Im naturally Dominant. This is simply who I am. How I believe relationships should be. I didnt come to this via a website nor some fiction. Its been a part of all my relationships.
And thats what D/s actually is. a relationship. Sure there's all kinds of really OUT THERE stuff on sites like this.. "oh Im going to keep you in my basement forever!" well yeah no. Some of the stuff you see on sites like this are just crazy to even think about them rationally. Yep, Im VERY kinky..and yes, Im ALWAYS in charge. But.. we are still human beings. we still have emotions. There is still a real world out there we have to live in. family. friends. vacations.. Doesn't make me any less Dominant..and Im still in charge at all times.. but its still a relationship. Im here looking for just that. something substantial. The connection. chemistry.... real life. Live in. Long term. a True D/s based TPE relationship.
3/19/2016 6:22:39 PM
The millennial submissive
You know this has always been an issue via the internet. game playing and fetishism... the uneducated submissive thinking this is a self serving sexual fantasy thing. I get it. you see it from time to time. The sub profile with the "i want i want i want" rant. But lately, the younger women.. its very very similar. Its from our new millennial education system I guess. Everyone is special. Everyone gets a trophy. WIth social media everyone is a star and needs constant attention and instant gratification. Now the .. supposed submissives.. are even more self serving.. a profile i just read a few minutes ago was a very good example. I want a butt blug when we go out. I want to be spanked cause Im a brat. I want to be naked while my Dom stays clothed. I dont want any anal, oral or vaginal sex, but toys are ok. I want this and that and blah blah blah. Not a thing in the profile about what she has to offer a Dominant. It was, and like most such profiles.. all about what she wants. THis is completely counter to what a submissive is. A devoted servant to her man. Desiring and need to please and serve him. Now yeah, I know most of the profiles here are just for people to play games. A lot of the female profiles are cash scams or even gay men looking for attention. unhappy housewives looking for a distraction..sure, but this is getting worse and worse, and with the younger generation its quite disturbing.
8/29/2015 5:54:51 AM
The simple things...
Had a girl recently go off on me because I asked her rather soon in the conversation about her kinks/fetishes. She..really went off. called me a sex troll and a few other choice words. I can, slightly, see her point of view.. as I know the quality of men that are on sites like this..but still.. This is not E harmony. We are not just looking for a personality match. In a D/s relationship or even just a bdsm interest... there are a LOT of things that have to line up. Chemistry takes time to build, but seeing if you are D/s and or bdsm compatible is fairly simple, and when you have a a ton of frauds as well as just a multitude of people, it makes perfect sense to get the easy stuff out of the way. Are we attracted to each other. check. do we have the same D/s type of views. check. do our kinks line up well enough. check. you can get through that in just a few paragraphs. why spend days talking about general things about your life.. only to find out later that those other things don't match?? While this isnt about sex to me, it is about a far deeper connection.. and there is no reason not to get those easy to discern things out of the way so you can move on.
8/8/2015 6:39:25 AM
One of the funniest things Ive dealt with so far...
The girl in question on a profile on a website in a galaxy far far away.. stated : "Im a submissive masochist seeking to explore and grow in the lifestyle with a loving strict Dominant man".
So during our conversation, I asked about her interpretation of the lifestyle (since so many seem to have no idea what that actually is). Was she seeking a TPE based relationship or was this only kink to her (It still amazes me how people do not understand the difference between Dom and top, between sub and bottom. between D/s and bdsm ). So what she said caused me to spit out my drink. "Im a sub not a submissive". Please everyone read that statement again. "I dont need a man controlling me" Im trying to figure out what a strict Dominant would do.. besides not controlling her. lol. "I just want pain" she said. Lets not even get into what was in her profile.. "I am a submissive masochist"... then hearing.. "Im a sub not a submissive".
WTF???!!!!! is wrong with people lol. I calmly stated that sub is simply the short hand form of submissive. Well she wasn't hearing any of that. I explained to her that what she was, was a bottom. That bdsm is a sexual hobby. While the TPE type relationship was the actual lifestyle. Those who simply enjoy it as a sexual kink, are referred to as tops and bottoms, while they play the role of a Dom or sub during their fun time. I was met with the typical uber liberal type response. "who are you to tell me what I can and cant be. I can call myself whatever I WANT!". Well I can call myself the King of Siam , but that doesn't make it so.
Another Day, Another Face Palm!!!
7/25/2015 8:18:57 AM
can you spot the face palm moments of this statement as seen in a profile...
