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I am owned, and I am proud to be His slave and property. Please don’t bother messaging me i
encrimsonedangel
Female Slave, 35,  Layton, Utah US

Link to this profile: https://www.collarspace.com/encrimsonedangel

 

Friends:
Condor - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 58, Height: 5ft 7in (170 cm), Weight: 180 lbs.
Location: Kingsport, Tennessee
Last on 6/6/12 at 6:38 PM
Garou - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 36, Height: 6ft 1in (185 cm), Weight: 305 lbs.
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Last on 9/21/11 at 5:06 AM
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StraightMale Dominant
Age: 31, Height: 6ft 0in (183 cm), Weight: 255 lbs.
Location: Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Last on 6/2/11 at 4:37 PM
shybutspunky1 - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightFemale Submissive
Age: 33, Height: 5ft 5in (165 cm)
Location: wp, Colorado
Last on 7/28/15 at 1:34 PM
MRG - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 41, Height: 5ft 9in (175 cm)
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Last on 9/13/17 at 11:07 AM
lilwolfcub - View Full Profile   View All Photos

Bisexual Male Slave
Age: 51, Height: 6ft 0in (183 cm), Weight: 240 lbs.
Location: Pueblo,Co., Colorado
Last on 1/16/12 at 5:06 AM
MasterJay51 - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 63, Height: 5ft 7in (170 cm), Weight: 180 lbs.
Location: Onalaska, Texas
Last on 9/15/17 at 8:12 AM
Uyraell - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 49, Height: 5ft 11in (180 cm), Weight: 145 lbs.
Location: Wellington, New Zealand
Last on 9/17/13 at 3:59 PM
Stuzy - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Switch
Age: 36, Height: 5ft 7in (170 cm), Weight: 180 lbs.
Location: Glasgow, UK
Last on 6/9/09 at 5:14 AM
ravenmind1 - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 55, Height: 6ft 4in (193 cm), Weight: 170 lbs.
Location: Bangor, Maine
Last on 3/7/14 at 6:03 PM
MysticBloodBond - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 24, Height: 5ft 1in (155 cm), Weight: 175 lbs.
Location: Toledo, Ohio
Last on 4/16/12 at 1:27 PM
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StraightMale Dominant
Age: 30, Height: 5ft 8in (173 cm), Weight: 152 lbs.
Location: haifa, Israel
Last on 9/14/17 at 10:40 AM
hippieg20 - View Full Profile   View All Photos

Bisexual Female Submissive
Age: 29, Height: 5ft 7in (170 cm)
Location: Preston, UK
Last on 7/8/13 at 3:30 PM
SteelPantherD - View Full Profile   View All Photos

Straight Dominant Couple
Age: 37, Height: 6ft 3in (191 cm), Weight: 250 lbs.
Location: Logan, Utah
Last on 9/15/17 at 9:15 AM
VampireCowboy - View Full Profile   View All Photos

Bisexual Male Switch
Age: 28, Height: 5ft 5in (165 cm), Weight: 125 lbs.
Location: Elko, Nevada
Last on 4/19/13 at 5:04 PM
DragonPriest - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 39, Height: 5ft 4in (163 cm), Weight: 153 lbs.
Location: brockport, New York
Last on 3/8/09 at 4:56 PM
keairaWolfs - View Full Profile   View All Photos

Bisexual Female Switch
Age: 43, Height: 5ft 0in (152 cm), Weight: 295 lbs.
Location: South Shore, Massachusetts
Last on 7/7/13 at 10:40 AM
clavin - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Switch
Age: 40, Height: 5ft 8in (173 cm), Weight: 190 lbs.
Location: Calgary, Canada
Last on 9/5/12 at 2:47 PM
wallbanger - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightFemale Submissive
Age: 51, Height: 5ft 6in (168 cm), Weight: 280 lbs.
Location: Boise, Idaho
Last on 1/20/12 at 8:31 AM
Cillchaoi - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 46, Height: 5ft 7in (170 cm)
Location: Kansas
Last on 8/27/17 at 8:17 PM
Tuco - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 54, Height: 6ft 4in (193 cm), Weight: 325 lbs.
Location: 76360, Texas
Last on 3/7/14 at 8:42 PM
MrReach - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 41, Height: 5ft 10in (178 cm), Weight: 160 lbs.
Location: Spokane, Washington
Last on 11/22/10 at 12:53 PM
maturepa1 - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 47, Height: 6ft 0in (183 cm), Weight: 305 lbs.
Location: new port richey, Florida
Last on 11/30/11 at 5:04 AM
FoundDragon - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 27, Height: 6ft 5in (196 cm), Weight: 400 lbs.
Location: East Tennessee, Tennessee
Last on 9/17/11 at 1:52 PM
darknessprince - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 26, Height: 5ft 10in (178 cm), Weight: 172 lbs.
Location: Kos Island/Beirut, Greece
Last on 8/6/09 at 3:32 PM
ColtonDrac - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Switch
Age: 33, Height: 6ft 4in (193 cm), Weight: 275 lbs.
Location: mondovi, Wisconsin
Last on 11/11/09 at 11:26 AM
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Straight Dominant Couple
Age: 33, Height: 6ft 0in (183 cm), Weight: 180 lbs.
Location: SW Missouri, Missouri
Last on 3/25/14 at 12:20 PM
HellzLilAngel - View Full Profile   View All Photos

