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Hello All, I go by the name of Macey.  I am shy and quiet and tend to keep to myself. I
Macey1262
Female Submissive, 25,  Wyoming US

Link to this profile: https://www.collarspace.com/Macey1262

 

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 Macey1262

 Submissive Female

 Wyoming

 5' 5"

 165 lbs

 25

 Bisexual

 Caucasian

 01/14/13

 11/16/17

Actively Seeking:

Dominant Male

Friends Only

Hello All,


I go by the name of Macey.


 I am shy and quiet and tend to keep to myself. I hold my tongue and am very respectful. I am a submissive with slave tendencies. I always have been. Even as far back as I can remember as a child I loved to always buy things or makes things for other people. Surprise my parents by cleaning my room or the house to see a smile on their faces. I am new to the world of "kink" or "bdsm". Although I have always felt the need to live for another person. I have been in a relationship at all times with someone starting at the age of 14. While the Men in my life have come and gone, the need to be with someone and make him happy has never changed. I have always been what others want. So when you ask me my interests or the things I love or like to do, you will find them very limited. I choose to love and adore the things my Male does. I have a defiant streak in me. This is also something I have had all of my life and I am unsure if that can be changed or if it is something I must live with. I feel very alone in this world. Like there is no Man and or Women who understands what it is like to want to be commanded and abused but loved and owned. I am a masochist as well. Although I don't like seeing others hurt I myself believe I deserve it. I have to admit I am a bit lost in the world. As well as trying to find my place in this lifestyle or attempting to hide my true self and live in the vanilla world. Words of guidance and ideas are always more then welcome and greatly appreciated.


Forever submissive,


Macey Xo

Journal Entries:
11/12/2017 1:04:58 PM
I get into the car and shut the door. I turn over the key and can hear soft music playing in the back ground. I take my lighter out of my pocket flicking it open and shut. Staring at the flame and then as quickly as it lights it disappears. I take a deep breath in and then let it out. Some days are so overwhelming. Some days all I want is to feel alive when I feel so dead inside. I run my fingers softly through the flame. It burns but not to a point I can't stand it. I smile and close the lighter again. Pain... What an ugly yet beautiful word. Who knew it could be so amazing and wonderful yet so dark and overwhelming. Almost like once you get a taste for it it swallows your soul. Devouring who you are. Who knew something most are taught to be afraid of could become.. would become such an addiction for me. I crave it.. I think to myself. I crave it in every way I can find it. Because I'm not truly living if I can't feel pain.

11/9/2017 1:00:12 PM
I slam the door hard and lock it. Sliding to the floor with my back to the door. Trying to catch my breath and gather my thoughts. I can feel him banging his fists hard against the door on the other side. I wipe the tears from my face and inhale hard when I feel the lump starting to form. Please.. Please stop. I whisper to myself as I hear the pounding continue. So hard I fear the door may come down at any point. I slowly get up dazed and dizzy and walk over to the bath tub and crawl inside of it. Sitting with my knees pulled tight into my chest. I take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. It's all going to be ok. I continue to tell myself over and over again. The tears start to fall a lot more quickly as I realize how angry he is. His cold words and firm hands. I start to panic slightly as I hear the pounding stop. I continue to tell myself that has to be a good thing. Maybe he has calmed down some. Although I can't help the growing fear deep inside of my stomach. I always mess everything up. I think to myself. He is never happy. I can never do right. I can never make him happy. I start to feel sick to my stomach. I feel like such a failure. All I want is to not feel like such a failure.

11/2/2017 10:25:06 AM
I step outside into the snow. I take a deep breath in. The snow is coming down more and more. I pull my hoodie up over my head. I reach my hands out and watch the snow hit my palms and melt almost instantly. It's beautiful.. the snow.. and how intriguing it is. How something so beautiful and unique can be gone so quickly. I slowly start walking and touch the trees. I watch the snow fall off of the branches. Everything feels so.. different now. I smile softly as I sit down on the swingset. How calming and beautiful the world is. Even though nothing in my life makes sense anymore. At least the world is still the world. I close my eyes and let the snow flakes land softly on my face. I just want to feel alive. 

10/23/2017 5:12:58 AM
I close my eyes and reach for my cheek. He's angry and I can see it in his eyes. I lower my head to look towards the floor. I hear him sigh and take a step back. I immediately know what comes next. The name calling, the frustration, the anger but worst of all the disappointment. Why can't he see it? Why can't he understand and see how hard I am trying. I sit on the floor and continue to listen. Biting my lip so hard I can taste the blood. So many words and things swirl in my head. Right and wrong. Up and down. Good and bad. I finally hear him give up and walk out the door. I stand up slowly and take myself to the bathroom. I avoid eye contact with the mirror. Ashamed of what I am. So many people told me being this submissive is a blessing and a gift. I am starting to feel it is nothing more than a curse. A painful curse. I start the shower until it is freezing cold and then I step into it. Sitting on the floor of the shower I wrap my arms around my knees. And for the hundredth time I cry. But maybe just maybe this time it will lead to answers.

10/6/2017 12:15:11 PM
I feel sick.. I thought I knew what I wanted.. Who I am.. What I was looking for.. But.. I don't.. I don't know anything. I clinch my fists so tight that I can feel my nails dig into my palms as blood drips down. I don't think I can do any of this anymore.. I don't think I can handle any of this anymore. I am so tired. It's not just the simple tired either. It's so far inside of me. I think it's my soul that is tired. I slide down to sitting on the ground. I just want to make people happy. Why do I hurt so bad inside? I think I fell to deep and now I am lost, scared and confused. I just want to sleep.. I want to sleep all of this pain and confusion away. Just for one night.


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