaking with the hunger - so visceral and deep, my c**t actually throbbing and pulsing as i sit here weaving words.

tonight i went for a short walk in the bitter air, my leather trenchcoat open to embrace the dark, almost prowling instead of walking, yet looking about, wary and alive, hypersensitive to the wind through my long blonde locks. the scream of electric guitars roared in my ears from my mp3 player and it ended all too soon. but i savored the sting of the cold as i do the flogger, crop, or cane and let the night be my Master for just a moment in pure bliss. it is almost too much to hope for to feel that again but it is as essential as breath.

enough or i will never get to sleep - a fond good night to one and all.

1/23/2008 5:26:25 PM
as i watched the full moon drifting in its golden veil, i could feel the rhythm of the earth coursing through me, her subtle heartbeat echoing my own.

tonight is a night of retreat, when the hunger is for a coverlet of darkness and closeness. i would beg for the blindfold and closet time tonight or perhaps to be bound very tightly in some fashion. to just disappear in the comfort of control and not to think for just a little while. i am bubbling over with the need for that freedom, that purity of being that comes from true purpose and focus.

it is so hard sometimes to live in the regular world and know what i am made for. my friends sometimes worry because i do spend a lot of my time involved in the lifestyle. however, none of them really understand that it is what my soul screams for every time i am at a mundane task.

it is becoming difficult to weave my web of words so i will bid you all a fond goodnight and wish you dreams of your darkest fantasies.

1/20/2008 4:39:43 AM
last night in the repose of the first bubble bath i have taken for pleasure in months i was reflecting on the nature of change while luxuriating in the caress of the hot water and the redness it brought out in my fair skin - not unlike that of a beating lol. it is remarkable that when one rides the waves of adventure and lets the universe flow instead of fighting it that anything is possible.

it is something to think about when one realizes that many of those self help tomes that claim to have the secret to happiness or success are touting many of the same principles that underly submission - at least in the sense of acceptance and the state of mind it takes to do so. i find it especially apt as i have been aching to be taken and tamed- at least a little lol. that receptive state is sometimes dangerously strong in me - which is why i get into sooomuch trouble <blush>.

it is time to face the cold glare of this atrocious climate while my thoughts are scented with jasmine and pheromones. good day to all.

1/16/2008 6:40:27 AM
it is blessed quiet for now this morning as i am forcing myself to wakefulness. the resilient aches from my recent health issues are strong today as is the need. i am a caged animal - caged but not tamed - prowling and pacing with the eye toward escape. i am being good and looking after myself and trying not to growl too much lol.

in the meantime, there is a book about seductresses throughout history that has kept my mind occupied -about those magnificent creatures who flouted society and personified the ancient goddess archetypes. they tended to be dominant in their manner and one even had a menage' a cinque for a long time. i do wonder about how to channel that through submission - of course there is being the exemplary sub/slave but there is more to it. there must be a way to enchant, seduce, and ensorcell through what is given - to be the goddess enslaved.

12/26/2007 5:27:43 PM

greetings all,

i do hope that papa noel was very good to all of the naughty boys and girls out there. i am sitting here with the remnants of a hangover - the first in a long time - and thinking about how hard it is for people to just be without context. i have been riding the winds of fate for over a year now, just letting life flow through me and learning what i can. sometimes i envy those who are more used to being mainstream - i find myself feeling out of place in the mundane world and at the same time trying to keep up appearances to function in it. it i so abundantly clear that i need the structure and control of a fairly short leash but at the same time i have felt like an wildcat, an animal resisting when being tamed. wow the full moon has been making my blood boil - like i need to be the prey for the right wolf, the animal nature strong - simmering just below the suface of civility and the veneer of propriety. mmmmm does anyone feel it tonight? taste that sharpness in the chill of the air? smell the scent of sex on the wind? naughty dreams to all


12/20/2007 5:32:15 PM
it is almost painful and not in a sexy way to write this as i am in a state of shock at the lack of manners i have encountered lately. maybe i am just extra sensitive but it seems that there are those who think that because someone is submissive that they will accept being treated rudely. i assure you that this is not the case and while i may be a very naughty slut sometimes, just because i am talking to you does not mean i am your naughty slut at that point. never assume that submissive means that one will accept such behavior - let alone agree to put herself under your control.

ok enough of my soapbox about manners - it just shocks me especially in the season when we are supposed to be a little nicer all the way around. gods do i need to get laid - used as a toy and made to scream til i can't talk!
well enough for now, good night all.

