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tragictears

tragictears - photo 1
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tragictears - photo 5
tragictears - photo 6

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Friends:
TwistedSolgetropedinDomLeadingHer

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Update: 11/25/16: My Thanksgiving was amazing and I am thankful that Usmc5523 has taken me under His wing. I am currently Under Consideration to Him and not looking for anything but friendship. Thank you for your understanding! =) More changes to come. Why should my profile stick out among the 1,000's of others? Well, here is my two cents as to why: 1. I AM REAL! Seriously? If you cut me, I even bleed; weird I know. I have a real job and everything too! 2.I am actually single. At this point, I know you must think I'm lying, but I swear it's true. 3.I am actually the age I put on my profile, and that is actually a picture of me! Now that you have regained consciousness let me continue in a more serious manner... I have been in this lifestyle for longer than I care to admit, and have been single for a majority of the time. I could sit here and bitch and moan as to how I don't know what went wrong, and things seemed they were going great, and I don't know what is wrong with me...but after some painful reflection I have come to this conclusion: There is nothing wrong with me. No, I am not saying it is completely the fault of the 'Dominants' I have met, but it is purely the fact that those relationships were not meant to be (as much as I tried to tell myself that he was "perfect"). I have at this point come to the conclusion that i do know what i want and I know what I have to give, and i even know what I don't want (another oddity; I'm just full of them). Feel free to ask me and I will even tell you! I am on here because yes, like everyone (or mostly everyone) else, I am looking for a relationship. While I will take my time to find what I want in a relationship and someone who will compliment me and give me what I need out of a relationship, I do truly hope it will not be a long process. I feel as if I am starting to become an old maid in the scope of finding a Sir or sub as there as so many girls out there younger than me, having way more luck than me. I am also going on the belief that each person has many soul mates, and it is a matter of finding one at the right time of your life. I follow this belief because that lends itself to the thought that I hadn't already met my ONLY soul mate and now I am doomed to live out the rest of my life alone in misery because I missed my chance. This belief gives me hope that while I may have missed out on a soul mate while I was younger, there are still a few chances for me to find someone who is perfect for me, and I for them. (A bit of a romantic, I know.) Yes I have pictures of me. No it will not be the first thing I send you. As I mentioned earlier, I have a real job and will not jeopardize it for an online site. Sorry. Oh, I am also educated so if you are looking for a dumb submissive, please don't waste either of our time and move on. Thanks! However, that is the long and short of why I am back on here and why my profile should strike your attention. (Yes, odd I know in that there is nothing sexual on here hint hint).

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11/24/2016 11:11:25 AM
I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving whether it be with friends, family, and/or that special someone. As for me, I have to work 6-2am.

11/16/2016 4:16:33 PM
So I have taken the last couple months to really do some self digging and reflect on where I have been, where I am, and where I want to go. I have left a wake big enough for 10 tractor trailers to go through and a lot of bridges have been badly damaged, if not burnt. Something I have heard countless times over the years though is that very thing, "you're not submissive". I really had to stop and ponder this for awhile, because I always considered myself submissive, and naturally so. I am a giver to a fault, a helper, someone who only wants the best for people and their happiness, even if I cannot find my own. Then it dawned on me...it's not that I am not submissive, I am just not a submissive for just anyone. There have only been 2 times in my life that I have truly felt submissive to another person. The first time I left and it is something I still regret, the second time, he did not have a genuine interest in me. Both times though, it was something raw, something primal I felt. It did not take a conversation, it was just a feeling deep down, it was an aura that was given off from the Dominant that made me just instantly realize that they were a true alpha male that I would allow myself to submit to. It has made me realize, I am submissive, but it takes a true Alpha dominant male to bring me to my knees. I am not a weak submissive, and can thus not have a weak Dominant. This has brought me to realize that me trying to rush into a relationship like I once had cannot happen as I will never find the Dominant that I need in doing so. I need to wait for that primal feeling once more and hope that the third time is the charm. I know that primal, alpha Dominant is out there somewhere, and I can be patient; I must be patient.

11/14/2016 5:04:37 PM
Turning 27 on Saturday...I definitely have very mixed emotions about it right now.

