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Well hello there, fellow travelers. I hope you have a wonderful day

I am a 30 year old web developer, from the flatlands of Indiana. I am a real person (Trump and Biden are about to go head to head, and COVID-19 is currently trying to destroy the world)

I like connecting with people and making people happy. Typically just talk platonically, and Im looking to meet more like-minded people in the BDSM community.

Other random things

- I am an INTP personality type.
- If you are building a website and want free help, let me know.
- My favorite movie from the past couple years is Thor Ragnarok. Really really looking forward to the new Dune movie.

If you message me, please tell me what four plus four equals. (Turns out that chatbots have a real problem with this)

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You ever wonder why were here?

Its one of lifes great mysteries, isnt it? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence? Or is there really a god, watching everything, ya know, with a plan for us and stuff. I dont know, man, but it keeps me up at night.

...... What?? I meant why are we out here, in this canyon.

Oh...... yeah..... nvm

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9/16/2017 4:18:56 PM
Are you tired of people only liking you for your looks? Do you want someone who's more interested in your brain than your body? Well look no further, I have your solution! Zombies! Your brain is the only thing they care about.

Stop wasting time with shallow losers who just want you for your body. Click here

to meet single zombies near you.

9/16/2017 3:56:01 PM
Tomorrow, my Colts are going to take on the Arizona Cardinals. And we are going to be crushed in all likelihood. That's okay, because we knew this going into the season. Luck is still not playing due to his shoulder injury and until he's back, we are going to suck.

The question is, is Pagano going to be canned after the first three games. My thought is this, since we knew going into the season that we'd suck without Luck, we knew that we'd start out 0 and 3. It's not a surprise. If that is cause for him being fired, why wasn't he fired in between season? My guess is that they'll give him until Luck returns. If we keep losing AFTER that, then Pagano is gone.

8/29/2017 6:06:09 PM
A lot of people are having a hard time grasping a very simple concept. Violence against peaceful protestors is BAD. Regardless of who those protestors are. Regardless of what they are saying. If someone is just standing there, DON'T ATTACK THEM. It's not that complicated.

Using your car to attack random people ... BAD
Using a baseball bat or your fists to attack random people ... BAD
Destroying parked cars and convenience stores ... BAD

Trump has taken a lot of heat because he initially said that both sides had problems. The thing is, he was right. (In that exact moment, at least. He's a terrible President and a horrible person, for the record). In Charlottesville, a rightwing extremist killed a woman with his car. He's evil. But left wing protestors attacked peaceful people as well. They didn't kill anyone, which means they aren't AS BAD, but they are still bad.

And it's still happening. Just last week, Antifa (left-wing) attacked a peaceful (right-wing) protest.

The point of this is that both sides have violent people on their extremes. We should be condemning the neo-Nazis and KKK, but we should ALSO be condemning violence from the left.

8/28/2017 6:32:14 PM
I started listening to music in the background today, and ET by Katy Perry came on. I remember when it came out, it was my jam for a while back in college. The weird thing is thinking about the fact that that was seven years ago. Jesus... time is friggin' flying.

8/23/2017 4:24:22 PM
I see a lot of journal entries from Findommes who complain that people disrespect/judge them because of the involvement of money with D/s. I agree with those Findommes; no one should be judging what others do in terms of Kink (outside of Actual true non-consent). If two people want money to be a part of their relationship, that is fine. And if people are interested in brief transactions online, that's fine too. It's the same as going to see a professional dominatrix. We need to remember not to judge others.

That said, to all of the Findommes out there ... you need to remember that a lot of us also AREN'T here for money. In the same vein that accepting tributes doesn't make someone inauthentic, NOT sending tributes ALSO doesn't make someone inauthentic. If a submissive isn't a finsub, that doesn't mean he or she isn't truly a submissive, or to quote someone recently, an "asshole". It just means that they aren't looking for the same thing you are.

If you treat people with respect, you'll get it in return.

8/19/2017 9:01:13 AM
I've been trying and failing to lose weight for several months now and I've realized the problem is that I have no one to hold me accountable. It's easy to slack off when no one else sees the scale each week.

