Vanilla sex is dull and boring. I like my sex ruff. Bondage, forced sex and torture, Consensual non-consent. Kidnapping and r8pe fantasy fulfillment. Ahhhhhhh now there is some fun. The more you struggle, scream, cry and beg the more turned on and determined I get. I also love forced orgasms. I have a favorite torment where I tie you down fill you full of the most amazing toys, turn them all on, sit back and enjoy watching you orgasm yourself into a coma or at least until all you can do is lay there and grunt like an animal, drooling as wave after none ending wave of orgasms wash through you. *WEG*
Just for those that know better and need reassurance. I am well aware that sex is by far only a very small part of what a D/s relationship is about. There is so much more to it and I enjoy it all. Capture the mind and the rest will follow. But, for Me at least, I find the D/s lifestyle to be HIGHLY erotically charged. Many may find My opening here to be inappropriate and proof that I am not what I claim to be. Well you are entitled to your opinion but that opening has brought Me to the attention of several wonderful subs whom it has been My honor and My pleasure to know so I see no reason to change it. I do not need want or care about your approval.
As for play sessions. That's not really what I am looking for but they do fill the empty time. I 'm usually good for just about anything but rape fantasy fulfillment is My specialty. I have more experience with that than anything else when it comes to sessions.
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A little way way back history:
I once thought I had found My one. I offered her the only collar I had ever offered and she excepted. for a little over a year W/we were happy. I gave to her all of My love, My devotion and My dedication. In My eyes there was no other. I gave to her all that I had, too much, but in the end it was not enough. she could not wait for Me to finish getting My life in order to go to her and she asked for release. I granted her request even though it destroyed Me.
Now I search again. I have little left and I seek the one that can draw the trust back out of Me again. The one who can make Me feel safe in giving to her all that I am.
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A little less way back history:
I have found one who can and to some degree does draw Me out but the differences in O/our ages and her dreams for her future keeps U/us from being more than just friends with benefits. Dear friends. With amazing and wonderful benefits. she is beautiful, gorgeous and what she sees in Me I will never know. she actively encourages Me to seek another. Not because she wishes Me to be gone, quite the contrary, but because she loves Me as I love her and wishes nothing more than to see Me happy. And I wish nothing more than to see her happy and see her dreams come true.
So here I am searching again. Reluctantly.
UPDATE: Well it finally happened. I always knew it would. My little one's life, her future has taken her away from Me. So now I search alone.
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Current situation:
UPDATE 04/14/09: I have an R/T slave. she is on this site as BFsSassy. However due to personal and family obligations W/we are not 24/7 and never will be. she is not happy that I have no one at home to serve Me and encourages Me to continue to seek some one to take care of Me. So I still search for a live in 24/7 relationship. If you have any questions feel free to contact Me and/or sassy.
I can't decide if I am cursed or blessed. *L* I seem capable of finding wonderful subs who care for and love Me enough to desperately not want Me to be alone, but for one reason or another are unable to be with Me 24/7. So they actively encourage Me to continue seeking. I have never considered My self to be poly but it seems that I am destine to ether be poly or spend most of My time alone. Admittedly I sometimes grow very tired of searching.
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For a male the search online is difficult to say the least. Every poor female sub online gets hammered by every idiot, player, psycho, wannbe, teenager in Harmon overdrive out there. How does someone prove they are not one of these people when their messages end up in the same inboxes as the rest? The only answer I have been able to find is to simply preserver and hope that between any messages I might send out and My profile I might stand out enough that those I contact bother to communicate with Me enough to actually get to know the real Me. That is assuming of course that any messages I might send aren't automatically deleted based on some offhanded judgment. "Deleted unread" is honestly infuriating. I don't send out bulk messages, I don't send out form messages and I don't send flame messages. I take time to think about the things I put in My messages. IF I don't like something in your profile or your journal I keep that to Myself. I don't recall ever seeing any rule that says I have to like or approve of anything you write. So if I send you a message do Me the courtesy of at least reading it before you delete it.
A little about Who I am and My Experience. I have always known I was different, that My desires ran different from others. The second time in My life that I ever had sex, I tied her spread eagle to the bed. I was 15yo and I have been learning and improving ever sense. So if you ask Me how long I have been in this life "All My adult life" is NOT an exaggeration. Every woman I have been with sense then ether has been in, interested in or I introduced to the life. And no not all introductions went well.
I am tender and loving but I also have a very sadistic nature. I can, one minute, be sitting on the couch with you wrapped in My arms watching a movie and cuddling and the next minute grab you up, rip your clothes off, bind you, torture and torment you to your absolute limit and have My way with you without blinking an eye. Afterwards I'm usually instantly right back to tender and loving.
