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toxiclostheart

toxiclostheart - photo 1
toxiclostheart - photo 2

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In love. 🖤🦄 Daddy is my everything. No one can compare, so do not even bother. Would befriend other subs/littles but nothing more.

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3/22/2022 6:44:35 AM

Dearest Coffee,

Please work your magic and help my brain function. 

Sinerely, 

me

 

Up all night with panic attacks, so hard to work today....


3/20/2022 6:34:56 PM

you DOMINATE a persons

you are DOMINANT

hope this helps as it seems many do not know the difference.


3/17/2022 6:17:05 PM

i love making a so called "dominant" person throw a temper tantrum and block me for pointing out the obvious. 

and they wonder why they are still alone....


3/15/2022 7:41:56 AM

Finally re-dyed my hair for the first time in six months.  Made a mess of it, all over me, but the colors are better than i could have hoped for.   Unfortunately it did not help my mental state at all, which was what i was most hoping for.  But at least now i can get my new driver's license and have pretty colored hairs in my picture.

Daddy has been so patienct with my mental state, or lack thereof, and i need to find a way to make it up to Him.  How he deals with me i will never know, but i am beyond thankful.

This week also started our doctor appointments...hopefully we are able to start the disability process for Him quickly so that we have a dual income again.  And i know He hates not being able to contribute financially due to His health.  The doctor told Him that although He is only 41, He has to consider Himself 75 physically, and that is a tough pill to swallow.  

For me i'm sure they will try and give me medications again, and i'll accept it for my blood pressue as it is beyonf sky-high but other than that i prefer not to take anything....i would rather allow my body to heal itself....even if it is really bad at doing so...


3/7/2022 6:40:27 AM

Today is a bad pain day.  Physcially, emotionally and mentally.   i am beyond thankful i work from home and do not need to face the world, aside from a visit to my parents house this evening for dinner.  Agoraphobia can be crippling and the very thought of stepping a toe outside of my "safe zones" is enough to throw me into a panic.  With my extremely high blood pressure and resting heart rate, i need to do all i can do keep myself calm.  The last thing needed to add to the litany of issues is a stroke.  

On a happy not i found an adorable notebook and metallic pens (my glitter ones died...sad) to keep track of my daily blood pressure readings, and soon to be mood and food intake.   Daddy said He is so proud that i am finally working on fixing me.  the body parts are easy.  it's the mental part that scares me.  i truly do not know if i am ready to face my damage.  i hope i find a really good therapist that doesn't mind if a stuffy or two come along on my appointments...

 


3/4/2022 7:38:30 AM

Made it through them taking away my precious bloods for testing, and i didn't freak out!  Because i was so well behaved Daddy got me McDonald's for breakfast.  i am so fortunate i have Him...especially to be there during the coming months with all my testing and doctors appointments...it's going to be a long, twisty road and i would not want anyone else by my side.


3/1/2022 6:38:52 PM

Agoraphobia, fibromyalgia, anxiety, depression...and to add to it Hashimoto's disease, severely high blood pressure, a concerning breast lump and ADHD of all things.....it was better before i went to the docot and didn't have to know all this....

my Doctor is amazing, and she told me we have a long road ahead of us, but she will help as much as she can....thankfully she's not the type to push medications.   i really don't want to take a million pills every morning.

the next few months will be brutal.


2/24/2022 7:00:49 AM

Why send someone messages when you have them blocked?  Did you forget you blocked me?  Please stop sending me messages, it is quite annoying.


2/23/2022 9:08:59 AM

watching Web of Lies while working, cause this girl loves her murder porn, and they mention "collarme.com" as where she met someone and this poofed.  once upon a time, that could have been me.....

when this was collarme i met my ex and flew across the country to be with him...thankfully he wasn't a murderer, just a jerk.


2/18/2022 8:14:44 AM

my body is quitting on me and i don't know how to deal with it.


2/13/2022 2:33:11 PM

Once upon a time I was able to work 3 jobs with no issues...... this week has been a "holiday" week for the upcoming Valentine's Day nonsense ad I've worked roughly 100 hours in about a week and my body has gone on strike.   There are still several days of work to get through and I truly do not know how I will make it.  This agony and pain is near unbearable.  Daddy said I must see a doctor and I can no longer avoid it.  No one should have to feel this pain just sitting still.