12/17/2007 4:17:35 AM
this morning is fraught with anxieties at how things are going to progress in my life - i wonder about how to pull it all together. it is challenging to say the least, especially as i am a bit wayward when left to my own devices. 
 
how is it that everything seems clearer after a scene? some endorphins would be great right about now.

12/15/2007 5:33:54 AM
good morning on this wintry day! i am huddled indoors with my coffee trying to keep from freezing to death in this new england weather!
today i am getting domestic and wishing that i was doing this in service instead of just doing housework lol. it is so much more fun naked and wondering if i am to be "distracted" in some way. well back to reality and the joys of domestic goddesshood.

12/12/2007 1:11:59 PM
first of all i want to thank everyone for their wonderful responses to my modest attempts at writing - i am delighted that i have been able to bring enjoyment to those of you who chose to read it. i am afraid today won't be quite as sexy- just some musings that won't leave me be.

i am wondering how to go about looking after myself - there are some situations in my life which require that i pay more attention to myself than to those around me for a bit. i have been told that it is not good for a sub/slave not to look after herself and that is a good point but part of that is to address some of the needs that i should deny or moderate a lot- gods i so need to be taken, and to just let go of all of this - and to let myself give in to some of these intense passions that boil my blood and haunt my sleep. It is hard to focus right now on the other things as i face time when i will have to slow down. ok time to be a grownup lol and just deal - better go find the batteries!

12/9/2007 6:15:55 AM

well it has been a couple of days and the creative juices have been fueled with coffee and it is time to complete this tale.

i am kneeling in wait again as He recovers Himself, with the hyperawareness of my need coursing through my veins, heating my blood. all i want to do is to scream "please please take me,make me Your slut, please honor me with the gift of pain, please use me, fuck me, beat me!" but i have not been told to so the words ring through my head in silence as the air, the floor, the blindfold, all conspire to heighten my desire.

it is then that i feel the pull of the leash as i know without asking that i am to crawl, which i do carefully, afraid to leave a trail from my dripping pussy. He pulls me to what i think is a couch and i am tugged over His knee like a naughty child. i bow my head in worship and gasp as He runs His hands lightly over my back and ass, stopping to rub my nether lips as i begin to squirm and try to get His powerful fingers into me. He chuckles softly as He knows everything - all that i am, all that i need, and that it is all in His grasp. "Beg for it slut," He says as His hands tease my ass, stroking, ever so lightly, bringing the nerves to a frenzied peak of need.

"please, please Sir, please spank me, please take me, please use this whore any way You want, please , please, please may i cum for You, please, " i cry with the voice of hunger, hunger to submit, to worship, to serve. Whack! the fist blow lands right on the sweet spot and i am filled with joy that i project through my uplifted ass and my low moan of pleasure. again and again He gifts me with the blessing of His slaps as i growl out the word please over and over. i feel the fire as my ass reddens and i am growing wetter by the second. His desire is apparent to me and after He is satisified with my color He orders me to kneel on all fours and enters my soaked slit in a brutal thrust, grabbing my hair as i scream in pure delight. "Cum now, bitch!" He roars as He pounds me from behind and His pace increases when He feels me tighten and gush around Him in climax. He then grabs my wrists from behind, pushing my face to the floor as He uses me to satisfy Himself, while i beg and beg to cum again. He does not allow it until He is ready to cum deep in my pussy and our growls become a single body wracking orgasm. when we stop shaking He pulls out of me as i whimper and after a moment or two gathers me into His embrace. "You are mine slut." He says as a statement of fact. "yes Sir" i whisper, safe in this truth. after a while He sits me on the bed, tells me to wait until i hear the music, then i may remove the blindfold and gather my things and depart, leaving the key in the room. "You will hear from me this evening slut." He kisses me deeply and then i drift in silence, knowing that this journey is only the beginning.