So I'm looking for someone to help me with this. Here is my ideal situation:

Someone that I can communicate with on a regular basis, who will hold me accountable for losing weight. I'd send pictures of me standing on the scale once a week as progress proof. This person would need to actually be involved though, and initiate keeping me going. I have a huge problem with willpower, and so I'm going to tend to slack off. We'd need to implement some sort of punishment/reward system probably.

I'm definitely willing to tribute a regular amount per week for this, because what I am looking for will take effort and I don't expect someone to do it for free. What I really hope for though, is someone who will at least pretend to actually care about how I'm doing. Other D/s aspects are optional, but hopefully this can help.

I did see a person a couple years ago who advertised as a "fitdom", which is what gave me this idea. If anyone is interested, please let me know.

8/17/2017 6:37:11 PM
The hardest part about Thursdays is sitting and refreshing Youtube, waiting for the week's episode of Around the Verse to drop. Damn you Chris Roberts....

8/9/2017 5:22:24 PM
I recently bought my first  set of leather locking handcuffs. Not the nicest in the world (you can spend over $200 on a pair if you want to go crazy), but they work. They are certainly more comfortable than metal ones. While I'll admit that metal handcuffs have a sexy look, they are very painful on the wrists if they are used in any sort of rigid bondage (a hogtie for example). Leather cuffs are much better. Plus they can actually be locked, without the little metal release.

Because  of this, I've finally been able to try out some more in depth self bondage scenarios that I've been fantasizing about for years. First one I did was pretty simple. Rope around the ankles, handcuffs on behind my back, and toss the key on the other side of the room. No real time limit except for how it took to wiggle over there.

This past weekend, I was able to try something a bit more in depth. I took the only key to the padlocks on the cuffs, and hung it from the ceiling, connected via an ice cub which wold melt to release it after about a half hour. Then used rope around my ankles, attached the cuffs to the rope with a center padlock, and then locked the cuffs behind my back. Voalah! Hogtied. Not only was it tight, it was also impossible to get out of until the key dropped. (I did have an emergency knife that could cut the rope on the far side of the room, but I couldn't use it without destroying my nice bondage rope)

I've learned a few things. First off, it's even broad leather cuffs can cut off wrist circulation. Second, it's difficult to open a tiny padlock when your hands are tingly. Third, a half hour is a century when you CAN'T get free.

It was definitely a fun experience, but I am going to scale back next time I think. A less strict form of bondage possibly. Maybe spreadagled on the bed, but for a longer period of time to compensate.

My current profile pic is of one of one of the cuffs, btw, if you're interested in what they look like.

7/22/2017 4:08:59 PM
Any other Kinksters headed to Adobe MAX this year? It's in Vegas, and my company is sending me. Would love to hang out with people, because I don't know anyone who lives there. Let me know.

7/13/2017 6:36:29 PM
Fun fact, you can re-enable the search with thumbnails if you'd like to, despite it being disabled.

Right click on dropdown where it says "Text List", and click "Inspect Element" from the menu. A new window should pop open, or maybe pop open as part of the current browser window. You'll see some HTML code, but this should be highlighted:

<select class="WhiteFields" name="ListType">

Inside of that, there will be this:

<option value="0" selected>Text List</option>

Double click on the 0, and change it to 1, and hit enter. Then close the code window. Then hit the main search button, and you should see thumbnails again.

6/12/2017 3:51:40 PM
Findom

Some time ago, I was approached by a Findomme over on Twitter. Since I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment, we ended up talking about online virtual D/s relationships in general, and then specifically the Findom variety. She expressed frustration that subs expected her to be a perfect, always sexy Goddess. She was, in fact, human, she said, not just someone's fantasy.

That got me thinking about Findom and the expectations that come with it. Is it reasonable to expect a Findomme to be perfect? My answer is that it depends on the situation. It also requires diving into what an online Findom relationship really is, in general and specifically here online.

What is Findom?

According to ReKink, Findom is “A situation in which (submissive) men desire to give dominant women … money”. I don’t think that that really explains it well though, so let’s step back and consider online relationships in general.

