Collarspace.com

Horizontal Line
Vertical Line
Horizontal Line

Horizontal Line

ravenbeguiling

ravenbeguiling - photo 3
ravenbeguiling - photo 4
ravenbeguiling - photo 6

Horizontal Line

Friends:
cdkarenscud11allmaninseattledaddydomgrowlingAngelWingsOnly
ThesissyQueenhisshellStpnwolfhawkeinkotsu
FezzigAndyWheelsDaddysbabybrat

Horizontal Line

Vertical Line

~~~~~~~ Not Looking ~~~~~~~
Taken. Loved. Happy. I'm spreading my wings and my fledgling surety of my worth with other submissives... I hunger to see them empowered and loving themselves enough to have, and be the best ...
i have two budgies and 2 cockatiels, these are my "kids".
um...I'm pretty much "dick pic'd" out... so no...i don't care to see your "package" especially before I even know you... it only makes me wonder if that is all you see yourself as...


Horizontal Line

1/6/2011 6:27:39 PM

if i'm not good enough for you now... you aren't good enough for me as i get healthier... jus' sayin'. 

 Induction of Atkin's begins on the 16th of Jan. yay! go me!


1/4/2011 12:53:50 PM

so... i'm wondering if "good girls finish last" like "good guys"... just something that's been poking about my brain lately...

  Either way... "always be true to yourself" remains the constant within.


11/25/2010 10:54:20 AM

i am no longer willing to relocate, at this time. At this point in my life, it is simply easier to say this than it is to explain to people that i am not going to up and move within a few months of meeting Someone. my family, friends, and life are here in IL. 


2/17/2010 5:51:56 PM
i'm noticing that it's nigh impossible to find Someone with Their head and heart based in reality... must be harder for some than others...
?

9/27/2009 9:48:40 PM

so, i wrote this because a friend asked me to help her express her heart and heartache, at being lied to and sent away on false pretenses...and in doing so, i've been able to see my own growth, i've been able to feel righteous anger. It was liberating and eye-opening. *smiles* and here i am, just a day or 2 from the "other side" . The only "step" left is the physical one, which will be the easiest, as my heart is now free again. *smiles*



You Were

 

You were

my love

my world

my air

I surrendered

my body

my heart

my mind

blindly

i trusted

i loved

i gave

wholeheartedly.

You said

I love you

I won't leave you

I want you

for my Own

my heart broke

You never told me 

i am disposable.

i am replaceable.

i am recyclable.

Therefore,

when You

pushed me away

sent me away

tossed me away

in so doing

You lost the

unconditional

trust

love

adoration

of a lil girl

who thought

that You were the

sun

moon

and

stars

...

..

.

In quiet nights

do You listen

 to the remnants of

Your heart?

Hearing;

not just

listening

it's message

admonishing

berating

chastising

like a Preacher

trying to

save You

..

.

from

You.

 

 

mB 2009

 


9/22/2009 5:44:29 PM

and the greatest of these…

 

 it means

i have the freedom

to be absolutely me

to give

and know my gift

will not be made light of

that what i bring

will be cherished

that my words

will be heard

that i will be

wanted

no matter the moment

not disposable 

not replaceable

not "for now"

it means

i do not hold a

"temp position"

in your heart

that i am on your mind

that your hurt is my hurt

and mine is yours

that we will grow

together

not

apart.

that You are safe within me

and i within You.

 

02-11-09


9/18/2009 7:42:03 PM

Dichotomy


i hear

"Rely on”

“Trust Me"

i struggle

to trust

to rely

to give over

yet i crave

need

want

with all of me

don’t You get it?

it's what i am

how can i be strong

when i am still fragile

You not realize

that it takes

so very little

to cripple

to decimate

my new-found growth

beneath Your heel

the seedlings

still buffeted

by life's breezes

i should not

have to tell You

that i have given You

my trust

my heart

i need You

because

i let You

create

that need

in me.


9/13/2009 4:41:03 PM
So. This is me.

so this is me
unwilling to give an inch
unwilling to give a thing
stepping back
letting go
moving on
needing You not
not needing any
Man
want... yes.
need... no.
hell no.
friends
family
oft that line blurs
but a Man in
my life
my bed
my heart
my head
my soul
is only a desire.
a hunger
a powerful want.
i do not ~need~ You.
i am not even sure
that i even want You
anymore.
why would i
should i
how could i
bend any further backwards
for You...
pfft
i see no earthly
unearthly
reason to humble myself
to prostrate myself
to lower myself
in Your presence
i am more than You
in ways You simply cannot fathom
Your mind is stuck in "conquer and fuck" mode.
Your heart is lost
