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Not interested in single men. I have been receiving many canned replies from idiots who cannot read my page. no single men. |
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i am excited that it's my Dom's birthday month. i have been granted *consideration* to take Sir out for His birthday.
Not on His birthday, but for, on a date of His choosing.
i have some nice places in mind and am very excited . |
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disobedient when my padlock is off |
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Serving my Dom is not only about service, but is also cathartic. The peace, happiness, energy flow ....
to be continued
Obeying my Master is most important. Not answering back, just....simply....complying
The amount of admiration i hold for my Dom is immeasurable. |
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back to work sexually frustrated unless i find a Mistress.....like....now :P |
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Wearing my chastity padlock is the only way I display improved behavior. |
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i seem to possess the gut-wretching, tear inducing ability in my writing. not to brag, but while reading the beginning of my newest manu i made myself sob. pathetic? perhaps, but candid.
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sometimes i wish i had someone to bring me things when i am ill/unwell. |
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i really wish i had marks and someone would play with me. i am fatigued and i need correction |
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my profile photo is that of me going to the 66th floor |
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not interested in holidays. respect the fact that not everyone celebrates your fucking holidaze. |
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"Bad Husband" By Eminem
NUFF SAID |
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it was 2016 septermber. morrissey concert.
about a month after my Master reiinstated me. After the absolute scene. The most intense scene of my life.
grateful.
during that Moz concert i was texting Sir, and hanging out with gals at the concert.
"There is a light that never goes out" comes on. i began kissing the gal. i thought of my Master. He was giving me orders.
the next morning i was in Atlantic City with a man called my husband. a man who shit on me from the day we met. cheated on me since the day we met and was abusive to me.
my Master saved my life once again
3 lifetimes i am indebted to Him
i am not ashamed, nor am i sorry
but that last trip with my ex husband ....was one of reminding me that i did not love my ex. when you love someone you make it your business to treat them well, without abuse
at the hotel Bruce Springsteen's song "One Step Up" came on. The irony. I realized that the fit was going to hit the shan (pun intended)
do i love my ex? in a nurturing way. i told him the day i met him in 2003 that i was a bridge. i told him i like short men. i told him that i wanted to help him. and i did. i am grateful
....to be contonued |
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At work I think about my Dom |
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"This will be an absolute permanent body modification. It is My ownership of you. Everyone will know that you are My property, my slave, and you wear my brand on your ass, my irons in your labia and now you will wear My Modification. Your clitoris will be removed"
You hear the gasps of your guests.
"she must be very speical.
"wow"
She now understands.
She now realizes that she is permanently under order |
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just about all year i have been punished. rigghtfully so, but it still saddens me |
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disappointing my Master saddens me more than anything in this universe |
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i belong to my Master, and i am grateful to serve my Master. |
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From midnight to dawn, which began to lighten the eastern sky at about five, as the moon waned and descended toward the west, people came up to her several times and some even touched her, they formed a circle around her several times and several times they parted her knees and lifted the chain, bringing with them on of those two-branched candlesticks of Provençal earthenware - and she could feel the flames from the candles warming the inside of her thighs - to see how she was attached.
-Pauline Reage
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Man loves obedience," wrote Aury, "which delivers him from himself, because secretly he loves... to lose himself. To achieve this... women have maternity and prostitution..." What better can you do than use your body "to prove to the man you love that you belong to him, and therefore that you no longer belong to yourself," explained Aury. "To be killed by the person you love seems to me the height of rapture... Hell is everyday life, when you are alone."
Jacques Maitre tells us of the c17th anorexic nun who styled herself "Soeur Louise du Neant" (Sister Louise of Nothingness). "Prostrate, ecstatic, O has much in common with the sacred prostitute, the recluse, the cloistered nun." writes Florence Montreynaud , "The author draws freely on religious imagery, and the way of the cross she describes marks O as a martyr to love. Identifying herself with the "receptacle of impurity, the sewer spoken in ure", she deems herself "abandoned by God in the dark night" and, like St Theresa of Avila, "dies of not dying".
"Was not O using Rene and Sir Stephen..." asked Aury, "to achieve the fulfilment of her dreams, in other words her destruction, her death?" |
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‘Thus would he possess her as a god possessed his creatures whereupon he lays hands guised as some monster or bird, as some invisible spirit or as ecstasy itself’. |
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I wrote it alone, for him, to interest him, to please him, to occupy him. I wasn't young, nor particularly pretty. I needed something which might interest a man like him. Read more at http://www.notable-quotes.com/r/reage_pauline.html#LFBemU6ppbj0VoBx.99 |
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i miss serving my Master as choregirl in chastity
i am a brat
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i wish i could serve my Dom ....
it's going to be a long week, but a good week |
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it's very challenging being Owned by a cruel Dom that keeps me in chastity. a perpetual state of being aroused, but frustrated and wishes she could be played with! <g> |
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i need to be played with. |
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serving my Master brings a slave like me fulfillment. being kept in chastity is a challenege. |
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i had an epiphany while enjoying permission to write from my Master:
i won't get cunty when my Master behaves in a manner that's consistent with....being a Dom
This means:
Being at peace, embracing the true nature of being owned:
Serving and Obeying
Most importantly, this means not being selfish or concerned about your own sexual desires, or gratification |
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I want and have always wanted to be the slave You desire, deprive, punish, chastise and display proudly. -from my novel
when reading my own material, i shant be upset that my Master deprives, punishes, chastises me
i can only hope He might display me and take me to the party |
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i am grateful to be back in Queens.
i am a Queens girl |
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DUMS who refers to themselves as "DOMS":
i am Owned. please respect that, and refrain from sending me insulting messages.
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But you're lucky." "Why lucky?" "Was it your lover who brought you here?" "Yes," O said. "They'll be a lot harder with you." "I don't understand.... |
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i hope to serve my Master soon.... i miss doing chores and serving Him |
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to my ex who brags about his fat "princess". well, tell yourself that you have to actually treat a human being with dignity and respect. (yes that means NOT abusing them). i realize that you realize you made mistakes with me. just wait till you are legally divorced before moving her in to the home you threw me out of.
my Master doesn't need a superficial title. You never earned the privelege of Domming me, nor will anyone because all of my exes display the same weakness: no self control, no self motivation and certainly...NO TACT
all you can get are fat girls who want a sugar daddy. one day you will need help and your cunt of the week will be long gone laughing all the way to the bank.
i always knew my place in my heart was being my Master's Owned Property
i exists serving my Master on my orders |
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i am very grateful for my Master's orders |
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The more he surrendered her, the more he would hold her dear. The fact that he gave her was to him a proof, and ought to be one for her as well, that she belonged to him: one can only give what belongs to you.” ― Pauline Réage, Story of O: A Novel
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Someone looked amazing tonight. For the 2 minutes that i was able to gaze.... and even better, greet. Yes, all that to kiss His hand. reward. grateful
hmmmm
::::Dreamily bats her eyelashes blushing::::
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I don’t want to hold your gaze I’m scared what I might see there Found myself in this place And I’m a burning fire
Oh, peace may come I hope it won’t take long Just a faith I cannot see, oh bring me home I’m in here all along Just me and my melody
So, free me Oh, free me From this pain I’ve been running from I’m tired and I’m free falling Free me Oh, free me From this shame I’ve been running from I’m lost and I am calling you
I’m lost and I am calling I’m lost and I am calling
I don’t have a way back down I'm stepping even further Take my hand and turn me around I’m listening to myself
Oh, peace may come I hope it won’t take long Just a faith I cannot see Bring me home I’m in here all along Just me and my melody
So free me Oh, free me From this pain I’ve been running from I’m tired and I’m free falling Free me Oh, free me From this shame I’ve been running from I’m lost and I am calling you
I’m calling you
And though I can’t undo All the things I put you through I can’t take your hand Admit that I don't have a plan Only you
Free me
Free me From this pain I’ve been running from I’m tired and I’m free falling Free me Free me From this shame I’ve been running from I’m lost and I am calling you Free me I'm lost and I am calling Free me Free me From this shame I’ve been running from I’m lost and I am calling you
-Sia
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i haven't seen my Dom in what seems like forever. i know that i won't disobey my Master again like i did while at His Domain (even worse infraction) |
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it bears repeating. i have written this
In the innermost depth of my soul, my mind and my heart, I want to please You regardless of limitations.
Limits, what limits? I want, and have always wanted to be the slave You desire, deprive, punish, chastise and display proudly.
I truly want to be what you desire regardless of what I had to do to achieve such
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dont settle in life. be grateful. |
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my ex not only threw me out and locked me out of accounts, he has been paying girls money . girls dont like or want him. shocker.
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Once I was 7 years old my momma told me Go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely Once I was 7 years old
[Verse 1] It was a big big world, but we thought we were bigger Pushing each other to the limits, we were learning quicker By eleven smoking herb and drinking burning liquor
Never rich so we were out to make that steady figure
[Chorus 2] Once I was 11 years old my daddy told me Go get yourself a wife or you'll be lonely Once I was 11 years old
[Verse 2] I always had that dream like my daddy before me So I started writing songs, I started writing stories
Something about that glory just always seemed to bore me Cause only those I really love will ever really know me
[Chorus 3] Once I was 20 years old, my story got told Before the morning sun, when life was lonely Once I was 20 years old
(Lukas Graham!!!) [Verse 3] I only see my goals, I don't believe in failureCause I know the smallest voices, they can make it majorI got my boys with me at least those in favor And if we don't meet before I leave, I hope I'll see you later[Chorus 4] Once I was 20 years old, my story got told I was writing 'bout everything, I saw before me Once I was 20 years oldSoon we'll be 30 years old, our songs have been soldWe've traveled around the world and we're still roaming Soon we'll be 30 years old [Verse 4] I'm still learning about life My woman brought children for me So I can sing them all my songs And I can tell them stories Most of my boys are with me Some are still out seeking glory And some I had to leave behind My brother I'm still sorry[Bridge] Soon I'll be 60 years old, my daddy got 61
Remember life and then your life becomes a better oneI made a man so happy when I wrote a letter once I hope my children come and visit, once or twice a month
[Chorus 5]Soon I'll be 60 years old, will I think the world is cold Or will I have a lot of children who can warm me Soon I'll be 60 years old Soon I'll be 60 years old, will I think the world is cold Or will I have a lot of children who can hold me Soon I'll be 60 years old
[Chorus 1 recap] Once I was seven years old, my momma told me Go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely Once I was seven years old
Once I was seven years old
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i saw a leprechaun coach yesterday. they changed their color scheme. now its dark.
as my reinstatement versery passes, i am grateful and know that my obedience this year will improve
i must obey my Master's wishes. if He wishes to apply rules to texting then i am to abide by them, without hesitation |
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it's been almost a year. i have much to be thankful for , but at a price
i know that i am grateful to live in peace and out of fear.
i want to make my Master happy
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https://youtu.be/GC5lmDDs4ZQ |
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It's not home And it's not Tara If fact do I know you Have I been here before This is a dream, right Deja Vu Did I come here on my own
Oh I see Welcome to the room Sara for Scarlett Welcome to the choir, sir
Oh Missionary Well I will be different When I get back And you can take all of the credit You say everything's fine, baby But sometimes at night
Where the first cut is the deepest one of all And the second one Well it's a worthless thing, so take it all the way back home Take it home
Oh, downstairs where the big old house is mine Oh, upstairs where the stars laugh and shine Oh, oh well I thought that you were mine Well I thought that you were mine
Welcome to the room Sara, Sara (for Scarlett) Welcome to the choir, sir Well of course it was a problem (for Scarlett)
Front line baby Well you held her prisoner And after all these years Well as well as you knew her
In the never forgotten words of another one of your friends In the never forgotten words of another one of your friends, baby
When you hang up that phone Well you cease to exist Welcome to the room Sara Welcome Welcome to the room everyone
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https://youtu.be/GryxQEhYRr4
1998. the year i started with leprechaun the year was good.... the year my Master found me. and this song
i had my name before this album.....
which incarnation am i? ive been all but now #1 i think
my ex/ marriage: the black satin evening gown
hmmmm makes ya wonder |
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HOT DAM, MISHA
https://youtu.be/PgPthI5Rbkw
he is adorable! was
um my first bf was an EXACT SPLITTING IMAHGE of him! |
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https://youtu.be/9JntzkszLX8
i am freed,
but thankfully Owned
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i realize that when i am much older, that i will look at why i left my toxic ex. i know for a fact, without a doubt, that i will contemplate it for the rest of my life i needed to take care of myself, to not allow the abuse any longer. i won't ever be "sorry" for that. for saving myself and only doing so because my Dom enabled me that i am worthy of a life without abuse.
we are never alone
people come and go https://youtu.be/-hc4La3FOr0 |
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my Dom has more patience than entire countries. i am honored to be Owned by my Dom
i smile at work |
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ordering me to sleep, i fell asleep quicker than a few winks. my mind was free, open and i slept soundly. i didn't even hear Him leave the room.
and as i awakened for work, putting on my uniform after a shower, trying my best not to disturb Him...
i wished heavily to bid Him goodbye greetings until i am fortunate to serve again as chore girl
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https://youtu.be/R5NksZzD0yo
love it |
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one day
https://youtu.be/VqKY9o5igAI |
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https://youtu.be/uAB3xtZQank |
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i am naughty many times, but when my Dom is scolding me or punishing me ...then i am behaved. but i try to be a good girl! ;) |
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LOL: my ex really "upgraded" HA HA HA :P to a huge fat girl!!!! more cushion for the pushin!!!!! :P
better her than me!!!!
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i am grateful for my orders for everything in my life
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https://youtu.be/RL_Wif8MyTY |
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I found the tunnel scene- let's drive
https://youtu.be/8bZdm8asYSk
yep yep - amen |
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From midnight to dawn, which began to lighten the eastern sky at about five, as the moon waned and descended toward the west, people came up to her several times and some even touched her, they formed a circle around her several times and several times they parted her knees and lifted the chain, bringing with them on of those two-branched candlesticks of Provençal earthenware - and she could feel the flames from the candles warming the inside of her thighs - to see how she was attached.
-Pauline Reage
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...in the end you have always been able to love
no matter how much you've lost |
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i am grateful to be worthy of serving my Dom i am grateful for HIs punishment, and being in chastity most of the year
i love making my Dom happy.
His happiness motivates me to improve as His slave girl
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I want and have always wanted to be the slave You desire, deprive, punish, chastise and display proudly.
I truly did want to be what you desired regardless of what I had to do to achieve such
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from the foreward of my novel:
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i have to go to work thinking about how i am inadequate as a sub. how i must improve. how much i truly love serving my Master. i am working on obedience
behaving
working
and not nagging my Dom. |
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my birthday will be in a few weeks i can only hope that i might be rewarded to do chores for my Dom
i miss serving my Dom
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tomorrow i have a charter. i miss my Dom |
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https://youtu.be/EXfLirBwBKY
SO TRUE
i miss dance. last did so in boarding school
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i trust my Dom through any thing my Dom orders. if there is a volcano and He orders me to walk over the bridge of a volacano, for exampl,e i trust His expertise and ability - and His intelligence .
i trust absolutely every cell of my mind body and soul, my Dom
because i have never ever been misused, led astray, or anything of tat sort.
i trust my Dom.
i know that when i am ordered to not do something a certain way or similar it is for my betterment as a slave of His
i can only hope that i may be allowed to be His slut. |
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O enjoys being in this subordinate position when it comes to love and sex and being with someone who will put her in such a situation and keep her there.In both O and Severin's case, the one who relinquishes control is the one who loves the most deeply. The one who kneels is the one who is obsessed, while the one who punishes seems almost indifferent.Barthes (1977) writes that the one who loves is the one who is constantly 'sedentary, motionless, at hand, in expectation’ while the loved one is in a ‘condition of perpetual departure’ (p.14). O finds herself in this constant state of perpetual waiting with René.Whenever he relaxes his grip on her she feels like she is going mad. Yet within this mania, it is the tight bonds he holds over her make her happy. As O herself thinks, '[t]hank God, she was no longer free'(p.43). She knows that even when she is not with her lover, she will always carry the marks on her skin and his branding on her body. O finds escape from the craziness of being the one who loves the most,the one who always waits, through the knowledge that she is tightly bound and controlled by her loverand cannot actually escape. The parody of this metaphorical binding in the literal sense helps her reach ecstasy and fulfillment. " |
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i look forward to serving my Dom
i am grateful |
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But what a delight and comfort, this iron ring which pierces the flesh and weighs one down forever, this mark eternal, how peaceful and reassuring the hand of a master who lays you on a bed of rock, the love of a master who knows how to take what he loves ruthlessly, without pity. -Pauline Reage, Story of O |
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i am grateful
i am grateful for my standing orders and any new orders
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I truly did want to be what you desired regardless of what I had to do to achieve that
Edited years later:
In the innermost depth of my soul, my mind and my heart, I want to please You regardless of limitations. Limits, what limits? I want and have always wanted to be the slave You desire, deprive, punish, chastise and display proudly.