"submissive in the bdsm lifestyle for the last 3 years and now want to take it to the next level as a slavegirl but am not looking for anything 24/7 "
7/19/2015 6:49:54 AM
Well I covered D/s and bdsm in the first entry of the remake of this journal. Now Im going to cover Dominant / Master / sub / slave.
Dominant. well, Dominant and Master are very similar.. so let me cover Master first. Its a title. nothing more. Though if you see a guy calling himself "Master' anything.. well that's a red flag. I myself, will say that I am a Dominant, aAs that is my nature and my personality. You have to be rather full of yourself, to title yourself. Im not going to call myself Master. Would be like calling one's self .. God. That's a hoot! for one.. Im single so that doesn't float anyway. But its for a woman, who deems you worthy of her service.. to call you that. You don't do it yourself. I get a HUGE kick out of these twats that actually think they are dominant. I see words like Mistress in their name... Goddess.. (thats the most hilarious). Why dont I call myself God John. That makes about as much sense. Those are always red flags when they get going with the self titles. Those are the type of people that dont have the quality within themselves to earn someones respect. They simply demand it from the start. Most always they are hiding/masking something. so. Master: basically is a Dominant who is in a relationship and his submissive refers to him as such.
Dominant : now this is just a broad scope term for a man who is.. a natural born leader. strong sense of character. honest. reliable. dependable. TO me being a dominant means first and foremost being a very very GOOD MAN. that is critical. educated. skilled. a true leader. Dominance.. the ability to lead another.. comes through quality of person. You have to EARN that from a submissive. prove yourself to her in all these ways. So that she can admire you. respect you. feel an actual NEED to serve and please you. That.. is dominance. To be Dominant is to hold yourself to a higher standard. To be a better man. TO be worth her service. I personally like to be called Daddy, why? I think any REAL Dom is.. even if he doesn't want to be called that. The role of the Master and father in a woman's life is nearly identical. to shape/mold/guide/direct.. to love/cherish/discipline.. to take care of her base needs and help her become the best that she can be. everything a good father is to his daughter.. so is the Dominant to his submissive. and yes that can get into grey areas... (if you don't understand D/s.. it can look bad).. IE you could see a Dom whipping the hell out of his submissive. She is screaming and crying and from the outside it looks like abuse. But if you have ever been in bed with a masochist.. then you could understand how its not even remotely abusive an in fact very well could be him rewarding her for being a very good girl :)
A big thing for a Dominant.. and a core part of becoming one... is being able to get in a girls head. no two subs are the same. no two can be handled the same. So he has to be able to get in her head. ask the right questions, read her body language as well as her responses.. so he can truly understand her. only then can he properly teach/train and handle her. to take care of those inner needs while helping her become the best that she can. and of course.. using her as he desires without causing any undo harm.
Sub/slave: we'll start with sub first. there has been a lot said on the subject but its all generally hogwash. like most stuff.. its from people with no experience.. sitting in a basement typing on a forum with other people sitting in their basements a submissive is not just in the bedroom. that's being a bottom. we have already discussed that. If you are mad that you only want to do kinky bedroom stuff and cant be called a submissive, to bad. Sorry for the butt hurt. Life is hard. life is difficult. Grow up. Your parents and society did you a disservice by giving you a trophy just for showing up. Time to start living in the real world where things generally DONT go your way.
Submission is about who you are. The core of your being. You are the "pleaser" type. You get great joy and satisfaction from pleasing those around you. for a submissive.. her greatest pleasure COMES from pleasing her man. often times not even caring about her own orgasm. If her man is pleased, so is she. That comes into even greater effect, deeper into the relationship, as a submissive's purpose is just that, to serve and please. Submission isn't just doing what you like, its conforming to your Dominant and doing what pleases HIM. You will not like everything your Dominant expects of you. But as a submissive.. being devoted to him. loving him. NEEDING to please him.. (and all that should be true, otherwise you made a bad choice) with all those things in place.. even if you DONT enjoy what he's doing to you, you will find pleasure in it because you are pleasing him. A sub .. submits. that's it. Now early on, things go slow.. even though you trust a guy, early on.. that trust is paper thin.. you're still kinda seeing if he's got you fooled or what the deal is. But as the relationship grows, as that trust gets stronger and stronger... as her need to please him gets deeper and deeper.. that.. is where a slave is born. where the word NO simply does not exist where her man is concerned. he is truly the center of her world. totally focused on his pleasure an happiness. whatever he might ask of her, she would comply without hesitation. That.. is slavery. simple as well..but that's the truth of it. Slavery is simply the deepest form/level of a woman's journey through submission.