2/10/2022 5:47:19 AM

Depression is a harsh Mistress.   She overwhlems me to the point where even Daddy cannot help.  The extreme guilt i feel for being unable to do anything outside of work, as we desperately need the money, is becoming too much.  The self hatred i feel even more so.....i really don't deserve Daddy.  The way He loves me and puts up with me....


2/8/2022 6:31:57 PM

 

Unless you want to clean our house or pay our bills, we don't want you.  (Note: this is called a joke)

 

Daddy is all i need or want and i don't share, nor does He.  

 

i am on here to communicate with friends i've chatted with since collarme was a thing.  i have no need or want to be bothered by the so called "doms" that throw temper tantrums when i point out i am happily taken.  Just a clue, it's none of your concern why i am on here.  i don't message or bother you, so don't bother me.  If you are not my Daddy you mean nothing and i owe you nothing.


2/8/2022 8:13:54 AM

Hint :  Using pet names with someone you do not know is not being sweet.  It is being disrespectful.


2/7/2022 8:33:22 PM

Unless you want to clean our house or pay our bills, we don't want you.  (Note: this is called a joke)

Daddy is all i need or want and i don't share, nor does He.  

i am on here to communicate with friends i've chatted with this collarme was a thing.  i have no need or want to be bothered by the so called "doms" that throw temper tentrums when i point out i am happily taken.  Just a clue, it's none of your concern why i am on here.  i don't message or bother you, so don't bother me.  If you are not my Daddy you mean nothing and i owe you nothing.


3/26/2018 3:03:44 PM
The longest part of my day is waiting between His text that He is on His way, and His arrival...

Such horrid, beautiful anticipation....



3/14/2018 9:24:07 AM
Some profiles on here are far too amusing.

For instance - the one with no picture that simply says "impress me" and it sends a simple, one word message.  For someone wanting to be impressed, it sure acts typical and boring.

Then there is the one that claims all women are inferior and Dommes do not truly believe they are dominant.  *blinks*  Delusional, much?

Let's not forget the one that calls itself Dom yet messages me asking how it can serve me....

10/15/2017 6:37:26 AM
It is a shame screenshots are not allowed. I would love to show what a pathetic joke this certain creature has become. I have left entire page of unread, unopened messages, all ignored, so it makes a new name just to ask why I will not give it attention. How can one be so pitiful, yet call itself dominant? I pity any submissive foolish enough to not see through the thinly veiled facade.

10/10/2017 5:22:39 AM
There is nothing appealing about you showing off dildos you've used on other women. If anything, it is creepy. Don't be cheap. Buy a new one to be with a new woman.

10/8/2017 7:39:27 AM
I have broken another Kindle.  I wish they would start to create things that would be Lisa-proof.  That's 2 devices within a week that have succumbed to death at my hands.  My new Kindle will be arriving on Monday.  This time with a TWO year warranty.  

Hopefully this package will not be delivered to the bushes.

On a side note - if your main picture is a cock, an asshole, a cock in an asshole or any other genitalia, your message will be deleted unread.  Yes, I am aware of the type of site this is.  That does not mean I want to be ocularly assaulted by such pictures.  

10/7/2017 11:09:30 AM
It amazes me that people still try and use fake pictures.  It is by far the easiest thing to check.

Silly person.

10/6/2017 9:42:27 AM
Dear UPS,

The bushes are not an appropriate place to leave a package, especially when someone is IN THE FUCKING HOUSE.

Idiots.

Sincerely,

Me

10/3/2017 5:15:29 AM
I cannot help but wonder what posses one to continuously message a person, for weeks, without a reply. Especially when the only message sent to this vile troll was to tell them they are disgusting and should not message again. I'm starting to believe this sad, lonely, hideous thing is obsessed with me. Gross.

9/28/2017 5:57:59 AM
After sending me 15-20 messages a day, all of which I delete and do no respond to, it sends this: "please dont hate me because of my chauvinist ways........ I am a victim of it myself. I was brought up this way..the first thing my father use to say to my mum upon coming home was......... where is my dinner bitch and if she did not answer him in a pleasing way she use to get a beating or bitch slapping.............. todays women dont bare to be with me and leave me after a while ........ let be friends please .......... ? I will do my best to behave and most probably you will bring order in my behavior" I have deleted (unread) over 100 messages from this foolish moron, and I suppose it finally realized I'm disgusted by it. Funny it calls itself dominant, yet now says I can bring order to its behavior...