I truly did want to be what you desired regardless of what I had to do to achieve that |
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realized how wicked the 80s were. yeah, i'm aging myself. dam proud
Only in my dreams from "on the dance floor vol 2" of all great retro dance hits.
wicked.
pissah!!! |
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i resemble Neve Campbell, Emily Bett Rickards from Arrow Tv show, and Sara Paulson |
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"You confuse easily, slut, so chose your words carefully before you answer. Make sure that you please me with them. Do you understand?"
-from one of my first short stories |
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OMG he was live last night? IN THE SAMe theater I saw Morrissey
LOVE THIS SONG
https://youtu.be/53SIqqb9Mpk |
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i have the next 2 -3 chapters of my novel in my mind. i haven't had permission to write, rightfully punished along with chastity and more, for months.
i think the next few chapters will flow. part of the beginning of my book really happened in RL
as in one of the characters appeared IN REAL LIFE REAL TIME
i will explain in another entry
i am grateful to be owned
but would and could only wish for marks, or a permanent mark of ownership
i also have the next portion of the musical manu i have been composing for my Dom
yes, writing and music. |
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To say I am grateful for the orders im given by my Dom is an understatement I always happily await His orders i absolutely live to serve Him Yes i have a team life, however my as ownership runs through my blood, I Ann grateful for the chastity I've been in for months |
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Grateful Improving Never stagnating |
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I have stood here before inside the pouring rain With the world turning circles running 'round my brain I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign But it's my destiny to be the king of pain |
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next chapter of my life begins in Queens. 6/1. grateful |
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today is a better day. beginning better changes in life. |
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i found a story i wrote many years ago during a dismal time: my dismissal. the story seems new to me, because it has been absolutely forever since reading it.
i had written it for my Master and reading it now..... i read it with happiness |
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sometimes i wonder how i do things i do i feel like i picked up where i left off awake
as i look at the empire state building out my window with the lights off
it's solid blue
blue represents the thyroid
blue is my aura
irony? no. meant to be.
This color represents the throat, specifically the thyroid. If your aura is blue, you're intuitive, and you love helping people. You remain calm during a crisis. Others lean on you for support. Royal blue: This means you are a highly developed spiritual intuitive or clairvoyant |
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loved this movie
https://youtu.be/CWqdAgA-F8c |
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one of my favorite shows. https://youtu.be/Pg6LfJi8rnU
wish t hey made more seasons |
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so i found an interesting write up about one of my favorite books Story of O, which i read 20 years ago....and in another post i will elaborate on *then* vs *now :)
Dominique Aury, who (as "Pauline Reage") wrote the classic Story of O in 1954, died on May 2 at 91. Naively, perhaps, I was surprised that more thoughtful notice wasn't taken of the event. Searching the Web for comment or tribute, all I found were obituaries like "Dominique Aury: Frenchwoman who wrote an erotic bestseller to keep her lover."
"Bestseller" hardly covers it. Story of O has sold millions of copies, and hasn't been out of print in more than 40 years. It has influenced numerous erotic fictions, been made into two (wretched) films and given shape to countless fantasy lives.
But it's a difficult book to think about right now, its structure and assumptions somehow out of tune with our times. O, a young fashion photographer, goes with her lover to a mysterious chateau, where she's whipped, chained, exposed and humiliated, all in the supplest, most finely poised sentences imaginable. Elegantly choreographed and costumed, Story of O seems a bit of a period piece now -- like 1950s haute couture in a world of latex and piercings.
But it's the novel's pre-feminism that makes it seem so foreign to us. The chateau is run entirely by and for the pleasure of men: No male submissives or female dominants need apply (though in the character of Anne-Marie, there's a suggestion that some of the middle management is female). Sexual power and privilege in Story of O are rigid, systematic, almost metaphysically encoded -- O is like a supplicant joining a religious order. But what seems most out of sync with our time is Story of O's utter lack of that therapeutic quality that pervades so much contemporary porn: that remarkable insistence that this stuff is good for you, bringing with it self-knowledge, autonomy and the ability to love.
O doesn't have to learn to love -- if she learns anything, it's her utter need to be dominated by love. And she certainly doesn't have to learn to live, since the novel ends with her death or abandonment by her lover, convincing us that the two eventualities are equivalent.
Time away from a lover -- a master -- is dead time for O. In popular contemporary pornographies, on the other hand, time away from the lover is almost a convention, an opportunity for healthy soul-searching before the books' happy -- even wholesome -- endings. Beauty and her prince cuddle in the saddle in Anne Rice's "Sleeping Beauty" trilogy. Pat Califia's lesbian biker girls ride off clean and sober at the end of Doc and Fluff. Even John Preston's eponymous leatherman, Mr. Benson, goes a little sappy on us, piercing his young partner with a diamond stud and growling, "I guess we're hitched now, asshole."
It's easy to smile at these simplified happy endings -- supermarket romance laced with the banalities of consciousness raising. But they also represent an achievement: a faith that it's possible to integrate daily life and supportive relationships with the extreme demands of the sexual imagination. And even if the stories get a little preachy at times, there's still a cheerful community spirit to them, as well as a nice dose of irreverence and a willingness to laugh at oneself. Contemporary sex radicalism's public conversation is in some way reminiscent of an earlier, equally pornographic era, the recklessly public and talky Enlightenment. Think of the Marquis de Sade's whacked out discourses on sex, power and "nature;" think of his dramatic dialogue Philosophy in the Bedroom as the proceedings of a group self-help session, perhaps with a hot tub nearby.
But is it possible to assimilate Story of O's lonely, pristine quest toward self-negation into this clamorous, self-actualizing, "sex positive" culture?
The answer to this question lies in the mysterious facts of the novel's genesis, first described by Jean de St. Jorris in a 1994 New Yorker article. As the obituary said, Aury did write the book in order to keep her lover, the critic and literateur Jean Paulhan. She'd become his mistress during the Nazi occupation, when both of them, unbeknownst to each other, worked for the same underground resistance journal. Their love affair, which spanned three decades, continued to follow wartime rules of silence and clandestineness -- the secret meetings, the meticulous planning. Though Paulhan never considered leaving his wife, who had Parkinson's disease, he expected her to accommodate to the affair, just as he expected Aury to fill in the lonely Sundays and vacation times. I think of the famous photograph of Francois Mitterrand's funeral, wife and mistress both in attendance, and what a fearsome investment of female tact and anxiety such an arrangement must entail.
For Aury, the anxiety came to a head in the early 1950s. She was in her middle 40s, and she began to fear that Paulhan might leave her for a younger woman. "I wasn't young, I wasn't pretty, it was necessary to find other weapons," she said.
"I could also write the kind of stories you like," she told him one day. Paulhan admired the work of de Sade; he'd written the introduction to an important edition of his work. When he had voiced his doubt that a woman could write compelling S/M, Aury said she knew that she could. The fantasy lay buried in the half-forgotten depths of her dreams, conceived before she had ever met Paulhan, before she had ever known sex or love. Story of O is in no way a humble entreaty by a woman terrified of abandonment. It was clearly meant to overwhelm. Revealing a fierce, complete and unsparing sexual imagination, it was every bit as much a dare as a love offering.
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sometimes i wonder how i do things i do i feel like i picked up where i left off awake
as i look at the empire state building out my window with the lights off
it's solid blue
blue represents the thyroid
blue is my aura
irony? no. meant to be.
This color represents the throat, specifically the thyroid. If your aura is blue, you're intuitive, and you love helping people. You remain calm during a crisis. Others lean on you for support. Royal blue: This means you are a highly developed spiritual intuitive or clairvoyant |
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I never felt magic crazy as this I never saw moons knew the meaning of the sea I never held emotion in the palm of my hand Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree But now you're here Brighten my northern sky
I've been a long time that I'm waiting Been a long time that I'm blown I've been a long time that I've wandered Through the people I have known Oh, if you would and you could Straighten my new mind's eye
Would you love me for my money Would you love me for my head Would you love me through the winter Would you love me ‘til I'm dead Oh, if you would and you could Come blow your horn on high
I never felt magic crazy as this I never saw moons knew the meaning of the sea I never held emotion in the palm of my hand Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree But now you're here
Brighten my northern sky
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"If you can get people to consent to the state of affairs in which they are living, the state of servitude, it seems to me that the nature of the ultimate revolution which we are now facing is precisely this, that we are in process of developing a whole series of the techniques which will enable the controlling oligarchy who have always existed, and presumably always will exist, to get people actually to love their servitude. People can be made to enjoy a state of affairs which, by any decent standard, they ought not to enjoy." - Aldous Huxley |
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The more he surrendered her, the more he would hold her dear. The fact that he gave her was to him a proof, and ought to be one for her as well, that she belonged to him: one can only give what belongs to you.”
― Pauline Réage
, Story of O: A Novel
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-It is only when you make me suffer that I feel safe and secure. You should never have agreed to be a god for me if you were afraid to assume the duties of a god, and we all know that they are not as tender as all that.”
― Pauline Réage
, Story of O: A Novel
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Haven't had a dream in a long time. |
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Like I said prior,I feel that we are chosen once in this life. When that time comes, everything aligns. And we learn from it. And then, we find ways and others to mentor. It's a gift that keeps on giving.
However, we are chosen (old guard "approached") once. And i am damn grateful to have been chosen, for this once , this circle concept...again. my lesson , 14 years long.... my freedom, pain, and everything in between...
The journey now picks up, seemingly frozen in time.Picks up like it were yesterday, but with more wisdom,understanding and better behavior-and attention to detail (and more driving miles on the road)
Was William Nolan in "Logan's Run" utilizing the metaphor of "Carrousel" (intention misspelling in respect to the author's use of word) as a lesson? Can we "Renew" in real life? Here and now?
I think that we can and few do. Through lessons. I feel that I have.
Knowing that my nodules can turn malignant at any time, makes my life even more fragile and valuable.
The bonds and friendships with whom i have formed are dear to me, and life is fragile. Life is sweet.
I am a Driver -Those BIG things with wheels and multiple axles and air brakes.
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"Well, I've walked these streets
In a spectacle of wealth and poverty
In the diamond markets the scarlet welcome carpet
That they just rolled out for me" |
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live from the bath..... it's Saturday night! :P |
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very happy to be on orders from my Dom |
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i am grateful for my Dom, and the orders He gives me. |
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https://youtu.be/vDdQcfz6pbo time and place...now, how apropro |
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i am grateful for the orders my Dom gives me. i had a calm day (things improved exponentially after beginning the process of separating from my spouse)
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I have emotional PMS . My thyroid issue add to it. |
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im in a mieschevious mood
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i am in a naughty mood! naughty!!! |
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focusing on being less of a chatterbox, especially since im working a lot
happily in chastity still and hoping my Dom will find more orders for me |
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i was very happy to give my Dom His birthday gifts. He complimented the custom glass i had made for Him, and it matched His other stemware. (coincidence?) :)
i planned His birthday gifts. i love to give gifts to my Dom especially, because i like to see and hear His reactions.
i do have quite the discerning Dom :)
i must continue to improve and to always trust my Dom- i always have done so and must continue to do so |
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as i drift to slumber i think of my Dom. it grounds me and keeps me on track
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as i prepare to report to training to work.....i am preparing my mind. the peace and quiet heals me, similar to a medkit. As beautiful music, sung by the Claremont Collarge Cambridge Choir of London plays, i prepare.
with utmost professionalism. my mind will be clear.
the sun will rise. a new time, place.
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i am grateful to serve my Dom's every whim, to make His wishes,desires and more come true. |
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fnally out of my toxic environment they all tell a different story and make thmselves seem "right" typical |
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This cheered me up: LOVE IT https://youtu.be/QPfsTONm4Vk
LOVE |
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i watched the episode of Black Mirror called "Men Against Fire" Series 3, Episode 5
It showed how a neural implant affected the soldiers. When they enlisted, they consented to the implant. The implant (I won't give spoilers) affected the way they saw people, created the enemy , and gave them vivid sex dreams at night. What the soldier saw versus what really was were two different things. At the end The lead character in the episode is later shown being discharged with full military honors, implying he consented to a second erasure of his memory. He approaches what his eyes show to be an immaculate house and an awaiting dream girl, but in actuality he stands alone outside a graffiti-tagged, dilapidated shack.
This kind of parallels real life, although it's dystopian. When people come home are they seeing that bright sunshine day with blue sky and white picket fences but are there minds slightly dilapidated? As in they need help! I won't elaborate on this episode, because I can write 3 pages easily on it, but I can say to WATCH it. the series IS NOT linear. each episode is IT'S OWN story!
Still not as good as the San Junipero episode!!!!
i am excited to begin my journal (on another site)
will keep my friends posted
i also have two gifts for my Dom's birthday. one is custom made. i put aside money for His gift over a month ago
i was very delighted when He gave me a mini (of course not unimportant...all are the same importance)
but
a somewhat standing order
but
i am going to head downtown to get Sirs other gift pickup
i will be listening to Haydn and to Sia on the way. IS THAT NOT ONE BIG CRAZY MUSICAL CONTRAST??!!!
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Jehan Alain's Litanies in D flat major , JA 119 was played in church last week
of course hearing it live is NO COMPARISON
as a pianist , and one who can hold her own on the organ....I can say that this is and has laways been one of my absolute favorite works.
it inspires me to continue my composition , but to not be ashamed to compose for the organ as well!
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i began an online journal.
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so i found an interesting write up about one of my favorite books Story of O, which i read 20 years ago....and in another post i will elaborate on *then* vs *now :)
Dominique Aury, who (as "Pauline Reage") wrote the classic Story of O in 1954, died on May 2 at 91. Naively, perhaps, I was surprised that more thoughtful notice wasn't taken of the event. Searching the Web for comment or tribute, all I found were obituaries like "Dominique Aury: Frenchwoman who wrote an erotic bestseller to keep her lover."
"Bestseller" hardly covers it. Story of O has sold millions of copies, and hasn't been out of print in more than 40 years. It has influenced numerous erotic fictions, been made into two (wretched) films and given shape to countless fantasy lives.
But it's a difficult book to think about right now, its structure and assumptions somehow out of tune with our times. O, a young fashion photographer, goes with her lover to a mysterious chateau, where she's whipped, chained, exposed and humiliated, all in the supplest, most finely poised sentences imaginable. Elegantly choreographed and costumed, Story of O seems a bit of a period piece now -- like 1950s haute couture in a world of latex and piercings.
But it's the novel's pre-feminism that makes it seem so foreign to us. The chateau is run entirely by and for the pleasure of men: No male submissives or female dominants need apply (though in the character of Anne-Marie, there's a suggestion that some of the middle management is female). Sexual power and privilege in Story of O are rigid, systematic, almost metaphysically encoded -- O is like a supplicant joining a religious order. But what seems most out of sync with our time is Story of O's utter lack of that therapeutic quality that pervades so much contemporary porn: that remarkable insistence that this stuff is good for you, bringing with it self-knowledge, autonomy and the ability to love.
O doesn't have to learn to love -- if she learns anything, it's her utter need to be dominated by love. And she certainly doesn't have to learn to live, since the novel ends with her death or abandonment by her lover, convincing us that the two eventualities are equivalent.