Well, that is where this tale ends and i hope that is has provided a small measure of enjoyment for all. To the one who has laid the gauntlet at my feet, may this move You to a kind word. Ciao





12/5/2007 6:55:56 PM
good evenig everyone, it is time to return to our hapless victim lol... now let's see we were about right here...

i am standing at rest, such as it is, trying to breathe as i feel Him close, not touching but penetrating every fiber of my being with His gaze. He reaches out and lightly brushes a nipple, then grabs it and twists it until i gasp in pleasure/pain an try not to shudder. "Kneel" He commands and i drop where i am, as gracefully as possible, hoping and praying that i can please Him and earn a seemingly elusive word of praise, or even please please an orgasm. i can't help a little smile appearing on my lips when i hear His zipper coming down.

He frees Himself from His pants and then a powerful hand grabs my hair and forces my mouth onto His cock. "Worship me pet." this whisper shivers up my spine and i begin to suck Him and He does not stop me from using my hands to caress His balls while i suck Him. He has eased off a bit to allow me to tease and present my skills but after a few moments, the hand is on my hair again, and He is forcing Himself deeper into my mouth, as my throat opens to receive Him completely. He fucks my face, slowly at first, and then with fierce animal thrusts that explode into His sweet gift flowing down my throat.

well that is all for tonight of my story - time to go take care of some of this tension. good night....

12/4/2007 6:03:15 PM
now let's see where i left off - of course - it is time......

the wait is an eternity as i blankly stare out the window, shaking with need and fear while my mind races with the possibilities. i reflect on the negotiations such as they were when i was in such a state of exquisite agony that i can't even remember what i agreed to- He had the look - that pure predatory look that speaks of total ravishment and i was captured in a moment. but now the clock says it is time to go. i carefully ease myself off the barstool, making sure i wipe it with my skirt so as not to leave any telltale spots, just the subtle echo of my heat. i carefully make my way to the elevator and head up to the room.

it is down the hall in a quiet corner and i am shaking more with every step on the thick carpet. i fumble with the key a bit and finally open the door. there is very little light and i cannot see Him. "put your things down on the hall table and put on the blindfold." His words are washing through me - i am with the balck velvet command now a slave, whose only function is to serve and be used at another's whim and pleasure. there is a rush of heat through me as i obey. i stand still for a moment as i am trying to feel where He is and orient myself. "lift Your hair, slut" is a throaty wolf growl in my ear and i shiver on the edge of climax from the voice and lift my hair off my neck. i almost buckle with agony as He rakes the back of my neck with His nails with just enough pressure. "please," i whisper "please may i cum, Sir" He laughs deeply in my ear as i feel the collar tighten around my neck and the lock snap shut with a fateful click. "Slut, i haven't even started. you will learn how to beg properly before the day is out." i then feel something being clipped to the front of the collar and then He pulls me to Him for a deep, you are captured kiss, using His teeth to bite my lip.

i am pulled along as He has attached a leash to the collar, taking me further into the room. He stops and i suddenly hear music coming from somewhere in the room, a sultry, bluesy song whose lyrics elude me as i begin to sway a bit in time. "Strip for me, slut - slow and easy - keep the heels and stockings on" - His growl is rich with the edge of desire and i can tell that this is the time to show Him that He has chosen well.

i move to the music more freely now, aware of how being without sight changes my dance. i turn away and unbutton my blouse, slowly while sliding it down my shoulders bit by bit until it falls to the floor. i pull up the back of my skirt just a bit, exposing my ass before i slide it down and step out of it. i kick it aside and turn and stand, slightly swaying as i present myself - feet apart, hips pushed forward, hands clasped behind my back and chest forward, and head down. i feel Him rise and come to examine me closely as i am trying to remember to breathe.

