5 ways to spot a great Dominant
There are a number of questions that people new to the BDSM lifestyle, both Dominant and submissive, would like to know about the scene. One of the most prto a point this is completely normal) and never mention or continue to push your needs to the side, it’s time to find another relationship
They Don’t Rush Into Things. They Get to Know Their Submissive
I’m not going to say that relationships aren’t quickly formed and the participants live happily ever after. While this happens in both the vanilla and BDSM world, D/s relationships should be met with a degree of caution and should be approached very slowly. That’s to say, you guys each need to understand each other much like you would if you were dating. Keep in mind this is how relationships begin and deepen in the real world, but it goes much deeper than that in the lifestyle. Your Dominant shouldn’t only play with you twice and consider either of you long-term relationship material. Instead, they should be vetting you, grooming you, and testing you to determine if you’re a right fit for them. Anything less would indicate recklessness on their part. Recklessness isn’t a good trait to have in a Dominant.
They Should Be Studious and Always Willing to Hone Their Craft
This is exceedingly important. How else would a Dominant, especially a new one, learn their craft if they don’t do any reading, practice, or at least attempt to find a mentor for themselves? This leads to a number of problems for the submissive, including stagnation (you can’t grow if your Dominant refuses to grow), willful ignorance, and in the case of practicing with implements, the potential danger of harm to the submissive’s mind and body. If you sense that the Dominant isn’t attempting to progress in any capacity, both within and outside of the relationship, you should work on finding a new one.
They Consider Safety in All Things Within and Outside of the Relationship
A deep D/s relationship is more than your Dominant writing up a contract, spanking you every once and awhile, and ordering you around. In many ways your Dominant is your protector, and should be concerned about the submissive's safety both in the scene and outside of it. They should meet the new and old people you hang around with, and get to know other Dominants you go to play parties with. They should check in on you after a scene, and provide for you when you’re sick. This may seem self explanatory, but the Dominant has to be invested in caring for you, just like you take care of them, when you decide to deepen your relationship.
Hopefully, when you follow these guidelines, you’ll know what to look for when attempting to find a Dominant to get into a D/s relationship with. This will provide you with the depth and loving connection we all desire with the person you care about the most. Enjoy yourself out there, and as always, be safe.