Bisexual Female Submissive
Age: 20, Height: 5ft 11in (180 cm), Weight: 180 lbs.
Location: Idaho
Last on 2/6/10 at 11:57 AM
SecuLucar - View Full Profile   View All Photos

Bisexual Male Dominant
Age: 26, Height: 5ft 7in (170 cm), Weight: 210 lbs.
Location: Tennessee
Last on 9/15/17 at 5:39 AM
Hawaiianborn - View Full Profile   View All Photos

StraightMale Dominant
Age: 30
Location: Washington
Last on 9/14/17 at 6:24 AM
cherry2 - View Full Profile   View All Photos

Bisexual Female Submissive
Age: 47, Height: 5ft 6in (168 cm), Weight: 155 lbs.
Location: St Cloud, Minnesota
Last on 12/24/16 at 10:33 AM

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 encrimsonedangel

 Female Slave

 Layton 

 Utah

 5' 2"

 195 lbs

 35

 Caucasian

 04/21/08

 09/18/17

Actively Seeking:

Submissive Female

Friends Only

I am owned, and I am proud to be His slave and property.

Please don’t bother messaging me if you are going to throw in the words cunt, bitch, whore, slut and expect complete obedience. or to “fuck you”  in the very first message you write me. I may be slave but I am human and if I don’t know you… that sort of thing doesn’t impress me and you will be mocked and trolled thereafter.

Currently I am looking for another female submissive or slave to mentor and train. I am not looking for my Master, I am looking for myself as I very much miss working with a sister slave and seeing her learn and grow in gaining new experiences as I have. Hypnosis will be an aspect in the training as it is an important part of my life.  My Master will be aware of the trainings and sessions and will follow up with me on them.  I am not looking to be a Domme or owner, just a trainer/mentor.

 I am also looking to Expand my knowledge in the lifestyle and share the experiences I have had as well as gain new ones. I keep my close friendships with those I have known in the lifestyle over the years I have been a part of it, and hope to hold many new friendships to cherish.

I feel the lifestyle is one of self discovery through love, trust, and obedience.  There is much more than kink.  Much more than bondage, floggers, blindfolds, ect.  Each of these tools have a part within the lifestyle.  Have a part within the relationship but they are not what the relationship is about.  To me.. it is about control.  Not just in the bedroom.  Not just in the home.. but control at all times.  I thrive on this control and growing from it. I don't want to deal with players, and I don't want to deal with Desperate beggars... if you’re one or the other please don't bother.  insecurity and drama have no place with me.

In the 13 years since I’ve stumbled into the lifestyle I have followed many paths. I have been little girl/baby girl, pet (specifically kitty) I have been submissive, I have been slave, and I have also followed the Gorean Path  If you want to know more about me just ask. I'm not afraid to answer.  Every slave like every Master is different.  The paths I have followed have shaped me, they do not define me.  I am me.  I will not lose who I am in being slave.   I am a very feisty and outspoken girl. I have a very mischievous side and like to be a brat at times, though that is not to say that I don't back down when I should.  I expect if I am putting effort into a relationship that effort is reciprocated into it as well.

And Last but not least Hypnosis is a big part of my life.  It is my love and my passion.  I have seen it used in the lifestyle and have experienced it for good and for bad.  The good far outweighs the bad.  If you have any questions or want to discuss hypnosis at any length feel free to message me., however my Master is thei

Journal Entries:
12/9/2015 12:00:25 PM
My BDSM Checklist.. updated.  Anything mentioning sex is mostly meant for women as that is the agreement with my husband.

BDSM CHECKLIST/INVENTORY

 

When beginning any kind of new relationship where BDSM is involved, ie TPE D/s M/s or play partners, it can be helpful to know what interests you share with the person you are embarking on any journey with.   ALSO – it is important to know potential medical concerns. Communication on preferences, limits and history is paramount.   This checklist/inventory has been adapted from MANY I have read over the years to help with this.

So please fill this out as honestly as you can.

 

Part I: Medical and Physiological Concerns/ Restrictions

What, if any, medications are you presently taking?(please include non preion meds as well as some of these can commonly thin the blood or raise blood pressure both of which may have adverse affects):

 

Novolog insulin, Labetalol, levothroxin, hydroclorathiozide.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Condition

Yes / No

Notes

Do you wear contact lenses

yes

sometimes

Do you wear dentures or other dental appliance

no

 

Do you have any metal implants

no

 

Do you have an implanted drug metering pump

yes

 insulin pump

Do you have any artificial limbs or body parts

no

 

 

 

 

Do you have problems with

Yes / No

Last Symptom

Circulation

yes

sometimes

Eyesight

no

 

Extremities (feet and hands)

no

 

Hearing

no

 

Heart

no

 

Joints/Bones

no

 

Kidneys

no

 

Liver

no

 

Lounges

 no

 

Neck/Back/Shoulders

Yes

left shoulder, frozen shoulder

Nervous System

no

 

Sinuses

no

 

Throat / Airway

no

 

 

 

 

Do you have – or have you been diagnosed with :

Yes No

Details

Arthritis

no

 

Asthma

no

 

Brain wave abnormalities

no

 

Diabetes

yes

type 1 diabetic

Epilepsy / Seizure

no

 

Heart Disease

no

 

Heart murmer / heart rate fluctuations

no

 

Hepatitis

no

 

Herpes

no

 

High Blood Pressure

yes

 