All online forms of D/s relationships exist because the participants can’t find the real-life version. That means that all online D/s has its roots in said real-life D/s. Findom is no exception, despite what some purists might say. Consider this real-life example:

A committed couple who live together in a 24/7 TPE femdom relationship. It would be typical in this situation for the both paychecks to go into a single checking account, with the woman having sole control over it (since she has control over everything else as well).

In that example, the man is giving his entire paycheck (and all of his pre-relationship assets) over to his partner while sacrificing any luxuries that the money might buy for himself. That sounds a lot like the (fantasy) end goal of an online Findom relationship: “Give me your money so that I can live in luxury, while you sacrifice everything material”. Findom basically boils down to an over emphasis of one small part of a TPE D/s relationship, which is the control over money aspect.

The Two Types of Findom

So where are we on the question of is it reasonable to expect a Findomme to be perfect? I said above that it depends on the situation, because while every relationship under the sun is unique, all Findom interactions do fall into one of two categories. Which one an interaction falls into boils down to the answer to one primary question. To illustrate, let’s go back to the chat conversation that prompted this post. I asked her this:

“What do you get out of the relationship besides the money?”

I.e., if suddenly the money was gone, would you get anything at all out of it? Do you really enjoy being in control of someone’s life over the internet? Do you enjoy making that person do humiliating tasks so that you can laugh at them, or having them verbally worship you, or teasing and denying them? Or is it solely about the money.

Let me be clear here, this isn’t a right or wrong situation. Online relationships are hard. It doesn’t make someone a bad person to not enjoy controlling a random anonymous stranger’s life (especially when the two people will likely never meet). It does, however, have implications for the type of Findom interaction that they are going to have.

If a woman gets nothing at all out of a relationship besides the money, and thinks that a sub’s only value is because of the money he can offer, then the basis for the interaction is at its heart transactional. It is a transaction in which a sub is paying a woman to pretend she owns him. Therefore, I call this Transactional Findom.

Conversely, if a woman enjoys the relationship itself, and enjoys the sub, and controlling him, then the money becomes just one aspect (possibly even still the primary aspect, just not the sole aspect) of a potentially real online relationship.  I call this Relationship Findom.

Transactional is more common, especially online. On a per-person basis, it’s much easier than relationship findom, because there is no emotional attachment. It’s also easier in that a woman doesn’t really need to have a Dominant personality or be a Domme in real life; it’s easy to fake it. And it seems on the surface like a better way to make money, because it takes less effort and she can manage more slaves. However, the downside is that these types of interactions tend to be very short lived for the most part. Neither side really gets much out of it besides the money for the woman and a very short-lived emotional high and jerk off session for the sub.

Relationship based findom takes more time, per-person. Think less slaves but more of an actual, real relationship. The primary value that a woman gets here will be the relationship itself, not the money. And while there is money being exchanged, it’s not going to be as profitable as transactional findom. This is why it’s a lot less common here on MGF, because most of the time, the main goal online is to make money (which I should say again, isn’t a bad thing in any way as long as we are honest about it).

I should note that I’m making these terms up. You won’t see “Transactional Findom” around the web. These two categories are just the best words that I can find to describe what I see as the two broad types of Findom.

Wrapping it Up

Having discussed the two types of Findom, we can return to the original question. Is it reasonable to expect a Findomme to be perfect? As I said above, it depends on the type of Findom.

In a relationship-based findom scenario, the answer is no. When two people are in a relationship (whether it’s vanilla or full on TPE D/s) they are both still human and they have the right to be treated as such. Expecting your Mistress to conform to your every desire and fantasy, to mold herself and to pretend to be a perfect Goddess, is unreasonable and absurd. She is an equal partner in the relationship and her own desires and fantasies are at least as important (one might say MORE important, given that she is in charge).

However, in a transaction-based Findom scenario, I’d say that the answer is yes, it is reasonable. If the basis for an entire relationship is money, then it is at its heart a transaction. In this scenario, a sub is paying for a fantasy that doesn’t exist. The sub is a customer in a transaction, and the woman is a service provider offering the service of a fantasy Goddess. It is therefore perfectly reasonable to expect the fantasy to be perfect.

