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Single and looking, but not hunting. Please understand that I am ready to not be single, but Im willing to take my time finding the other Person required to make that happen. Its not really something I can do myself.
Intelligent and friendly messages get intelligent and friendly replies. If you are going to tell me you like my profile, please put the phrase Pumpernickel Pickle in your initial message. It helps me know you are actually interested in the me I am.
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i am a sensual submissive, i love surrender, and being able to serve and please. Play me like an instrument, and give me Your pleasure, and i am floating for days.
i am not a Switch, i am not a Domme, please understand that no matter how big your cock pic is, it is not going to inspire me to turn a new leaf, and beat or peg your ass. Ill be nice, though. Just dont try to bottom to me without my consent, please.
***
if you do not know me, but want to know me, go ahead and message me, ask questions, introduce yourself. But i do not accept friend requests without at least some knowledge of who you are, and what you want.
i am who i am, though, and if you want to know who that is, just ask.
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my Master He meets my every quirk with tolerance, and humor, and swats. He closes every loophole around my wrist, or ankle, or neck. He lets me spark and fly in safety, and joy, and love. To be owned. To please. To be channeled. To surrender, and still be swept away by His control.
i left the poem here, because i guess it can apply to Someone in my future too. Maybe.
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Fill my senses and let me fill yours.
Inhale me, taste me, look at me like i am lunch, feel me heat at your touch, drink my moans.
Growl in my ear: "Miiiiiiiiiineeeeeeeee", let my teeth scrape your flesh as i breathe you in.
Please. |
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To go from a discussion of Philosophy, or Literature, or Mathematics with me- to rendering me incoherent at Your whim... You win.
If--when i make You laugh--Your grip tightens, Your eyebrow arches, Your voice gets more growly, or Your teeth clamp harder: i win. |
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“You look beautiful!” “Thank you, I dressed up/put on makeup/did my hair” ‘ “Beautiful picture!” “Thank you, it was a wonderful moment/story/experience” . “You’re beautiful” Based on? . Please don’t call me beautiful If you have not really seen me. Or if you have not seen me red-faced and splotchy from exertion, but still smiling Or if you have not seen me unplucked, unpolished Dressed in a holey comfy shirt Maybe with pants, maybe not With eyebrows so light they are unseen.
Do not call me beautiful If you have not heard my breath catch With fear With shock With pain With joy With desire
Do not call me beautiful If you have not witnessed me rendered speechless Or if you don’t know why that is something remarkable Or if you have not read my writing and wondered more Or if you have not seen me clap my hands over my mouth to stop an outburst While my eyes give me away
Do not call me beautiful If you have not seen me smile at someone just because we made eye contact Or if you have not sensed how I light up if I have made you laugh Or if you have not spent time wallowing in my thought process Enjoying how my mind works Even if we disagree Or if you have not seen me handle a difficult person or situation. Whether it is successful handling or not. Or if you have not said “Here comes sanita, its on!” and grabbed a figurative bowl of popcorn
Do not call me beautiful If you have not sincerely thought of me as kind Or if you have not watched me hold my ground Or if you have not witnessed how I handle setbacks Or if you think I do not feel pain, even if I stay on my feet Or if you don’t know how much I cherish my mom. Or if you don’t know why . When you have truly seen me When you have felt me When you know who I am When you have understood me When you have accepted me and my flaws When you know there is more to know about me If you call me beautiful I will appreciate it It will be deep I will believe it. I will feel it. “Thank you”
--sanita 4/27/16
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I just looked over my "interests" here, and realized they had not been updated since I first joined cm, not cs!
That's been corrected! Goodness, that was a bit outdated! 7 + years of leading a local Munch group, hosting after parties, and attending events does make a difference.
Not to mention there is an exhilaration in finding my own place in wiiwd, while knowing there is so much more out there. |
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Regarding the previous journal entry: I guess with me, Emotion will always win. Reason will hold me back, keep me cautious -- but it will give my emotion its head when it the time is right and it is safe to hope again.
Either way, hurt or not, so long as one doesn't lock emotion away and refuse to let it out, one wins.
:) |
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Which should win in cases of mixed messages and hopes being let down: Reason or Emotion? |
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Sorry, accidentally deleted this entry, so reposting it.
What I Want (Eventually)
First, though, what i need:
i am a submissive, i am a sensualist, and I need to please. If i beg, it is to be allowed to please You. If i ask questions, it is because i want to know for next time. Give me a goal, and allow me to reach it... reward me with Your pleasure, and i am in heaven.