Hyperventilation / Panic Attacks

yes

panic attacks

Hypoglycemia

no

 

Narcolepsy

no

 

Pre-Diabetes

no

 

Sleep disorders

no

 

Thyroid / Metabolic Disorders

no

 

Tuberculosis

no

 

Aids

no

 

Lukemia

no

 

Hemophilia

no

 

 

 

 

Do you have allergies to:

Yes/No

Notes

Animals Pets

no

 

Bondage Tape

no

 

Drugs – over the counter

no

 

Drugs – preion

no

 

Drugs – recretational

no

 

Alcohol – (Drinking)

no

 

Foods

no

 

Perfumes

no

 

Latex

no

 

Lubricants

no

 

Lotions

no

 

Creams

no

 

Metals

no

 

Rubbing Alcohol

no

 

Semen

no

 

Anything Else

yes

Medical tape

 

 

 

Other information

Yes / No

Notes

Do you have any old injuries that cause you pain / discomfort

yes

frozen shoulder

Do you suffer from dizzy / fainting spells

no

 

Do you get frequent cramps or loss of sensation in any body part

Yes

feet

Have you had any medically necessary surgeries

yes

tonsels, various feet

Do oyu have any cosmetic implants, or have you had any other cosmetic / elective surgery

no

 

Do you have any phobias I should know about

Yes

feet being hit, some types of breath play, spiders and bugs, being shoved in a duffle bag.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part II : General Questions and Information

What is your level of experience? (please highlight your answer)

1. Very experienced.

2. Experienced.

3. Limited experience.

4. Beginner.

How long have you known of your interests? (please highlight your answer)

1.As long as I can remember.

2. 5 years or more.

3. 1 to 4 years.

4. Less then one year.

What is your sexual orientation? (please highlight your answer)

1. Hetrosexual exclusively.

2. Bisexual. (light experience)

3. Bisexual with no experience.

4. Homosexual.

Which type of relationship do you prefer? (please highlight your answer)

1. Long term, live in.

2. Long term, meeting often.

3. On-line meeting often.

4. On-line only.

5. Not sure yet.

 

What are your main D/s interests? (please highlight your answer)

1. Physical and sensual.

2. Mental and psycosexual.

3. Physical more then mental.

4. Mental more then physical.

5. Or both equally.

 

 

Distribute 10 points between all of the following according to how you "typically" view your D/s tendencies or feelings (no zeros please)

Sadistic  1

Masochistic   4

Dominant  1

Submissive  4

 

What is your interest level in bondage:  (please highlight your answer)

1. Total helplessness.

2. Light bondage.

3. Not my favorite thing.

4. Never tried but interested.

5. Outside my limits.

 

What level of pain are you interested in?  (please highlight your answer)

1. Pain slut/Master.

2. Whipping, caning, paddling.

3. Light paddling, sensual whipping.

4.  Punishment only when necessary.

5. Interested, but never tried it.

6. Way beyond my limits.

 

What do you believe the purpose of pain in a D/s relationship or scene is? (please highlight your answer)

1. For sensual stimulation.

2. A reward.

3. A punishment.

4. For training or correction only.

5. Whatever pleases my partner.

6. Not sure.

 

Who can know of your activities?

1. No one.

2. A very few trusted friends/family members.

3. Other scene people.

4. Doesn't matter who knows.

 

Are marks acceptable to you? If so to what level?

1. No marks.

2. Yes, but marks must be easily covered or concealed.

3. Yes, doesn't matter who sees them.

 

Sex in a scene for you is an:

1. An absolute must.

2. Expected but not required.

3. Am enhancement.

4. Not necessary or expected.

5. Out of the question.

 

Which settings are you comfortable playing in? (mark all that apply)

1. Public play.

2. Scene parties.

3. Intimate groups of 1 to 3 other couples.

4. Three way play.

5. One on one.

 

 

 

Part III: The Activities List

This part of the checklist should be filled out in full, it is a good base to help find limits, preferences and what you would like to do.  I recommend that you fill this out for each play partner you have, you can really get a good handle on your preferences as a “couple”

in the willing to do sections, 0 should be used for a hard limit, 5 for something you really enjoy.

The notes section can be used to clarify anything

 

 

Notes

If you dont understand an item just put ?

If something is not applicable to you – due to gender or another example just answer n/a

If you are a submissive/bottom just fill out n/a in the giving section

If you are a Dominant/Top just fill out n/a in the receiving section

If you are a switch feel free to fill out one, the other, or both

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Activity

Experience Level

(0-5)

Willing to do  (receiving)

(0-5)

Willing

to do

(giving)

(0-5)

Comments

Pain/impact

 

 

 

 

Abrasions

3

4

2

 

Belt

5

2

1

 

Biting

5

5

5

 

breast torture

5

4

2

 

breast whipping

5

4

2

 

Cattle Prod

0

2

0

 

Clothespins

5

5

0

 

Clamps

3

4

2

 

Crotch Torture

3

4

0

 

CBT (Cock and Ball Torture)

n/a

n/a

0

 

Genital Whipping

5

3

0

 

Flogger

5

5

0

 

needle play (play piercing)

5

5

0

 

Paddle

5

3

0

 

pinching

5

5

0

 

punching

5

5

0

 

Spanking (hand)

5

3

0

 

Spanking (Hairbrush)

5

3

0

 

Spanking (over the knee)