well i think perhaps that is enough for tonight as i am so hot and wet i will have to go to bed an hour earlier just to masturbate. a fond and sexy good night to all







12/3/2007 7:24:45 PM
well - i am being pushed to stretch my skills with another challenge - i hope it is enjoyed by those who choose to read my humble words.

i am alone, seated at the table in the hotel lounge awaiting Him. the anticipation of the first time has me pressing my thighs together, trying not get the leather barstool wet as i have obeyed His orders to wear a skirt with thigh high stockings, heels and no panties. my skin is aware of every thread of my clothing as the slight air flow from the vent below the table is a lover's caress.

i am running my finger in slow lazy circles around the rim of my glass as i stare out the window when i hear the footsteps of His approach. my breath stops as i feel His heat near me. i do not turn as i am not allowed to, but know He is there, and i shiver with delight when He firmly grabs my hair and whispers in a rich voice "you are mine now, slut. wait ten minutes and go up stairs." i am now at the edge of an orgasm, but afraid to even think about begging for release yet. then i am alone again, but for the little white key card on the table. head down, in descent i finally take a deep breath and wait.


well this is the first installment of my fantasy - i bid you all a good night.



12/1/2007 5:21:02 AM

good morning everyone - a friend of mine set a challenge before me in a literary sense and well i wouldn't be who i say i am if i refused now would i?

His words flow through me, sending sparks of intrigue and desire through the ether.
we have not met yet we know the truth that goes unspoken.
The secrets in the open, the certainty that if there is a first touch, there is no going back.


i hope that this meets the standard as i do not know what they are lol.

now for my humble musings of the day - i am curious about those who start off with a fairly definitive script about what they are looking for. i am not suggesting that one should not have an idea about such things but it seems a little presumptuous to have the agenda mostly mapped out and if someone doesn't meet all of the criteria of said agenda then they don't even allow for development. maybe i am a little bit romantic here but i have trouble trying to fit into a mold that is already cast. i have been guilty of trying to mold someone myself and never should have but is it not more exciting and often more wonderful to let the connection between people dictate the flow?
i have made some wonderful friends who might have started out with the intention of a different type of relationship but the magic was there in another way. i know it is hard not to imagine what it would be like or what the "perfect" relationship D/s or otherwise is but as life happens something you never had in your plan just might sneak up on you and give you shivers in places you never knew you had.
xxoxoxoxoxooxoxo




11/29/2007 5:19:47 PM

it is a dark night as the moon wanes and my drowsy weary mind is wandering down the path of fantasy.

as Night washes envelops me in her ebony warmth,
i am the prey, waiting, alert yet hypnotized by the anticipation of need and desire, to be captive, to serve, to be the vessel for Master's whims,
To be the essence of pleasure and the darkest love.
Sacred and purified as i worship at Your altar.
 
good night everyone and naughty dreams xox.....


11/28/2007 2:58:54 AM
i am sitting here in the dark of the morning, trying to pry me eyes open and thoughts about exploration are flitting through my sleepy brain. it is strange to me that some of those that i have encountered seem to have a script in their head and they do not deviate from that. i am not talking about favorites or not having certain pleasures that always make you shiver, but i am a bit confused as to how someone might not go exploring. the people i encounter often ask me what i like and my answers may seem vague but even after a loing journey i have not yet begun to know of what pleasures await.

11/21/2007 7:32:01 PM
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! i am sorry i have not been around much - some health issues and the mundane have kept me from having time to put my thoughts together - i will answer messages tomorrow as it has been a very long day.

i did want to say that i have been pondering the balance of this season with my true nature as we are surrounded by commerce and obligations, many of them manufactured, while my soul yearns for the freedom i get from submission and for the peace of pleasure/pain. it is especially challenging for those whose vanilla lives collide with their bdsm lives and the inevitable questions about bdsm and romantic relationships coexist - and can they be found in the same person? if so how does one define it for others? as the year wheel turns toward introspection and the dark season i feel more journal time will be essential to my sanity. i bid you all a good night.