Time away from a lover -- a master -- is dead time for O. In popular contemporary pornographies, on the other hand, time away from the lover is almost a convention, an opportunity for healthy soul-searching before the books' happy -- even wholesome -- endings. Beauty and her prince cuddle in the saddle in Anne Rice's "Sleeping Beauty" trilogy. Pat Califia's lesbian biker girls ride off clean and sober at the end of Doc and Fluff. Even John Preston's eponymous leatherman, Mr. Benson, goes a little sappy on us, piercing his young partner with a diamond stud and growling, "I guess we're hitched now, asshole."
It's easy to smile at these simplified happy endings -- supermarket romance laced with the banalities of consciousness raising. But they also represent an achievement: a faith that it's possible to integrate daily life and supportive relationships with the extreme demands of the sexual imagination. And even if the stories get a little preachy at times, there's still a cheerful community spirit to them, as well as a nice dose of irreverence and a willingness to laugh at oneself. Contemporary sex radicalism's public conversation is in some way reminiscent of an earlier, equally pornographic era, the recklessly public and talky Enlightenment. Think of the Marquis de Sade's whacked out discourses on sex, power and "nature;" think of his dramatic dialogue Philosophy in the Bedroom as the proceedings of a group self-help session, perhaps with a hot tub nearby.
But is it possible to assimilate Story of O's lonely, pristine quest toward self-negation into this clamorous, self-actualizing, "sex positive" culture?
The answer to this question lies in the mysterious facts of the novel's genesis, first described by Jean de St. Jorris in a 1994 New Yorker article. As the obituary said, Aury did write the book in order to keep her lover, the critic and literateur Jean Paulhan. She'd become his mistress during the Nazi occupation, when both of them, unbeknownst to each other, worked for the same underground resistance journal. Their love affair, which spanned three decades, continued to follow wartime rules of silence and clandestineness -- the secret meetings, the meticulous planning. Though Paulhan never considered leaving his wife, who had Parkinson's disease, he expected her to accommodate to the affair, just as he expected Aury to fill in the lonely Sundays and vacation times. I think of the famous photograph of Francois Mitterrand's funeral, wife and mistress both in attendance, and what a fearsome investment of female tact and anxiety such an arrangement must entail.
For Aury, the anxiety came to a head in the early 1950s. She was in her middle 40s, and she began to fear that Paulhan might leave her for a younger woman. "I wasn't young, I wasn't pretty, it was necessary to find other weapons," she said.
"I could also write the kind of stories you like," she told him one day. Paulhan admired the work of de Sade; he'd written the introduction to an important edition of his work. When he had voiced his doubt that a woman could write compelling S/M, Aury said she knew that she could. The fantasy lay buried in the half-forgotten depths of her dreams, conceived before she had ever met Paulhan, before she had ever known sex or love. Story of O is in no way a humble entreaty by a woman terrified of abandonment. It was clearly meant to overwhelm. Revealing a fierce, complete and unsparing sexual imagination, it was every bit as much a dare as a love offering.
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Phillip Glass is one of my favorite composers.
As someone who writes, plays and sings, I can relate.
He was a driver also. Till age 42 he drove taxis.
His pieces, many of them implementing fifths, show his transportation influence!
Am I a sucker for ostinato?
Or for his dynamics?
Or maybe because although I AM NO Glass, I have been inspired for him since I was a child.
NOT ONLY for his Qaatsi series, but because he is RELATABLE. |
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as i begin to put together my uniforms, my shoe shining kit, and other items i realize the commonality/ commonalities:
the smiliarities ,, even down to the same sort of objects (yes i am beging vague)
..of being in this
..same type of 'thing'
for the last time
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interesting
https://youtu.be/ky2xne67LWA
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yes it turns like a car in many ways
https://youtu.be/emIYUT4bCx0
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Black Mirror Season 1 Episode 3 "The Entire History of You" is one of the series greatest episodes.
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She considered herself fortunate to count enough in his eyes for him to derive pleasure from offending her, as believers give thanks to God for humbling them .-Pauline Reage |
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seeing the color of the coach matching the florida sunset in a promo video made me smile. i just want to get many miles . i want to see numerous sunrises. sunsets. and smiles |
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my job sent me orders. they used the phrasing you are ordered
yes it makes me smile
mmmmm |
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heading out.... just need to time travvel (kidding) |
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tomorrow will be a very good day. many goals will be accomplished. so its like a balance:
tough things and good things
and improvement |
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tomorrow will be a good day.
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The man she had met at Roissy wasted no time with her: without leaving his armchair, without even touching her with his fingertips, he ordered her to kneel down in front him, take him and caress his sex until he discharged in her mouth. After which, he made her straighten out his clothing, and then he left. But the red-haired lad, who had been completely overwhelmed by O's submissiveness and meek surrender, by her irons and the welts which he had glimpsed on her body, took her by the hand instead of throwing himself upon her as she had expected, and descended the stairs, paying not the slightest heed to the sly smiles of the waiters and, after hailing a taxi, took her back to his hotel room. He did not let her go till nightfall, after having frantically plowed her fore and aft, both of which he bruised and belabored unmercifully, he being of an uncommon size and rigidity and, what is more being totally intoxicated by the sudden freedom granted him to penetrate a woman doubly and be embraced by her in the way he had seen ordered to a short while before (something he had never before dared ask of anyone). The following day, when O arrived at Sir Stephen's at two o'clock in answer to his summons, she found him looking older and his face careworn. "Eric has fallen head over heels in love with you, O," he told her. "This morning he called on me and begged me to grant you your freedom. He told me he wants to marry you. He wants to save you. You see how I treat you if you're mind, O, and if you are mine you have no right to refuse my commands; but you also know that you are always free to choose not to be mine. I told him so. He's coming back here at three." O burst out laughing. "Isn't it a little late?" she said. "You're both quite mad. If Eric had not come by this morning, what would you have done with me this afternoon? We would have gone for a walk, nothing more? Then let's go for a walk. Or perhaps you would not have summoned me this afternoon? In that case I'll leave...." "No," Sir Stephen broke in, "I would have called you, but not to go for a walk. I wanted..." "Go on, say it." "Come, it will be simpler to show you." He got up and opened a door in the wall opposite to the fireplace, a door identical to the one in his office. O had always thought that the door led into a closet which was no longer used. She saw a tiny bedroom, newly painted, and hung with dark red silk. Half of the room was occupied by a rounded stage flanked by two columns, identical to the stage in the music room at Samois. "The walls and ceiling are lined with cork, are they not?" O said. "And the door is padded, and you've had a double window installed?" Sir Stephen nodded. "But since when has all this been done?" O said. "Since you've been back." "Then why?..." "Why did I wait until today? Because I first wanted to hand you over to other men. Now I shall punish you for it. I've never punished you, O." "But I belong to you," O said. "Punish me. When Eric comes..." An hour later, when he was shown a grotesquely bound and spread-eagled O strapped to the two columns, the boy blanched, mumbled something and disappeared. O thought she would never see him again. She ran into him again at Roissy, at the end of September, and he had her consigned to him for three days in a row, during which he savagely abused and mistreated her. -Pauline Reage , Story of O
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But what a delight and comfort, this iron ring which pierces the flesh and weighs one down forever, this mark eternal, how peaceful and reassuring the hand of a master who lays you on a bed of rock, the love of a master who knows how to take what he loves ruthlessly, without pity. -Pauline Reage, Story of O |
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"You're late," he said when they came in. "Sir Stephen's waiting for you in the next room," he added, nodding to O. "He needs you for something. He's not in a very good mood." Jacqueline burst out laughing, and O looked at her and turned red. "You could have saved it for another time," said René, who misinterpreted both Jacqueline's laugh and O's concern. "That's not the reason," Jacqueline said, "but I might say, René, your obedient beauty isn't so obedient when you're not around. Look at her dress, you see how wrinkled it is?" O was standing in the middle of the room, facing René. He told her to turn around; she was rooted to the spot. "She also crosses her legs," Jacqueline added, "but that you won't be able to see, of course. As you won't be able to see the way she accosts the boys." "That's not true," O shouted, "you're the one!" and she leaped at Jacqueline. |
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it is frigid today!!!! stay warm, folks. stay warm. |
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my ex husband is going to visit his sub . i am happy for him. i always wish that those whom i crossed path with in my life for the best
i believe in many things, one thing being that souls (note i say SOULS) travel in groups
we meet people in this lifetime, this plane of existence whom we just get along with or come into their life for whatever reason - usually good reason, to help them
but i can say when i truly wish a person well i do so with utmost compassion |
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trying to get rid of this headache...
i know it is always here.
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todays tasks are a few tasks
important tasks.
and then after ward i think i will take a walk.
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from one of my favorite songs...
My tears are always frozen I can see the air I breathe But my fingers painting pictures On the glass in front of me Lay me by the frozen river Where the boats have passed me by All I need is to remember How it was to feel alive
My tears are always frozen...
All I need is to remember How it was to feel alive I need to remember How it was to feel alive
-Aurora , Winter Bird |
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Would she ever dare to tell him that no pleasure, no joy, no figment of her imagination could ever compete with the happiness she felt at the way he used her with such utter freedom, at the notion that he could do anything with her, that there was no limit, no restriction in the manner with which, on her body, he might search for pleasure. Her absolute certainty that when he touched her, whether it was to fondle or flog her, when he ordered her to do something it was solely because he wanted to, her certainty that all he cared about was his own desire, so overwhelmed and gratified O that each time she saw new proof of it, and often even when it merely occurred to her in thought, a cape of fire, a burning breastplate extending from the shoulders to the knees, descended upon her."
-Pauline Reage
I remember reading this book for the first time back in 1997. Before my life experiences. Reading it now, it is much more profound. What I thought I understood then, what I wanted, my aspirations and so on...everything intensified. And I began to really understand more. Not just in that aspect, but in life in general..
I realized that there is a time to be professional Never rely on anyone in RL The sound of the word "lie" is in the word reLY because just as the actual word "LIE" is in beLIEve Because we must be careful to whom we entrust any sort of power to. Whether it be in play/sm or in real vanilla life.
I know that my riders entrust me driving them.
Now point is: be very careful who and what you do in life. Being at someone's whim, means they control you. NO I AM NOT referring to my BDSM life, I am referring to general life.
Always have a way out. In defensive driving we employ: Aim high in steering GET THE BIG PICTURE MAKE YOUR PRESENCE KNOWN LEAVE A WAY OUT MAKE SURE THEY SEE YOU
I realized at an early age that driving principles DO APPLY to real life and people as well I finally implemented them
My Dom ordered me to change my name on a chat room app. I was wrong to question why. I was curious as to whtehter my role or position was changing, so one could guess or presume it was a valid question / inquiry my Dom explained and that was very compassionate of Him
i had a moment of understanding thanks to my Dom. i saw His point and felt exactly what He meant.
i strive to improve
i am grateful for my role. |
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From midnight to dawn, which began to lighten the eastern sky at about five, as the moon waned and descended toward the west, people came up to her several times and some even touched her, they formed a circle around her several times and several times they parted her knees and lifted the chain, bringing with them on of those two-branched candlesticks of Provençal earthenware - and she could feel the flames from the candles warming the inside of her thighs - to see how she was attached.
-Pauline Reage |
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i am looking forward to the rest of this week
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it is wise to not question why a Dom issues commands or orders. ;) smiles |
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i was very happy to receive mini and micro orders from my Dom. keeps me focused. this time in my life i need and am beyond grateful for the extra orders and mgmt
i am eternally grateful
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im in love...wink https://youtu.be/o6ylJgGe_lg |
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headache alleviated from medication. just dizzy. dizzy . google pineal gland tumours. also known as the third eye. dont know if it coincides with my thyroid nodules. either way headaches are more of a pain lol |
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dressing nicely... always bre prepared |
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absolutely chilling and beautiful
https://youtu.be/kJ095S0MmnA
and being a pianist myself and soprano it is tough to impress me
i can relate to her when about 1:30 mins in she uses her hand for time like i do LOL
LOL
i love playing this song...and now think ill play it slow next time i play it |
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theres a Starman.... waiting in the sky! He like to come and meet us, but he thinks he'll blow our minds!
https://youtu.be/bJO97AKDgH0
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this cheered me up:
https://youtu.be/87tHmJEpz40
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wearing a brassiere that has zippers over the nipple area... and cute betsy johnson panties. |
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i wish i had a femme sub or switch...even a Domme to be close friends with to chat about the lifestyle |
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grateful that tomorrow is a new day. like the old paula abdul song about new days
promise of a new day |
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https://youtu.be/oiXRTcMUSuc
warming up on the ivories... |
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zimmer is amazing but in his own league
https://youtu.be/RxabLA7UQ9k
great film too |
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Ralph Fiennes: hotter than Morrissey... but close call |
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https://youtu.be/5ledJPD25Uw |
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Drifting back to sleep. Improving my obedience to my Dom Less chattiness
I can only hope that.. |
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sing me to sleep sing me to sleep
i'm tired and i
want to go to bed
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so my ex is going to visit his sub . new sub that is. i hope they really mesh well and click. i am full of compassion and love despite anything i can find compassion and only know for a fact that people i leave DO SUCCEED when i leave them
yes remaining good friends is great and expected
however....being professional:
knowing when to speak and not to speak knowing when to be silent knowing when to stop and throw in the towel
and realize why and what are we doing
when someone is quiet and remains then its time to ask yourself ;;;; then is it time to be concerned
why yes it is
it is
being professional nad ready is about knowing tact
when and how to say it as you only get one chance how it will infleunce others and make the other person or persons feel what and how they will react why
and so oon
being able to infer that
tact
dealing with people
compassion
and showing through letting go that it is out of respect and professionalism
not bad
being better people
being more professional
because repeating the same thing is not normal
simply putting it
so last night i wrote another page to my composition
i just started writing and writing and playing more
sometimes i feel so quiet and alone and in a way alone |
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so i was doing some research while unable to sleep one night and found out my ex from when i was very young (i do not have many exes) whom i helped reenlist...well he was awarded the aerial achievment back in 04. now when i met him he was living out of doors and really having a hard life. i asked i said well what were you....back then he explained to me over many many stories about his experiences in CA and many places . and he would tell these stories and he would speak with such enthusiasm and passion for what he did. and pride for serving . anyway he also had a CDL and taught me how to drive cars. i realized oh well if you can help me ill help you reenlist and ill go get my cdl
well turned out he goes back to school and i ask him before we make the long drive upstate and him jyst shy of turning 40 years of age the cutoff...that he loved planes. i said what do you like about them. and i listened to many stories of him working on the ground in CA and travelling and being a medic in the army and even stories of all types of things. bicycling and getting in trouble for bicycling under the influence in the early 90s lol
long story short i was stupid to move to newbirgh and share a place with him cuz after attending his ceremonies and all he turned to a diff person and not in a good way
not as much as my ex husb but still
and then i had bad luck and couldnt drive due to an accident
then my life was saved the first time
point is i looked up his address and see his house is boarded up. i hope he is ok despite whatever differences we had. i saw him once since the turn of the century when we hung out one last time. in nyc he was at the doctors i was at. SMALL WORLD. he told me he took an early retirement. i said to him- had i known you still i wouldnt allowed that
but this person decided at nearly 40 what he loved and did it. and he would write letters about what he learned while in texas
point is i always remember the good in people and i hope that he is ok
would love to update him
turned out he was also promoted in rank. most people dont do well living together. doesnt mkae us bad people.