5

4

0

 

Slapping (face)

5

5

0

 

Slapping (Body)

5

4

0

 

Watenburn Wheel

0

5

3

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sexual Play

 

 

 

 

Toys

5

5

4

 

Anal plug (Small)

3

4

0

 

Anal Plug (Large)

3

4

0

 

Anal Plug (in public under clothes)

3

5

0

 

Anal training

2

3

0

 

Cock Ring

n/a

n/a

3

 

Dildo

5

5

5

 

Vibrator

5

5

5

 

Anal

2

3

0

 

Oral

5

5

5

 

Triple Penetration

0

4

0

 

Double Penetration

0

4

0

 

Orgasm Control (Denial)

5

5

3

 

Orgasm Control (Forced)

5

5

5

 

urethrual sounds

0

3

0

 

Hand Stimulation

5

5

5

 

Insertion

1

3

0

 

Fisting (vaginal)

0

0

0

 

Fisting (anal)

0

0

0

 

Fantasy Rape play

2

5

0

 

Being forced (sexually)

3

5

0

 

outdoor sex

0

3

3

 

phone sex

4

3

3

 

Exhibitionism (friends)

5

5

5

 

Exhibitionism (strangers)

5

4

4

 

Voyarism

5

5

5

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bondage

 

 

 

 

light

5

5

3

 

medium

5

5

3

 

heavy

5

5

3

 

multi-day

2

5

2

 

hidden (public under clothes)

5

5

5

 

Gags (cloth)

5

5

2

 

Gags (phallic)

5

5

2

 

Gags (rubber)

5

5

2

 

Gas masks

0

2

0

 

mouth bits

1

3

0

 

Rope

5

5

3

 

tape

3

5

3

 

saran wrap

0

4

3

 

Harnessing (rope)

5

5

5

 

Harnessing (leather)

2

5

2

 

cuffs (metal/velcro)

5

5

3

 

Cuffs (leather)

3

5

2

 

Spreader bars

0

5

0

 

Stocks

1

5

0

 

Straight Jacket

3

5

0

Could cause flashbacks

thumb cuffs

3

5

0

 

manicals/irons

1

5

0

 

chain

2

5

0

 

mummification

0

5

0

 

Intricate robe bondage (shibari)

2

5

0

 

leather restraints

3

5

0

 

suspension

0

5

0

 

hoods (full head)

5

5

0

 

cages

0

5

0

 

cells/closets (locked inside)

3

5

0

 

chastity belt (short term)

0

5

0

 

Chastity belt (long term)

0

2

0

 

Blindfolds

5

5

0

 

Arm and leg sleeves

0

5

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

D/S

 

 

 

 

Wearing symbolic Jewelry

5

5

0

 

Collars (in private)

5

5

0

 

Collars (in public

5

5

0

 

serving (general)

5

5

0

 

serving as art

2

5

0

 

serving as waitress/waiter

5

5

0

 

corner time

3

5

0

 

restrictive rules on behaviour

5

5

0

 

lecture for misbehaviour

5

4

0

 

having food chosen for you

5

5

0

 

having clothing chosen for you

5

5

0

 

forced voyerism

5

5

0

 

eye contact restriction

5

5

0

 

chores (domestic service)

5

3

0

 

branding

2

3

0

 

boot worship

4

4

0

 

enforced chastity (no belt)

3

5

0

 

protocal

5

5

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

Clothing

 

 

 

 

Corsets (wearing Casaully)

2

5

0

 

Corsets (waist training)

0

3

0

 

lingerie

5

5

0

 

leather

0

5

0

 

Latex/rubber

0

5

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

Medical play

 

 

 

 

Speculums (vaginal)

0

4

0

 

Speculums (anal)

0

2

0

 

enema

3

4

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

Electro-play

 

 

 

 

Violet wands

1

3

0

 

Tens Unit

0

3

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other

 

 

 

 

Water Torture

2

5

0

 

Waxing (Hair removal)

3

3

0

 

Modaling for photos

4

5

0

 

Tickling

5

1

0

Hard limit..ish...

Shaving (Whole body)

0

2

0

 

Shaving (head)

0

2

0

 

Shaving (genitals)

5

5

0

 

Verbal Humiliation

5

5

0

 

Humiliation (public)

3

5

0

 

Humiliation (Private)

5

5

0

 

Video (watching others)

3

3

3

 

Video (recording of you)

1

5

5

 

Hair pulling

5

3

0

 

choking

5

5

0

 

breath play

5

3

0

Caution with flashbacks

sensory deprivation

5

5

3

 

knife play

5

5

0

 

interogation play

2

5

0

 

licking (non-sexual)

1

2

0

 

Massage

5

5

5

 

Wax Play

1

3

0

Cautious about it.

Hot oils (on genitals)

0

2

0

 

Food play

1

3

0

 

Fire play

1

3

0

cautious/flashbacks

Ice Cubes

2

5

0

 

Hypnosis

5

5

5

Hypnotist/subject

Erotic Dancing

3

2

3

 

Age play

5

3

0

 

Animal roles

5

5

5

Kitty cat

Cupping

0

5

0

 

Cutting

2

2

0

 

Auction for charity (serving)

0

3

0

s

 

 


2/5/2015 7:07:48 PM
A Lesson in pain.  Just a short story I wrote.