and hasn't an idea
of what love truly is...
let alone how love acts...
how love treats
the one it cares for
cares about
never wants to live without.
might i suggest
you think
before you toss about
"love"
like a time bomb,
on the next girl.


9/2/2009 11:58:12 PM

Make a Choice


i am not

your

alpha girl

second girl

or your

omega girl

i am not

your

other woman

dirty little secret

or

kept mistress

i am not

your

courtesan

concubine

or

girl on the side

you want open options

have them

but

you will

NOT

have me

and i will

NOT

be here

for You to

"choose"

when You tire

of all the

pretty

shiny

things



9/2/2009 11:55:54 PM

The lil girl


dark curls

in pig tails

green eyes

framed by dark lashes

her lips

done in a

soft pink

nibbles her lip

waits for Him

tugs on her skirt

fusses with her ribbons

her heart races

her hands over her tummy

as it clenches

tumbling over itself

wanting to impress

even as she knows

this is very likely

the last time

she will see Him

the last time

she will feel

His touch

hear His words

and place any

future hopes

within Him

she sighs

steps forward

and smiles brightly

up at Him

and even as He gazes

with affection

down at her

it is His actions

that have brought her

to this

so that

she is already gone

from Him inside

02-05-09 © mjb



9/2/2009 11:53:05 PM

Trust


open communication

vis a vis

voice to voice

heart to heart

no go-betweens

no mediator

no fear of recrimination

of non-acceptance

able and willing

to give in kind

to listen

knowing in full

that there will be

nothing done

with harmful intent

that the giving fully of oneself

will be accepted

with open arms

mind

heart

and ears to hear

a two-way street

that does no good

if only one

is doing all the traveling

meet me halfway

or

at the very least

let us take turns

as we can

02-11-09


9/2/2009 11:52:21 PM
The Trust Prequel...

trust

vulnerability

knowing

i am loved

and safe

my heart opens

aches

it hurts

to trust

i need this

so much

i fear it

immeasurably

i am consumed

with my need

to be vulnerable

to trust

so completely

that i can give

so completely

all of me.

i fear

i will never

find my ability

and safe place

to do so

in the context i seek.

how can i "carpe" anything

in this state of mind...?

02-04-09



9/2/2009 11:50:51 PM
What's she Worth to You?

what's she worth?

what have you got?

a camera...

cheapened

a bit of faux love?

mayhap a bill paid?

is she worth time?

Your time?

Your love?

or only when it suits?

are You only here

for the show?

to see what she

will do for You?

to see how far

You can strip her

her humanity

from her

to belittle...

to make light of...

to take any confidence

to rip away anything

she might have once loved

of herself...

to leave her with

loathing

hate

feeling herself vile

worthless

too much effort...

was that Your goal?

or are You truly...

honestly...

completely...

that

clueless in Your thinking.

Is that that is what love

is all about

for You?




8/12/2009 4:49:49 PM
you know... i will never "get it"...this childish, 5 year old behaviour of "Doms" that don't get Their way. i mean, if i have a different view than You, why even approach me. i'm not looking to be "converted". i'm no newbie that is easily scared and in awe just because You have a "Dom" or "Sir" or "Master" in front of Your name.
  Then there is the ever popular name calling and then blocking... *lauuuuugghhss* speaking of kindergarten behaviour. whew. i needed a good laugh. thank You to the One that thinks He's the cat's meow, and just tried to play that game with me.
 ;)
 *giggles*

7/25/2009 8:50:45 PM
my profile, just read it. if there are "too many words" i'm not for You. 

7/15/2009 4:42:37 PM
so, i have to vent.. it's driving me batty... *laughs* that People call themselves Dominates... um... that's a verb.. not a noun... gahhh... please... stop it. yes, i'm a snob about some things... and yes, i take horrible advantage of the English language. Thing is, i know i do. i really do not believe that these Others that call themselves a "Dominate" have a clue that They cannot possibly be a verb.
 >:P oy vey! whew.
ok... tis enough rantin' ;)

5/18/2009 9:40:00 PM
Looking over the Edge...

if i leave
and i fall
will i be able
to find all the
smithereens
all the shards
and tiny
powdered bits
that are strewn about
that used to be
my heart
i no longer know
how to protect it
i've trusted it
with too many
that didn't even
like themselves enough
to care for their own
what was i thinking?
if i walk away now
where will i walk to?
i only see edges
that lead to deep caverns
darker places than i'm in
even now
i can tell you true