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it's one of those days. where you get the things done that you need to, but.... just seems... |
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In the movie De-Lovely, which was a movie based on one of my favorite American composers; Cole Porter Cole Porter is married
Cole Porter married despite being gay. He married a lady. He loved her, and no doubt they loved each other However I think they would have been just as good friends if not better were they to live apart or not marry
-and as she prepares them both for her impending death, she introduces him to her decorator and estate advisor, in an attempt to give Cole a new partner once she's gone. The match is successful.-
she also was abused by her ex husband before meeting cole porter
she endured his flings and was a help to him and supportive of his work and music and shows
that being said- people are people
there is a beautiful side to people and a side that is not as beautiful. its a two sides coin |
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he pineal gland is the “third eye” of the brain, and is responsible for telling the brain when it is day or night. It also controls the body’s hormonal systems, sleep-wake cycle, and other so-called “circadian” body rhythms. It is, in essence, the body’s internal clock.
http://themindunleashed.com/2014/08/happens-artist-suffers-cancer-pineal-gland.html
this is where my cysts is located |
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excited to be busy working again and also looking at what seems like a nice apartment this weekend~ |
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“But she could not move of her own free will—an order from them would immediately have made her get up, but this time what they wanted from her was not blind obedience, acquiescence to an order, they wanted her to anticipate orders, to judge herself a slave and surrender herself as such. This, then, is what they called her consent.” ― Pauline Réage
, Story of O: A Novel
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“Oh, how could she forget him! He was the hand that blindfolded her, the whip wielded by the valet Pierre, he was the chain above her head, the unknown man who came down on her, and all the voices which gave her orders were his voice.” |
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“It’s because it’s easy for you to consent that I want from you what it will be impossible for you to consent to, even if you agree ahead of time, even if you say yes now and imagine yourself capable of submitting. You won’t be able not to revolt. Your submission will be obtained in spite of you, not only for the inimitable pleasure that I and others will derive from it, but also so that you will be made aware of what has been done to you.” O” ― Pauline Réage
, Story of O: A Novel
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“The chains and the silence, which should have bound her deep within herself, which should have smothered her, strangled her, on the contrary freed her from herself.” ― Pauline Réage
, Story of O: A Novel
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https://sonichits.com/video/Morrissey/Will_Never_Marry
I'm writing this to say, in a gentle way… thank you, but no I will live my life as I will undoubtedly die: alone
I'm writing this to say, in a gentle way… thank you I will live my life as I… ohhh
For whether you stay or you stray An in-built guilt catches up with you
And as it comes around to your place At 5am, wakes your up and it laughs in your face |
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i am grateful to be divorcing. for real. i am looking at a nice apartment this week but it is a bit far. however, with doorman, safe security, amenities, a playground and water play park for sara, and next to ocean and boardwalk beach it is everything i would want in a place to live. in all honesty water: with nice place to live elevator building and safe
i will be going to meet the realtors
i am also looking into buying and paying a reasonable mortgage
my ex husband is being amicable and we spoke to an attorney a nice attorney
there is no doubt that we are divorcing. it must happen. we cannot remain in the same living situation. no matter who is "dom sub" ect
we will get along much better living apart
i am very happy, both parties are
in fact it will make us better friends and my life will be much more peaceful
i enjoy living alone (maybe a live in gal possible)
and i need this
we both as adults came to the last straw. and thats mature to do |
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Said, Sara You're the poet in my heart Never change Never stop But now it's gone It doesn't matter what for But when you build your house Then call me home
There's a heartbeat And it never really died, it never, never really died Oh Sara, Would you swallow all your pride Would you speak a little louder Singing, all I ever wanted
March 5th 2014 i began labor. due march 4th. i had two gestational sacs and two heartbeats. one was called home and one arrived in 2014 march Sara
labor was quick, painless and easy as i looked out the window of the brightest sunniest sky 3:58 PM my life started |
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karmic debt:
If you can peg which level of karmic debt you have with them, you can take more conscious steps to either dealing with it or running like hell. ;-) After all, the choice is yours.......
First of all, know that of these 7 levels, about 80% of the debts you'll work with in a lifetime are on levels 1- 4; then a few at level five, fewer at level six, and the least at level 7. (Level 7 is big juju, often takes more than a couple of lifetimes to balance. You don't do a terrible amount of level 7, especially after about 5th level mature. They just take too darn much out of you, and hopefully you've learned the pertinent lessons by then that you get by *creating* a level 7 debt. You will see many mature souls
working. frantically to payoff level 7 debts they may have put off for awhile. See, you can run but you can't hide.)
Often you make your most debts in a lifetime around your top three Internal Needs. If you have a lot going on with the Need of Freedom, well then, you will probably create, or pay back, debts relating to freedoms or restrictions. There is a direct correlation between the Needs
and the debts you work with.
Likewise, there is new information coming down the pike, as it were, about Responsibility levels and Awareness levels. If you hadn't guessed by now, your debt creation and payment is *directly and specifically related* to these. In other words, the more debt work you do, the better responsibility and awareness you have. If you muddle around, picking your toes, not working on your debts, you'll not get very far. We have watched with great interest some fragments merrily while away near eons out of fears of having to repay one major debt. It's kind of like going to the dentist to get a root canal. It's difficult while you're there, but the relief from the rotten tooth is completely worth it later. |
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for the time being, i won't be able to share some of my fun days/times.ect memories. not too be vague. but email or read my profile ty |
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Age shouldn't affect you. It's just like the size of your shoes - they don't determine how you live your life! You're either marvellous or you're boring, regardless of your age. -Morrissey |
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At night I put on the water sounds with music. It's nice |
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i am very grateful to be locked in my chastity lock, and to be Owned. i am happy inside and out. |
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OH EM GEE they sang once . my two favorites.... https://youtu.be/89OpwNJg_mg |
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what a beautiful day today....spring is arriving early? |
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i think i will put time travel in my story. black mirror, the 80s episode was inspiring...
"what are You doing?
...i'm regarding you"
its my absolute favorite episode of this series and heres the synopsis from wiki
The setting at first appears to be a vibrant California-like beach resort town, San Junipero, in 1987. A shy, sheltered young woman, Yorkie (Mackenzie Davis
), is visiting San Junipero for the first time, and she awkwardly enters a crowded local bar called Tucker's. Suddenly, Kelly (Gugu Mbatha-Raw
), a vivacious party girl, sits next to Yorkie, pretending the two are friends to try to ditch Wes, a man Kelly once had a fling with. Kelly gets Wes to leave by saying she needs to spend quality time with Yorkie, who only has five months left to live. Kelly and Yorkie then get to know each other for real. Their sexual tension rises until Kelly invites Yorkie to dance and Yorkie begins but, increasingly embarrassed, runs out of the bar. When Kelly comes after her and offers to have sex with her, Yorkie tells Kelly she is engaged to a man named Greg. This does not stop Kelly's advances, but Yorkie, though clearly interested, finally walks away.
The following week, Yorkie tries on an array of stereotypically flamboyant '80s styles before giving up and returning to the bar. She again spots Kelly, who is flirting with a new man until she and Yorkie reunite in the bathroom. Yorkie now tells Kelly she is ready, and they kiss and go to Kelly's bungalow to have sex. Yorkie reveals it is the first time she has had sex with anyone, male or female, and Kelly reveals that she was once married to a man for a long time and is bisexual. The scene ends as the clock turns to midnight.
The following week, Yorkie searches for, but cannot find, Kelly. Spotting Wes, Yorkie asks him where Kelly is, but his only advice is to "try a different time" and that he has "seen her in '80, the '90s, 2002 one time". Yorkie then spends the following weeks in those times, searching for Kelly. She eventually finds her in 2002, at a club playing Dance Dance Revolution
. Kelly brushes her off, and Yorkie, who is hurt, tells her off. A frustrated Kelly punches a mirror, and the shattered glass instantly repairs itself. Feeling bad, Kelly finds Yorkie and confesses that, in reality, she is dying and only intended to have fun without making a genuine connection with anyone in San Junipero. The two sleep together again, and Kelly tells Yorkie she wants to meet her in real life. Yorkie demurs, but at Kelly's urging tells Kelly her location.
In the present-day real world of the 2040s, the consciousnesses of the dead or dying can be uploaded into a simulated reality
system, where they can live in the fantasy town of San Junipero as their younger selves forever. Living people can visit San Junipero for trial periods but are limited to five hours a week. An elderly Kelly (Denise Burse
) lives in an assisted living facility, dying of cancer. She goes to visit the real-world Yorkie, who is a completely paralyzed woman surviving via life support. Yorkie became paralyzed over 40 years earlier when her parents rejected her for being a lesbian and she consequently ran her car off the road.
The technology for San Junipero is relatively recent and has now given Yorkie a chance to live a full life again; her plan is to be euthanized and spend her afterlife inside the virtual reality system: a technological process called "passing over". Because her family has religious objections to signing the papers allowing her to be unplugged from life support, she plans on legally marrying Greg, her nurse, so that he may officially override their authority. Upon learning of this, Kelly spontaneously requests a few minutes' visit with Yorkie in San Junipero, where she proposes marriage in Greg's stead, and Yorkie enthusiastically accepts. They wed, and Kelly then authorizes Yorkie's euthanasia, which takes place a few hours after the wedding.
Yorkie passes over happily into San Junipero but is frustrated that Kelly is only able to join her for five hours per week. She asks Kelly to join her full-time in the afterlife, but Kelly rejects this. Kelly's plan is to die without being uploaded to the San Junipero system, as her beloved husband chose to do after 49 years of marriage, himself ruined by the premature death of their adult daughter. Kelly thus wishes to honour her husband's sentiments and die naturally, like him. Within San Junipero, she and Yorkie argue about this until Kelly drives away, deliberately crashes her Jeep, and is thrown from the vehicle. Yorkie arrives, but Kelly's weekly time is up at the very same moment, and her virtual younger body disappears.
Time passes and Kelly's real-life condition worsens. Finally, she changes her mind and opts to live in the San Junipero afterlife, where she and Yorkie can remain together and live happily, forever. Her real-world body is buried with her husband's and daughter's. In a mid-credits scene, a corporation known as TCKR Systems operates a massive server room, wherein robots maintain the consciousnesses of those who now live permanently in San Junipero.
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Gray eyes tend to reflect inner calm and strength and often hint at healing powers. They are the color of metal and stone and are associated with coolness, resilience, and stillness. This comes in several varieties:
- Spiritual "prophet" characters, blind or otherwise, will have either gray or light blue eyes that are often described as "looking right through you". Gray eyes are a sign that a character is there to fulfill a "mentor" role
- Mentors, Seers, and so on are often older and have gray hair and, presumably, eyes in keeping
. This dates to Greek Mythology, where many Oracles and the like, along with Athena, had gray eyes.
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i was in a naughty mood the past few days...being out of work took its toll on me. and now things are really looking up.... heres to the beauty ahead of wonderful things in addition to my Master giving me permission to give Him His gift. and to upcoming 50 days of chastity. |
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i've been working on my piano composition more as of late. haven't been big on verbal as of late. music more so. composing and working on an opus for my Dom for the past few months, and it comes and goes....my composing. there are times when i am just able to do it more so and times when i am unable. i am almost to 50 days of chastity/celibacy. i am hoping my Dom has me go to 50 days. i also changed out one of my jewelry adornments . its a gauge thicker and sits better and is certainly more presentable. |
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found a fortune cookie, well got a fortune cookie...that basically said how the mind is so strong . especially in showing Dominance. anyone can yield a whip...but the mind is what controls. i sent a pic to my Master because it was a good fortune...well fact |
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Owned slave -not interested in men. Only interested in serving my Dom. ty |
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“Would she ever dare tell him that no pleasure, no joy, no figment of her imagination could ever compete with the happiness she felt at the way he used her with such utter freedom, at the notion that he could do anything with her, that there was no limit, no restriction in the manner with which, on her body, he might search for pleasure?” -Pauline Reage
“Each surrender was for her the pledge that another surrender would be demanded of her, and she acquitted herself of each as though of a duty performed; it was odd that she should have been completely satisfied by it, and yet she was. -Pauline Reage
“She wanted him to love her, there, the truth was out: she wanted him to be chafing under the urge to touch her lips and penetrate her body, to devastate her if need be, but not to remain so calm and self-possessed.” -Pauline Reage
She considered herself fortunate to count enough in his eyes for him to derive pleasure from offending her, as believers give thanks to God for humbling them .-Pauline Reage
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Age shouldn't affect you. It's just like the size of your shoes - they don't determine how you live your life! You're either marvellous or you're boring, regardless of your age. -Morrissey |
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standing orders to remember:
-no complaining -deal with things that are out of my control. things happen as a result and don't make me a 'bad' person or my 'fault' things just happen
-sssshhhhhh
-no complaining
-always ask permission
-don't gift bdsm toys because it's selfish to gift things that a person likes when they should be focused on the other person only. |
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O finds herself in this constant state of perpetual waiting with René.Whenever he relaxes his grip on her she feels like she is going mad. Yet within this mania, it is the tight bonds he holds over her make her happy. -pauline reage |
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work.... life as a coach driver :)))) |
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i can zero in on serving my Master more effectively, making His experience as a Dom more enjoyable and more
i can continue to improve and be more obedient in following His orders (and His shushes most importantly)
i am glad i have a job where i must remain silent while driving. i then can focus on driving while thinking about thoughts and such
i wish my Dom were able to board and go to Boston, i admit it!
i love my job a real lot
my ex husband also said that even if we are divorced i can share an apt with him. if our friendship works out well i do not see why not HOWEVER if he cannot have his dates here and so on or if we are not doing well as friends then i will look at small elevator places in queens. like a small apartment that is in a place with an elevator
my wages will be good. i also want a good place where my daughter can spend time with me
i am grateful this Valentines time of year, for my Dom, for my job for my life and for the things that are special to me. great friends
i am relieved to have gotten out of a toxic marriage. i should have long ago
now getting out does not mean bad. it means being responsible adults for the sake of my daughter most importantly
and we do discuss rationally. we have come to many good agreements
i will always like my ex husband
however, if you are not compatible with a person, dont force it. it wont just happen. be friends
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I am happy that my ex husband and I have made more brainstorming plans . We share a large apartment (I am not home much at all) which works at this time.
I plan to move to a nice small apartment. I will be able to cover rent due to my good job
i have been giving consideration to be Master's company. after a long period of punishment, i will and have learned my lessons!
if permitted to escort my Dom out, (and i use that reference with all due respect, in the manner of that of a service position)i will be on my absolutely best behavior while having the privelege of such company.
i will have a change of clothing at work for my return Tuesday night. i will already have pretty makeup on.
things between my ex husband and i are and will always be on a platonic amicable level. we do not talk about our personal lives without understanding that if doing so, he understands he will receive a thought or opinion likewise
my ex husband finally has come to terms with the fact that i wont be ever getting back together with him, however, it will be a platonic "buddy" friendship
i am much happier and he is also
we were never very compatible and yet we were always compatible as buddies
that being said, i am able to do my job well and much more
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GLAD TO BE OUT OF MY UNIFORM EARLY TODAY!
6 days in uniform make me think my closet is entirely new!!!! |
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i have exciting news to tell my Dom (about my job :))))
happy |
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my Dom gave me mini orders and a small reward :) |
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i have awakened
being Owned my love of a job which isnt a job
now i just wish i had a valentine...to present gifts to that have travelled to montreal, boston, Norfolk, Phily, DC, Albany and more. |
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my Dom awakened me with a text. what a great way to wake for work... smiles |
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was not happy to be out of work today. i like working as much as possible. |
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little nervous about going back to "boot camp"
whats it like when ya been there done that...guess stuff that will be different experiences this time |
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simple kindaaaaa mannnnnnnn
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love it https://www.prevostcar.com/coach/safety
blip blip blip blip bloop |
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i get a lil nervous at the dot weigh stations lol
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liking the remixed version of Closer by chainsmokers.
yep yep |
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boot camp round deux....