9/26/2017 5:29:56 AM
Up before the sun, once again. Sleep is becoming as elusive as the Yeti. Coffee helps, but not nearly enough. Perhaps another attempt at a vacation is in order being as the last one was cut short after the first day. Being responsible is becoming so tiring. I almost long for the days of being a peon, but no such luck. I've grown so weary of the same thing day in and day out. It might be time for a change...

9/23/2017 7:43:35 AM
How many messages will a "Dom" send, all of which are deleted unread, until he goes away?

So far the answer is unknown.  The message count is well above 50.

Pathetic much?

Oh, and this "Dom" is well into his 50s.  Far too old to be acting so childish.  Perhaps I should pass him name along to a few Dommes on here.  It may suit him better.

9/19/2017 1:16:40 PM
When they resort to calling you "cunt" they might as well just scream they are not dominant.  It's a shame so many have to use the term to coerce unsuspecting females to be with them, as they cannot get any otherwise.

9/19/2017 10:10:20 AM
This damnable cold will not vacate my body and it is making me quite angry. It has been many, many moons since I have been plagued with this obnoxious affliction and I am not handling it well.

9/17/2017 7:57:17 PM
Just a thought...but it does not seem very Dom-like to call someone's mother a whore for being rejected for the loser you are.

9/16/2017 10:54:47 AM
Irate customers make my day.  Especially when I make them feel stupid and they end up apologizing to me for being rude.

If only it were that easy to train employees.  I grow ever so weary of explaining the same thing over and over.  It is not a difficult job, what they are expected to do is relatively simple, and yet finding someone capable seems an impossibility.  I really do not want to be a total cunt to this person, but I fear my patience has worn thin.

I had attempted to take a vacation for the first time in three years, and through circumstances beyond my control my week long vacation was shrunk to only 3 days.  Rather than sit at home and dwell in my misery I returned to work early.  After dealing with this person for the extra few days, I regret that decision and wish I would have spent the time avoiding being in their presence.

If only the boss would let me fire her....but he believes in giving everyone a chance first.  Even if that chance fucks up his company, it seems...

9/15/2017 10:24:05 AM
Work is dead.  Beyond dead.  There is literally not a thing left to do until the phone rings.  So what do I do?  I go back and read my own random ramblings on here.

3 days prior to crashing my truck I had horrifying nightmares that made no sense, as I was simply driving.  I've had other dreams in the past where something has happened in the dream, and then shortly after in reality, but this is the first one involving myself.

Lately I've been having the same type of dreams, albeit not crashing my beloved truck this time, but it is starting to make me wonder if I should worry...

9/15/2017 9:27:11 AM
Being in pain every time one moves gets old quickly.  At least this time it is from my own doing, opposed to the annoyance of health issues beyond my control.  I have tried a new set of arm strengthening exercises and my arms and shoulders are thanking me by screaming in protest each time I reach or something, write something, type something, breath. 

Perhaps, as I tend to do often, I pushed it a tad too far...

At least I'm being paid while (not so) silently suffering, and having an inept employee to vent my frustrations upon first thing this morning was helpful-ish.  I enjoy yelling at them a little too much at times.  At least I've assured good behavior for the next few days. 

Enough procrastination for now, time to be productive.

9/14/2017 8:57:30 AM
It has been brought to my attention there is another "me" on this site.  Someone using an old picture and nearly the same screen name.  How flattering.

9/13/2017 5:39:08 AM
News flash - calling someone a cunt because they hurt your feelings is not "abuse" - it is you being an oversensitive weakling. If you think being dominant is about how many childish names you can call someone, you are no Dom. Now, I'm sorry you've been obviously hurt, badly, and women want nothing to do with you but to proclaim dominance in the slim hope it might get you some? Everyone can see through your sham. Once again, this site has proven to be quite entertaining.

9/12/2017 8:31:34 AM
It fascinates me that people will strive for the attention and affection of one, simply because they have a notion in their mind that this person is the "perfect one" for them.  I know there is the old adage "blinded by love" but are people really that dumb?  Pay attention to what is really there, not what you want it to be.

9/8/2017 9:48:47 AM

After a hiatus from the internet in general, I had nearly come to forget how absurdly pitiful some are.  A few days on here and my memory has returned ten-fold.  I find myself starting to commiserate with those compelled to commit mass murder.

I’m endlessly amused by the “insults” I receive in my inbox.  If one resorts to name calling because they are rejected for being, quite frankly, a disgusting idiot, I hardly think that one should proclaim dominance.  Although, I do find enjoyment in making them angry even if it is far too easy.