8/31/2007 3:47:48 AM
it has been a long time since i've posted here and it is because the words would not form themselves in my mind. this has been a week of chaos and i have missed the peace that writing here brings. my body is still on fire with need as my mind cannot grasp all of the upheaval this week. ah to have the sweet bliss and focus of submission to keep my overactive mind under control. i normally face things head on but this week deserves some true escape time. i am so in need of guidance and it's so hard to admit. for so long i have had to take care of everything for others in my life - not in service but because they couldn't - is it wrong to admit that i need some care? well anyway - duty calls.

8/21/2007 4:24:48 AM
just a quick note as time is short - but i am feeling compelled to express the need for control - without that - to be held in the deepest bondage - the bondage of the soul. i wish everyone a wonderful day.

8/19/2007 12:39:16 PM
as i sit here on a lazy Sunday afternoon, trying to drown out the cacaphony of the television that is set to something i find mindless and useless. i am drowsy with sleep from my afternoon nap, and my body has the ache from the need, the need to be dancing with the demons, to drown in pleasure and pain. i have the echos of previous adventures surging through my skin - it's almost too much to bear! ah to be taken to beyond the edge - the state of pure submission- to exist for the pleasure of a Master/Dom.

8/16/2007 2:47:58 AM
as the blessed caffeine is working its magic i want to clarify my thoughts from yesterday. i was referring to those who send out an email or two, seem to be all excited but then do not respond again. it is annoying when so many complain that they do not get a response at all and then if they do they do not pursue it. maybe i'm crazy but what happened to the common courtesy of wishing someone well if there is not a connection one wishes to continue?

8/15/2007 4:29:29 AM
it's been too long since i've been able to get here to talk freely. i have been wondering why those who seem to be so excited about the initial contact seem to fade away if it gets too real - i guess there are some who just are busy or let life get in the way. it's sad really that so much potential for pleasure is lost. i hope to find the real thing.

8/8/2007 2:48:21 AM
this morning is a reflective one - as i sit here with my eyes heavy with sleep as i am forcing myself into the day with that first cup of coffee. i am thinking about the nature of attraction and about the path we take to realize that vanilla is not enough. it is unfortunate when someone is new to the scene and they are turned away from a chance to learn. it is important i think for those who have learned about ourselves to at least be courteous to those who are still figuring all of this out even if there is not a connection. as to the nature of attraction - when you first are attracted to someone's mind as is often the case here, why does that seem to stop if the physical match is not good?

8/5/2007 4:51:58 AM
it's a quiet sunday morning and i have been trying to collect my jumbled thoughts so this might be a little strange. i am wondering though why some people run away from the feelings that naturally develop between those who play together. it's not necessarily about love but it is not shameful to admit to caring about someone who you share such intimate experiences with. it only makes the level of control that much richer and more pleasureable.

8/2/2007 2:45:42 AM
while my body cries out to be used, my brain is reminding me that i have to be a grownup sometimes... i am not trying to ignore those i am in contact with but i do need to sleep from time to time! i hover on the edge of descent and hope to find sweet release soon and to balance the reality of the worlds i walk in.

7/31/2007 4:12:36 AM
today time is short but i wanted to write. the rabbit in the wolves' den feeling is back and i am feeling the conflict of need and the pull of my vanilla life. balance is so difficult when all you want is to be free in bondage but the universe reminds you about the day to day.

7/29/2007 5:15:47 AM

the muse has led me to the idea of service this morning and the reality of submission in that context. it is truly a special place to be when one can be a charming and entertaining companion and friend and still serve a Dom. i realize there are times when it is not about pleasure/pain, sex or torture but about the ways, both subtle and obvious, that seemngly small acts of kindness are really bdsm - it is the service that can enhance the relationship between a sub and a Dom/Master. it is back to the geisha ideal i strive for - to be pleasing in all ways and a delight for body, mind and soul.