6/11/2017 7:58:25 AM
Kayaking without sunscreen is a terrible idea.

It might be the worst idea, actually. Don't get me wrong, I love kayaking. Enough that I own a kayak. As an introvert, I enjoy things where there aren't crowds, and kayaking on rivers that don't have kayak rental services is definitely a crowd-free activity.

Just being out on the water, trees on both sides, totally quiet ... it's wonderful. You can paddle hard and get moving fast, or just relax and take it slow. I make sure to only go on days where I have nothing planned in the evening, so there's zero pressure from time. It typically ends up being the most relaxing thing in my life.

Except for yesterday. It was, during the ride, great. However, I realized as I got there that I'd forgotten sunscreen. Figured, meh, I'll just hug the shade on the side of the river. Which I did. I was like a miser for shade, moving slowly while on the side, and paddling fast between trees.

Alas, it was not enough. I'm not quite as red as a lobster,  but it certainly doesn't feel  pleasant. But hey, it'll be a good reminder over the next two days as it heals ... don't forget sunscreen!

3/20/2017 7:24:34 PM
Maybe I should become a Financial Sub. Ladies, you'd be required to tribute me if you want me to submit to you. My time ain't free, right? Thoughts?

3/12/2017 9:15:07 AM
Lets talk verification.

It's 2017, people. Webcams cost $20 bucks. Everyone's phone has a camera. There is literally zero reason why someone who be unable to take a picture of themselves.

That said, many people are unwilling to, for a variety of reasons. The first reason is anonymity. BDSM is still not really something that we talk about in public, unfortunately. The  more you publicly share, the most likely you are to get DOXXed, or just be found out by others. So it's certainly understandable to want to be discrete.

However, there are two levels of verification that can happen. You can verify your sex/gender, without exposing your identity. And really, that is the primary thing that people want  to verify around here. So here's my suggestion for safe verification.

Option 1: Turn on a webcam, two way, and just tilt it down to not show your face. (That is the very best way because it can't really be faked, at least not without extreme difficulty and tech skills.

However, if you can't or don't want to do webcam, here is a way using just a phone camera, to verify that can't be faked but is also safe for the verifier:

Make a really random shape with your hand, like X fingers bent down. Send that picture to the person you want to verify. Have that person immediately take a picture of themselves, holding their hand in that shape, and showing enough of their body (can still be clothed of course) to prove their gender). The reason this can't be faked is that it's going to be almost impossible to find a  picture online of someone holding her arm and hand in a weird shape, in a couple minutes. And it's safe because you can just not show a face, so it doesn't break anonymity.

3/9/2017 7:09:34 PM
Lets talk titles and forms of address.

As I browse profiles on here, I see a LARGE variety of desired forms of address. Mistress, Miss, Ma'am, Goddess, Princess, Your Highness, and the many one offs, like Ms So and So.

What is interesting to me is that there seems to be some controversy over which ones are respectful and which aren't. I'll see one person who says: "Address me as Mistress or be ignored. Then the next says "I'm a Goddess, don't call me Ma'am or Mistress".

If we step in the wayback wayback machine, back to the mid 2000s (not that long ago, I realize), the group of people that I first interacted with in the Kink community all had a pretty standard form of address which was Sir, Miss, or Ma'am for Tops that you didn't belong to, and Master or Mistress for whoever had collared you. I think the first time I heard Goddess was about 2010, but it and Princess seem to be very popular at the moment.

Ma'am has always been an interesting one, because some people like it, and it kinda gives off the domestic servitude vibe. Some people think it implies that they are old, though, and don't want to be addressed as such.

The moral of this story is that forms of address are wide and varied. The best thing to do is to read what a person writes in their profile, and if it says "address me as thus", then do that. It's really not that difficult.

3/9/2017 3:31:20 PM
The thing about exercise is that you really can't take any time off.

