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I spent most the weekend thinking about my mom. She died two years ago and this weekend was her birthday. She had me at 17 years old and divorced when I was 5. She left me when I was 7 and I lived with my dad. He was a good dad but an alcoholic and married a crazy lady. 20 years later i learned that mom left because of the crazy lady. Her biggest regret. From age 20 until she died, I had a wonderful relationship with my mom. We grew close, I forgave her and she played a significant role in my life and my kids. I am curious if not having a loving mom in my developmental years played in me being a slave. I crave to serve, obey, please and affirmation. I am a strong a alpha male, just like my dad but believe that women are the stronger sex. The purpose of this entry is to release my feelings but if you have comments or input that would be greatly appreciated. |
Shortly after my divorce, 12 years ago, I met this beautiful woman, of all places a bar. We dated for a month when she said “we need to talk.” I thought it was over. Instead she told me she was dominant and wanted me to submit to her. I had no idea, absolutely none about the lifestyle. I’d seen images of Dommes in black leather and whips, but that was it. I was head over heels for her so I agreed. The relationship was wonderful. She gently but not gently pushed me way out of my comfort zone every day. I can’t be more thankful for having my first experience as a submissive being so positive and lovely. We dated for three years and she moved to Pennsylvania for a job promotion. After she moved I had a hard time accepting that I was submissive and embarrassed with the things I did for her, so I tried being a Dom. I was good at it but it just left me empty. Since then I've realized and accepted that I am submissive, and quite proud of it. Empty without it.