Love and forgiveness are rolled into one for me. I see them as two facets to the same truth. There is no finite reserve of either, and thus, they aren't to be hoarded miserly, and stingily doled out for fear of depleting them. I know that this makes some people uncomfortable. It is who I am. It is that rare capacity to love and not hold things against people once they have been forgiven. It is that weakness/ strength within me that allows me to forgive those I love and continue to love them even after they have left me.
Aren't we all looking for someone to accept us? Someone who will see the deepest recesses of our being, and not only NOT shy away, but embrace us, and accept that part of us as well. Finding a Dominant or Submissive who does that for us is what a Relationship is about. Using a site such as this to find people who will fill a void for a night saddens me. As does using these sites to abuse each others' trusts and enact our own selfish desires upon them without regard for the person behind the label.
Submissive, Slave, Switch, Dominant, Master, .... the list continues.. and each is nothing more than a label we adopt in a weak attempt at codifying our self-perceptions to facilitate finding that missing piece.
8/12/2016 4:02:02 PM
Renaissance Faire this weekend in Casper.. Who's interested in going?
3/20/2015 2:29:56 PM
Try it.. It will make all of us feel better.
10/31/2013 3:55:59 AM
Though every house is different, there are common principals of behavior that discussion and life experiences have illuminated for me. Alas, there are those that flock to the BDSM lifestyle whom are abusers. They use "rough scenes" and "punishment" to hide their abusive and terrorist tactics to keep their victims enslaved. What is listed is given as things to think about. For the purpose of this article, I will be using the term dominant and submissive. Feel free to add whatever title feels appropriate. You label yourself and your significant other; Label discussion is mind numbing and I will let others digress on that matter.
1) Open and Honest: The hardest principal to live by and follow. Society teaches us to be polite and say things we really don't mean. These social masks are a requirement for civil society. However, in a BDSM relationship there should be no masks and the true self shown for both. Be truthful with your other and honest with them for communication is the key to a successful relationship.
2) Trust is Earned Every Day: Forethought is needed in one's actions and words. Trust is the easiest thing to lose and the hardest to gain back. Once trust is totally lost between dominant & submissive, that relationship is dust. Its nearly impossible to rebuild a dusted relationship, for in the back of the minds of both partners will live the distrust that whatever caused the trust to be lost will return. Now before you become paranoid about everything, realize your submissive knows you are human. The submissive will know you have faults, moods, and bad days just like everyone else. Just keep open and honest communication with your submissive and this will help keep a high level of trust.
3) Respect is Earned Every Day: Like trust, there are consequences to one's action or lack of action. Not adhering to code words, outbursts of anger, neglect, laziness, or bad habits are great ways to lose the respect of the submissive. Lost respect normally leads the submissive to bad behavior problems. Why should the submissive obey your commands and rules if you are not worthy of the submissive's respect? Remember: to demand respect means you are not worthy of it.
4) A Happy Submissive Serves Better than One that Serves Out of Fear. Now, this can be a delicate balance between spoiling a submissive and maintaining discipline. Good, open, honest communication is needed to learn your submissive's likes and dislikes. Disclosure of your own likes and dislikes will also help the submissive to know best how to serve you. Adding random elements that please the submissive in normal routine will enhance the relationship and lessen the need for discipline.
5) Discipline and Punishment: A fiercely debated topic among dominants and submissives. This is what makes most sense, by consensus of those I talked to.
Discipline is the art of control, used to aid a submissive to better themselves.
Examples are: help with diet and /or weight loss, ending bad habits, following house protocols, etc. To understand the need for discipline, one has to examine some of the common traits of submissives. These are common but NOT all-inclusive. Not all submissives are the same, and many won't ahve all the traits, if any. These traits can be limited to insecurity, lack of self control, the hatred of being alone, and weakness of will. These traits are not fallacies or to be viewed with contempt. These traits should be honored as yin to the yang of being domineering and controlling. 98% of the time, a stern word, a strong look, and reminder is all that is needed to enforce discipline. Example "No, mine. You are on a diet."
Punishment: As stated, a stern word, a strong look, and reminder should be more than enough if one follows the previous four listed principals. There will be times when a more severe form of discipline is mandated. Things like breaking major house rules or reverting to bad habits. Example: a submissive is restricted from drinking and and comes home from the bar inebriated.
I give a list of preferred forms of punishment, sometimes mixing two of the punishments depending on severity of the breach of discipline.
a) Lecture: Listing a lengthy reason of disappointment in the submissive's behavior and reminder of why they are not supposed to do such things that brought on the lecture. If I receive a guilty and deeply ashamed expression then I feel I have achieved my goal.
b) Take Away: Take away scene time or for something fun planned. Again, a stern note with a reminder of why time for enjoyment was taken away. Example "We are not scening because you decided to ______"
c) Ignore: A most hated punishment for submissives because it combines not only the reminder, but also a time out. This form could be putting a submissive in the corner, a cage, or anywhere away from you with the acknowledgement that you don't wish to speak to them FOR AN ALLOTTED TIME. The latter is stressed heavily because there needs to be a known time given so you can cool down, the submissive can brew on what they did wrong and then time to talk once the time is over.
d) A Hated Tool: Now most dominants go for this form of punishment first. The key is to allocate one tool for punishment and NEVER use it in a scene. This acknowledges that pain from this tool is "bad pain" and does not correlate to the "good pain" associated with other scene implements. It is crucial to remind the submissive why they are being punished, an allotment of strikes, then use the tool.
As with all punishments, once over its over. Period.
The ideal here is that post-punishment, the submissive has paid the price for failed discipline. No further consequence should be done, both you and the submissive learn from what happened and make an effort not to repeat it again. Make sure that there is closure and the submissive hears you utter words of forgiveness. A submissive being repeatedly punished for the same thing is a fast way to lose trust and respect.
Some notes on abuse: Abusers are predators that feed and attack on the yin of a submissive. Commonly cowardly themselves, they overcome their weakness and self-loathing by taking their aggression out on others. By having someone cower before them, they can get the ego boost to fortify their self worth. Many can't bring up the courage to be outwardly aggressive and turn to chemicals or alcohol to liberate themselves and give excuse to their abuse. A common trait is constantly making excuses for their actions and shifting the blame to anything or anyone except themselves.
(Adapted from the internet. Edited to reflect my views, but found elsewhere)
10/27/2013 3:38:30 PM
Happy Halloween. May your revels be fraught with Fun and Frolic, but safety first.
9/6/2013 6:45:07 PM
IF I am online, I am usually to be found in the SLUTS chatroom, exercising my mental musculature with semantics. No, I am not serious when I chat. It is a way for me to relax, and have some fun at other's expense without doing serious harm to anyone. Come on and join the fun!