Lightly touching the dark mahogany door her hazelblue eyes gazed almost as if they could see right through it. She let a deep yet soft breath escape her angelic pink lips before knocking on the door.
In a clarity she heard his deep powerful voice with a silken undertone.
"Enter.."
Slowly she opened the door and stepped through, she felt his gaze on her. After pausing only a moment she made her way to the center of the room and sunk to yielding knees. Her fiery red hair cascaded down over her shoulders as she held her firm supple back straight. Petite hands rested lightly on her thighs. She left her gaze forward as her head was held high.
The room was dark with a hint of red light glowing. In front of her was an antique four poster bed. The rest of the room was elegantly yet simply decorated with an antique dresser and an armorer placed perfectly around the room. A few oriental posters and ornaments adorned the walls.
"You've returned to me..." the statement was made rather knowingly from behind her.
"Yes Sir." she let her voice come out in little more than a whisper.
"Disrobe, kneel again, then place your hands on your head." she could hear his footsteps as he moved closer.
"Sir?" her body tensed as she knew she had told him on the last occasion they met she would do nothing sexual.
His voice stayed calm still with the silken undertone. "Disrobe yourself."
She started turning her head to look at him. "But I..."
Again he spoke firmly yet with a gentle tone. "Head forward... disrobe yourself..."
She closed her eyes and moved her head back into place. Drawing in a breath, she released it slowly her lower lip trembling, as she stood and removed her clothes. The cool air kissing her milky white skin. Folding them neatly she caught sight of his strong hands in front of her patiently waiting. She handed the clothes to him and kneeled again just before carefully placing her hands on the back of her head. She felt the warmth of his body move behind her as his hand ran smoothly down her arm then up her neck and rest on her cheek.
"Your scared... I feel you trembling inside."
She swallowed lightly before speaking again. "Yes Sir."
"Why do you fear?" he asked grabbing one of her wrists.
"I don't know..." she responded as she felt the cold of steel wrap around her wrist a contrast to his warm hand.
"hmm..." again she felt him grab her other wrist with a bit more firmness than the other. "You do know... why do you fear?" again the cold steel replaced his warm hand as her arms now stretched above her head in the air.
"I..." she turned her head again to look at him and he cleared his throat, quickly she moved it forward again. He waited in silence for her answer.
"I don't know..." she repeated.
"You do.. answer me."
She swallowed lightly again. "I..just am..." she simply stated.
"You feel vulnerable... powerless, don't you?"
"Yes Sir."
"That is why you fear."
"Yes Sir."
He stayed behind her as he spoke to her. "You knew the answer... why did you not speak it?"
She bowed her head slightly and stayed silent.
"Answer me." The two simple words sent chills down her spine.
"I didn't want to."
"When I ask a question I expect an answer.."
"Yes Sir."
He moved in front of her and her hazelblue eyes settled on his chest that the silky black button up shirt showed off. Again she felt his gaze intently on her.
"Tell me about pain." his arms folded gracefully.
"Sir?" her eyebrows furrowed in question.
"Pain.. You do know what pain is?"
"Yes Sir."
"well?" he moved one of his hands up to his chin to play with the goate that covered it.
"I don't understand Sir.."
"Life is full of sensations, feelings dear one... pain.. is one of many."
"Yes Sir..."
"What do you know about pain?" he spoke as he moved beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder.
"I don't know Sir."
He sighed and moved away from her, out of her sight. She could hear him rummaging for something and silence ensued as he found what he was looking for.
"Surely you have felt pain in your life.."
"Yes Sir." he moved towards her and stopped just behind her.
"Tell me about pain."
she closed her eyes and let out a huff of a sigh "It hurts.." the words escaped her mouth entwined with sarcasm.
"Amusing....Tell me.. how well do you handle pain?" he asked
She gained a slight smirk to her lips for a moment... "Well enough, I think Sir.."
"Shall we test that?" he asked as his hand passed before her eyes holding a long needle. She turned to look at him, and as her gaze met his of gold eyes for a moment he kept an eyebrow raised as he stared back intently. Silently he pointed forward again, and she moved her head back into place.
"I asked a question." his silken voice held a firm tone as he twirled the needle between his fingers in front of her. A quiver ran down her spine and she swallowed.
"Answer me." his voice again cut the silence. She drew in a small sharp breath
"I.. why?" she shifted her arms a bit the chains holding her clinking from above.
"Yes.. or.. no.." he responded
"I... don't know." her body started to tremble with the thoughts rushing through her mind.
"what are you feeling... right now?"
"I.." she licked her lips as she felt a soft material placed around her eyes as her sight was plunged to darkness.
"You still hesitate in answering me..."
"I'm scared.." her voice barely got out.
"Tell me why.." he voice now came from in front of her instead of behind.
She swallowed lightly and lifted her head a bit. As she was about to answer she felt one of the needles peirce into her left nipple. She took in a breath and winced as she tried to free her hands from above herself. The chains held firm. Her body trembed from the shock of pain.
"I ask again.. Why?" his voice held an intense power over her.
"Because I am powerless."
"Understood.. but untrue.." she felt another sting of pain and gasped again with a small whimper.
"How is that untrue Sir.." she tried to keep her voice calm.
"You have power... but no control." she bit her lower lip as she listened to his words.
"Would you consider that statement to be true?"
"I don't know.." she shifted on her knees a bit. Again she felt another needle peirce into her nipple and her body shuddered from the pain.
"Does that not hurt?" he asked her so simply.
"Yes.." she licked her lips again nervously.
"Why do you not cry out in pain?"
"Why should I?" there was a slight chill in her voice.
She felt a sharp pain this time in her right nipple. slowly and more drawn out.. She whimpered and her lower lip trembled as her voice softly escaped her lips. "Please Sir.. why are you doing this?"
"You'll understand why with time.." was his short reply as another needle pierced her nipple. She was now heaving heavy breaths from the pain.
"Please.. I... can't... take anymore..." She felt a warm hand to her cheek and she calmed a bit just before she felt another sharp pain. She whimpered this time and almost let out a small scream.
"You want to cry out in pain.." he spoke. She kept silent and bowed her head.
Hearing his footsteps as he moved away from her she finally spoke. "Why should I give you the satisfaction of hearing the pain you inflict."
"Is that what you think this is about?" he asked a bit of amusement in his voice just before she heard a loud crack and felt a stinging on her back. For the first time in the night she cried out in pain. Her body trembled as she heard another crack in the air and then felt the stinging. She tried to free her hands futilly.
"Please Sir..." she squeeked "Stop!" she begged. another shock of stinging pain fell to her back after she heard the crack again.
"please..." she whispered hanging her head her tears now staining the soft blindfold. There was a silence and all she could hear was her own breathing. "Sir..." she turned her head listening a moment before she felt a warm hand touch her back. She jumped taking in a deep sharp breath.
"dear one.. tell me about pain..." his voice whispered into her ear as the stinging in her back dissipated.
"Pain is scary.." her lower lip trembled as she spoke. She felt him moving in front of her.
"Why?" he asked as he started removing the needles from her breasts.
She fell silent leaving him again with no answer.
"Why does pain scare you?"
"I don't know.." she swallowed lightly and heard him sigh.
"You do know dear one.." he spoke with a sad gentleness as she pondered another moment.
"I'm tired of getting hurt.." she whispered.. "I just want to be happy.. Safe..."
"What is safe to you?"
she shook her head "I don't know." As she felt her hands being released from the chains she let them fall to her lap.
"Stand up."