Now I will sit back and watch as my inbox is flooded with those that feel the need to profess how different they are from those I mention.  Like lambs to the slaughter…


7/18/2017 5:48:31 AM
I am starting to wonder if some people are so unoriginal when they create a profile that they choose to just copy what others say rather than think of something themselves.

7/7/2017 1:23:48 PM
I have seen the future, baby...it is murder.

6/7/2017 5:26:28 AM
The constant thorn in my side had been removed from my work environment! Patience really does pay off. It is much more pleasant to be in my office without an overwhelming amount of negative energy. It is also nice knowing my current employees do as I say, with no complaints or problems. Renovations have finally been completed in my house, and my truck is almost completely finished, if I could find find time to get to my mechanic to install the last of my custom pieces. My personalized plates should be arriving any day, along with the plethora of random items I've ordered. Online shopping is a terrifically terrible addiction. Now if only I would be able to have one day without being in pain...

6/6/2017 5:33:18 AM
There is nothing quite as enthralling as a message reading: "hi im dom and want u as mine i like ur profile so tell me abut u" This is copied word for word, and somewhat painful to read. How anyone would think one would jump at the chance to answer such pitiful ignorance is a mystery to me.

5/29/2017 2:35:01 PM
💩🐂

4/18/2017 6:23:24 AM
Why view a profile daily, yet never say a word? Sort of creepy.

4/10/2017 11:55:03 AM
I adore making so called "dominant" persons lose complete control over themselves.

3/23/2017 7:34:24 AM
Despondency is a new feeling. An unwelcome, unappreciated one.

3/18/2017 6:11:23 AM
How lovely! I have awoken to a broken television. While mostly unneeded today as I will be in the office the majority of it, I will be working from home tomorrow. No television during a long work day from home? No thank you. Once again, I must venture out into the world. Although, perhaps I can order it online and just retrieve it from the store. That might not be as bad... Time to do my research!

3/9/2017 9:16:15 AM
I am constantly amazed at how many people in my life endlessly feel the need to try and set me up with someone.   I suppose when I say I have no desire to be with anyone they hear it as "please set me up with random people" or something of the like.  

It is somewhat funny, but starting to get annoying.  Perhaps I should be less than nice to those they attempt to introduce me to and then perhaps the hint will be taken...

3/2/2017 5:21:13 AM
How cute! This thing keeps making new names, messaging me to "get a job" and blocking me. It's made 5 so far. Not shockingly, it hides behind typical "girl tied up" pictures, and it has a typical "I'M SO DOM!!!" profile, so I'm quite sure it is some older person with no social skills or life to speak of. I am a tad confused as to what the point is. If I was unemployed, it would still be pathetic, but at least it would make sense. I am quite the opposite of unemployed, as I've had no days off in over a month. I wish it would unblock me and explain itself. Curiosity amasses. Seems the actions of a very weak person to go out of their way to make new profiles, send a pitiful failure of an insult and then block someone. I almost feel sorry for it.

2/22/2017 12:34:57 PM
Sometimes being the boss is exhausting.

While it is nice having my peons do my bidding, it can become tiresome having to clean up after the useless ones.  Apparently fixing MAJOR problems and saving large accounts is what I do best.  

On March 5th, when I have an entire day off because my boss will finally be back in the country, I plan on doing as little as humanly possible all day long.  In fact, I do not even plan on leaving my bed unless absolutely necessary when nature calls.  I cannot wait!

2/18/2017 10:58:33 AM
I'm ready for a day off.  

Only 15 more days....

2/14/2017 7:49:19 AM

The endless truck saga continues! Nothing quite like being told that while your truck was in for an alignment, your moon roof shattered. How in the hell does that even happen?!? Granted, I'm not paying for the damage. The one who broke it is paying, but now I'm sans truck....again.

Sometimes...I think I'm cursed.


2/13/2017 9:16:42 AM
finger vs 400º flat iron - flat iron wins

And holy poop bags does my finger hurt!

2/13/2017 4:29:40 AM
The employee that was supposed to work a few hours yesterday to give me slight reprieve of my continuous work schedule, either forgot or chose not to show up with no call or text. I COULD have called and reminded said person to come in, but their presence would have been quite useless. One would think after being sternly reprimanded on Friday for lack of work ethic, a person might make an extra effort. Good help is so hard to find.