<sniff sniff> but but |
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O finds herself in this constant state of perpetual waiting with René.Whenever he relaxes his grip on her she feels like she is going mad. Yet within this mania, it is the tight bonds he holds over her make her happy. -Pauline Reage |
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Virginia is nice. I had a good time driving thru it. The Chesepeake Bay Bridge Tunnel was something that I never have been amazed at such a marvel like it. the bridge goes on and on and into tunnels and back. wow. passed thru some areas where military bases were. or are. its a military state. nice. norfolk was amazing and nice
travelling thru my mind wandered a bit again in DE. i remember that i made life changes the last time i was thru it back in 98
im happy . love my life now |
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ah wish i were heading to S. Carolina . Va weather isn't bad now.
hmmmmm
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i look forward to serving my Master. it was very very special to be rewarded with being His guest in His Domain to ring in the new year.
i have been naughty at times, but remaining chaste. with the exception of the gal i had a dance with in a gogo bar.
i am always grateful for the opportunities i have to serve my Dom in any capacity, and when i receive a positive comment from my Dom i smile inside and out
i do not have a valentine plan, and can only hope that i might be deemed worthy to serve my Dom, but it isn't my place to ask . it is disobedient to ask.
my Master is very intelligent, well read, and much more. i have gifts for Him for Valentines and from one of my journeys that i am excited to give Him
of course my Dom is (happily) difficult to please (love the challenge) and brutally honest. i learned not to gift Him with BDSM implements because it isn't selfless.
smiles
i will go to work with a smile inside and out, but know i have been disobedient
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hindsight is 20/20
i also had an epiphany
grateful
nods
smiles
i love driving the bus
i love having the gift i bought for my Dom in baggage bay 1 and travelling with me... and when i get to give Him the gift i will be happy again when i give it to Him
i also love my job and everything about it
everything |
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i've accomplished some things today. i also set boundaries with my ex husband. good boundaries that wont become triggers. personal life is personal life. so we made a rule where we keep it simple: we dont discuss our personal lives and we discussed various things about tone and how triggers can affect tone ect
my Master also made a point and i implemented that in action
however, i was naughty and i accept any further chastity He orders |
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since it was an earworm on I95...especially making a stop here. one of my favorite songs always:
You could be my silver springs Blue green colors flashin' I would be your only dream Your shining autumn, ocean crashing |
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driving through DE to and from was good. i will explain why
about 19 years ago, I was with my ex fiancee. I met him when I was getting started. I had wanted to work for a coach co that I liked since I was a little girl.
Long story short, I was just thinking about how I would do that back then
I was developing my motivational seminar program then as well after helping myself I would starve half of the month on little food I was dirt poor
Anyway, I met my ex and took him in from off the street....literally
I found out he used to be in the service. So I helped him re enlist. Long story short, he was like they all are: nice and charming...at first
what really was noticeable/influenced me in the end was this:
i attended his ceremony at dover AFB he basically barked at me and was very verbally abusive . and the pinnacle...if thats the word i am looking for was while we were away that weekend
i thought to myself: ni helped him so much and here he is doing well, with a nice life ahead and such and he craps on me here...now...why
and when we returned to our local area (many many deets are left out regarding my so called relationship with him)
he had the last straw. he lashed out at me for no reason whatsoever
long story short and i have not gone into details and have been vague but
the commonality is this:
each ex has been that same or similar persona...temperament ect
i felt like i was no good, it was all my fault ect
and thats what they want
we realize when we go outside of ourselves and assess everything
and when friends and co workers can tell and even go as far as to tell us
how they can see/understand ect
i realized i am loved by many
many care about me
and so on
being vague i can say that i left all baggage in DE
i returned to my area with a renwed sense of self worth and love |
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i miss my Dom . especially when it's very quiet and i am drowsy
i am focusing on being more obedient
i have a gift for my Dom. |
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my ood https://youtu.be/xKq39e7SBOE
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exhausted. headed in from workk tonight, shined shoes and headed to bed. |
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As I lay my head down... It's too late to call my Dom. I dud really well today, and have a feeling my Master would be proud.
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wheni drive the prevost tomorrow, thoughts go thru my mind. also thoughts of improving service and obedience to my Dom...and this song
Been sitting eyes wide open behind these four walls, hoping you'd call It's just a cruel existence like there's no point hoping at all
Baby, baby, I feel crazy, up all night, all night and every day Give me something, oh, but you say nothing What is happening to me?
I don't wanna live forever, 'cause I know I'll be living in vain And I don't wanna fit wherever I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home
I'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life, oh
Baby, baby, I feel crazy Up all night, all night and every day I gave you something, but you gave me nothing What is happening to me?
I don't wanna live forever, 'cause I know I'll be living in vain And I don't wanna fit (fit, babe) wherever (wherever) I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home
I've been looking sad in all the nicest places Baby, baby, I feel crazy I see you around in all these empty faces Up all night, all night and every day I've been looking sad in all the nicest places Give me something, oh, but you say nothing Now I'm in a cab, I tell 'em where your place is What is happening to me?
I don't wanna live forever, 'cause I know I'll be living in vain And I don't wanna fit wherever I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home
I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home Until you come back home
From 50 shades Darker
i wish my Dom would allow me to the movies with Him as His pet |
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Hoping my ex husband clicks with a girl he's been chatting with. I'd like for him to find a nice gal for a L8TR and realize there are great women out there who will love him
He's a good guy,a good buddy
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think i will take a walk after work. i love my job . |
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Missin the soul and southern food from boot camp
goin south soon enough!!! YEEEEEEEHAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW |
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LOVE Run by George Strait
Love George Strait!
I wanna go to Dallas at some point since my carrier is based outta there
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Hoping I have a Prevost tomorrow! |
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Perfecting my announcement
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Canada was wicked pissah!!! I like crossing the border. I open my luggage bays. The Dom officials are kewl!!! LOL!
I thought there would be military but nope.... just officials!!
And for the coach they have the own area
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I love when I make certain turns and need to get over with the coach how I look down and over at cars!!! LOL! |
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i have sunday off. not really off as i have things to do!!! |
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Grateful for my Dom. Love my job. My Dom through being owned it enabled me to realize that i have more confidence and such to work and love what i do
i miss my Dom, work a lot and look forward to working a lot as my Dom works a lot as well - and i am perfecting myself skillswise |
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Jacksonville Tampa
thinking about where else in FL there are terminals
hmmm
well ive been home for a short time
i will miss home again but back in time for my Dom arriving back
and also looking forward to doing all those miles |
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rainy gloomy day in the city
packing my rolling travel bag
i feel like a stewardess
its me. myself
driving the coach travelling
sometimes life feels alone
yes i have friends in each city, terminal area
but its bittersweet |
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Montreal. BOS NYC
Prevost Aware with Adaptive Cruise Braking by Bendix
is wicked pissah
nuff said |
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as i prepare to return to my home city, i am HUMBLED. I have been thru basically , BOOT CAMP. Within 3 days I was sobbing and broke. But then I built myself up. AND NOW I AM SAD CUZ I WILL MISS THIS. I MISSED MY DOM THE WHOLE TIME and other special folks. But He gave me orders thru it AND TOLD ME TO DO BETTER. I DID DO BETTER. AND AM DOING BETTER
I HOPE HE WILL ALLOW ME TO SERVE HIM AND SEE HIM
I AM GOING OUT OF TOWN AGAIN SOON
I HOPE THAT MY DOM WILL TRAVEL WITH ME FOR A DAY TRIP AS MY GUEST. A GIRL CAN DREAM
I ALSO AM GRATEFUL
I MUST SEE THE WATER BEFORE I LEAVE TOMORROW. AND REFLECT AND WRITE. |
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preparing to drive to nyc tomorrow. ' Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me just came on Alexa Echo
THe irony...
So tell me how long Before The last one
And tell me how long Before the right one
The story is old I know But it GOES ON
The story is old I KNOW BUT IT GOES ON!
....Morrissey shows off his angelic voice afer, mittering
..."goes on..." into a slight falsetto with a bit of contra tenor?! if i remember
...the irony
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and if a double decker bus
crashes into us to die by your side
is such a heavenely way to die
there is a light in your eyes that never goes out
-Morrissey |
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A lay is NOT sex. its a story or poem!!! a diary is a lay
HOT DAM 3 min in on
https://youtu.be/0AvuweztG4Q
HOT DAM i just woke up and got energy
to work i go. chastity continues
hot dammmmmm |
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trudging slowly over wet sand back to the bench where Your clothes were stolen this is a coastal town! that they forgot to close down Armagedoon come Armagedon , come!
EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY
EVERYDAY IS SILENT AND GREY
Hide on the promenade ,etch a postcard
HOW I DEARLY WISH I WAS NOT HERE!
IN THE SEASIDE TOWN
that they forgot to bomb, come , come come
https://youtu.be/nHBZFSYA12A
Moz's angelic voice awakens me
dem eyez!
------------ Trudging back over pebbles and sand And a strange dust, lands on your hands and on your face on your face on your face____
Every day is like Sunday!
WIn yourself a cheap tray
Share some greased tea with me!
Every day is silent and grey!
ACY is beautiful on grey days
.its a grey day
over pebbles and sand
where you left your clothes stolen
MOZZZZZZAAA |
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today are classes, then out till later tonight. following orders my Dom gave me. simple, succinct and to the point.
has it been 17 days already?
wow.
:) |
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today is a day off, well not exactly a day off, but somewhat.
i wish i could speak to my Dom .
i found out He won't be in town for my return to NYC.
:(
but i hope my good behavior will be rewarded...perhaps! |
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very nice part of my day to hear my Master's voice. i drift off to sleep with some of the things He says to calm my nerves at times
i drift off thinking of if i am deemed obedient enough TO SERVE HIM when i return
i drift off thinking of missing seerving Him
i drift off understanding HOW I UPSET MY MASTER and how it made me sad and hurt my feelings
i drift off on what i learned and how to think things out more
my job is reactivating the professional side of me
up and at em at 0500
pemission to board, Sir
aye aye Sir!
and i love my job
boot camp only day 3
seems like forsever
i am wearing my lock because i am in chastity
i miss my Dom
i love school |
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no sleep sleep deprived
grateful
Owned
work
learn
compliant
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Crisp ocean air Renewing Refreshing And A reminder |
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Day 9 of chastity and lock
i was disobedient. i deserve chastity |
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i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib i must never fib |
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I must not be insolent to my Master i must not be insolent to my Master I must not be insolent to my Master i must not be insolent to my Master I must not be insolent to my Master i must not be insolent to my Master I must not be insolent to my Master i must not be insolent to my Master I must not be insolent to my Master i must not be insolent to my Master I must not be insolent to my Master i must not be insolent to my Master I must not be insolent to my Master i must not be insolent to my Master I must not be insolent to my Master i must not be insolent to my Master I must not be insolent to my Master i must not be insolent to my Master I must not be insolent to my Master i must not be insolent to my Master |
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i have been very naughty and i am saddened at my disobedience
must finish my assignment....
...:( |
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grateful for my Dom. i have PMS and am a hormonal stew My Master is an example of keeping grounded/calm |
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my Master saw me off textwise!!! i was chatty but i miss everything already!!! |
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as i prepare for my journey
i am under standing orders from my Master! :) i will be permitted to serve Him when i return!!! :)
i will do very well at training school!
i hope that i will be graced with His voice and His call and maybe Skype? oh i will miss my Dom
but i am GRATEFUL!!!
i will learn everything and then my Master might choose to go someplace with me. a girl can wish, right!!!
i would put His luggage in the bays. i would seat Him first where He wishes
and only the best. everything |
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as i close my evening i begin my journey tomorrow alone
i am foruntate to be Owned i am grateful i am wearing my lock
this classic by one of my favorites, Hans Zimmer:
https://youtu.be/hraZfLPxSo4
And yes my mind will wander. I am human. I will think about things, like missing the city. Missing serving my Dom. but realizing that i am always serving my Dom. and smiling at that.
improving
focusing on school
doing very well
and hoping that maybe, when i return....i might see the face of a wonderfully Sadistic Angel . motivation.motivation
oh i know i am happy about this new year and i will smile...
good night all.
i will update en route.https://youtu.be/GKcYfRjvsGc |
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it is a circle
i was single, met my Dom while driving for my first line/carrier
now i am aboard ...with another similar situation
and this is gonna be a great year
and the choices, some of which took many months to make..... were scary to make
i feel free
but yet bittersweet
gratefully owned .
head up high
and i will return to my riders making them smile and serving my Dom happily and more more things in life to look forward to |
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tomorrow i will head aboard with a smile inside and out! in uniform. new shoes, too. shiny happy people.....
i will then look forward to ....
oh the vivid dreams.
oh the vivid dreams
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as a sub i overanalyze so many things. that is why i think i am a sub. because when my Dom shows His control i just trust. sometimes, well more than sometimes, i tend to 'question' or speak back. and i am working on that this new year.
it's important to me to realize that when my Dom corrects me it is ...well i do realize that its important and am grateful
but what i am trying to say is that
it take a very caring and merciful Dom to correct His slave. i am always learning my shortcomings. in addition, i am also given good feedback when i am behaved!
so in essence, i am continuing to learn and evolve
and i am grateful for that so much
i have to learn to bite my tongue more. if my Dom says i am being smart/fresh/ect than...case closed: that is what i am!
so i am focusing on that
i am writing in my journal a lot because it helps me on days when i am nervous!!!! |
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my Master is very merciful, compassionate, empathetic, and much more. i am grateful to have standing orders from Him. i really wish i could serve Him this weekend, but will wear my chastity lock while i am away. a Dom that gives orders and standing orders is the best Dom and i get SO SO CHATTY when i am nervous
my Master understands me very well and i hope He rests well .
i want to give Him a ride in this bus if i could. |
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She considered herself fortunate to count enough in his eyes for him to derive pleasure from offending her, as believers give thanks to God for humbling them .-Pauline Reage |
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think i will talk a power walk in the snow....cool air clears my head and refreshes me! |
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i have something special for my Dom. i was hoping to be able to give it to Him. :( every day is like sunday... |
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love in black mirror in my favve episode when she says to the other girl, basically...that she will see her in the next decade. so then the 90s music comes on..
lol
love it
then she travels back too far back to the 90s lol then the 2ks |
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in my free time i think ill spend time walking the shore . i dont mind the winter. |
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seriously LOL listening to a sleeping on a bus playlist
cuz i know that ride is gonna be so silent..... that i am just gonna prolly end up curling up...and Zzzzzzzz |
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little nervous... will i get an mci or a prevost? prevost! prevost!!! fingers crossed. i probably will be relieved when i settle in. 24 hour sttudy lounge too LOL |
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fluffing the featherbed, sheets, making my remote controlled adjustable tempurpedic bed kept with perfect corners while made...to be perfectly made when i return. nobody will be sleeping in my bed...but....it will be made well. lots of down....comfy |
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as i will be on the coach this time tomorrow nearing my destination...will it be snowing? tire chain practice...check. |
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bittersweet .....about my travel for 2 wks....sigh |
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just finished all of my chores. all caught up. doing my hair and makeup now. |
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7 days, when i return it will be at least 20 days ;) :::blushes::: i am a very fortunate subgirl. today my focus is obedience. |
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suitcase zipped....check shoe shine kit: must purchase
.... sigh |
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sometimes i cannot tell if somebody or something is out of a Sadistic reaction, or maybe even a Dom/me reaction. is it wrong to wish i could hear intonation? hmmm... i watch the snow falling, as i knew snow would arrive for my travels. its pretty to look at. well, time for some tea and toast with jam
then i might take a walk in the snow. i could use a power walk. |
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i had a bit of a nerve wracking day yesterday. today will be better. finishing up some final arrangements on my apartment! living situation more conducive for me
in addition, new things being installed! |
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rick wakeman and steve howe playing great gig in the sky is amazing. love the more 'tapped out' and obvious piano. being someone who enjoys playing great gig on the piano, i enjoy this arrangement immensely. |
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But she could not move of her own free will—an order from them would immediately have made her get up, but this time what they wanted from her was not blind obedience, acquiescence to an order, they wanted her to anticipate orders, to judge herself a slave and surrender herself as such. This, then, is what they called her consent.-pauline reage |
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And it was true that she had to accept, to consent in the real sense of the term, for nothing would be inflicted upon her by force to which she had not already previously consented; she could refuse, nothing was keeping her enslaved except her love and her self-enslavement. What prevented her from leaving?) |
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It is only when you make me suffer that I feel safe and secure. You should never have agreed to be a god for me if you were afraid to assume the duties of a god, and we all know that they are not as tender as all that. You have already seen me cry. Now you must learn to relish my tears. -Pauline reage |
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He whom one awaits is, because he is expected, already present, already master.