She did as he commanded and he grabbed her hand and guided her over to the bed her hands moved over the smooth silky comforter and she licked her lips. He moved behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She could feel the warmth of his body as he whispered into her ear. "What are you thinking about?"
She felt fingers through her hair and a shock of tingling moved through her body. "That I just want to dissapear." she turned her head a bit as she felt his hand run smoothly over her arm.
"Why?" he turned her around.
"Because I'm not sure I want to be here anymore." he pushed her back on the bed gently so she was sitting on it.
"You are trembling again.."
"Yes Sir."
"Why?" She jumped as she felt him grab her leg and start massaging her foot gently.
"I've told you my limits.." he moved his hand up as he gradually started massaging her leg.
"Relaxe dear one.." she reached down towards her knee to stop his hands, though he only grabbed her and held it as he continued. "relax.." he said softly. She did as he started massaging her other leg. She felt his hands leave her body and sensed his standing in front of her.
"dear one.. listen carefully..."
"yes Sir?"
"I want you to stay completely silent until I say."
"Sir?"
If you attempt to speak at all... I will gag you myself." The manner in which he spoke reflected a firmness to his words, but not harsh. "Am I understood?"
She swallowed lighty and spoke quietly. "Yes Sir.."
"Good."
She felt a cold sticky substance being applied to her breast and she jerked back from him a bit.
"Stop..." he grabbed onto her shoulder and with a tensed body she stopped. He continued then touched her cheek lightly as he finished. "relax." he spoke gently. She felt him slip onto the bed beside her and move behind her. His hands rested gently on her shoulders a moment before he started kneeding at the muscles. She started to relax as he moved his hands over her shoulders and neck. She felt his head next to hers as his lips whispered into her ear.
"Your pain influences your trust..." he kept one hand on her shoulder as she felt the other lightly dance down her back over the places the whip fell. "Because of it you keep yourself closed off to everyone.. almost even to yourself."
She gasped as he moved his hand acrossed her side and let it tickle her stomach a moment before resting against it firmly.
The hand on her shoulder moved acrossed her chest as he wrapped her firmly in a hug from behind. He continued to speak into her ear. "You said you know what pain is, you could not explain it.. yet it eminates from you.. Pain.. Fear... Anger... why do you hide behind them?" He kissed her neck lightly then her shoulder as he held her. She tensed again and tried to move from him.
"No..." he simply said as he held onto her tightly. She let out a sigh and submitted to his will as she relaxed against him again.
"Good girl." he ran his fingers through her hair.
'why is he doing this?' she asked herself in her thoughts as they passed through her mind. She opened her mouth to speak though just drew in a breath and closed it again. He still held onto her as he lightly rubbed her back a moment or two.
"Now see dear one.. is this really so bad?" he moved her hair behind her shoulders and she shook her head. Moving to the side of her he gently pushed her back to lay down. He moved her up on the bed and tied her wrists together with what felt like a soft rope and pulled them above her head which now rested on a soft pillow. He then moved down and tied her ankles together. Her body seemed to form into the soft bed as she could only hear her own breathing.
"Dear one.. don't move and still don't speak.. I will return." she heard him walk acrossed the room, then the door opening and closing. She was left to nothing but her own thoughts for what seemed several minutes. His words echoed in her mind clearly. 'You have the power just no control...' she bit her lower lip. 'Your pain influences your trust...' she stayed perfectly still and drew in a breath 'You keep yourself closed off to everyone, almost to yourself as well.' she let out a shaky breath. 'You know what pain is... could not explain it, yet it eminates from you.' Her body started to tremble again as she tried to understand why she found him so fascinating, so captivating. 'Am I so sick and twisted? What am I gaining by being here?... I deserve worse than...' The door interrupted her thoughts as she heard it open and close yet again.
She jumped as she felt something hot dripped onto her right wrist then harden. Her body tensed as it moved down her arm and the right side of her body.
"Sir.." she finally spoke though told not to.
"Shhhhh..." was all she heard as she felt the hot drippings starting on her left foot and moving up her her left side to her wrist. She felt a breath on her ear then heard whispering. "You were told not to speak, do you want to be gagged?" she gave no answer, not daring to even move. Again a whisper fell to her ear. "Answer with a nod or shake of the head." She shook her head.
"Then I would suggest you not utter another word, this is your only warning.." The drippings continued over her chest and between her breasts down and what seemed circling her belly button then back uo. She felt his breath and jumped a bit as he blew softly on her stomach then along her entire body. The points of the drippings each heating a moment again as his breath ran over them. Her body shivered and she swallowed lightly taking in the sensations. She then felt cold Steel move acrossed her body gently removing the waxy drippings. She gasped as she felt a metal tip being lightly ran over her body and stopping at her neck, lightly pressed to it. She whimpered a bit
"You may break your silence." he used his other hand to lightly carress her cheek. "However.. You may only speak when spoken to.. is this understood?"
"Yes.." she spoke quietly.
"Yes what?" he gave a gentle reminder.
"Yes Sir.."
"Better."
The metal tip left her neck and she felt her head being lifted as the blindfold was removed. She chewed on her lip as her eyes adjusted and she looked over at Him. He was sitting beside her resting back against the headboard, one leg up with his arm resting on his knee. Topping his index finger was a black metal talon. 'So that is what I felt.' she thought. His eyes grazed over her form slowly.. looking her up and down with a small smirk before gazing into her eyes.
"Was that so bad?" he asked. She shook her head silently.
"No.." she spoke gently quiet.
"Can you relax now?" she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath as she thought moment.
"yes Sir.." she spoke timidly as she opened her eyes.
he untied her hands from the bed, though left them tied together. He moved closer and kissed her forhead softly. "Your a good girl." he said as he untied her ankles, though still kept her wrists bound.
"kneel..." he simpley said "On the middle of the bed. She did and he stayed behind her. He trailed the talon over her back missing the places the whip fell for a moment then started massaging her neck, shoulders, and back again. "dear one.. think of the things from this experience after you leave."
"Yes Sir." He moved from behind her and untied her hands before slipping off the bed. She watched as he grabbed her clothes and set them in front of her.
"You may dress now.." he looked at her.
"Thank you Sir." she grabbed her clothes and held onto them for a moment before dressing. She stayed on the bed still not having permission to leave it.
"You may move freely..." his eyes stayed on her. He sat in his chair that he was in when she entered. She moved over to the door as he continued to watch her silently.
"dear one... remember what you have learned..." he spoke as she reached for the handle.
"Yes Sir..." she looked back at him, he nodded
"You may go.." He released her from his presence.
She closed the door softly behind herself after exiting through it and touched the smooth wood lightly as she stared at it pondering. Keeping her hand on the door she leaned her head back and sighed with closed eyes before lightly resting it against the door. Slowly her other hand ran over her body, over her breasts and she swallowed lightly before licking her lips. curling petite fingers she almost knocked on the door again, not really wanting to leave him... leave his control over her though hesitantly let her hand fall to her side as she lifted her head from the door again. Her soft hazelblue eyes again gazing a moment as if she could see through it. A small smile curved to her angelic pink lips as she felt a live again.. she felt.. something other than the udder darkness and numb of her life. She turned and left on her way... a new lesson in pain learned...