I have decided to change My profile because I think My original profile was scaring people away. Yes I am very sadistic. Screaming, crying, begging for mercy and more all turns Me on. I will explain it here like I have so many times in person to subs that felt they had some how let Me down because their pain thresholds were so low. The amount you can take means nothing to Me. It is the distress level that matters. If you reach the proper level of distress by just having your nipples pinched hard, wonderful. If I have to take a blowtorch to your privates to reach the proper level of distress, wonderful. From the simplest of torments to the most extreme you can imagine, it does not matter to Me. It is the level of distress that counts. I hope that puts some minds to rest but somehow I feel I've just scared people even more. *G*
you want to know more, just ask. I'm an open book and willing to answer any question and share all that I know. See journal for more.
A little more about Myself. IF I initiate contact, YES! it does mean that I like, at least something about you. It does NOT! mean I'm looking to "hook up". I do enjoy making new friends, just friends, too. Yes it could be nothing more than your pic or something you wrote in your profile or journal. YES! it does mean that I am fishing around hoping to get to know you a little better. NO! it does not mean I'm going to stalk you all around this site "demanding" you serve Me, claiming you're a fake if you don't and all the rest of that crap. IF! you respond with something short like "Thanks" or "i do" or ""i will" I will guess it is your polite (politeness is always appreciated) way of saying "i'm not interested in getting to know you" and I will drop it not bothering you again. IF you ARE interested in getting to know Me better, even if only as a friend, a simple question, about anything, in your response will insure at least an one additional reply from Me. If I have not contacted you it does not mean I'm not interested in getting to know you, it means that I probably haven't gotten around to it. Besides there is nothing preventing you from contacting Me first. Unless of course you are on of those people who feels it is inappropriate to do so without permission or without being told. In that case you have My permission and/or I'm telling you to send Me a message. I am NOT! a horny teenager in hormone overload looking for dirty pictures to whack to, nor am I very interested in cyber sex or phone sex. YES I have done cyber sex and phone sex, but I REALLY! have to get to know someone first and be VERY! interested in them before I even remotely will begin to consider such things. IF! I ask for a pic I usually want a clear, close up, highest resolution possible, face shot. I want to see your eyes. If you have to ask why I would want to see your eyes ............ well think about it. I have and will gladly accept any and all pics anyone WANTS! to send to Me. IF! things are moving along between U/us VERY! well I MAY! request other pics. This has more to do with planning and equipment choices than a desire to see you naked. Besides IF! things are moving along THAT! well then I'm most likely going to see you naked anyway. Again NO! I am not looking for dirty pics to whack to. There is an entire internet full of that sort of thing for free, if that was what I was seeking, so WHY! would I waste My time here trying to obtain such material. (I know some people do but for the life of Me I don't understand why.) NO! I do not run around being bossy to ever sub on this site. you may be a sub but you're not MY sub so I will treat you with the respect you are due (Unless and until proven other wise) and I only ask for the same. To any "DOMs" (or subs for that matter) out there who feel I am not "real" because of this attitude, remind Me again why I give a rats ass about what you think. Because for the life of Me I can't remember. (That is a rhetorical statement. If Y/you don't like it all I have to say to you is "I don't care" and "Get over it and Y/yourself.") I have many friends (DOMs and subs) on this site and other sites W/who know Me "Personally" (read in real life), who know who I am, My skills and will gladly vouch for My credentials, so I have no need or desire to waste My time justifying Myself to Y/you. If Y/you want to be friends and share in learning through an exchange of information, well now that is a horse of a completely different color isn't it. I do NOT! know it all nor do I claim to. (I would advise everyone to beware of anyone who claims they do.) I am human and therefore subject to make mistakes. I strive to make them as few and far between as possible. I have had the pleasure and honor of leaning a great deal from other DOMs and subs. My PERSONAL! belief is that any DOM who is so arrogant as to believe He cannot learn anything from a sub is cutting Himself off from a tremendous knowledge base and a treasure trove of insight. But to each their own. YES! I am MALE! and there for I am attracted to women I consider beautiful. Beauty however is subjective, includes more than just physical appearance and is in the eye of the beholder. One mans skank is another mans princess. One woman's circus freak is another woman's prince charming. If you don't believe Me, you should pay more attention to the couples you see out in public. Wal-Mart is a good place for such observations. My point is, you have no idea WHAT I consider to be "beautiful" so don't make any automatic assumptions.
More later