11/9/2016 3:40:52 PM
Looking to stay a little closers to my parents and moving to Tennessee rather than Washington. I want to go West Coast....but will have to wait awhile...still excited to be leaving Florida

9/14/2016 3:46:28 AM
Is it too much to ask for to want a guy with whom I can hold actual conversations other than, "how horny are you?" "Send me a dirty pic". I know these people have to have some semblance of a normal life and a job...so why is normal conversation so hard?

8/27/2016 1:15:57 PM
Relocating to Tacoma, WA ...Summer 2017 =) Super excited!

8/21/2016 11:29:58 AM
Looking to relocate May-June of 2017. Looking to go up North or the Pacific Northwest area. The school year just started so I cannot logically, or morally, relocate until the year has concluded next May. I have been looking between, Knoxville, TN; Chautauqua, NY; Anchorage, AK; Eugene, OR; Tacoma, WA; or somewhere in the Northwest....I"m up for suggestions. Yes, I know that it is a lot colder than in Florida, but I grew up in Pittsburgh, PA so I have dealt with the cold a fair amount.

7/11/2016 2:28:45 PM
A few people have asked me so, New York was absolutely amazing!! I would move there in a heartbeat!

The school year is fast approaching, so although I truly want to find a Sir more than anything..destiny may have to wait a little longer.

For all of the Dominants who have messaged me that are out of state...I truly appreciate your interest and I am flattered...but I will not be relocating any time in the near future. Sorry.

6/10/2016 3:17:16 PM
Heading to New York. I wish i wasnt going alone...but que sera sera

5/25/2016 5:29:31 PM
As I reach the end of another school year..it brings about a period of reflection. It causes me to think back on things that went well and things that could have gone better. This personal reflection usually lends itself to seeping into not only my work life, as it should, but my personal life. 

I find myself questioning whether I am happy not...and while I have moments of unhappiness, I realize that my life, on the whole, is decent. I have a good job, a car, a place to live....it is a decent life...all that is missing for me...is my Sir..someone to give me a full purpose.

This is a search that seems never ending...but I will maintain my vigil...they say there is someone out there for everyone...I just...need for that person to find me, and I them.

4/9/2016 2:57:54 PM
I am lost...I have lost myself

12/19/2015 6:16:28 AM
I have the next 2 weeks off and I am already bored out of my mind.