 

1/27/2015 8:13:12 PM

I am broken. I know, Don't lie to me and tell me I'm not. I've been through many things that brought me to this point of being broken. I have been manipulated. I have been lied to. I have been neglected. I have been harmed and abused. I’ve almost been killed. I do not trust easily. I question everything. I am strong willed. I am skeptical and weary.

I have had Masters give up on me. I have been kenneled with the door wide open.. None holding my lead, leaving me to feel unwanted, undesired as a slave, and alone... And yet.. I stayed there even still.. Hopeful. Too stubborn to give up....Sitting right next to them and yet.. I was invisible, Maybe I'm just stupid.


You don't want me. I am bratty. I challenge everything. I question most every command. I fight submission and submitting. I want you to prove you care about being my Master as much as I care about being slave under you. And still you will probably tire of me like others have. Lose patience and give up. I am difficult.


At one time I wasn't broken. At one time I used to be more tame. I used to relish in being obedient. Content in being slave and trusting. I use to have a strong fire within to submit... To let go completely and let my Master guide me.. Shape me.. Mold me to Their will. Not so much anymore. I've been told I am a bad slave. I am a "show dog" slave... Pretending to be true. I've been told I'm just not good enough... Not obedient enough... Not respectful enough. I've failed my masters time and time again. I'm closed off. Hesitant to speak my thoughts and feelings anymore. Holding back. What's the point anyway... I won't be listened to. It will just end in a fight. Silence is better. (These are my thoughts.) Then I'm told silence is not better and the master wants to know what's on my mind. It seems I can't get anything right. Damned if I do... Damned if I don't.