if it gets much darker
much deeper
i don't care to even try
to find a foothold
to struggle that hard
to do it all over again
i'd rather just
stay right here,
'til it's all over.
cuz i don't think
i can do it again
give myself again
so very completely.

5/16/2009 8:22:48 PM
i've started a new Martial Art class, Wing Chun. *smiles* it's 6 days a week, and seems to be easier on my knees *laughs* mostly. i'm hoping to learn this, and as i learn, i can go back to my Tae Kwon Do... mayhap do both. i'm hopeful. my Sifu is a wonderful person and dedicated to his family. a very positive place and situation for me.
  oh yes! :) and it's just down the block from me, so i don't have to worry about not having a car...


3/20/2009 10:05:01 AM
i find it ... interesting... that a "slave" (that repeatedly verbally and physically abuses a Master and tells Him in unkind terms to "leave" her and her kids... keeps harassing me for remaining on terms of friends with bene's til i'm collared... that she has the *shrugs* "need" to vent and slander, then to write to me about it. Is she ~that~ obsessed with me? the one that said she wanted a poly relationship, that has never been able to tolerate anything but things her own way... aka punching walls, and yelling at her children, yet she complains that because i allowed her in my home because of our mutual friend... that my home is a wreck... yet another had to help her clean hers when dcfs was going to show up. interesting indeed. why is there need for this childish behaviour? since she keeps saying to me "take Him, He's yours" and "you two deserve each Oother" then... why keep harassing me? i spose i could just file the charges legally and be done with it... suggestions?
  :) ~ raven

2/17/2009 10:13:27 PM
so... my first Tae Kwon Do class was last night mmm im sore n happy, it is good to be back in a class again, and i've wanted to learn some of the martial arts for many years. It's just down the block from my apt, so its perfect. So, starting with 3 days a week, and will pick up from there. whew.. :)
 yay me!
 

2/13/2009 4:25:51 PM
"At the cusp"

its been building
escalating
striving
driven
forward 
and upward
i'm so close
to the summit
and yet
i cannot tell
if it's a plateau
a short rest,
mayhap
an idyll
for a bit
to recoup
and regroup
either way
it is time
my time. 
my life.
my submission.
my choice. 
my gift.
i will not 
be misused
ignored
abused
forgotten
set aside
2nd best
2nd choice
runner up
this change 
is about me.
yes.
just me.
because 
it is time.
for me.
to value me.
then.
i can accept 
that you do, too.




2/13/2009 4:17:08 PM
"Safety" 
a sword with 2 edges
one clean
and mortally sharp
the other
ragged
dangerous
a slow death
sanguinary
horrific
so
i stay put
wait "it" out
be "safe"
in a place
is safety 
right?
better the evil 
we know?... 
right...?
or is it "safer" 
to step out
leave the "known evil"
and try 
the new?
so... 
is either truly 
"Safe"?
 
 

2/11/2009 6:17:21 PM
*wonders if she should put any of her "poetry" up in here... *

1/28/2009 1:11:33 AM
*chuckles* oh yeah... Republicans and bigots need not apply ;)

11/16/2008 7:05:41 PM
woohoo... 6 weeks without smokes! *grins*

11/15/2008 12:52:43 AM
why is it so hard to be allowed to love and be loved... by One. to know that her heart, mind, body, and soul are safe with One. To be safe and secure inside and out, knowing that there is not a constant search for a "better" replacement... to know that she is loved when she is sick, or scared, or having a bad day, just as much as when she gives without being told, or asked, to do so... to know that she is safe and able to open up and be herself, to give simply because she knows it will bring Him pleasure, and not fear that she is not enough for Him?

8/29/2008 11:48:44 PM

they call it poetry IX

if the eyes

are the window

to the soul,

then for those

that care to really see

will find a tentative

scared, yet determined

little girl

trying to put back together

the puzzle pieces

that will no longer will fit

the previous dovetail

that worked and nestled

so well

is now archaic,

flawed, and has become warped.

those that care to peer deeper

to truly see,

will find a girl

with fears

of being let down,

ignored,

and told empty

pretty words.

a girl that guards her heart

yet craves to

not have to

that needs to trust

fully

implicitly

and wholly

and receive that in kind.

there is a smile in her

a devastatingly beautiful

contagious smile

that is hesitant and fleeting

for now.

i once knew this girl well

and i loved her absolutely

and wholly

for who she was

is

and would become.

   ~ raven


Vertical Line

Horizontal Line
Horizontal Line
KatesNewMoon
 
 Age: 23
 DAKAR, Senegal