2/11/2017 5:52:24 AM
If you send a message professing yourself to be a "good and respectful person" and your main picture is your genitalia, your message becomes meaningless. It is not a difficult concept. Calling me silly names only solidifies my point. Perhaps some enjoy being visually assaulted by random close-ups of private areas, but I am not one. At least make it a secondary picture so one has a choice before seeing it.

2/8/2017 9:13:12 AM
Some girls get giddy over flowers and chocolates.

I get giddy over the sound of double dual exhaust.

2/8/2017 4:49:00 AM
After much internal deliberation I've decided to say fuck it and replace my wheels and tires as well. I've ordered custom wheels that will be here Friday and bigger tires, naturally. This will make every bit custom, aside from under the hood. But there's time for that later. Although, having something I've worked so hard to make all mine, has lead to night after night of terrible dreams. Every night it is the same dream, different scenario. Always horrendous vehicle accidents leaving a wake of body parts, blood and truck parts. I wake up and peek out my window multiple times a night to make sure she's safe and sound in her parking spot. I do the same at work. I may just be obsessed with my truck...

2/4/2017 5:11:00 AM
My not so dirty black bitch is back, completely customized and better than ever! I have a few more pieces I've ordered to finish the job (LED interior lights, a skull cover for my gauges to go with my skull antenna and valve caps on my tires, sparkly floor mats and new seat covers) but the rest is done and perfect! Well.....almost. I am still on the hunt for the perfect black wheels.  I even gifted myself an extra present and went for double dual exhaust! She ROARS! I'm actually anxious to go to work - just so I can drive again! I'm beyond in love with my truck! 😍

2/2/2017 5:23:12 AM
I was just called "young lady" by someone my own age. Not only did it ignore where I have clearly said in my profile I dislike any names as such, but that's just plain dumb. When told so, it replied with an explanation of the bdsm sense, not age sense, as if that were any less dumb... Poor thing.

1/27/2017 5:27:28 AM
How adorable! I've made this person so angry they've resorted to telling me I look like a "method addict" - their words, not mine. The things people say are amusing to no end. Especially when said to someone fighting illness. And then they wonder why they are miserable and alone, hiding being the guise of being dominant in hopes it will sway a naive person to ignore the obvious lack of intelligence and class, and be with them. One needs not have a crystal ball to know the answer. On a much happier note - my beloved truck is back in my possession and better than ever! They did a phenomenal job, making it well worth the wait. I almost cannot wait for my morning commute.

1/25/2017 5:17:32 AM
Some people are way too sensitive. Instead of becoming angry if someone has no interest in you, perhaps just move along? Going off on a tirade of how I must be so lonely, miserable, etc. does not help your case. If anything you should be thankful I am bluntly honest. If you are seeking one to be with, I am not her, plain and simple. I do not care what assumptions you make about me, or how awesome you think I am, or how pretty or any of that other meaningless drivel. If I have no desire to be with someone, none of that matters. I suppose a woman that has everything she wants and more, and has no need or want to be with anyone, is too hard for the majority to comprehend.

1/22/2017 9:33:00 AM
My crystal ball tells me I'm about to receive an angry message from a "dominant" person for pointing out the obvious. Let's wait and see!

Update - I do so enjoy being right.  Not only did I predict that person sending a message, but I received multiple others from idiots I have not even spoken with.  How funny!

1/20/2017 5:25:26 AM
How is it that "men" get so angry when I tell them I do not care what people think of my looks? Why is that reason to be mad? I truly cannot understand. I do not care if someone calls me ugly, so why would I care if they say the opposite? It just does not matter. But to throw a hissy fit and call me cunt, bitch, whore, etc. (all of which make me laugh) is just completely baffling. One would think they'd be happy someone DOES NOT care for that shallow nonsense and prefers substance instead. Go figure. On a happier note, I should have my beloved better than ever Black Bitch back any day, now. While I'm forever grateful for my stepdad loaning me his vehicle this past month, I truly miss my truck, and am increasingly more anxious for her return.

1/17/2017 5:24:42 AM
One wonders why people choose to post relatively the same journal entry day after day. After the first entry, it does not make for entertaining reading. Especially when each one ends with "if you want such and such message me!" - if one is that desperate for messages, perhaps they should be proactive and send messages first. If you beg daily for a message, you might not be that interesting. Just a guess...

1/13/2017 9:47:22 AM
Rain!  Although it causes work to be slow, I adore it!