12/12/2015 6:20:15 AM
Stepping out of the shower she saw her clothes for the evening laid out on the bed for her. This was not particularly surprising as her Sir usually chose what she would wear to a party. However, tonight seemed different, for a few reasons. First, that he had been very distant with her all day and she did not understand why. She had made sure to get all of her chores done quickly and quietly today so as to not upset him any further. She had hoped that her petition for his full collar had not upset or disappointed him. the other reason was that because along with her outfit, was her leather play collar and leash. She was used to seeing this collar and loved wearing it at parties and around the house, but not before she got to a party. Anything on the bed though was meant to be put on before she left the bedroom. So this was unsettling to her. She knew that he was aware of how nervous she was to be spotted in public in BDSM gear. She knew better than to question him though so she quietly laced her corset, put her stockings, skirt and shoes on. She finished her hair and make-up and finally secured the collar around her neck. She knelt by the door and presented her leash until he was ready to get her and leave. He wordlessly took the leash and she grabbed the toy bag, as per usual and he led her to the car.
She put the bag in the trunk and he opened her door. Once she was sitting he handed her the leash and then he shut the door. Once he got in on the other side she offered him the leash as she was completely unsure of what she was supposed to do. He took it and clipped it into a carabiner that was around the shifter. She had never noticed it tied there before, but did not say anything. She sat in silence with her head down the entire trip; afraid to look up at him and further upset him, this feeling of unease growing in her heart and stomach. As they arrived he unclipped the leash and handed it back to her. Her head down, she finally peered up at him, unable to resist not looking at him anymore; watching him walk around to let her out. An action that is so familiar and yet still seems so surreal. She hands the leash back to him and he takes her hand to help her out of the car. He tells her, "you are to be in high protocol tonight, without exception." She is nervous walking alongside him as she has never been out in public with her leash and play collar on. Sensing how anxious she seems, he squeezes her hand to reassure her as they enter the club. This is her first time in high protocol in a public setting, and since she had just found out she had no way of letting any of her friends know. She is so afraid to disappoint him, but as he lifts her chin and she can finally look into his eyes, all of the worries she had melted away. She realizes that he believes she is ready for this or else he would not have put her in this situation. That realization is all that matters, that he had faith in her to not embarrass him.
She hides behind his right shoulder, knowing that she cannot speak without his approval, and hoping this will stop most people from trying to initiate conversation. He puts down her blanket so she can sit on the floor beside him as he sits down to relax. She cringes when she sees one of her friends approaching them. She tries to give her a hug and she moves as far back against the couch as she can and looks pleadingly up to her Master. He smiles gently to her friend and explains the situation, but tells her that she is okay to hug. After watching this exchange it seems most picked up on the protocol and followed suit.
She asks permission to go to the restroom and on her way back an unknown male intercepts her and tries to grab her leash. In what seemed like a split second her Master was on the guy, a look on his face she had never seen before. It was unnerving to her. He snatched the leash out of the guy's hand and led her back to her blanket. He pushed her down on to it and told her she was not to leave it or speak to anyone else.
An hour or so goes by without incident and he begins to pet her head. This is his cue that he is ready to play with her. She nuzzles into his hand as a sign of acceptance. She unfolds her blanket and assumes 'worship' position to ready her mind for the scene as he readies the toys. He finishes and she picks her head up and kisses his boots before he helps her to stand up. She undresses and as she stands facing him before the cross he puts his hand around her throat and spins her around. He forces her against the cross and whispers in her ear, "You are mine and this is going to hurt." He then pushes her against the cross more and tells her that she is not to move. She wraps her hands into the cold chain hanging from the cross; everything around her disappearing except for the hard wooden cross, the beat of the music, and her Sir.
The sting of the whip is sudden, unexpected; ripping her from her calm, happy daydream; she lets out a cry. He is quick upon her, growling a warning that the whip is only teh beginning and she must find her strength inside. She grabs the chain tighter and nods to him that she is ready. She feels the whip bite into her flesh again and again. She wants to cry out but holds her screams inside. She then feels the sting of the cane on her ass and legs. He pauses and she thinks that the scene is over, but soon feels the cold steel of a knife. She feels the primal fire between her Master and her as he drags a knife along her throat, growling in her ear and then drags it down her back. The flogger, a toy that is usually her favorite, crashes into all of the raw flesh and ignotes the sounds once again.
She feels herself fading from this place; rising above her body to watch what was happening to her. She is scared, and yet completely at peace in the scene she was witnessing. It had finally clicked to her. In the beginning, as she felt the pain, she thought that she truly had done something wrong and was being publicly punished. As she watched her body and her Master far below, the clarity came rushing in. In order to be his, truly his, she must be broken and rebuilt. She had built a wall around herself so tall, and she was watching it crumble down brick by brick as each strike fell. She watched her master and saw it was not a look of anger on his face, but of determination. A fierce, animalistic look in his eye that she had never seen before It made her hot and made her want him even more.
Her body went limp and even though her every fiber wanted her to, she lost grip of the chain. As she was falling to the floor she watched this man, whom she trusted with her life, throw the flogger he was preparing to swing again down and run to catch her before she hit the ground. He put his arms around her and carried her to the blanket and laid her down. She slowly sank back into herself and listened with her eyes closed as she heard people rushing around asking if they needed anything. She felt the cool shock of a towel against her hot flesh as he brought her slowly back to life. As her eyes fluttered open she used the last ounce of strength she had left to rise to her knees and kiss his boots. "Thank you Sir, I love you", she whispered weakly as her strength again failed her and she collapsed again. She felt her Master around her and thought to herself that she could die right now in perfect bliss. He kissed her forehead and whispered, "I knew you could it it. I am so proud of you. You are such a good girl."
He had broken her, he had knocked down her ivory tower and had released her. She was his, every inch of her now. What she had feared and dreaded was now a sweet release, and was what she longed for. To float above herself and watch him use her, his property, his slave; knowing that in taking the pain it pleases him, and in turn, makes her feel whole.
Her eyes fluttered open as he kissed her forehead again. She smiles weakly as best she can to show him that she is okay. She does this as she can sense the worry in his eyes. Worry that he pushed too far too fast to finally get her into subspace. He was worried that he lost control and had unknowingly hurt her. He holds the water as he offers it to her, and she sips it gratefully. He helps her to wrap up in her blanket and lifts her up to the couch. As her friend comes over to check on her again, he nods so that she can snuggle in with her. He whispers that he will be back and to not move from the couch. She smiles and laughs slightly, but nods and watching him leave.
What seems like hours later she sees him returning to her. He helps her up and she dresses in a loose fitting sundress. The stings of the whip and cane reigniting as the cloth touches her raw flesh. She slips in to sandals and graciously accepts his help back to the car, which he has pulled up to the front of the club. He helps her in to the backseat and she lay down and dozes off. He gently shakes her awake and she can faintly hear the sound of the ocean. As he helps her out of the car he carefully blindfolds her and leads her down a path. Soon her toes touch the sand and then she feels the cool touch of the waves on her feet.
He whispers for her to kneel down and helps her down on to a blanket he had put down. Once she does he removes the blindfold from her and she sees the ocean, her Master, the candles surrounding her and the full moon above her. She finally realizes that when her Sir left her he must have come and organized this space. She could cry from the happiness when he comes around to face her, his permanent collar in his hand. She begins to cry. He kneels down in front of her and wipes away her tears. He stands up and lifts her chin; he kisses her passionately. As he is looking in her eyes he asks, "Are you sure this is what you really want?" She nods to him, unable to speak.
He slowly undoes her play collar and the consideration collar underneath and as he is securing the permanent one he tells her, "You earned this tonight little girl. I pushed you beyond what you could handle and you trusted me enough to finally let go. You are no longer my submissive, you are my slave. Do you understand what that means?" She turned around and bowed before him. He ran his fingers down her spine and she shivered. An unspoken acknowledgement running between them.
He took her, under those stars, on that blanket, to make her his. An animalistic passion ignited from the carnal feelings he had held in while he was beating her earlier. She felt his nails digging in to her back and although it hurt beyond anything she had endured yet that night, she craved it. His hand tight around her throat as he growled in her ear, the look in his eyes so fierce that she was almost afraid. When he was done he pulled her into his embrace and she fell asleep in his arms. Content knowing that nothing would ever be the same, but safe knowing tha thse could handle anything thrown her way so long as he was there to guide her. As the sun rose the next morning she felt reborn and knew she would do anything he ever asked of her.