7/26/2007 4:05:21 AM
as the moon approaches its fullness, i can feel the surge of desire running through my veins. i am in heat, my clothes feel wrong, and i had to climax a few times before i could bear to get ready for work. oh how i wish i was doing what i was born to do and be. my pussy is throbbing and the need to be used is very powerful today. i ache to be taken - to be my true self.

7/25/2007 4:14:32 AM

in the heavy silence of my bonds i await the
Master's pleasure
His control wrapped tighter than any restraint-
as my soul is at peace - the peace of true purpose-
to serve, to be taken, to be pure sensation.

my very breath in His hands.


7/25/2007 3:12:24 AM
today my thoughts have wandered back to the journey that we all take to get comfortable with the idea that our sexual desires and needs go against everything we are taught. it's fascinating to see how each person i encounter has come into themselves and to guide if allowed those who are still stuggling. it is a big part of building the connection to play to know the journey.

7/23/2007 4:02:56 AM
this morning it is diffiicult to form a clear thought as i am fighting sleep deprivation from the weekend but i must write. it seems that this is the place where i can reveal who i really am and remain unknown except to those i am talking to. my body and soul cry out for the respite of sleep while at the same time they ache to be used. i am hovering on the edge of subspace and in an almost constant state of desire. i wonder what will happen when i am freer to pursue this consuming passion.

7/20/2007 4:52:44 AM
as i sit here in my brief solitude i am musing about the waking ritual - i love the process of preparing the perfect morning beverage and bringing it to the bedside, softly calling into wakefulness the person i am waking - no brutal alarm clocks. it is to me a way i can make someone's day begin with pleasure. i awoke with the faint scent of jasmine and lust in my senses today, thinking of how i would love to share the magic of a french quarter night in whatever way i can - to rouse the animal passion that can possess one's entire being with abandon. ah well, those thoughts perhaps are too much for the light of the morning.

7/19/2007 2:28:36 AM
today i find myself feeling quite vulnerable - and thinking about the control of contact or lack thereof. perhaps i am just a bit needy but i feel that contact in some form is essential - i need to know that i am not ignored or put aside. anyone who hopes to tame me must be aware that being ignored is the cruelest form of punishment.

7/18/2007 2:36:47 AM
i often wonder about how many of us would be able to recognize what we are in the vanilla world. in New Orleans i could feel it at night - i used to call it the wolves on the prowl- and the very air would be a Master's caress on my sensitive flesh. i have been able to sense it sometimes for no matter how normal we pretend to be - there is a something, a scent i like to say, about those who dance with their darkness and feel that hunger. for me it is always there, just below the surface, hovering and waiting to come forth.

7/16/2007 3:06:43 AM
today finds me in a strange place- again musing about control and how the need for it can lead you to some extremely dark places in your own soul. it seems that when those tendrils are woven about you you don't even think about what is required of you even if it is scary to venture forth and fulfill the orders. it amazes me to what lengths i have gone to please and wonder just how far i could be pushed.

7/14/2007 2:53:31 AM

this morning's musings take me to wondering about the nature of possessiveness - how a mere touch conveys volumes and the words that are not said say so much. i wonder if those who are looking for a third understand that even if the sub is accepting of this, that there can be some subtle ways of expressing place and position.


7/12/2007 3:07:54 AM
another late night and too early morning. in my sleepy haze i cannot help but wonder about the nature of control. it's subtle tendrils can engulf me like a warm blanket on a winter's day or be a stranglehold that chokes me to a loss of myself. i imagine it depends on the person i submit to but i am often afraid of losing myself to someone who will not realize that they have got me completely. it is the part of bdsm that is the hottest and scariest at the same time. i am consumed by the need to give myself over and terrified that there will be nothing left of me if i do. at the same time, i find that the libido monster has possession and i am fighting the need to be taken again and again so that i can fulfill my vanilla responsibilities.

7/10/2007 4:09:57 AM
just a quick one - as it is a work day. i am heading to work with a sense of frustration - i am obsessed with the hunger and have been on edge a lot of the time. i guess the stress of my vanilla life is driving the need to be captured, engulfed, and to drown in the focus of submission. it is difficult to pretend to be normal when your wrists and ankles feel wrong because there are no restraints or when the fibers of your clothing are sensation torture. i am a bitch in heat and am already looking forward to a long session with my toys tonight in the relative privacy of my room.