1/12/2017 4:55:50 AM
When the pain is so intense it keeps you from sleeping, it can be quite bothersome. I suppose I should skip my workout this morning, as I can see it only exacerbating the problem. The idea leaves me feeling quite lazy, though. Perhaps an additional pain pill will make it easier...And another bowl or nine... But being awake in time to see Space Ghost Coast to Coast for the first time in eons almost makes up for it. Somewhere I have all the episodes on VHS, but seeing it on TV again makes me giddy with excitement. I love all things ridiculous and this show is quite ridiculous. If only they would put Cartoon Planet back on. Brak is my hero. Enough random ramblings...

1/11/2017 1:30:10 PM
By far the most amusing message I've received as of late: "I am not making any judgements or trying to start a conversation or disagreement, but it is obvious you have problems. If you have a way to meet with a mental health therapist, It might be helpful." One might consider that the pot calling the kettle black after reading its profile and silly list of those it needs not speak with. I fit its list of those it wishes to refrain from, yet it goes out of its way to message me. Hilarious! I'm sure it will have some pitiful response that will be just as funny.

1/7/2017 4:38:12 PM
It is beyond hilarious when you do not view or reply to someone's message immediately and they write another message moments later saying they will leave you be.  I suppose one being busy is too difficult a concept.

Patience is a good trait to develop.  



1/7/2017 5:28:43 AM
How does one placate a sensitive employee? Bake them cookies! Hopefully I can resist eating the majority and making my morning workout null and void. It will be difficult as I bake fucking amazing cookies. Mint chocolate chip and strawberry shortcake. None of that boring chocolate chip nonsense.

1/6/2017 9:05:58 AM
I dislike shoes immensely and hardly wear them, aside from when walking outside and in stores.  Once I am inside my office, I go in socked feet or bare foot (in summer). 

The bathroom at work is located outside of our office, down a walkway and around a corner.

I had to pee.  Very badly.

I decided to run to the bathroom, sans boots, and now have a hole from the damnable concrete on the bottom of one of my favorite pairs of unicorn kneesocks.

Ain't that a bitch.

But!  A perfect excuse to shop online and buy a new pair...or 9....

1/5/2017 5:23:42 AM
Do not get perturbed when one points out your message is clearly prefabricated, copy and pasted and unoriginal, and I choose to tell you. Accept that you do not interest me and move along. Begging for another chance is unbecoming, especially of one claiming to be dominant.

12/31/2016 6:40:00 AM
Twilight Zone marathon, coffee, pipe and kitties. If only I could do this all day... Sadly I cannot as I have made a commitment to venture to the strip this afternoon to see a cousin in town with his girlfriend. While I enjoy his company, when agreeing to the visit, the fact of it being this new year nonsense was forgotten and traveling home will be difficult at best. One becomes riddled with anxiety at the very thought of navigating the convulted roadways. Perhaps I can beg a ride from my parents and avoid driving all together, instead of just borrowing the vehicle.

12/30/2016 4:59:10 AM
Thank you, Universe. I thoroughly enjoy waking up sick after 3 treacherously long work weeks, and finally having a weekend off. Perhaps I will be able to leave work in under 10 and a half hours and rest before the weekend. I have a Twilight Zone Marathon to watch. I'd prefer not to be riddled with aches and pains, stuffy nose, headache and the like. Although, better to be sick in bed than at work, I suppose.

12/28/2016 8:06:06 AM
I've decided I want a tiny house.  I've never wanted to purchase a house because I had no desire to be tied down to one location, without a hassle of selling a home, renting a home, etc.  But!  If I build my perfect tiny house (on wheels) I'll never be stuck, even if temporarily.

Time to do some research, designing and planning.   

12/24/2016 5:12:38 AM
There is nothing so nice as the smell of rain and cold air while pretending to sleep. If sleep must be elusive, at least I'm snuggled in blankets with my purring kitties. Not looking forward to getting up shortly to work out and go to work. It's going to be dreadfully slow, and MAY just be a pajamas at work kind of day. I suppose I shouldn't be upset about being paid to relatively do nothing. Perhaps I'll even get some writing done. But I'd much rather just stay in bed all day, watching the rain. It is so few and far between that it rains for a few days in a row, I want to enjoy it as much as possible.

12/23/2016 5:25:24 AM
Rain! If only it would last...