10/18/2015 4:08:58 PM
Today has turned into an utter shit show...I need beat...badly....I need to get these emotions out.

9/29/2015 8:46:42 AM
Interesting...

== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
96% Bondage receiver
83% Experimentalist
83% Masochist
80% Master/Mistress
75% Submissive
68% Bondage giver
68% Dominant
67% Switch
65% Owner
62% Non-monogamist
61% Sadist
52% Slave
47% Brat
31% Vanilla
30% Brat tamer
26% Exhibitionist
22% Voyeur
21% Primal (Prey)
21% Daddy/Mommy
18% Pet
15% Primal (Hunter)
13% Degradation giver
7% girl/boy
5% Degradation receiver
4% All-Rounder
0% Ageplayer
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.?id=712806


9/25/2015 7:50:47 PM
I saw someone die tonight. Prayers to the family of the person I had to make the 911 call for and tell them that the person slammed into the back of an 18 wheeler at 60+ miles an hour...

9/12/2015 8:08:40 AM
It is a feeling every submissive hates...the feeling of emptiness and of not being wanted.  

9/5/2015 12:19:36 PM
Finally have everything moved and I am beginning to feel more settled. Just need to finish building/organizing everything and I will be calmer. =)

8/13/2015 12:13:02 PM
I normally wouldn't do this as this is a public space, but I am trying to do something great for my students. Any help would be appreciated. If no one helps I can understand as you don't know me, but I can promise I don't see a penny of the money, it all goes towards my students. 

http://www.donorschoose.org/project/making-technology-accessible-to-all/1628691?utm_source=dc&utm_medium=project&utm_campaign=copyURL&rf=copyURL-siteshare-2015-08-project-teacher_2393993

8/13/2015 12:03:17 PM
I know that no one really reads these things, but I have come to the conclusion that although a relationship/Sir may not be in the cards for me....I am wanting a baby, so that is going to be my new focus. =)

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shnal1
 
 Age: 26
  Georgia