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This is the part of me That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no This is the part of me That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no Throw your sticks and your stones, Throw your bombs and your blows But you’re not gonna break my soul This is the part of me That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
I just wanna throw my phone away Find out who is really there for me [Standard version:] 'Cause you ripped me off, your love was cheap ["Complete Confection" version:] You ripped me off, your love was cheap Was always tearing at the seams [Standard version:] I fell deep, and you let me down ["Complete Confection" version:] I fell deep, you let me down But that was then and this is now Now look at me
[Chorus]
Now look at me I’m sparkling A firework, a dancing flame You won't ever put me out again I’m glowin’, oh, whoa [Standard version:] You can keep the dog from me ["Complete Confection" version:] So you can keep the diamond ring [Standard version:] I never liked it anyway ["Complete Confection" version:] It don't mean nothing anyway In fact you can keep everything, yeah, yeah, Except for me
[Chorus]
[Standard ending:] This is the part of me That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no This is the part of me That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no Throw your sticks and your stones, Throw your bombs and your blows But you’re not gonna break my soul This is the part of me That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
["Complete Confection" ending:] This is the part of me, no Away from me, no This is the part of me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me..., no Throw your sticks and your stones, Throw your bombs and your blows But you’re not gonna break my soul This is the part of me That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
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in case my Dom summons me, i will wear an adorable dress today!
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interesting- there is an event tonight . not in a position to ask my Dom, especially still being on punishment , but there is an event in the city tonight. a girl could be wishful, right? |
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if i had a wish it would be to have my Dom send me off to school or pick me up to celebrate my return
or...
anything my Dom chooses to use me for!
:) happy sub girl ophelia |
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furniture arranged more conducive for my privacy and separate life changes are good 2017
embrace
love
learn
as furniture empties out and changes places with things of mine,
separate
but not equal
but equal
grateful
yet undecided
deciding and resolute in i wont ever allow it to happen again
choosing love choosing love
choosing me
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June......
the rainbow i won't ever forget. that rainbow.
Everything I thought I knew Was a place I'd never been As my Kingdom crumbles down Inside I feel my life begin
Let me paint the colors Let me stand before you with open heart Let me hold you darling Closer than these words
Oh, Dance with me Under a bright moon Third of June
Then I see the virgin beauty of your eyes Calling me I'm so humbled by The sacred air we breath
Oh, Dance with me Under a bright moon Third of June
On the Third of June Dance with me On the Third of June Dance with me On the Third of June
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i always smile when my Dom gives me permission for something i might request. little things make me smile. i always can hear His intelligent dialect behind each and every thing He says
:::blushes:::: |
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Miss Chatty Cathy
won't be such a chatty cathy when i am busy as a bee soon! |
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i will be going away for a little while, i will remain obedient and wear my lock during that time. i wonder if my Dom will give me any more standing orders? :))) blushing |
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It's freezing outside today. My focus is to get back on track of obedience for my Master. To follow protocol and manners no matter what. no matter what. |
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I've dismissed my 'slave'
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I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy. I'll be your hope I'll be your love be everything that you need. I'll love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do |
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Morning Today my focus is to behave, be obedient and patient. Wait for permission to speak. |
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some interesting things:
I like and have always like the musician Yanni. Intrumental or new agey
Well, he plays what he feels. he just composes . and writes.
thats similar to how i write my piano works.. second- that resembles a bdsm scene WHEN THE TWO PEOPLE click.
the Dom will play , or paint a scene. and that scene can be the most memorable, the most intense..
well yes, i did it. i made a correlation between yanni and BDSM
i hope my Dom deems me obedient enough to allow me to wear His marks while i am away at work
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it's a great beginning to my new year! my Dom gave me some standing orders ;) and i am happy
i was allowed to give my Dom His gifts, and He accepted them!!! :)))) i was very happy.
i did put His whip into my handbag but did not take it out unless He asked what was in my bag, or inquired as to what i had brought with me.
i just know better than to top from the bottom, or make demands!
He is fully aware that toys are here, and is very intelligent. So why would i bother and top-from-the-bottom?
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He said let's get out of this town Drive out of the city Away from the crowds I thought heaven can't help me now Nothing lasts forever But this is gonna take me down He's so not-tall, and handsome as hell He's so bad but he does it so well I can see the end as it begins my one condition is
Say you'll remember me Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset babe Red lips and rosy cheeks Say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams (Ah ah) Wildest dreams (Ah ah)
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this new year i will focus on being more obedient, especially now that i am more used to being in service to my Dom!
i also can't wait until school is over because i will get to serve ! and also, good things are ahead in this new year! |
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I'm so lucky The luckiest sub in the city My Master chose me to serve Him And I was honored For new years eve I think I was behaved, but saw room for improvement, like always. I was rewarded with being able to enjoy being Master's company at His domain The new year is off to a great start
He also ended my 40 days of chastity which were well deserved, especially after misbehaving nearly two months ago
I look forward to this year, serving my Dom and improving. Learning.
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She was waiting for more than permission, since she already had permission. She was waiting for an order. |
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always listen to Your Dom, and bite your tongue if and when you want to answer back or question!!!!
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beginning friday with a smile. day 39. gratitude is the attitude! |
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Day 39. challenging. ;) grateful |
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anyone emailing me , please read my full page on here . thank you. |
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day 39, tomorrow. mercury retrograde till the 8th. 40 days coincides with new years eve and no plans
but i am Owned. i am grateful
i am happy.
i am happy that a Dom cares enough to punish me.
that a Dom cares enough to challenge me and more
truly. |
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that will keep you going for the show, come on it's time to go... |
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did my makeup beautifully today. |
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That was the problem with the ‘celibate’ word because they don’t consider for a moment that you’d rather not be, but you just are. I was never a sexual person.” -Morrissey |
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dressed really cute, imho. always be prepared.
it is always important to look your best at all times
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Day 38. replacing the screw for my chastity lock. 40 days will be saturday, new years eve.
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Resting after slight insomnia |
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My goose down feather bedding...i begin to drift back into slumber.. It will be a new day soon. Will i be fortunate enough to be summoned by my Owner? Will I be deemed obedient to remove her clothing in her Doms presence? Will i be painted with whip marks and fortunate to wear such gifts underneath my clothing? Continuing to obey my Master is very important driving back to slumber.... My body so sensitive.. My mind even more pliable, compliant, wanton The dream begins. |
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I can imagine and feel how sensitive my body is I can only hope that i will be given consideration from my Dom nearly 40 days. I've been grateful to serve Him and know someday when and if He touches me, or strikes me, it will only be absolutely the most intense powerful feelings physically I can only continue to hold my remorse for my lack of behavior and learn from it as nearly 40 plus days enabled It's one of the most challenging of my life but I'm beyond grateful being owned I only see pleasing Him. |
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Chastity Day 38. Nothing has touched me since my Dom last used me there in that manner It's probably been close to two months since I've been physically marked buy my Dom. It's been very challenging, but I've been learning a lot about obedience. Someday,i might be lucky to be on the receiving end of a painful implement, or being given sexual attention
Continuing to focus on being obedient , selfless and serving my Dom and obeying Him without question is my priority. |
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Day 37 begins tomorrow. gratitude.
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Chinese food mood! awaiting the salesman.... |
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No robot will ever replace commercial drivers with passengers.... |
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informative, as it is written , the thought that goes into high protocol, and how low protocol is appropriate in situations ect
years ago this was not written down anywhere, it was known / just happened.
The phrase “High Protocol” is frequently used in D/s and M/s, but has no universal meaning. High Protocol is often used during formal dinners in the Leather M/s community and at various other Leather events and is often marked by being very restrictive and akin to military protocol. Most high protocols for submissives do share some common features, including:
- Elaborate restrictions on speech (eg silence; speaking only when spoken to; requesting permission to speak; or specific forms of address such as “Sir, yes, sir!”)
- Deferential behavior (eg not turning back to the dominant; keeping head below theirs; kneeling when otherwise unoccupied; requesting permission to leave the room.)
- Immediate response to commands, and concentration on the Dominant and their requirements and desires.
- Serving or waiting without drawing unnecessary attention to the submissive.
The fictional protocol in force at Roissy in the “Story of O” is a classic example of a detailed high protocol.
High Protocol in front of people who are not members of the dominant’s immediate household may also have some of the features of a performance. High Protocol in front of vanilla
persons may be considered a consent
violation and might cause a disturbance.
Protocol Levels
Protocol may also come in other levels and be sorted as needed by the Dominant, typically into groups such as high, medium, low and no protocol. An example of levels of protocol is The Estate Protocols of House Tanos[1].
Low protocol:
Used in vanilla and informal situations.
- A continuous reminder of service and its responsibilities
- Permitted casual behavior, yet with specific boundaries.
- Recognition of station, orders, demands and requests in an invisible and unobtrusive fashion.
- Behavior which reflects my intentions and desired interaction on a personal and professional level
- Awareness of accountability, despite the temptations offered by casual behavior and independence.
Medium protocol:
For most public BDSM scene environments, and during play scenes.
- Prioritize decisions in the appropriate context
- The time and place for degrees of casual behavior
- Consistent ground rules of action and responsibility
- Awareness and anticipation of my needs, wants, and desires- and those of other respected Dominants in my company as a priority
- Focus on BDSM priorities, no matter how long or strenuous the time spent in Middle Protocol
High protocol:
Normally used for short periods or during longer punishments.
- Complete attention and focus, no matter what the distractions.
- Absolute and instantaneous obedience, without delay, hesitation or question.
- Decision-making and priorities are NOT part of High Protocol; the servants wants, needs and desires are suspended.
- All extraneous movement, speech, and thought are unacceptable. If First Protocol is in effect, concentration is demanded.
- Awareness that every move, answer and behavior is being carefully scrutinized and judged.
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had a dream that i was in a glass building, but somehow the room or office did not have finished windows.
have to check the dream dictionary...because there were a bunch of shapes, elements and stuff in this dream.
sunshine, water, elements...and then of course part of it was lucid
so check back later for the meaning of that one. hmmm |
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i am hoping that i can give my Dom His Xmas gifts. yesterday was a challenging day. today is a new day. i am grateful
i found a new musical artist that is kinda nice to listen to . Amanaska is her name, the song 'feel'
musical jukebox played it while i was on the bus. funny how apps think they know what we like
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Day 38 focusing today on not being a nervous chatty chatterbox to my Dom |
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day 38 tomorrow. today was a nervous day for me, and i was way too chatty toward my Dom
i understand what i must continue to focus on |
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Day 35. Errands to run today. Focusing on obeying my Dom, and not questioning out of being nervous whether to obey Him
Arranged my home to make it presentable for my Dom
Furniture ect
Beautiful artmoires |
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Day 34 of chastity has been challenging. There was something big that occurred and i was scared. My Dom has been so patient with me today.i wish i could just serve Him because I lose myself serving Him because I care for Him and am grateful |
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as i continue my chastity, and serving my Dom like last evening ;) i focus on continuing to remember His commands. -shhhh is a favorite command and order and i find it is very effective. remembering to comply with being silent even WHILE EXCITED about something is challenging but a focus!
-not doing things without permission. it's always better to ask and obtain permission than risk punishment (especially while already punished/ect) -always always better to obtain permission than do something like go someplace without permission
ALWAYS better to wait and get permission AND NOT do it if without permission!!! |
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I can't wait to give my Dom the gifts I got Him! And for Him to see my new styled home. Yay |
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. The one who kneels is the one who is obsessed, while the one l who punishes seems almost indifferent.Barthes (1977) writes that the one who loves is the one who is constantly
'sedentary, motionless, at hand, in expectation’ while the loved one is in a ‘condition of perpetual departure’ (p.14). O finds herself in this constant state of perpetual waiting with René.Whenever he relaxes his grip on her she feels like she is going mad. Yet within this mania, it is the tight bonds he holds over her make her happy. As O herself thinks, '[t]hank God, she was no longer free'(p.43). She knows that even when she is not with her lover, she will always carry the marks on her skin and his branding on her body. O finds escape from the craziness of being the one who loves the most,the one who always waits, through the knowledge that she is tightly bound and controlled by her loverand cannot actually escape. The parody of this metaphorical binding in the literal sense helps her reach ecstasy and fulfillment. " |
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Grateful to be summoned by my Dom as I go onto day 33 |
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Day 32
i was happy to hear from my Dom last night. :) |
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Day 29 chastity. Quite sensitive...there ;)
i think next time my Dom summons me i will be much more responsive and obedient to His reward to me. it was selfish of me to be disobedient, and it was selfish of me to think and want other activities to go with that activity. naughty, naughty list for this time of year.
haven't had a dream in a long time... ;)
but grateful to be Owned |
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trust ....obedience. listening. following orders. just as a drill sergeant issues orders, it is the subordinate's job to listen and obey them. anything they feel or want to sit and mope about is unimportant and good things happen when you focus on your Dom and focus on listening and obedying |
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inquiries may be directed to my Owner. ;) no men.
Day 28 chastity.labia padlock.
i've learned a lot and can only hope that someday i am given the honor of being escorted by my Dom to an event.
i've learned to listen more effectively, and to focus on my full time job and studies
i've learned much more, but most importantly, to remain professional and an example of my training. |
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Day 28.... today's focus : as a sub making Dom's life better. |
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i would love to own a featherlite Prevost conversion coach.... oh wow |
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i do not act on things without permission from my Dom, certain things are very important to have permission for. so i remain obedient and focuses! |
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back to work.... study, test . errand running.
and then saying night night to Sir. perhaps i am a bit formal. i like manners. i love to give. i love to please. i am happy to be Owned. |
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30 years ago sounded good....and still going https://youtu.be/tc7FhWtA2Jk mmm ,mmmmm mmmmmm |
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https://youtu.be/wQ3GxsTaGE0
remember me this way....
and yes this will be in the back of my head at work LOL |
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https://youtu.be/74BA7CUrGYw
good times for a change see the luck ive had could make a good bad turn bad
so please,please,please, let me let me have who i want this time
haven't had a dream in a long time
but see the life ive had could make a good man, bad
so
for once in my life, let me, have who i want
lord knows it would be the first time
lord knows it would be the first time
i haven't had a dream in a long time
but see the life i've had could make a good man , bad
so
for once in my life
let me have who i want
lord knows it would be the first time
lord knows it would be the first time
---THE ABSOLUTE BEST PERFORMANCE OF THIS you can just feel the tension
hes just about moping crying on stage in the break. |
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https://youtu.be/2PcV5get-t8 - elevators, cityscapes, and high rise, and big windows...and ambient lighting= win kinda how i dream (similar contrasts and lightscapes) |
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https://youtu.be/SeiltyhdQGg |
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day 27 of chastity and learning a lot each day,grateful . my Dom is extremely merciful, and of course a natural Alpha Sadistic Dom but respectful. Sometimes i wish He would summon me to take my mind off a feww things.... but it isn't appropriate to top from the bottom |
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have 2 go 2 the furniture showroom tomorrow 2 change and add to my order. heres whats coming this week: -mirrored desk -leather chaise -2 armoirers . one for my budoir to replace broken one (much nicer, too) and one for fetroom
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furniture delivery this week: mirrored desk, mirrored armoire for my playroom toys, and armoire for my budoir. chaise lounge of leather also.