12/20/2016 5:30:41 AM
Life is almost back to normal, or some semblance of. Still weeks to go before I am behind the wheel of my better than new Black Bitch, but I'm patient. My new lights should be arriving any day, and that will be a perfect excuse to visit the body shop and check on the work, without them feeling like I am checking on the work. I trust this man, but I'm also somewhat of a control freak and need to know it's going well. The hassle of retrieving a Salvage title has been lifted from me, as well. My insurance company is phenomenal and has sent all the paperwork to me with a pre-stamped envelope to return it. I'm beyond impressed by how amazing they have been with everything. If I could, I'd buy my rep one of those fruit and chocolate bouquet things, but I was told gifts are not allowed. She's made this dreadful process as painless as possible. Now if only I felt up to an actual workout. While I adore my Bowflex Max 5, it is only a 14 minute program, and I feel lazy. I'm just not sure if I'm physically ready for anything more strenous, and "technically" I'm still supposed to be resting for a day or two... Unfounded guilt is annoying. Must be my Jew blood. We do guilt better than anyone.

12/19/2016 5:48:48 AM
Finally able to work out again! Albeit, only half-assed, but better than not at all!

12/18/2016 7:11:07 AM
I've decided it's lovely not having a cell phone. No one can bother me! Ill be sending my phone to Motorola on Monday and they will repair and send it back, so it will not be permanent, but a slight hiatus from the modern world will be nice. Supposedly, they are sending a loaner phone to use in the interim but I may just go without. I have my Kindle for emails, web browsing and games in the meantime, if need be. Although...I will have to find an alarm clock, just in case I sleep past 4:45am. I have been naturally awake for months on end at that time, but of course the one time I have no back-up will be the time I oversleep. And tomorrow I can work out again! Definitely must not oversleep.

12/17/2016 3:06:25 PM
Lovely.  I have shattered my phone.

12/17/2016 9:36:02 AM
As I browse profile I see all these "women" begging for money in the guise of financial domination.  In the past, it's been amusing.  Now, perhaps, I might try it!  

I have to shell out a pretty penny for my beloved truck to be road worthy again, and I'm wondering if I put up my WishList from the site I'm buying all my truck parts from, if it would garner results...

Please know I'm joking and save the time it takes to compose a scathing email telling me to get a job.  I have a job - a very good one - that is enabling me to drop $10,000 like it's nothing.  It was just an amusing thought.

12/16/2016 5:15:29 AM
She can be fixed!! It's a bit more than I had expected to spend, but it's just money. And the perfect opportunity to upgrade everything I had been putting off. New headlights, taillights, sparkly paint, black interior, a new radio. She'll be better than new!

If I was the hugging type, I probably would have given the man fixing my beloved black bitch one.

Finally some good news out of this harrowing ordeal.

12/15/2016 5:52:44 AM
10 days without being able to work out. It's terrible! Hopefully the shop will have news about my truck being fixed, and I can settle with the insurance company for my payout. I've been advised to ditch my truck, take the money and get a brand new one, and while I can easily afford it, I don't want a new truck. I want my truck. There are worse things than having a salvage title.

I haven't had a truck payment in 11 years - I'd prefer to keep it that way. I'm almost positive there was no structural damage, and nothing wrong mechanically. It's simply cosmetic, so to speak. I hope.

12/14/2016 4:34:46 AM
I cannot put off seeing a doctor. I thought a few days after the accident I'd no longer hurt. Apparently, I was incorrect.

I don't want to play this game anymore. I quit.

12/13/2016 6:00:07 AM
I suppose it's a good thing I've been saving so much money. I'm about to spend a substantial amount to fix my poor, broken truck. Sadly, money cannot fix me as well. Being unable to work out this morning is bothering me a lot more than it should. I can barely move, yet feel horribly guilty about skipping it. All I really want is to stay under the blankets and heal, but my boss demands my presence at work. Nothing quite like telling your boss you just got into a bad accident and receiving the reply "you're coming in to work, right?" And what do I do? I go to work.

Hopefully the body shop will have good news that she's not beyond repair. I do not want a new vehicle. I want my truck.

12/12/2016 9:32:55 AM
Starting the week out possibly totaling my beloved truck is not what I had in mind. I don't care what it costs but I will fix her.

12/10/2016 9:06:24 AM
Such an incredibly slow day at work.  I've completed everything possible, and now can only sit and wait for the phone to ring.  How fun!