I've been getting back into running over the past month. I do every other day, and just slowly increasing the length or run segments and decreasing walk times in between.

I've found that the best way to improve is to increase the difficulty every week, and so it stays difficult but possible.

Then I took three days off. (Ended up getting a freelance job that required fast turnaround). I figured, eh, three days isn't much. I was wrong. Fuckkkk, it's like I've fallen back two weeks. Just doing what I did last week felt like it almost killed me. Friggin' human bodies .....

3/8/2017 4:27:05 PM
Over the past year or so I've developed a really amazing alfredo recipe. Originally it started with a copycat recipe for Olive Garden's gnochi soup. I love the flavor of the liquid of that soup, and I wondered if it would be adapted into a pasta sauce.

Turns out it works, with some tweaking. You take the same spice set, and make a roux like you would for soup. But you add a lot less milk, and you end up with a thick white sauce. Add in some parm cheese and let it melt in, and it's wonderful. Message me if you'd like a copy of it.

3/7/2017 6:33:38 PM
"I'm looking for a no limits slave"

There's no such thing. This is another case of (As Sam would say to Dean) "you're confusing reality with porn again".

In reality, everyone has limits. Limits like ... cutting off body parts. Breaking bones. Snuff.

Seriously, anyone who says they have no limits is either lying for fantasy's sake, or has absolutely no idea what they are doing. Any anyone who says they are looking for that, is just as delusional.

3/5/2017 11:21:54 AM
I saw a profile today that said, to paraphrase, "my greatest desire is to destroy men completely". It went on to talk about Findom to the point of bankruptcy.

Here's my thoughts: Findom is fine and tributing is fine. It can be part of a healthy D/s relationship. Instead of going out to eat with coworkers for lunch, take a peanut butter sandwhich and save up to give to your Mistress. Little sacrifices like that aren't unhealthy at all.

But if your explicit goal is to destroy someone, that's a problem. It's one of those things where porn has really hurt the BDSM community, because people are confusing fantasy with reality. It might sound hot, but is NOT good in reality. What happens next? The person is just destitute?

The thing is, the basis for Findom is the aspect of a TPE relationship where the Top controls the finances, and controls all of the bottom's money. But that requires a committed, trusting relationship, where the sub is going to be taken care of by his or her owner. That absolutely isn't going to happen with someone you meet on collarspace or twitter.

That means for subs, you need to protect yourselves. And for Findommes, you need to not take advantage. Remember that when subs are in subspace, they are easy to manipulate and take advantage of. Remember that they are real people, and that you can really hurt them if you aren't careful.

We are Tops and bottoms, but we are also people. Remember that.

3/4/2017 12:02:37 PM

So the problem with losing weight isn't starting, it's continuing. I've been running using a treadmill over the past couple weeks, and I have found my motivation slowly draining, like normal.

After discussing this with a friend of mine (who is also kinky), and she suggested possibly the best idea ever. The Kinky Gym.

Activities could include:

  • Being locked into chastity with rewards for exercising.
  • Treadmills with a light chain attached to clamps on the runner's nipples (go faster!)
  • Whipping/Aerobics classes for Dom/mes.
  • Agility training for petplay subs.

The list goes on and on. Pity out culture isn't that open yet in real life....


3/3/2017 3:08:17 PM
I'm getting tired of seeing new messages and then realizing they are from bots. In the past two days, for example, I received word for word, the same phishing message, from two different accounts.

I have recently discovered the ability to hide people, though, so I've been using that to cull the list of people I see on login down.

2/24/2017 7:50:16 PM
PSA ... there are a lot of bots and fake people on CollarSpace (This isn't Fetlife). In light of that, being asked if you are a bot isn't an insult. It's just prudent.

(Heck, it's even a great entry for a joke. You could make an r/TOTALLY_NOT_ROBOTS joke.)

8/2/2012 8:32:01 AM

Anyone else going to GenCon? In the Indiana BDSM group over on there's a posting about it. I'll be going myself on Thursday and possibly Friday, I've got a 4-day press badge.


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HsCuriusSub
 
 Age: 29
 Metro Boston, Massachusetts