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looking into high rises on the wa wa after school ends.... did someone say HIGHRISES ON THE OCEAN???!!! hmmmmmm theres no place like.... |
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scored this today! https://www.herveleger.com/HLT61J69-692.html?dwvar_HLT61J69-692_color=692#q=kora&start=1 Love it! |
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registering my new Herve Leger dress!!!! its absolutely gorgeous and limited edition. |
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I was very happy to see my Dom. Looking forward to next time! |
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SCHOOLS OUT FOR NOWWWWWWW |
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good morning. finishing my studies today!!! |
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i had 52 questions on my mastery test. how apropos. great number, since my Dom is that age :))) |
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NA NA NA NA NOO NOOOO SCHOOL IS DOWN TILL 3! HA HA HA HA HA! naughtily skips around laughing |
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studying. then testing. trying to focus. |
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Hot bath... Nice and hot warning me up... |
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havent had a dream in a long time
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dreamt DOT chose to question me on logs and regs. turned into a kinky dream real fast! |
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the new prevosts are SO QUIET so quiet like quieter than a car almost! |
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my butt slips off the leather prevost passenger seats lol |
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so. part of the test was sitting in a "hoopty" bus simulator thing that was a real coach seat, wheel and cockpit LOL
it was a hoopty bus
im in a blah mode now
i wanna drive to cleveland. yeah cleveland. |
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...and if a double decker bus, crrrrrrashes into us... -Morrissey
i am LOVING the new Prevosts . LOVE LOVE LOVE but still sexually frustrated DAMMIT
thank god for air ride seatz damit
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take me out, tonight, where's there's music and there's people and they're young and alive. -Morrissey |
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it's a quiet evening.. staying very warm. sigh... |
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Back to sleep... Pleasant dreams |
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My Dom is attractive and has always been! |
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Heading back to port authority |
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It's chilly out this morning! |
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17 days, chastity= focus/obedience ::grateful:: i look professional and spiffy today. blucollar is white collar today ;) |
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at work tomorrow i will focus on being professional happy smiley face because thats my job. sigh... |
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be professional. thats my life. be professional. up and at em
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focus of the day: continuing to be obedient |
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studying, and trying not to laugh at "chock block" !!!! refreshing my memory for work and taking tests! |
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Realizing that two weeks of schooling will be flying by quick. |
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https://youtu.be/hKBUc4yW2bo brilliant |
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I would love a chocolate fountain. To dip lots of fruits in! Chocolate and more chocolate. I am picky though. |
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im gonna like dialing in to dispatch
will they forget about me lol :PP |
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well im a running down the road tryin to loosen my load i got seven women on mind one says shes a friend of mine
take it easy dont let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy |
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refresher on how/when to use the Jake Brake. i think i will rename the Jake Brake to a femme name such as .....hmmmm thoughts
now Jake Brake is at different locations depending on which vehicle you have, even changing in location on to what make of vehicle. howeever, i dont like prevosts which have it on the right side of dash. i prefer everything located along pusshbuttoned on my left. call me old fashioned but i like the J series MCIs more these days
however i wont ever turn down driving a Setra!!!! |
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when i am away at school i hope the time flies. well its been 10 days since i have seen my Dom. so the 2 weeks should be do-able for me...well it will! |
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the hat is optional at work. hat= place to tuck very long hair (life hack) |
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school.....school....and school. and basically i am an improved person with an improved life and all in place in the week my Dom has been away. He is in for a good surprise!!!!! :))))) |
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Michael C Hall singing Bowie's 'Heroes' in Lazarus is absolutely AMAZING. as a composer , singer and musician I can say that he surprises me as time goes by. He sings beautifully and I am not surprised! |
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manual labor.... as opposed to automatic labor?? |
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a week of my Dom being out of town= a week of continuing to focus and improve. |
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always liked the silent drills, but this one was memorable and impressive http://www.allenbwest.com/michele/24-marines-line-up-and-take-a-step-forward-watch-the-moment-the-crowd-loses-it |
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doing the dishes. chores. not only have i learned to be more obedient, i have also learned this: do NOT allow ANYONE to use a whip on you if you are a sub, and owned... ESPECIALLY if it is in good intent (tributing your Dom/me) YOU WILL be held accountable!!!!!!! It is very naughty, and you will end up going what seems like forever either punished or NOT spanked!!!! You have been warned fellow subbies ,w ith all due respect. |
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i find it 'interesting' when sending email to people, they either delete it or ignore me. these are women looking for women, or couples....hmmmm interesting. |
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thankful for many things, including being Owned by my Dom |
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awakened a happy gal this morning. |
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The life of a professional driver: plenty of self discipline. Hurry up to arrive... And wait. |
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people have asked: why bathrooms and the ocean? Well... I love nice bathrooms. Simple as that. In a fetish world of people loving things that could seem so boring, yes I like a nice jacuzzi overseeing the ocean in a high rise.
That is my thing.
High rises on the water. Many people like beach houses. I like big high rises on the ocean. I feel safe in a high rise.
Second, I love the water. Always have despite being a Leo and ESTJ
I really love the water. So waking up in the morning to the brightest sunshine refracting off of the morning waves really is awesome, 80 stories up. That's my thing
And I like a nice bathroom to open the door to the picture floor windows to see the horizon.
So anyone asking why bathrooms? why the water? and why the ocean? cuz i live on Earth and Earth is MOSTLY water
and ...and....
beds are boring |
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Sir visited. it was very nice to see Him. He allowed me to bid Him goodnight by kissing His shoes. He deemed me worthy to serve Him tonight. He did not do a punishment scene, and i did not expect anything whatsoever other than to be delighted to be in His presence.
my husband saw his switch friend. he had a good time subbing to her.
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2 weeks. Punishment. Chastity. |
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i won't be dismissed for being in the equivalent of boot camp for 2 weeks! 5 am up and at em. |
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years later, i will have my hat and uniform back! thanks to my Dom, i realized that i am indeed still in need in the work force! look for me on the road! |
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looking at sub female pages on here, and am surprised to see so much sanctimony! wow. besides the blatant ageism! No MaleDoms older than .... WTH??!! Wow. and many of these trolls are not God's gift themselves! With age, comes experience. |
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i was very fortunate. my Dom visited with me this evening. although i am still punished/ locked up /chastity/ ect it was very nice to be able to be graced iwth His Presence. although we were quite 'equal' as in a very vanilla interaction, i was of course as always....very happy to see Him. |
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As port authority is on my view a happy part off me is awakened |
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As I'm dressed impeccably, I haven't reported to work in ages. My Dom had been important in me giving myself more credit that I am worthy of. I tend to be too harsh on myself |
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night A/all. the chat room was nice tonight. since i had so much quiet in RL here... it was nice to just chit chat. |
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my walk was nice. i am dressed adorably. |
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guess i will go out for an eveniing walk. its nice out (not freezing) . |
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slacks are gorgeous on me, along with vest and jacket. wow. seems like i picked up on a few things that were frozen in time...this year hmmmm
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hmmm... guess i will write some. its a quiet evening. |
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https://youtu.be/BaR6jCPoAzU |
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remembering that i trust my Dom is true in all aspects of my life, including bdsm. i trust Him with my life. as i remember this mantra.... it keeps me zeroed in and focused. |
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today's focus: obedience through continuing to be attentive to Dom's needs/wants |
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spoke without permission twice today. tomorrow's focus: back to basics. |
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I've focused on being more obedient. |
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I've focused on being more obedient. |
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I love elevators. Like going up 80 or more floors. Ones that seem like they will take off like a rocket. My profile pic |
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think i will write in a bit when i am finished with all of my work. stay "tuned" |
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my husband was going to see the switch he plays with tonight but ended up working very late. my Owner also referred to as my Dom in my page here, has kept me locked. i have a padlock for my body jewelry and it has been on for awhile now.
awhile is subjective. |
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my Dom has had me in chastity for 8 days so far. lucky me. |
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my focus has helped , and i think of improving each day. by not being an annoying sub to my Owner, i can only hope that He is happier . and that is important - and it keeps me off the punishment 'line' as i refer to it. and staying off the punishment 'line' keeps one hopefully away from Dismissalville. Remaining out of Dismissalville, hopefully keeps down the Release aggro (RPG reference)
with all respect intended ::) |
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Morrissey explains my mood today. https://youtu.be/eAVxV13--DI my favorite version of this song. angelic. hes angelic ;)
i am in a "Smiths" mood
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why i love setra
https://youtu.be/XSHSP5Cr4Y4
https://youtu.be/gKm_H8iUPuY
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the chat room is a nice place to visit here. people are friendly, and it makes me smile. |
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My bed is great while ill because it's very adjustable and has a wireless remote and massages. The tempurpedic memory foam helps relieve pressure. i must feel better asap |
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ill. going to head to bed to rest. |
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my focus has helped , and i think of improving each day. by not being an annoying sub to my Owner, i can only hope that He is happier . and that is important - and it keeps me off the punishment 'line' as i refer to it. and staying off the punishment 'line' keeps one hopefully away from Dismissalville. Remaining out of Dismissalville, hopefully keeps down the Release aggro (RPG reference)
with all respect intended ::) |
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not making the mistake of wearing pants/jeans .;) |
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today's focus is again, continuing to be attentive to my Owner's needs, desires and whims. To not overtly speak without permission, and to be silent and happy. |
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today's focus has been on not being too chatty.
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My cat is ill :(( I don't know if it's "just" a cold, or what. I am worried, but can't afford vet bills. :((( |
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Just realized I've known my Dom for CORRECTION: Not 16 years BUT 18 years!!! How Do I know this : Looking at my Commercial Driver License info!!!! I remember just being in/finishing up CDL school. So wow. crazy how time flies |
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Today i am dressed nicely. Sir is a very busy Dom, and i look forward to being greeted by Him in the morning and evening i am lucky to say 'godo morning' 'good night'
and to my slaveboy I keep him locked up
i made a new friend and look forward to getting to know her better.
and : make it your business ot never step out of line and misbehave and if you do accept the punishment(s) |
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Yesterday, i didn't wear a dress or skirt. i did not expect to meet the new friend i made. point: always be prepared and wear a dress or skirt.
my Dom allowed me in His presence, and was very kind to say the least, to visit.
focusing on not being an annoying chatterbox to Him is important. and, when i work i won't have the time to chatterbox ;)
continuing to behave is important, although today i am nervous a bit. |
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Today's focus: don't be a chatterbox. |
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Night. Grateful Sirs calming atmosphere... Around him. Now i can fall asleep calm :) |
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yes you can bring the bagel on the bus
but you cannot bring a bus onto a bagel |
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oooh! i don't have to wait on the famous DMV line!!! Hooray for technology! they finally got with the times. Marge Simpson's sisters would be proud.
Let's see if I can also do my other DMV task online. |
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having tea this morning. it is chilly.
it's said we dream to relieve worries among many other reasons.
this coming weekend i will be going to Port Authority to report. the same Port Authority i used to drive in and out of the bays
or as a rider
but this time i will go to report
i need to have enough clothing to last until laundry day while in what i call "basic training"
they DO send people home, they do have people fail, even experienced drivers like myself
tomorrow i have to go to the DMV.
i see the MCI J 4500 series AKA the D series. http://www.mcicoach.com/luxury-coaches/passengerJ4500.htm
now i know what a "yo" alert is. things have changed. many things i did manually are all intergrated.
being Owned driving
haven't had a dream for a long time... |
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my husband made a page on here, and I'm happy he will find a sub or switch!! I think it will help him be more obedient to Me.
Sunday morning. |
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O enjoys being in this subordinate position when it comes to love and sex and being with someone who will puther in such a situation and keep her there.In both O and Severin's case, the one who relinquishes control is the one who loves the most deeply. The one who kneels is the one who is obsessed, while the one l who punishes seems almost indifferent.Barthes (1977) writes that the one who loves is the one who is constantly
'sedentary, motionless, at hand, in expectation’ while the loved one is in a ‘condition of perpetual departure’ (p.14). O finds herself in this constant state of perpetual waiting with René.Whenever he relaxes his grip on her she feels like she is going mad. Yet within this mania, it is the tight bonds he holds over her make her happy. As O herself thinks, '[t]hank God, she was no longer free'(p.43). She knows that even when she is not with her lover, she will always carry the marks on her skin and his branding on her body. O finds escape from the craziness of being the one who loves the most,the one who always waits, through the knowledge that she is tightly bound and controlled by her loverand cannot actually escape. The parody of this metaphorical binding in the literal sense helps her reachecstasy and fulfillment.
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As I lie in bed I like the sound of hearing the clock tick |
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i think about being back in the bus. when i go to training they run it in a milieu. i will like it. up and at em early. expelled for insubordination. yes, dimissed permanently ..NOT punished. if a Dom punishes you, be grateful don't look for more punishment because thats NOT the point LEARN from it and it all goes back to what i state overall: being a Top/Dom/whateverYouCALLADom is hard. appreciate it. even the smallest implications. be on top of them. remember and show the example of what you are trained to be- and that is something that was my focus along with many things i cannot type because im exhausted and be happy that you have that privelege to be an example
just like a BT instructor's : their soldiers are a reflection of WHAT and HOW they trained them and ALSO a reflection of what they themselves CHOSE to learn and made it their business to learn and it being important to them
make it your business to go with the old adage: be all you can be
and for goodness sake... never ever ever ever overstep the boundaries because just go back and read and know the things ive stated over the numerous times in my postings. |
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down comforter is soft. its so quiet. |
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made it in ok. tonight, i learned to be comfortable with who i am, not as shy. i spoke to people in general, introduced myself. i saw a nice demonstration beforehand and complimented them when i left the party. i thanked the hostess . i turned down about 25 male "doms, dummes " and in between
i watched a very busy event. i observed. i thought.
i learned how to be more obedient by putting into use things that i was deficient in due to my PMS
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Heading to my bed. I spoke to some people and said no to many men. I learned that I'm comfortable and can be social and now i have some practice and next time folks will remember me and speak to me a little more I drank sodas and then I had a water with lemon. I'm in the mood for something sweet like a fruit salad |
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I've reflected all day and night on my disobedience.i can only hope to be afforded the opportunity to show my remorse.. How raw it is, like an open wounds |
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Obedience . Following orders with absolute obedience. Expecting nothing in return. Gratitude at Doms happiness |
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i'm anguished. i was disobedient. please don't email me, i am not interested in men, period. i'm Owned by Sir, and grateful beyond compare for such but right now i am silent and cannot email. i'm very sad.
“Would she ever dare tell him that no pleasure, no joy, no figment of her imagination could ever compete with the happiness she felt at the way he used her with such utter freedom, at the notion that he could do anything with her, that there was no limit, no restriction in the manner with which, on her body, he might search for pleasure?” -Pauline Reage
“Each surrender was for her the pledge that another surrender would be demanded of her, and she acquitted herself of each as though of a duty performed; it was odd that she should have been completely satisfied by it, and yet she was. -Pauline Reage
“She wanted him to love her, there, the truth was out: she wanted him to be chafing under the urge to touch her lips and penetrate her body, to devastate her if need be, but not to remain so calm and self-possessed.” -Pauline Reage |
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and the headache is back.... joys of having something inside your head that shouldn't be there in the first place! :P |
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so i'll wear my warm cute form fitting black james bond turtleneck with a cute skirt and tights.
and my apple watch :)
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when i sing this i sound beautiful
(hum Give Peace A Chance lol) and its a good message
Take a straight and stronger course To the corner of your life Make the white queen run so fast She hasn't got time to make you a wife
'Cause it's time, it's time in time with your time And its news is captured For the queen to use! Move me on to any black square Use me anytime you want Just remember that the goal Is for us all to capture all we want (Move me on to any black square)
Don't surround yourself with yourself Move on back two squares Send an instant karma to me Initial it with loving care (Don't surround yourself)
'Cause it's time, it's time in time with your time And its news is captured For the queen to use!
Diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit didda Diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit didda (Don't surround yourself with yourself)
Don't surround yourself with yourself (Don't surround yourself) Move on back two squares Send an instant karma to me (Send an instant karma to me) Initial it with loving care (Don't surround yourself)
'Cause it's time, it's time in time with your time And its news is captured For the queen to use!
Diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit didda (All we are saying) Diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit didda (Is give peace a chance) Diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit didda (All we are saying) Diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit didda (Is give peace a chance
'Cause it's time, it's time in time with your time And it's news is captured
I've seen all good people turn their heads each day So satisfied I'm on my way I've seen all good people turn their heads each day So satisfied I'm on my way I've seen all good people turn their heads each day So satisfied I'm on my way I've seen all good people turn their heads each day So satisfied I'm on my way I've seen all good people turn their heads each day So satisfied I'm on my way I've seen all good people turn their heads each day So satisfied I'm on my way I've seen all good people turn their heads each day So satisfied I'm on my way I've seen all good people turn their heads each day So satisfied I'm on my way I've seen all good people turn their heads each day So satisfied I'm on my way I've seen all good people turn their heads each day So satisfied I'm on my way I've seen all good people turn their heads each day So satisfied I'm on my way
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hanging laundry. my laundry is always spotless and smells amazing |
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my favorite military movie
the best part
https://youtu.be/3j3_iPskjxk
every man should be required BT
and woman
the more you hate more, the more you will learn
here you are all equally worthless
lol
of course its obvious who i like
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https://youtu.be/J1eBS8avHrg
he was the ideal fodder: obedient due to not being very bright
great movie. watched it in boRING school lol |
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getting ready for the weekend. dressed cute. |
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this Veteran's Day i know my friend is looking out for me. man i owe you a ride in valhalla man
ty 4 looking out 4 me
the great gig in the sky |
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leave the driving to us.....
seriously doing tghe happy dance cuz some good things r happening
-owned -possibly making a new friend with this girl -ummmmm |
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wakey wakeeeeeyyyy
https://youtu.be/JTSk7W4LAfA
Moz in the mornin |
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ok this is the epitome of what country music is lol
https://youtu.be/IZbN_nmxAGk
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right on
https://youtu.be/3umaLe37-LE
yep
yep |
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my great uncle , ty 4 ur svc. RIP my uncle ty 4 ur svc
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LOVE THIS SONG
https://youtu.be/DWrMeBR8W-c |
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losing a friend of mine this winter https://youtu.be/DWrMeBR8W-c
ty 4 your numerous TODs and you passed int he most unbelievable way: a bicycle as a civilian
this ones for you, Jim
in Valhalla man
miss ya
and to all those |
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today's focus: don't be a nag. most subs are nags to their Doms. they often think it is "cute" or will earn them a spanking or such
don't be that sub. |
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Listening to When I'm Gone on audio book on my Alexa echo .... Wow |
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Tomorrow my focus is remembering the order to not be afraid, nervous |
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tomorrow's focus: i will be much less nervous toward the close of the day! |
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drifting off to slumber....
my cat is ill. :( |
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in my head now....
A dreaded sunny day So I meet you at the cemetery gates Keats and Yeats are on your side
A dreaded sunny day So I meet you at the cemetery gates Keats and Yeats are on your side While Wilde is on mine
So we go inside and we gravely read the stones All those people all those lives Where are they now? With the loves and hates And passions just like mine They were born And then they lived and then they died Seems so unfair And I want to cry
You say: "ere thrice the sun done salutation to the dawn" And you claim these words as your own But I've read well, and I've heard them said A hundred times, maybe less, maybe more
If you must write prose and poems The words you use should be your own Don't plagiarise or take "on loans" There's always someone, somewhere With a big nose, who knows And who trips you up and laughs When you fall Who'll trip you up and laugh When you fall
You say: "ere long done do does did" Words which could only be your own And then you then produce the text From whence was ripped some dizzy whore, 1804
A dreaded sunny day So let's go where we're happy And I meet you at the cemetery gates Oh Keats and Yeats are on your side
A dreaded sunny day So let's go where we're wanted And I meet you at the cemetery gates Keats and Yeats are on your side But you lose because Wilde is on mine
-Morrissey
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what will i wear to meet my new (possible) friend? she has similar interests like fitness and lifting she has nice hair and wears specs and she actually looks forward to meeting me.
yes, me.
looks forward as in "can't wait"
i'll meet her in Queens Friday.
Veteran's Day . First one without a good friend of mine who passed away in February. In fact, what He endured is in a way similar to what i am now.
won't help but think Friday the sacrifices he made.
and others.
i will go out of my way to give to those outside anything leftover i have. even if it is something i could not possibly think somebody would care about.
one thing i enjoy is this: when i go to eat i give away the leftovers and take them with me to give to others. |
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scrubbing corners is a soothing activity. along with removing stains from laundry . ;) |
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thyroid = brain tumor (benign but still symptomatic) = pms all equal one shark week of a stew.
write...write...write
not here, but there
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my mind is drifting into thoughts. waking up in the morning, to the brightest sunshine. the brightest sunshine, nearing on ethereal. the light refracting (and i do believe i am utilizing the term properly) all the way up the high rise ...in the sky, warming me through the windows that are just about as tall as the building itself. wanting just a few more hours, days...moments to bask in that morning sunlight.
walking into a full spa leaving the door open continuing to enjoy a morning i wish would never end.
alone. |
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i was contemplating continuing my story. i find that by keeping a story/journal/writings it not only gets my seemingly nervous-nellies out, but it also shows where i need to continue to focus.
i realize that when i write i grow and improve.
improving is critical now. what was previously my "normal" is now "improving"
i've got a lot to be fortunate for, and must stop dwelling on the nerves/ worries. |
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just shampooed my carpets. twice this week. everything is very neat and tidy.however, i wish i could be like bill murray in "Groundhoug Day" and just re-do this day. i am meeting a lady Friday . i'm nervous. these days of late, nervous seems to be my middle name. |
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theres an Amish Remedy for leg cramps. it works really well. it has vinegar in it and some other natural safe ingredients. it works very quickly. ive been getting leg cramps at night these nights, and am glad to have it. i used it a lot a few years ago. |
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my headaches come from the cyst i have in my brain. this one hurts. i dismissed my sub because he went up the COC attempting to disrespect me. I also did not attend the event tonight that I was going to mee thim at. He needs to learn obedience. Were I to act in such manner I would certainly be dismissed .He apologized, but he needs a week to think and contemplate his behavior, or lack thereof |
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French Press coffee... good even in the evening. Think I will make some. |
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Was happy to be given micro order(s) by Owner. :) |
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french press coffee..... i often think it can be better than drip machine made coffee... |
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Zzzzz zzzzz
my bed is so soft.... massages me. and goes to zero gravity (as much as a bed can lol) and has a wireless remote control and night subtle lighting for night time bathroom trips
i should take a bath now before i fall asleep for the evening
sunday
every day is like sunday - morrissey |
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informative https://youtu.be/lz4YetNkFMA
and nice clothing |
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on your orders..... https://youtu.be/QebrbHpjAac
would love to visit this amazing solemn place |
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just a few things to put away. so quiet here now. going to compose a bit more. can't wait until my new eyeglasses arrive. tomorrow is Sunday...
Sundays have been good in the past.
planning to wear one of the new outfits i have from Uniqlo's sale.
said good night to Owner.
warm and cozy pj's are on. thik i will watch netflix if i dont compose or afterward
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finishing up chores, then snuggling with me freshly dry cleaned goosedown comforter and linens. crappy music is blaring from neighbors having a party. lol. my Dom called today and really said things that made things seem not as nerve wracking. ordered these eyeglasses. aren't they cute?
http://us.shadestation.com/Tiffany---Co-Glasses-TF2106-8055-52.html |
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Lo and behold: this girl thinks that the lady she was speaking to on messenger was/is a cyber person. just outright stopped chatting with me. surprise, surprise...not surprised but i will give the benefit of the doubt. one thing i know: men are not flakes. my Dom is honest and to the point.
sometimes i just feel like....why do i waste the time to chat with folks who don't even want to become acquaintances.
no biggie. :)
i still manage to see the good about the chat/interaction and am overall happy |
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at the eye Dr Thinking of eyeglasses that Sir would like to see on girl also |
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Doing some writing this evening. Respectfully, wish Sir would allow me to serve Him this weekend. A busy Dom He is, understandably. It is always nice...the simple things that He orders. Sometimes i miss the "go to sleep now" order. But as a sub, it is my job to embellish His life, to make my service the best i can offer and constantly improve. But , there are times i do wish.... and maintaining obedience sometimes is an inner struggle but worth it! |
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errand today ... greeted Sir with "good morning". :) |
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cozy pajamas and cozy socks= night time. little difficult to get to sleep tonight but... i am happy because -i'm owned -i'm making a new friend (a lady |
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dismissed my sub.... dismissal is not release. and dismissal is an order. reading through his journal, but the dismissal will be a week so far
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finished up half of second movement. now it will need a title.... still need an arranger. met one but .... |
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yay- saturday I have a brief work event! spoke without permission to my Owner, because i am anxious and really could use His advice and ....wish wish wish that He would visit to allow the privelege ...because i am anxious. thats all. |
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Sir visited yesterday. Was as always happy to see Him today i am a bit anxious, and could use some company.... and such
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finally...can take some breaks.... going to relax a bit. |
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i write music... and it speaks in many words...notes. tones. intervals
https://youtu.be/sLbFugaFyAA
#socanrelate
#musicians and #composers are #artistisalso
this is also great : https://youtu.be/TTV9kBcmQGE |
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Haven't had a dream in a long time..... |
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looks like it will be a quiet evening solo. plan on working on my music a bit, and possibly making a dessert. depends.
today's focus: continuing to be honest, open, obedient. Don't be afraid to tell your Dom/Mistress/Top/ect exactly what is happening that could affect you. provided you arent annoying, you may find that your Top/Owner/ect will be compassionate and more. Because they are real people with real feelings it is important to respect them. and in return you do not get dismissed, released, ect
and in return your Top/owner/ect understands what exactly their sub/slave/ect is going thru .
no need to disclose every single thing, however.... as someone who is in control of YOU, it is important in certain aspects to inform them
:this is whats going on and how its affecting
now what and if they choose to act, ect is on them. and be grateful
if Dom invites you to dinner make it your business to show gratittude
if Dom invites you to vanilla gathering then be grateful and make it your business to show up . with a smile and more
be an example to your Mistress/Dom/me ect
be an example. be proud.
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waiting for the laundry service to pick up bedding and some laundry. my beautiful down comforter, my duvet cover along with some other big items that my small machine cannot wash. besides, needing to be dry cleaned, the comforter will be much better dry cleaned and properly treated.
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dressing warm but cute today |
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"no news is good news" applies to many facets/aspects of life, including BDSM.
chants in the back of her mind: summon....summon....summon...summon (tongue on cheek)
:P
it's sarcasm and opposite day :PP |
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The song 'secret garden' by Bruce Springsteen is on the jukebox app. How apropro.
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Brazilian wax literally felt like each hair was being yanked out. This time around it was difficult because I have not been for in awhile . :(
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Seems like an eternity..... |
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fitness is very important to me. keeping a clean and presentable home and life is as well I am 5'8 and 126 pounds I enjoy eating well, and drinking plenty of water with lemon or lime. Various citrus fruits can really turn water into something that is much more enjoyable to drink. Sugar is not good for health. I am a size 0/00 and find that the size I am now is a size where my knee does not act up (had a fall some years back and it's never been the same since) I also find that at my size I am agile and able to get into small spaces. :)
Still awaiting carrier to email me back, since I miss driving SO SO SO MUCH
There is also something else I miss.... |
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finally going to get my eyebrows and various places waxed. it's been way too long. |
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Property: something owned or possessed;
specifically : a piece of real estate :
the exclusive right to possess, enjoy, and dispose of a thing :
What the dictionary does not show or explain is that One can choose to showcase property. One can be proud of property. Well, it does in the last entry:
"the exclusive RIGHT to possess, ENJOY and dispose" of a thing.
So, this can explain many aspects of BDSM Ownership
It also implies being obedient to order(s)
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hoping to write an entry later on how topping from the bottom, speaking witout permission and such annoy a Dom |
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staying warm today. chilly. very chilly.
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day of domesticity.... chores galore. finishing them up! |
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Continuing to follow orders, and continuing to hope that Owner will give further tasks. really wish Owner would have girl clean more and travel a bit but everything for a reason. and the bonus of having a genius Owner: they are aware about 4-10 steps ahead. :) |
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working on some of my musical composition.
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always ask permission, as it is much more difficult to beg forgiveness. |
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my usual 'middle of the night' wakeup/snacktime
back to rest.....
does one remind a Dom of a prior punishment earned? No. in a way that is 'topping from the bottom'
To insinuate that a Dom, particularly OWNER, 'forgets' is not only insulting but is also disrespectful. Unless stated otherwise , or precisely, it is not proper to "remind" regarding punishment(s) past, present, future or what you thnk are 'pending'
Perhaps the Dom had a change of thought?
Whatever the matter may be, it is not for the sub/bottom /slave to decide. |
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Keeping a Dom waiting Is certainly asking for trouble |
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busy day. also had to purchase some things i needed: to smell good and for my skin to be luxurious. I found a deal on my lotion , and body wash. It was cheaper to get the box kit and I ended up saving 15 dollars. I have a body spray as well. I hope my Owner likes the fragrance and softness from the lotion. ;) My husband is sub, so whatever he gets he gets! :PPP
I also found a deal on one of those holiday boxes. My razor ended up being cheaper in the box. It also came with body wash oil of olay and nice thick shave cream from olay.
so the deal with pretty good- the razor along would have been more than ten dollars. plus i have refills!
being economical is important.
and in the box came a shower poof for body wash- alone they can be 2 dollars to 3 dollars. so 20 dollars for the body butter lotion cream, body wash and poof was good!
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sometimes (well fairly often) i like to stop and appreciate the little things in life. last night, my Owner ordered me to go to bed. At first, i thought about many things that needed to be completed, about the next day..and such
then, i realized: the compassion to give what i call a "micro order" in and of itself, is what 'this' is about
while there are no 'whipsering sweet nothings ' in an ear, a micro order is FAR more effective, considerate, empathetic and essential to WIITWD
in fact, it is much better than a flower, or anything of that sort.
it enabled me a decent night sleep. and because He ordered it, i obeyed it with understanding and an open mind.
that 'sweet nothing' is more than something: a micro order.
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https://youtu.be/mazh6VFUjBU love singing and playing this...
--- my mood ---
nighty nighty |
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I love cleaning thoroughly |
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Music either composing it, listening to it... Singing Gets me thru the days and nights |
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When I used to drive for leppy lines is often listen to Phil Collins or it would come on in the driver's room. The demo version of "wish it would rain down" is great. Listening to it on the Bose on the subway now. How apropro Lost two "friends" ... Not friends But gained Syu much My belt us to big Lost more weight |
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And if all others accepted the lie which the Party imposed – if all records told the same tale – then the lie passed into history and became truth. "Who controls the past," ran the Party slogan, "controls the future: who controls the present controls the past." And yet the past, though of its nature alterable, never had been altered. Whatever was true now was true from everlasting to everlasting. It was quite simple. All that was needed was an unending series of victories over your own memory. "Reality control," they called it: in Newspeak, "doublethink." (1.3.18) -1984 |
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busy day ahead. wish i were going to start up a CMV...but alas, all in due time. all in due time. just wanna get behind the wheel of a bus and do a lot of long distance (regional) routes. but then i would be gone a lot, so that is not as good. but NJ AC runs are fun. Come on....one place I am hoping get back to me soon! |
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this girls Owner called her today. some are confused by my profile page. i do not mind female Dommes. i have an affinity for Mistresses and find such beauty in them. :)
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https://youtu.be/VA0wi9gsf5I
mmmm mmmm mmmmm and mmmmm |
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Marmalade: reflections of my life
yeah......suits the mood now |
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Kinda sad... Great evening last night But
Just kinda sad now |
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https://youtu.be/PVppxyO6HwQ as i think about another mil ex of mine possible waiting for my bus guarding them gates! you were a nice man. i was going to buy your boarded up house as it was THAT cheap. then improve and flip it!
thank you for helping me start my life. first time behind a truck, yep
learned a lot but he had issues, being at home is home. simple as that |
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https://youtu.be/PVppxyO6HwQ loved this always |
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yep. i have
https://youtu.be/VQ_Wqtnlv4U
as a head into my tempurpedic bed... gratfeul for every dam thing i have and every dam ONE i have
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i am very happy. an Owned sub is a hppay sub, and not just owned by anyone but by the One whom she admires most
thoughts wander.... yes i miss Him but wonder due to my disobedience of being naughty at times whether He will use the cane on me again
dreams of ..... |
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== Results from bdsmtest.org == 99% Slave 97% Degradee 96% Submissive 96% Rope bunny 94% Masochist 89% Primal (Prey) 84% Brat 71% Girl/Boy 67% Pet 65% Experimentalist 56% Exhibitionist 49% Ageplayer 37% Non-monogamist 27% Voyeur 24% Primal (Hunter) 23% Switch 17% Sadist 12% Dominant 11% Master/Mistress 8% Rigger 8% Degrader 6% Daddy/Mommy 6% Brat tamer 6% Owner 0% Vanilla |
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Sad veiled bride, please be happy
Handsome groom, give her room
Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly
Although she needs you more than she loves you
-Morrissey
so true. so true....
i have concert tickets saturdday and just can't go.
i have to process my dismissal.
i endured FOURTEEN YEARS of pain of dismissal. i guess another 14 ok
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