I am somewhat amazed as last night I had copious amounts of fast food for dinner, a ridiculously large ice cream sundae for dessert, did a very half-assed worked out this morning and still have lost a pound.  Seems logical.  And it means I won't feel AS guilty over splurging again this evening after work on more food that probably isn't the best for me...

This week has been hellacious and nothing sounds better than my pajamas, pipe, Kindle and lots of terrible and delicious fatty foods.  Only 9 hours left of this 11 hour day...

I'm so whiny today...Oops.

12/10/2016 5:35:58 AM
Another night riddled with terrifyingly odd dreams. I'm sure my subconscious is trying to tell me something, however the message is coming in garbled. Usually I'm much better figuring out puzzles.

At least I have another long day of work to keep my brain occupied. Who knew I'd look forward to sitting in my office, dealing with idiots. If one more person asks me "is a living room a room?" I am going to scream. Literally. Stupidity causes immense ire, at times. Although, it is fun to ask them to repeat the question a few times until they realize how stupid they sound...

I suppose I should stop procrastinating...my morning Max 5 torture session awaits.

12/9/2016 5:25:44 AM
Why are dreams so convoluted and strange? Seemingly normal situations are riddled with an unknown horror that transverses into the waking world, leaving me feeling more than a bit anxious and like I haven't slept.

How sitting in my truck, driving to work (in the dream) could have such an overwhelming sense of doom, makes no sense. As if my life was about to be snuffed out. It wouldn't be the first time I have died in a dream, but usually those dreams are obvious. Being disemboweled is horrifying. Driving, even in Vegas, is not. Yet now I cannot shake this terrible feeling that something awful is going to happen.

Hopefully my morning workout will banish these thoughts.

12/8/2016 5:26:15 AM
I'm starting to miss the sun in the morning. Logically, I am aware it is the same time I wake up all year long, but for some reason it's so much harder to force myself out of bed and onto my Treadclimber when it's still dark. I want to stay snuggled in my fuzzy blankets, with my purring kitties nestled close.

Especially today. It was supposed to be my day off. Thanks to a former co-worker choosing to leave with no notice, more than one day off a week will be a thing of the past until a replacement can be found. I will never understand how someone can have such a lack of respect for the company they work for, and the people they work with. We are a small company. There were only 3 of us in the office. She chose to leave knowing, and uncaring, how it would cause problems. And went to our competitor.

Thankfully I am a control freak at work and never allowed her to garner information on our big accounts. But the next few weeks will be tumultuous, at best.

At least it's more money to spend on kneesocks and markers and glitter! One can never have too many...

12/7/2016 5:35:34 AM
Another 10+ hour day of work ahead of me, and all I want to do is hide in bed. Between lack of sleep, my body hurting, my head pounding and my stomach in knots, I'm unsure as to which is the most annoying to deal with. Sometimes I wish for a magic wand to turn back time, solely physically, to before I was so broken feeling. I would love to wake up just one day and feel "normal" - even if temporary. Oh well.

At least I have a plethora of messages to amuse me. If I had just a dime for every "ur sexy" or "serve me bitch" or message of that nature I've received, I'd be able purchase a lift for my truck AND new tires! I'll never cease to be amazed by the stupidity of the masses. Especially octogenarians. One would think by that stage in life they would be a little more respectful, and a little less pathetic. Seems they do not appreciate being told so...

12/3/2016 1:11:49 AM
The endless suit and tie with no head pictures are getting tad redundant. However, they are preferred to pictures of genitalia.

If you are the type to have your penis in your pictures, kudos for your exhibitionism, but please don't bother contacting me. I'm an old-fashioned girl and have no wish to see the member of someone I have not committed myself to.

12/2/2016 8:05:42 AM
Today will be the first of many that my packages arrive from a late night Amazon shopping spree!  Nothing quite like spoiling myself with lacy things, sparkly things, things to color and most importantly - more kneesocks!  Because quite frankly, 42 pairs just wasn't enough.  

It has been brought to my attention that the reason my profile was suddenly closed was due to people reporting me.  How fascinating.  Apparently I've managed to offend people, that have never and will never meet me, to the point where they felt the need to go out of their way to report my profile for some reason or another.  What sad, empty lives they must lead...poor, pitiful creatures.

12/1/2016 3:23:26 PM
My profile was closed, and not by me.  How strange. I'm somewhat sad that I've lost my random ramblings on here.

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SubAnnie61
 
 Age: 46
  Massachusetts