What i want:
i want a Dom, a partner, a balance. i do not want a Sadist with a willingness to be a Dom, because i do not have enough of a masochist in me to please the Sadist. i want a Dom. i want to be played like an instrument, i want to be used for Your enjoyment, because You want it. i want You to want me, because You enjoy me.
i want to surrender, to trust and to be cared for in play. Even in rough wild passion, i want to count. If Your goal is to break someone, it is not me.
i want to be teased and tortured until i cry and beg, and then i want to know You’re pleased. i want to work for my reward, but i do not want to chase a reward you will never give me.
i want respect, i want caring, and i want truth. I want to know when something is wrong, or if there is something W/we need to work on together. i want someone who loves me anyway, despite my flaws. Who is willing to accept my issues, and work on U/us. i want honesty, even if it is not what i want to hear. Respect me enough to tell me the truth so i can choose to accept it.
i want to be a priority, a factor. When You make a decision, i want it to be with U/us in mind. i want to matter. i want You to feel like spoiling me sometimes, but know it is the thought that counts. i will enjoy spoiling You, too.
i want tasks, rules, goals. i want to be punished if i deserve it. But i want fairness, and honor. i want forgiveness for my mistakes, once i have taken the consequences and fixed them. i want someone who can tell me what and why they act, rather than expecting me to strain against the unknown... well, sometimes sensory deprivation is fun.
i want Someone Who wants to take care of me as much as i want to take care of Them. i want a partner. i do not need to be taken care of, i can take care of myself, but caring for each O/other is different. i want desire in so many ways. i want to be worth the effort on both O/our parts.
i want You to love me because You love me, not because i take care of You or because i make You happy. There are times i will not be able to make You happy, or take care of You. i want You to be happy because You love me.
i want to play. i want passion. i want devotion. i want to be devoted. i want stability. i want safety.
i am willing to work for it, and i am willing to compromise. Please just don’t ask me to change myself, but i can change my mind.
And until i find all of this, i want play, and passion, and friendship, and i can’t wait to get there! |
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I have removed a lot of journal entries from this profile, i am still not going to be a regular like i used to be in here, but i have been coming in to clean things up a bit.
i am filing for divorce tomorrow from my Friend of 14.5 years, Master of 8.5 years, and Husband of 5.5 years, and it sucks.
i just have to make some changes, so lets just call this a work in progress, but i am doing it on my own.
...well not entirely, i have amazing friends and family in this lifestyle in r/l.
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How does He dominate me?
wow, what a thought provoking question. this is a question that was posed in a recent thread on the CM Message Boards. goodness, i have not posted a reply yet, because i am still working on putting it into words.
it is what is on my mind tonight, so i decided to post a journal entry.
be warned, prolific musing ahead!
He guides, He controls, He protects, and He teases and torments (in a good way).
still... wow. why Him? well, when i am with Him, He is happy. when He is happy, i am at peace. of course, sometimes He is happy using my a** as a set of bongos. so, maybe i am not at peace right at that moment, but i am in a good place, because He is happy.
He controls me with just a look. i much prefer to behave in ways that make Him smile. if i am not doing what He wants, and i see that frown... not the eyebrow, the frown... i feel bad, and try to get the smile back.
from the day we met, i felt like He was a hungry lion, and i was a lamb. or lamb chop.
i can tell Him what i want or need. i can disagree with Him in intellectual debates. i can challenge His perspective on some things, as He does mine. however, i asked Him once, if we disagree on something simple and not too relevant, if i KNOW i am right without a doubt, but have no proof, what happens? His reply was a low, stern voice: "I win."
my answer was a kind of small voice: "Yes, Sir!"
so, how does He Dom me? He just does. and He is so damned good at it.
i love You, Master. |
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the marks on my body from the last time i saw my Master are almost gone.? it is kind of sad in a way, yet it makes me squirm. i will see Him again very soon.?
it is just a little reminder of Who Owns me, when i get out of the shower, or change clothes in front of the mirror, and it makes me a bit wistful when they go away.
now, the Sadist in Him loves leaving those marks... oh well,?if i am?pleasing that side of Him... *groan* i'll take it! (besides, the pain kind of fades out, eh?) |
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i feel i should mention that the above profile was written about my Master. i am owned, and i am devoted to Him.
i created what i thought was a profile, rather than an ad, in order to tap into some of the resources in this site. One of the nicest things i have come across, is the quality of the people i have met through messaging, or read about. i am looking forward to reading the message boards, and participating in the chats.
Thank you for your welcome. And if you wish to write, please do. my Master will allow it. just know i am not looking for more than a friend. |
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Age: 18 |
New Jersey |
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