Most often I want to hide. I want to run. I'm scared of submitting again. I hide behind being coy and snarky. Hide behind questioning and hating the answer "because I said so." I crave very much to let go... But I am tired and worn out. I'm tired of feeling hurt. Tired of broken promises, and expectations falling through. I'm tired of being held to a standard and then having to keep my mouth shut when the master doesn't keep to his own. I'm tired of feeling like I'm always to blame when I am not. I am tired of feeling invisible. Wanting, waiting, craving to please. I'm tired of walking on eggshells and feeling like I am always wrong... Always failing.. Falling short. Tired of submitting even to my detriment... Just to be pleasing.


I'm angry and cynical. I'm mistrusting and hurt. I'm like a wounded wild animal... Ready to leash out at anyone that will come near me. I'm facing demons from my past and the fight is a nasty one.... I feel I'm losing.

You don't want me.. I am broken...

But I can be fixed.


1/27/2015 7:38:11 PM
Just because I found the results interesting.... and not all are true to me but for the most part I found it accurate...

== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
100% Bondage Receiver
96% Submissive
93% Slave
91% Girl/Boy
91% Masochist
90% Primal (Prey)
88% Brat
84% Experimentalist
83% Degradation Receiver
79% Non-monogamist
66% Primal (Predator)
58% Exhibitionist
49% Voyeur
45% Bondage Giver
43% Vanilla
41% Switch
34% Daddy/Mommy
32% Pervert
22% Brat Tamer
11% Dominant
4% Sadist
0% All-Rounder
0% Degradation Giver
0% Master/Mistress
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.?id=90498


10/1/2010 7:57:15 AM
It's been crazy these past couple of months but in a very good way. I am going to take a minute and possibly just be the brat I am and brag about my Master/Daddy SometimeSadist. When I met Him, I really wasn't looking for anything. I was giving up and had become complacent. I had been criticized about my marraige and being in the lifestyle. Masters couldn't understand my limits and left saying they refused to deal with them. I was aching to be owned but very jaded, very bratty, and very guarded. Then one fateful day at work.. (I'm a waitress.. I always say that's fitting for a submissive. LOL) It was a good day. I was cheerful.. the customers (which mostly consist of travelers or truckers) were pleasant to deal with. It was a good day. I was the waitress to a driver that for some reason I found to be intriguing... He seemed to be my favorite that day, I don't know why. Well his friend walked in.. I went to hand him a menu and ask about drink when he told me he wasn't really there. I joked about him being the "invisable friend." to the customer that was already there. Still a very pleasant day. As the "invisible friend" was getting ready to leave my customer pointed out my necklace (I always wear a collar at all times.. and at that point had a necklace that was a pair of handcuffs. it held my medic alert and my pentical) The "invisible friend" (SometimeSadist) looked at my necklace and pointed at the pent... My customer shook his head and said "NOOO.. her necklace is HANDCUFFS!" SometimeSadist just blinked a moment and gained a grin before shrugging his shoulders and saying. "Well.. Pents and BDSM can go VERY well together..." At that time I was blushing and had to bite my tounge as I started to walk away saying "And this is where I take my leave to check on other customers.." He chuckled a bit (I could tell he was enjoying my squirming..) and said "Wait.. come back here... I have a question.." Closing my eyes a moment and sighing I bit my lower lip.. wondering what would come next.. knowing it would be the one question I wasn't sure I wanted to answer.. having struggled with it. I turned around and walked back to Him. "ok... what's your question?" I gave him a... I just humouring you as I held a feisty glint in my eyes... "That collar.. does it belong to someone?" I blushed and lowered my gaze as I began to fall on my words.. "I.. uh.. Well.. no... It does not.. I'm not.. I.. I don't think I will ever be again.. I mean.. well what I mean.. Most Masters can't handle my situation.. and I.. um.." I hadn't felt so... submissive.. and yet almost embarrassed that I wasn't being more articulate in my words. "whats your situation?" 'oh.. here we go..' I thought.. I took in a breath and let it out as I spoke. "I'm married.. Masters.. well most don't understand that or my limits.. so I REALLY don't think I will be collared again anytime soon.." I shrugged and started walking away again. "Wait.." I bit my lip and almost forced myself to turn back around. "Yes??" I looked at him. He just smiled at me. "Well... Just because your married doesn't mean that you can't be owned. Some Masters do understand. I've had a married slave." I just blinked at him.. "I well.. um..." He then asked me for a pen and paper... and introduced himself to me then gave me his email. I turned to answer a question of another customer when I turned around he was gone.. Grrness I thought. Well after that I talked to his friend a bit more about Him and decided I would email him after work. Neither of us were looking.. and yet we had found eachother. I'm still blown away by the whole thing.. and by Him. I can be completely myself around Him.. He enjoys all aspects of me.. whether it be the painslut.. whether it be the kajira.. the submissive.. the lilgirl or the kitten side of me.. I haven't felt like this in a long time.. I am comfortable and safe.. I am adored and loved.. controlled properly through care and love and discipline, not fear... my limits are respected.. as is my husband. I am finally discovering myself again... and being wonderfully guided in that discovery.. through love, trust, and obedience. I don't feel awkward in my place.


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