7/8/2007 4:29:11 AM
it is too early in the morning but i am compelled to write - to anyone whom i have not answered - i am considering a proper response.
i am beginning to see that something seems to be fundamentally lacking for many of those that i have talked to- it is the simple pleasure of spending time with someone that you like and can relate to. it is clear from the level of patience some have about getting to know someone that there are those out there who just don't have many people in their lives to talk to about this deep fundamental aspect of their lives.

it makes me sad on some level because i have had the freedom and luxury (until now) of being completely open about who and what i am - bdsm was everyday conversation and no one had to hide anything - i hope that for those who have to hide that they can experience a taste of that freedom.

on the other hand, i am eager to experience the Domination of a woman, just to see what it is like and to enjoy the pleasure of a woman's body as i did all too briefly... my bisexual cherry was popped <blush> but it would be wonderful to explore further... i am never going to be a total lesbian but have a need for a woman's touch now and again. 

7/6/2007 2:49:31 AM

i wonder who makes the rules about age and what is supposed to be - it is been my understanding that aside from safety and consent there really are no rules except those a Dom or Domme require of a sub/slave. mutual pleasure is timeless and ageless and should be enjoyed for what it is. sorry to those who are looking for continuity in these musings but my thoughts can be as fickle as the wind unless i am submitting.


7/4/2007 4:27:09 PM
as i sit here drowsing from a relatively lazy day, i am musing about the nature of fantasy and how they shape our reality. i find myself getting lost in my self and forgetting that i do not always need to use forms of address with everyone like i would in the lifestyle. it's a challenge with those that i speak with to keep in mind and i seem to hover on the edge of the descent almost all of the time.

7/2/2007 2:57:32 AM
this may be my last post for a few days - hell week at work - i want to wish everyone a good July 4th and say that i am pleased that my journal is being read - it seems to have stemmed the tide of inquiries and allowed me to focus on getting to know some people better. i do not play with anyone that i do not like as a person first.

6/30/2007 4:11:04 AM
life gets in the way of living - a wonderful and wise person told me that and boy is it true - my vanilla life seems to have the upper hand these days. well hopefully in a couple of weeks or so i can sort it out.

6/29/2007 2:12:18 AM
well, here i sit, having gotten up way too early and i am crackling with energy. my skin is aching for the kiss of a crop, my wrists and ankles feel very naked without restraints and my soft t-shirt is too much - i should be naked and on all fours today but unfortunately i have a day job.

6/27/2007 4:19:16 AM
i am wondering what it takes to form the right words to tell someone you can't commit and have them really understand. it seems that many of those that i have met are so excited that i want to get to know them that they want to start controlling right away. why is it so hard to realize that people need to learn about each other as people and see if they actually like each other before jumping in - is that too much to ask? if you read my profile you will see that i am not a doormat - anyone looking for someone to jump in can pass me by. i have a brain and am not afraid to use it - and will NOT offer myself to anyone who assumes that politeness means i will submit.

6/25/2007 2:16:31 AM
stop the insanity! why is it that simple courtesy is mistaken for an agreement to be owned? just because i say hello doesn't mean i am your property... bdsm is a gift of power between people that is to be treasured and it requires trust...

6/19/2007 4:23:18 PM
it has been a few weeks and i have been in a near constant state of desire as i am spending time here. i ache for the feel of restraints, the sting of the crop, the heat of control. it's in conflict with my need to get to know someone before i submit as i do not know how to hold back - i give completely.

6/5/2007 4:10:52 PM
this has been quite a few days - i want to thank everyone who has chosen to respond and i am a bit overwhelmed!

6/2/2007 8:29:04 AM
wow, i must say that i am suprised at how quickly i received messages since i just posted my profile last night. i hope this is the start of a grand new adventure!

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MmistressBeth
 
 Age: 47
 United Kingdom