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I miss my friend.....She brought out the best in me and introduced me to people whom I have since lost touch with. |
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It has been awhile since I have written here. As I have stated in the past I am a crossdresser. Lately I have been wanting to really work on that. I would like to find a woman or couple who want their own barbie to dress and put make up on. Someone who can help me look good instead of looking like a derranged circus clown. Makeup is not my strong suit. |
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- To paraphrase... Hence comes the winter of our discontent. And a spring of regret.
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When we close our minds, the possibilities are no longer endless. |
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Of all the tools a man can have, simple logic may be the most useful. |
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I have been told many times I would make a good Dom. I tried it. It just isn't me. I am submissive by nature. It is what makes me who I am. |
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The winds of change are upon me. |
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I am 44 years old. While I am not exactly a newbie at this lifestyle nor do I consider myself an expert.
That said, I find it almost laughable that there are so many 19 -- 24 year olds claiming to be experienced Doms, Dommes, Dominas, subs, slaves--etc.
There is more to this lifestyle then just giving /recieving an occasional spanking.
It took me a long time to learn that. And for the One who has taught me, I will always be grateful. Thank you Anne.
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I am really starting to dread Sundays. Nothing to do. And the weather just won't cooperate! |
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When we start second guessing ourselves--- we have already lost. |
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I am a sub. I made a big mistake tonight. The pain i feel now is greater then any She has inflicted (so far  ). To all subs out there -- Nair burns!!! |
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I love reading the profiles on here. It is getting easier and easier to distinguish the real from the fake. There are a few that totally intrigue me and I find myself reading them over and over again as I can tell they are serious about the lifestyle and all it has to offer. |
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Ok I admit it. I have been feeling sorry for myself. Enough of that nonsense. Someone very special to me told me that I have too much time on my hands and I think too much. She was right. I think I already knew that, but it just took hearing it from someone who knows me better then I know myself to accept it. Thank you Anne. |
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Life is what it is. Good days , bad days. It is how we deal with them that makes us who we are. Lately I have been confused upset and plain tired. I don't think the people I care about understand that, which is why I have just crawled into my hole and stayed there watching and hoping for change. |
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Okay --I admit it! I screw up! I am human! We do that. It doesn't matter what side of the lifestyle you choose -- you will make mistakes! It is how and what we learn from those mistakes that defines who we are.
I hurt someone that has been if nothing else--my best friend! I can't take it back, but I can say I am sorry.
No matter how old we are or how mature we claim to be we all can still grow up! |
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I took a blow to the head, a boot in the ass and a kick in the nuts. I woke up and knew it was going to be a good day! |
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Here lately it seems like a waste of time to try to plan anything which is frustrating to me. I don't blame anyone, it is just the way life goes sometimes. Sometimes things happen for a reason and sometimes they just happen for no reason at all. I blame global warming! |
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IT IS A NEW YEAR WITH NEW BEGININGS AND NEW POSSIBILITIES. I MADE A FEW RESOLUTIONS. DID YOU? |
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My Domme can read me like an open book. She sensed that there was something wrong but when asked, I told her I was fine. I wasn't trying to lie to her but I didn't want to burden her with my problems. She has enough to worry about without me whining about things that I can't change. Maybe I take this relationship a little too seriously. |
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A new day, another visit. Today was special as not only did she give me two beautiful gifts, (one of which I am wearing and the other will be put to use very soon on the second setting) but she let me be the little sissy slut that I want to be. I am so proud to be hers. I told her of a dream I had and I have a feeling that she will make that dream come true---whether I like it or not. |
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Well the seasons have changed and Thanksgiving will soon be upon us. What are we thankful for? I for one am thankful for Collarme and all the wonderful people I have met since joining.  |
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Another visit from my Domme has brought me great joy. Even after she had left I could still feel her presence. I have come to realize that I am truly blessed to have her in my life, even if I only see her once a month or less.
I do wish I could be hers 24/7, but she has made it clear that will never happen. I know she has been hurt in the past so I understand and respect her choices. But I still hope one day she may decide to take a chance. |
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I sit here day after day, waiting patiently for Her to return. Maybe I should move on. I don't want to hurt her, but yet I have needs as well. I will wait. |
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I was graced by by her presence Thursday. We touched upon something I have wanted for a very long time. She gave me a present and I felt so good wearing it in front of her.
She has taught me not to be ashamed of my desires but to embrace them. I am truly blessed to have met her. |
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Sometjimes we all need to step back and re-evaluate ourselves ,our needs and our desires. Lately I seem to do that alot. What once was perfectly clear now seems fuzzy and distorted. I find myself second guessing my decisions until I am so frustrated I could just scream.
Last Sunday brought another visit from my favorite Lady. It was good to see her as it helped clear my doubts if only for a short time. There are times when I wish she was with me 24/7 and as of late I find myself wanting that more and more even though I know it will never be.
Oh well. Such is life. |
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Just on a whim I posted a few new pics. |
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Most of us know what it is to be hurt and some of us know what it means to be the cause of that hurt. I have hurt people in the past. But when I ask my self why, I have no honest answer. Revenge, vindictivness, jealousy or just plain pettiness? None of these make it right. When I think of the hurt I have caused others I am ashamed.
But we can't live in the past. It serves no purpose. We can only learn from our mistakes and try to better ourselves.
My Domme has brought great joy into my life as well as a new sense of being. I am proud to be hers as she is not just my Domme but my teacher and my friend. |
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It has been almost a month since I posted on here. Some things change, some stay the same. The more I feel the sting, the more I want. Yet I feel like My Domme has just scratched the surface. It isn't just the pain aspect that I need, It is to give myself fully to her and let her make the choices. |
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Have been dealing with several issues but luckily I have a very understanding and very wise Domme to help me and guide me. Until today she had been gentle with me. But now I have seen her more powerful side. The sting of her flogger as it struck my bare skin gave me a a feeling of ecstacy I never knew existed. To be at her mercy was heavenly. To truly be hers is both a honor and a privilege.
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Sometimes we whether dominant or submissive make mistakes or just plain bad judgement. They say to err is human. Here lately it seems like I have made that a personal challenge. I seem to keep hurting those I most care about but some of the time it was because I felt like they were trying to hurt me. Who ever said "two wrongs don't make a right" was a true genius. |
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